The Four Ex-Horsemen

Us WSU Cougar Football Fans will always remember the 2008 football season.  Why?  Well that's a stupid question!  Because we beat UW 16-13 in double OT to take bring the Apple Cup back to Pullman.  Then they headed down to Cal with their tail between their legs, leading to a 48-7 rout, and making that Husky team the only team in the history of the Pac-10 to go 0-12. 

The very next year your beloved Cougars nearly joined that exclusive club.  Who knew that when Bo Levi Mitchel dropped back to pass and got picked off by Chima Nwachukwu on the 1st play of overtime, followed by a game-winning 39 yard FG by Nico Grasu (whom I friended on facebook after said apple cup), we would get to mumble the phrase "game-winning" anything against a BCS level opponent for over a year and a half.  We finished 2009 1-11.  But the point of this story is that the SMU Mustangs were our bitch that season.

We can just forget about the next few seasons of Cougar football.  We got ourselves a new ball coach and he is making some changes.  I would like to introduce you to a few people:

Gabriel Marks - 6' 0" 175.  Runs a 4.5  Ranked #13 WR in the nation, coming out of Venice High in Los Angeles, CA

Robert Lewis - 5' 10' 160lb RB.  Runs a 4.5  Ranked #10 RB in the nation, coming out of South East High in South Gate, CA

Khalil Pettway - 6' 4" 205.  Ranked #36 LB in the nation, coming out of Culver City High in Culver City, CA

Kache Palacio - 6' 2" 225.  Ranked #88 LB in the nation, coming out of Junipero Serra High in Gardena, CA

What do these 4 boys have in common.  They were all planning on playing for the Mustangs next year.  Mike Leach came to the Palouse and all 4 of them told SMU to suck it.  I could also possibly be related to Craig James being a huge douche and running for senate.  Which looks like a great idea at this point.

Rumors are starting to swirl about a preeminent Mill Creek doctor behind the formation of this new stable.  HCM is still investigating this possible connection.  We will have any updates as we come acoss them. 

We would also like to remind you that all these guys have given at this point is some good solid oral commitment.  Which we all (or at least most of us) know isn't nearly as good as the real thing.  Letter of Intent day is Feb, 1.



NFL Picks Conference Championships

Baltimore @ New England

When these two teams met in the playoffs after the '09 season Joe Flacco went for 4-10 with 34 yards and an interception. Those numbers are downright Tebowian (RIP). But guess what? The Ravens blew out the Pats in that game 33-14. That game, more than any other proves that the less FlacMan has to do the better. With that in mind Flacco should try to do as little as possible on Sunday. This means no passing whatsoever, and when he does have to hand it off he shouldn't even take steps, instead he just fall over slowly and extend his hand. Unfortunately, that's probably not realistic, and if there's one thing I can say about my picks, it's that they're grounded in reality. When determining a prediction for this game I keep coming back to one simple fact: for the last 8 seasons the AFC representative in the Super Bowl has either been the Patriots, Steelers, or Colts, I say after this game it will be 9 seasons.

Patriots 27-17

New York Giants @ San Francisco

Earlier in the season I proclaimed that Aaron Rodgers' jumping fist pump was the worst TD celebration in the league. Not to be outdone by his '04 draft counterpart whose been outdoing him his whole career, Alex Smith unveiled something so lame at the end of his touchdown run in last week's win over the Saints that I became physically ill and vomited. Sure, I'd just eaten a whole large pizza and I was simply doing my normal purge, but I vomited nonetheless. Unfortunately for Smith, the Giants ousted Rodgers and the Packers last week and now seem determined to eliminate all nerds from the playoffs. I've even heard rumors that this guy has been signed from the practice squad. With that in mind, I have no choice but to pick the Giants to go on to a Super Bowl XLII rematch. But don't fret Baltimore and San Fran fans, because guess what: 2012 Pro Bowl = Harbaugh Bowl II.

Giants 24-20


NFL Picks Divisional Round


New Orleans @ San Francisco

This game features the 2nd best scoring offense in the league against the 2nd best scoring defense, I'll let you guess which one is which. Go ahead, guess ... I'll wait ... Hey I can do this all day pal. Alright, now that we're on the same page let's figure out which team will do what it does best better. They say defense wins championships, but they also say that offense wins divisional round games, granted they don't say it as much, but I've heard it. What this game really boils down to is the fact that Jim Harbaugh wears a pen around his neck, and the only other person I've seen do that is Joan Holloway. Sorry Jim, that's one too many things in common with a busty secretary for my taste.

Saints 24-17

Denver @ New England

In my Week 17 picks I theorized that Tim Tebow's late season slide may have just been him testing our faith before facing the slings and arrows of the playoffs, and then when he got to the playoffs I went ahead and picked against him anyway. I'm sorry Tim, I should never have stopped believing. That being said, it seems like this is surely the end of the Broncos' magical run. Yes, the Patriots have lost their last two home playoff games, and haven't won a playoff game at all since the '07 AFC Championship game, but it's just too far-fetched to believe that Teebs can get the job done again. For Denver to win it would surely take a miracle, and that's impossible ... right?

Patriots 34-23


Houston @ Baltimore

Good news for all the West coast party animals out there, if you go hard on Saturday night and sleep till noon on Sunday all you'll have missed is most of the Texans/Ravens game. Bad news, the game will still be on, so you might want to go ahead and sleep till one. The main storyline for this game is the battle of top defenses, but you know what they say, defenses don't win divisional round games. So then it will have to come down to the offenses. Ray Rice and Arian Foster pretty much cancel each other out, and Andre Johnson gives the Texans an advantage at receiver, but I've got a feeling that in his first home playoff game (after 7 on the road) the FlacMan will rise to the occasion.

Ravens 17-10

New York @ Green Bay

The parallels between this Giants team and the Super Bowl winners of '07 are becoming hard to ignore. Both started off 6-2 but struggled in the second half of the season and barely reached the playoffs. Both easily dispatched an NFC South opponent in the wildcard round (24-14 over TB in '07; 24-2 over ATL in '11). Both have a pass rush that has blossomed late in the season and can dominate a game. And finally, both lost a late regular season game 38-35 to the best team in the league only to get a second chance against them a month or so later. Obviously in '07 they capitalized on their rematch and won the Super Bowl 17-14 over the Patriots. So, if this season truly is a doppelganger of their past campaign the Giants will win this game right? Right!

Giants 27-24


NFL Picks Wildcard Round


Cincinnati @ Houston

What a battle of QBs: Dalton/Yates. Hold it, doesn't that sound like the name of some wealthy elite from the 1920s? Dalton Yates. I'm pretty sure that was a character in the Great Gatsby. Have I ever read that book? No, but I feel safe in my assumption. I also feel safe in assuming that in this battle of rookie signal callers Andy Dalton will go on the road and get the win.

Bengals 16-13

Detroit @ New Orleans

This is the first game in NFL history to feature a match-up between quarterbacks who have each thrown for over 5,000 yards in that season. Yes, it's Brees/Stafford. Hold it, doesn't Brees Stafford sound like a the name of a stripper? I'm pretty sure that was a character in Showgirls. Have I ever seen that movie? Yes! The image of Jessie Spano's horse-ass is seared into my brain for time eternal. In fact, much like Spano became the hottest dancer in Vegas, the Saints come into the playoffs as the hottest team in the league. It would be shocking if New Orleans lost in the first round, though I think we've all heard that sentence before (I won't bother linking to it ... awww what the hell!)

Saints 38-24


Atlanta @ New York Giants

A home playoff game would seem like a real advantage to most, but Eli Manning isn't most. Case in point, Eli is 0-2 in his career in home playoff games. My theory is that Eli gets very nervous playing in big games at home, a problem that was spawned by his fear of disappointing his father in backyard games with brothers Cooper and Peyton. Of course, his nervousness was only legitimized when he threw an errant pass that sent a sprawling Cooper into a bramble patch, effectively ending his football career. However, I believe Eli finally sheds this stigma and gets a W because I don't trust the Falcons, and there aren't any bramble patches at MetLife Stadium.

Giants 27-20

Pittsburgh @ Denver

Well it's come to this, the end of Tebow. His season had to die so that we could enjoy watching football again. So, in a way, he's sacrificing himself. I mean, obviously if he wanted to win he could, but he knows that it would be so boring and methodical that no one would enjoy it. What a selfless act, God bless you Tim Tebow (too late).

Steelers 17-6

Why Isn't there a College Bowl Game tonight?

For those of you worried that you might be forced to play with your kids or talk to your wife tonight, I have some exciting news.  There is some worthwhile football on tonight.  Kicking off at 4:30 down at Tropicana Field is the 2012 Under Armour All-America Game.  Not as much news surrounding how upset many players were about not getting to wear a particular number (Unlike that joke of a U.S Army All-American Bowl).

There is one player that everyone should focus on tonight.  He is an undecided 3-star WR out of Dr. Phillips High School in Orlando, Fl.  A 6' 2" 184 pound burner.  He will be wearing the highly coveted #3 for Team White tonight.  He has narrowed his decision to Michigan State, Iowa State, and Washington State.  Go State Schools!  You can expect him to be unsuccessfully covered up by #3 on Team Black, Deion Sanders Jr.

You are probably asking, why the hell should I care about some shitty 3 star WR who can't be that great if he is considering WSU.  First off, screw you.  I don't know if you heard but we just got a new football coach who is kind of a big deal.  Many people refer to him as "Leachscobar".  Here is why you should care:

 **I went ahead and put a circle around the kid I was talking about so you didn't think we had a Brandon Wheedon situation in the Palouse next year.

 I really hope it is a high scoring game so the kids can practice getting flagged for taunting/excessive celebration.