NFL Picks - Week 13

Sunday Morning

Washington @ Indianapolis

This was supposed to be the long-anticipated clash between the top picks of the 2012 draft, RG3 and Andrew Luck. And now that we're here we're left to wonder what happened. Oh never mind, we know what happened, Griffin actively attempts to get injured on every scramble rendering him a shell of his former self. It's a real bummer to watch, unless you're Colt McCoy and you're greedily rubbing your hands together on the sidelines awaiting your return to the spotlight. There's no video evidence of that happening, but I have to believe that's the case.

Colts 27-13

Tennessee @ Houston

Just when I thought the Texans might make a playoff push they dropped a home game to the Bengals and lost their new starting quarterback Ryan Mallett for the remainder of the season. Now Ryan Fitzpatrick returns to the huddle bringing quite a bit of awkward energy with him I'd imagine. It's never fun to win back your job by default. Luckily for them the Titans are coming to town. They're super lousy.

Texans 23-16

Cleveland @ Buffalo

What tricks will Mother Nature have up her sleeve for this contest? Well the very fact that she's wearing sleeves should be some indication that the weather will be on the frigid side, because as we all know Mother Nature prefers to show some skin. Let's be honest though, it's usually too much; she's getting up there in years, and her husband Father Time has not been kind to her. So let's be glad she's covering up a bit. Oh also a loss here would basically end the Bills' season, so they'll be more motivated and get the win.

Bills 16-13

San Diego @ Baltimore

A clash between two of the five wild card contenders clustered at 7-4. The funny thing is that even with the high number of playoff hopefuls in the AFC, if the playoffs started today the same six teams from last year would be there this year, and in the same exact seeds, except for New England and Denver being flipped at the top. Funny, right? Well you're not laughing. Don't be like this. Anyway, another team that's not laughing at that scenario is the Ravens, because that would leave them out of the postseason. A win here will be a step toward changing that.

Ravens 30-23

New York Giants @ Jacksonville

I was going to make a joke about how the Jaguars are coming off their bye week and how you don't want to have to play them with an extra week of preparation. Then I checked and found out they actually played last Sunday. If that's not the most telling depiction of the Jacksonville Jaguars then I don't know what is; I assume every week is their bye week.

Giants 24-21

Cincinnati @ Tampa Bay

Shockingly the Bengals come into this game with a chance to win a third road game in three weeks. Standing in their way are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Congratulations Cincinnati on your third road win in three weeks.

Bengals 23-17

Oakland @ St. Louis

The Raiders, winners of one in a row storm into St. Louis with a taste of victory and a hunger for more. Unfortunately, their long layoff may have caused any hope they had of leftovers to go bad, like so many pounds of uneaten yams in refrigerators across the nation.

Rams 26-19

New Orleans @ Pittsburgh

These two squads are each embroiled in a heated divisional race. Well, Pittsburgh's is heated, the Saints' is more tepid, and probably becoming infested with bacteria the longer it's left out. So in other words the NFC South is like that piece of pizza that nobody put in the fridge and has been sitting on the counter overnight. You see it the next day and think, "Well, somebody's gotta eat it ..." No! Nobody has to eat it. Just throw it away.

Steelers 38-28

Carolina @ Minnesota

These scrappy Panthers are a half game out of first place at ... 3-7-1?!? Stop it NFC South! I'm throwing away the pizza!

Vikings 20-17

Sunday Afternoon

Arizona @ Atlanta

The leaders of the NFC West against the leaders of the ... NFC South. Noooooo! Ok, the leader of the division can't be 4-8 can they? If Mike Smith can manage to just stay out of the way the Falcons might have a shot in this game based on what I saw out of the Cardinals' offense last week. Granted, it was a much tougher match-up, but I'm guessing their confidence will be shaken to the core resulting in a tailspin. And no, I'm not referring to the cartoon spin-off featuring Baloo from The Jungle Book. Was that a serious question? Although I just realized that the show was called TaleSpin and it was a spin-off. That's meta shit Disney, I see ya.

Falcons 24-20

New England @ Green Bay

If you're a regular reader of these posts you know that I love to use the term "possible playoff preview." That's why Week 1 is my favorite week of the season, because every match-up is a possible playoff preview. Well with this game we have a legitimate possible playoff preview. And if you're as astute as I believe you to be you'll have figured out that a playoff game between these two could only be the Super Bowl. Of course, I'm not predicting that the Packers will make it there, but it's obvious that they're playing at a high level. However, their main weakness is against the run, an area in which they rank 30th in the league. The Patriots will most likely exploit this because they simply adapt their game plan based on whoever they're facing that weak and usually do so with dominant results. For instance, last week they played the Lions who are 1st against the run so they threw the ball 53 times, ran on only 20 occasions, and won 34-9. That came one week after they ran 44 times against the Colts en route to a 42-20 win. I guess these guys know what they're doing.

Patriots 31-27

Sunday Night

Denver @ Kansas City

This is a very enticing match-up. Man I'm so enticed. The Broncos come into the game slumping a bit over their last four going 2-2 while almost falling to the Dolphins last week as well. But even with the Chiefs' resurgence over the past two seasons Denver seems to have their number. Until I see differently I'll stick with the Broncos, a statement that is also known as the most cowardly in all of score predicting. It's one of those classic caveats that basically implies that even if I get the pick wrong I'll be able to justify it based on past results instead of actually trying to decipher what might happen in this particular game. So like I said before, I'm taking Denver.

Broncos 27-20

Monday Night

Miami @ New York Jets

I picked the Jets last week after over-thinking their match-up with the under-practiced Bills. Lesson learned. When picking Jets games don't over-think it. In fact, probably don't think at all, just go with the other team and move on.

Dolphins 31-13


NFL Picks - Thanksgiving

Chicago @ Detroit

Ah, a tradition unlike any other, the Lions playing on Thanksgiving morning. Though few know why Detroit actually plays this game annually. The real reason is that normally their play causes most of America to vomit, clearing out their gut for the gluttonous day ahead. That's right, it's a conspiracy by Big Turkey. This year, however, the Lions are 7-4 and fighting for a playoff spot, meaning the folks at home will have to look elsewhere for help with their stomach evacuation. Enter Jay Cutler, a barf catalyst if there ever was one. Count on him to do us all a favor by making us sick.

Lions 24-14

Philadelphia @ Dallas

This will be the moment when your family member who rarely watches football spits out their hors d'oeuvres and shouts, "Mark Sanchez?!?" The last time we saw him on Thanksgiving he was running directly into his offensive lineman and embarrassing everyone involved; and yes, I'm including the viewing audience. Sanchez comes into Turkey Day with a superior offensive scheme this time, however it does get a bit complicated with a lot of moving parts, meaning Butt Fumble 2 isn't necessarily out of the question. The key for the Cowboys will be keeping the Eagles' scoring in the low 20s because the Philly D usually gives up at least that much. I'm guessing both teams will exceed that amount with Dallas getting the edge because a few key calls will go their way. Let's just say they'll benefit from home cooking ... WINK.

Cowboys 30-27

Seattle @ San Francisco

Thanksgiving is a time to be surrounded by loved ones. It's also a time to contact your fiercest rival and schedule a fight. Don't look at me like I'm weird, you're the weird one for not doing that every year. Clearly these teams understand. While their records are a bit below what may have been expected this is still a pivotal match-up that will have big implications, unless the losing team wins the rematch two weeks later, then it will just be kind of a wash. But right now this is the only game that matters and I expect the Hawks to come out and play it as such.

Seahawks 20-16


NFL Picks - Week 12

Sunday Morning

Cleveland @ Atlanta

The Falcons are soaring in first place while the lowly Browns are wallowing in last. Sure Atlanta is 4-6, two games worse than Cleveland, but sometimes that doesn't matter in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. All that matters is that the Falcons play in the south, an area long known for its barren football landscape from which no talent can escape. Interesting tidbit: the Falcons have only played one game in Atlanta since September 19th. Will the home crowd welcome them back with open arms or feel scorned and constantly ask the team where they've been and why they didn't call? Probably the former, but beware the latter.

Falcons 23-20

Tennessee @ Philadelphia

Those spunky little Titans almost pulled off a win on Monday night, which is pretty impressive when you consider the fact that they suck. Don't expect too much from Tennessee, that puts undue pressure on them. They're just a ragtag group trying to sort their way through big time football and maybe learn something about themselves along the way. Can we really ask anything more of them?

Eagles 41-21

Detroit @ New England

Superpowers collide when the Lions' defense (15.6 ppg) takes on the Patriots' offense (32.3 ppg). This will be the biggest test yet for Detroit's D, but surprisingly every game is a test for their O. Sure Calvin Johnson was out for a few weeks, but you'd still expect this team to put up more than 18.8 ppg. And no, I didn't just choose an arbitrary number, that's actually what they're averaging this season. They'll need to far exceed that to have a chance this week, which I don't think they do.

Patriots 27-17

Green Bay @ Minnesota

What a match-up. The Packers are on fire and the Vikings aren't terrible. Really all you could hope for from Minnesota. As for Green Bay, I've discovered their formula for winning: score a shitload of points. Seems obvious but if you look at their results it's downright glaring. In their wins they've scored 27 or more, while in their losses they've put up 23 or less. So if they're in field goal position down 23-21 with a few seconds left they'll have to go for a TD regardless. 27+ points equal a win, it's just that simple. Probably won't be an issue this Sunday though.

Packers 38-21

Jacksonville @ Indianapolis

You can throw the records out when these two get together. At least that's what the Jaguars have petitioned the league to do. The Colts were embarrassed at home last week, while the Jags have been embarrassed so much that they no longer know shame, they're numb to it. They no longer fear losing, which makes them potentially dangerous. Or not.

Colts 33-17

Cincinnati @ Houston

The Bengals return to their house of horrors, Reliant Stadium, a venue in which they lost wild card games following the 2011 and '12 seasons. Will Andy Dalton be able to conquer his demons? Has he ever been able to? The Texans are currently on the fringes of the AFC playoff picture, but if they can get the win here they have a favorable schedule down the stretch and could feasibly get to 10-6. This is their fork in the road game. Luckily for them, they're pretty good and sticking a fork in Andy Dalton.

Texans 24-20

New York Jets @ Buffalo

Speaking of forks and fringes, the Bills' path was determined last week when they laid a stinker in Miami. And when you lay a stinker in Miami that means it's hot, humid, and extra offensive. Buffalo is technically still in the race for a wild card spot, but they still have to face Cleveland, Denver, Green Bay, and New England over the last five weeks. Let's bring back Shooter for that. Throw in the fact that they haven't been able to practice all week and that they have to play a home game in Detroit, it becomes a recipe for disaster.

Jets 20-18

Tampa Bay @ Chicago

After hiring Lovie Smith, signing Luke McCown and drafting Mike Evans to pair with equally large receiver Vincent Jackson, many theorized that the Bucs were building themselves in Chicago's image. Just to recap, that's a Chicago team that had made the playoffs once in the last seven seasons. Time to get a new role model Tampa.

Bears 26-24

Sunday Afternoon

Arizona @ Seattle

How much pride does this Seahawks team have? We'll see this week as they host the team that now sits atop the NFC West with their season (more or less) on the line. The Hawks should have a much higher level of desperation, which should lead to a victory. Though that might require a down-field pass completion (or even attempt) at some point, which has proven rare over the last few weeks. If the Hawks can sprinkle in a couple big pass plays a win will follow. And if not, they'll just get it done with field goals.

Seahawks 19-14 

St. Louis @ San Diego

What's your deal Rams? Three of their four wins have come against conference title game participants from last season, while their six losses have come against ... actually mostly good teams too. Wow, they've had a tough schedule. This will be their ninth straight game against a winning team. But hey, don't start feeling bad for the Rams because of their schedule, feel bad for them because their fans need a video to teach them how to cheer (why not?). The Chargers crawled by the Raiders 13-6 last week for their first win since the last time they played the Raiders. Unfortunately Oakland isn't on their schedule again so they'll have to string together a couple of real victories to make a playoff push. I'm guessing this will be one.

Chargers 16-10

Miami @ Denver

It's crazy to think that the Dolphins are only one game worse than the Broncos right now. Literally insane. It's time to question everything. Like why do they call it football? That's not a ball, its an oblong spheroid at best! Anyway, the Broncos need to hope for a major slip-up from the Patriots now, because if they have to travel to Foxborough for the AFC championship game I don't see it turning out well. Not the traveling aspect, though there may be some turbulence on the flight, really just some light chop; I was more referring to the game itself.

Broncos 31-20

Washington @ San Francisco

RG3 is not good at talking. I don't mean that he has trouble forming words or that his syntax is poor, I just mean that whenever he talks he makes the situation worse. That was on full display over the last week and now he's put himself in a situation in which folks are wondering if he'll be the quarterback of the future in D.C.. If you ask me, the fervor is much ado about nothing, and pretty unfair to Griffin. So few times have we actually seen a quarterback of the future in this league. The last one was probably Zax Brongdor, who became the LA Rams signal caller in 1984 after mysteriously appearing at the team's facility naked and covered in a gelatinous substance. And even he only had a couple of productive seasons before being benched in favor of Jim Everett. So let's cut RG3 some slack.

49ers 24-13 

Sunday Night

Dallas @ New York Giants

Thank God! Did you realize that it's been six weeks since we've had an NFC East match-up on Sunday Night Football?!? I was beginning to wonder what we had done to upset our NBC overlords. Thankfully they had mercy on our pathetic souls and didn't flex out this contest featuring the 3-7 Giants who play in New York and are therefore always relevant. Praise be to you NBC.

Cowboys 27-20

Monday Night

Baltimore @ New Orleans

The Saints lost 27-10 to the Bengals last Sunday and are now in danger of dropping three home games in three weeks. To be fair, their division requires them to have zero sense of urgency, and the city they play in requires them to have zero self-respect, so we can forgive them for taking it (big) easy. I think they'll show some fight this week and send the FlacMan home unhappy. Though, when you think about it, that man has such inner peace that he's never really discontent.

Saints 27-24


NFL Picks - Week 12 Thursday

Kansas City @ Oakland

It seems like the Raiders are inching ever closer to getting their first win; and that's good because football is a game of inches. But Raiders fans have to be wondering, how many more inches? 3? 4? 5? 6? It can't be 6 can it? 5? It's probably 4. 3? No, that's pushing it, we'll settle at 4.

Chiefs 24-17


NFL Picks - Week 11

Sunday Morning

Seattle @ Kansas City

The Seahawks exploded for 350 yards rushing last week and it resulted in their largest victory margin this season. If I know wily ol' Pete Carroll like I think I do, that game gave him an idea so crazy that it just might work: run for 300+ yards every game. Look, I'm not saying it will be easy, but it's worth a shot. The Chiefs have been hot since stumbling to an 0-2 start, but ya know what cools off even the hottest of teams? The aforementioned 300+ yards rushing, of course.

Seahawks 20-17

Minnesota @ Chicago

When the season started this is not where the Bears thought they would be come Week 11. I'm not sure why though, the schedule clearly stated that this game would be in Chicago. I mean half of their games take place there, so even if they didn't look at the schedule they could have made an educated guess. To be fair they have had a quirky schedule, playing six of their first nine on the road, which they will now follow with five of six at home. They've yet to win at Soldier Field, which is an insult to their fans and the troops alike. Win #1 has to happen sooner or later, and I say much sooner.

Bears 30-24

Houston @ Cleveland

It's November and the Browns are in first place. Believe it or not. Though, if you don't believe it you're just being ignorant and not looking at the standings, I mean the information is readily available, all you have to do is look for God's sake, quit living with your head in the sand! I have a feeling that the Browns will suffer a let down this week, but even still they should have enough to get by the Texans with Ryan Mallett making his first start.

Browns 16-13

Atlanta @ Carolina

These teams are flat out lousy, and yet they're still in contention in an NFC South division that's headed ... well, not north. The Falcons three wins have all come within the division, so they actually have the inside track to win this thing if they can get hot. Of course, that's easier said than done for this Atlanta team. Now that I think about it though, isn't almost everything easier said than done? Stupid saying. Let's snuff it out here and now. I think the Falcons will have enough to get by a Panthers team that appears to have absolutely given up. Which way to the offseason? Thanks Cam!

Falcons 24-20

Cincinnati @ New Orleans

Look, I'm not afraid to say it, that performance by Andy Dalton last Thursday was not good. Maybe the Bengals are satisfied with 10-33, 86 yds., and 3 INTs, but I sir am not. Those numbers just aren't going to cut it in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Now Cincinnati starts a stretch of three straight road games, a scenario that does not portend success for them. I say the Saints get the win and maintain their NFC South stranglehold at 5-5.

Saints 31-24 

Tampa Bay @ Washington

The Buccaneers have been a very consistent team this year scoring 13-17 points in seven of their eight losses. I didn't say that consistency is always a good thing. I don't expect RG3 to set the world, or even FedEx Field and the surrounding area, on fire this week, but as I pointed out he'll only need to put up 18 points.

Redskins 21-16

Denver @ St. Louis

The Rams have decided to switch back to Shaun Hill as their starting quarterback, a move that should result in them winning out through the Super Bowl.

Broncos 31-17

San Francisco @ New York Giants

San Francisco against the Giants? That's going to confuse the casual fan. Well, probably less than the casual fan, maybe the lazy fan, the ignorant fan, or the really dumb fan. Yeah, let's stick with that, this game will confuse the really dumb fans out there. Then again, most games probably confuse the really dumb fans. Though, I'd forgive anyone if they got a bit miffed watching Eli Manning. It's only a matter of time before he makes a foolish, potentially game-costing mistake. Look for it to happen early on in this one as he'll be very confused as to why San Francisco is playing against the Giants.

49ers 27-20 

Sunday Afternoon

Oakland @ San Diego

These teams come into the week on a combined 18 game losing streak. The Raiders have contributed 15 of those 18, which could mean it's time for the Chargers to start pulling their own weight in this losing duo. It could also just mean that Oakland will lose again, because well, they've lost 15 in a row. It's not that hard to figure out folks, I mean pretty much anybody could pick these games and do just as well as me, if not betterrrrImeannotheycouldn'tdon'tevenbothertrying.

Chargers 34-21

Philadelphia @ Green Bay

Before the 2013 season I submitted that the Packers' running back duo of Jonathan Franklin and Eddie Lacy should be known as Franklin & Bash. Well before this season Jonathan Franklin retired from football, an omen that we should not have ignored, because now TNT has canceled the show Franklin & Bash. Damn it TNT! What's next, Rizzoli & Isles? So help me God, if it's Rizzoli & Isles ... In other news, this is a really big game in the NFC and ... I'm sorry, I can't do it, I'm just too distraught. F & B is canceled and I never even got to see an episode.

Packers 38-31

Detroit @ Arizona

When the Lions let Drew Stanton go a few years back they had to know that they would one day face him again with the best record in the NFC on the line; it was inevitable. Of course, this doesn't necessarily mean that Detroit was worried about it. In fact, they could have been downright hoping for it. But they shouldn't be too giddy because, as we saw earlier this season, Stanton is capable of getting the job done. The story of this game should be dictated by the defenses, and with the contest taking place in Arizona I'll give them the edge.

Cardinals 19-17

Sunday Night

New England @ Indianapolis

These teams have met in each of the last two seasons with the Patriots winning by an average score of 51-23. Both of those games were in played in Foxborough though, so this one figures to be closer. I suppose I'm not going out on much of a limb though, considering most games are closer than 28 points. We all know that both squads have two of the top passing attacks in the league, so it could come down to who can defend the air better. New England is 14th against the pass, while the Colts are 27th. So there ya go, it's just that easyyyywhydoIkeeptrvializingmycraft?

Patriots 34-30

Monday Night

Pittsburgh @ Tennessee

Finally the Titans get the stage they deserve. Well actually, the stage they deserve is more like a middle school auditorium/cafeteria.

Steelers 27-13

NFL Picks - Week 11 Thursday

Buffalo @ Miami

A playoff game in November? What is this ...um ... Ok, I guess there aren't any sports that have playoffs in November. Hmm, that didn't work out. Look, the point is this, whoever loses this game is most likely out of the AFC playoff picture. They're both fading away like Marty McFly's brother in that Mickey Mouse shirt. With a win, one team will start to reappear as if one of their key players is performing Johnny B Good to an unsuspecting crowd.

Dolphins 23-16


NFL Picks - Week 10

Sunday Morning

Kansas City @ Buffalo

This is a pivotal match-up between 5-3 teams in the thick of the crowded AFC playoff race. It's like a packed restaurant that doesn't take reservations and doesn't have a waiting list. You have two options, either stay alert and scramble to get a table when it opens up, or decide that it's not worth it and bail. Of course, there's also the third option of standing conspicuously close to someone's table and staring at them while they eat until they get so uncomfortable that they leave. The Chiefs seem like a team that's willing to scramble and perhaps even shove their way to a table when the opportunity presents itself. The Bills, on the other hand, are pretty beat from a long work week and they'd rather just go somewhere familiar where they know they can get seated immediately (read: home in January).

Chiefs 20-16

Miami @ Detroit

Both of these teams have won three in a row, though the Lions' last two victories have come by a combined two points. That would indicate to me that they're hanging on by a thread. Even though Detroit's most likely getting Calvin Johnson back on Sunday it seems like the point in the season in which the wheels start to come off for the Lions. Over the last two seasons Detroit has gone 9-7 in the first half of their schedule, and 3-13 in the latter half. This is their ninth game, so they're officially into the second half. GULP.

Dolphins 23-20

Dallas @ Jacksonville

Is there any way to really know what will happen in this game? The mere chance of Brandon Weeden participating tells us that no, there is no way to accurately predict the outcome. He's like a wild card that somehow ruins your entire hand. You know it's bad when they're not sure whether to play you or a guy with a semi-broken back who just took an overseas flight. I think that the lack of a quality defense on the other side of the ball will allow the Cowboys to get the win either way. But don't be surprised if the Jags take this one, because you shouldn't let anything surprise you at this point, you must always be prepared, just like Brandon Weeden.

Cowboys 24-17

San Francisco @ New Orleans

The Forty-Niners are on a troubling slide due to consecutive losses, or so it would seem. Back-to-back losses are nothing new for San Francisco, having already gone through it once this season. In fact, they lost consecutive games on two separate occasions last season as well. So the lesson to be learned is that if the Niners lose a game you can assume they'll lose a second. But a third? That would be unheard of. Though when you think about it, isn't everything unheard of until you hear it for the first time? Is that a stupid statement? Yes. But is it a poignant one? No. I just think they're going to lose.

Saints 27-23

Tennessee @ Baltimore

The Ravens usually don't lose at home and the Titans usually don't win. Anywhere. Seems like a pretty simple recipe for a Baltimore W. Add Zack Mettenberger and stir.

Ravens 34-17

Pittsburgh @ New York Jets

Ben Roethlisberger has thrown for 12 touchdown passes over the last two games. The Jets have thrown 8 touchdown passes this whole season. That's a ridiculous stat, but hey, the Jets are a ridiculous team. They have to be salivating looking at this match-up though, because once they finish losing they get to have their bye week; a magical seven day stretch in which they don't have to embarrass themselves in front of friends, family, and the nation as a whole.

Steelers 31-16

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay

Remember the last time these teams met? Josh McCown imploded, literally. He caved in upon himself and was never heard from again. Until this week! He's back and better(?) than ever. McCown will be getting the start this week, a piece of news that was revealed to us by Mike Glennon himself, the man that is being benched in favor of McCown. Professional move by the Bucs, letting the benched QB make the announcement of his benching. It's like those public shaming punishments in which people have to wear signs in public explaining their crimes. Unfortunately for Tampa it's because of their new starting QB that I'm picking Atlanta. You didn't honestly think you could embarrass Mike Glennon and get away with it did you? Not in my house.

Falcons 30-23

Sunday Afternoon

Denver @ Oakland

The Raiders are getting closer and closer to winning their first game. They're making progress and could soon get over the hump. If this were a sports movie the montage would be starting right about now. Of course, even with a very successful montage over the last half of the year the most they could hope for is 6 or 7 wins, which would make for a pretty shitty movie. But hey, if you're an Oakland fan wouldn't you take pretty shitty at this point?

Broncos 35-20

St. Louis @ Arizona

Boy these Rams are frisky. Frisky like an annoying cat that won't listen to humans who know better. We're trying to keep you alive you stupid cat, just help us help you! Much in the same way that a cat has nine lives, the Rams have at least nine losses every season. This game should provide them with their sixth and send them well on their way to another losing season. And sooner or later we'll have a dead cat on our hands.

Cardinals 24-13

New York Giants @ Seattle

The Seahawks continued their trend of playing one solid half per game in last week's win over the Raiders. This time, however, they started out hot and held on as opposed to previous weeks when they scrambled to score at the end of the game. At this point it would be foolish to ask for them to string together an entire four quarters of excellence, but if they could manage three out of four that should be good enough and would be a step in the right direction before the schedule becomes a gauntlet.

Seahawks 27-17

Sunday Night

Chicago @ Green Bay

Ah, Bears/Packers, a tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme. In fact, this game is played so often that I'm pretty sure I've used that same exact opening line before. Luckily this site has no one to hold me accountable ever since Bobby Bateman went missing years ago. While the Packers suffered a setback their last time out, the Bears seem to be in a free fall with their season and, in turn, their lives spiraling out of control, completely untethered to society. After another loss this week Jay Cutler will most likely decide that it's not worth, call it quits, and go completely off the grid. After that, my guess is you'll never hear from him again.

Packers 34-24

Monday Night

Carolina @ Philadelphia

Rejoice! Mark Sanchez is back! What sort of boner plays and wacky hijinx will he have in store for us this time around? The nation will have a front row seat as he takes on another lousy top 5 draft pick: Cam Newton. Bad news for all the Panthers fans out there, Monday is Sanchez's birthday, and from what I've heard he's only got one wish ... an iPhone 6. And if he gets it his spirits should be riding high enough to carry him and his team to victory. Side note: Monday is also Cam Newton's half birthday, but as we all know half birthdays don't count. Shut up Cam.

Eagles 26-19


NFL Picks - Week 10 Thursday

Cleveland @ Cincinnati

We're halfway through the season and it's time to separate the men from the boys in the highly competitive AFC North. And seriously, why are they continuing to allow boys to play in the NFL? It's a violent sport even for full grown men, so just imagine the toll that it must take on a child. Kudos to these two teams for finally addressing the issue and removing the boys from competition with the men. The Bengals haven't lost yet at home; they've tied, but that's not a loss wise guy. And while they've been far from dominant in their last two wins I think they'll have the edge here.

Bengals 31-20