NFL Preview

It's almost time for a new season of football. A lot has happened since the last time we talked hasn't it? No, I'm seriously asking. When the football season ended I decided to shut things down. I avoided the internet and television so that I could focus on what is truly important, my writing. I think you'll find that all the extra attention was well worth it as I unfurl award-worthy prose on a weekly basis. That's my first prediction for this season. And now here are some others:

Sleeper Team: Green Bay Packers. Don't overlook these guys when they come to town. A playoff run is not out of the question.

Wide Awake Team: Baltimore Ravens. This team got out of bed right away and hasn't looked back.

Snooze Alarm Team: New York Jets. The alarm went off, but that bed is just too comfy. Don't expect much from Sanchbow and the boys this season.

Clock Malfunction Team: Jacksonville Jaguars. Whoops! Looks like the power went out again and the alarm didn't even go off. Might want to think about moving to a new apartment.

Now let's take a look at record projections for each team:
AFC East
New England Patriots 12-4
Buffalo Bills                 7-9
Miami Dolphins           7-9
New York Jets            5-11
AFC North
Baltimore Ravens       11-5
Pittsburgh Steelers       9-7
Cincinnati Bengals     6-10
Cleveland Browns      5-11                                     
AFC South
Houston Texans         12-4
Tennessee Titans         9-7
Indianapolis Colts      5-11
Jacksonville Jaguars   4-12

AFC West
Denver Broncos         10-6
Kansas City Chiefs      9-7
San Diego Chargers     8-8
Oakland Raiders         4-12

NFC East
New York Giants          11-5
Philadelphia Eagles        9-7
Dallas Cowboys              8-8
Washington Redskins     7-9

NFC North
Green Bay Packers       13-3
Chicago Bears              11-5
Detroit Lions                  8-8
Minnesota Vikings       5-11

NFC South
Atlanta Falcons            12-4
New Orleans Saints       8-8
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 7-9
Carolina Panthers         5-11

NFC West
Seattle Seahawks          16-0
San Francisco 49ers        9-7
Arizona Cardinals           4-12
St. Louis Rams         Still Shitty

Over the past few years it has become commonplace for about half of the previous season's playoff teams to miss the postseason the next time around. And as you can see my prognostication dictates that there will be five new squads playing in January (Titans, Chiefs, Eagles, Bears, and Seahawks). Another trend that has developed recently is that of the NFC's Super Bowl representative also playing during Wild Card weekend. It has happened four out of the last five seasons, with the only exception being the '09 Saints who won it all as a #1 seed after putting together a 13-3 season. As you're about to see though, trends and bones were meant to be broken (NOTE: Promises were also meant to be broken ... weren't they?) As for the AFC, their champion has been either the Patriots, Steelers, or Colts for the last 9 years. But you know what they say about trends and promises don't you? Just kidding, the Patriots will win again.


AFC Wild Card
Ravens over Chiefs
Broncos over Titans

NFC Wild Card
Eagles over Falcons
Bears over Giants

AFC Divisional
Patriots over Broncos
Texans over Ravens

NFC Divisional
Packers over Bears
Seahawks over Eagles

Championship Week
Patriots over Texans
Seahawks over Packers

Super Bowl
Seahawks WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So there ya go. I'd advise all Hawks fans to tune in to CBS on February 3rd at 3:30pm (PT) if they want to watch some cool shit.