Finally, The Mock has come back to H....C....M

Just over 4 hours now until the 2013 NFL Draft is underway.  What better time than now to unveil my first and only Mock Draft?

Well, here it is:
1.       Kansas City Chiefs – Eric Fisher, T, Central Michigan
2.       Jacksonville Jaguars – Dion Jordan, DE/OLB, Oregon
3.       Oakland Raiders – Luke Joeckel, T, Texas A&M (I think they could trade this pick away to someone looking to come up and get Joeckel before the Eagles)
4.       Philadelphia Eagles – Lane Johnson, T, Oklahoma
5.       Detroit Lions – Ezekiel Ansah, DE, BYU
6.       Cleveland Browns – Barkevious Mingo, DE/OLB, LSU
7.       Arizona Cardinals – Star Lotulelei, DT, Utah
8.       Buffalo Bills – Jonathan Cooper, G, UNC
9.       New York Jets – Tavon Austin, WR, West Virginia
10.   Tennessee Titans – Sharrif Floyd, DT, Florida
11.   San Diego Chargers – Chance Warmack, G, Alabama
12.   Miami Dolphins – DJ Fluker, T, Alabama (this would change if the trade for Albert goes through)
13.   New York Jets – Dee Milliner, CB, Alabama (could fall further because of medical issues)
14.   Carolina Panthers – Sheldon Richardson, DT, Missouri
15.   New Orleans Saints – Kenny Vaccaro, S, Texas
16.   St. Louis Rams – Alec Ogletree, LB, Georgia
17.   Pittsburgh Steelers – Jarvis Jones, LB, Georgia
18.   Dallas Cowboys – Sylvester Williams, DT, UNC
19.   New York Giants – Xavier Rhodes, CB, FSU
20.   Chicago Bears – Tyler Eiffert, TE, Notre Dame
21.   Cincinnati Bengals – Matt Elam, S, Florida
22.   St. Louis Rams – Justin Hunter, WR, Tennessee
23.   Minnesota Vikings – Manti Te’o, LB, Notre Dame
24.   Indianapolis Colts – DJ Hayden, CB, Houston
25.   Minnesota Vikings – Cordarrelle Patterson, WR, Tennessee
26.   Green Bay Packers – Justin Pugh, T, Syracuse
27.   Houston Texans – DeAndre Hopkins, WR, Clemson
28.   Denver Broncos – Tank Carradine, DE, FSU
29.   New England Patriots – Desmond Trufant, CB, Washington
30.   Atlanta Falcons – Bjoern Werner, DE, FSU
31.   San Francisco 49ers – Datone Jones, DE/DT, UCLA
32.   Baltimore Ravens – Eric Reid, S, LSU.


New Draft Eve

We are just over 24 hours away from the start of the 2013 NFL Draft.  And this draft seems like it has more uncertainty at the top than any in recent memory.  The first pick still hasn't been locked down and although most people think it will be Luke Joeckel there's a chance the Chiefs will look elsewhere.  This uncertainty is probably a result of no player really standing out as the elite player at their position.  There is debate about almost every position.  So even though the Seahawks don't have a first round pick, I think there are plenty of interesting storylines.  There are a few topics in particular that interest me.

Are any of these QBs any good?
It seems like people are talking themselves into all of the QB prospects.  Geno Smith has talent, but he would have clearly been the #4 prospect in last year's draft (and #5 in a redraft).  There's talk of Ryan Nassib going #8 to Buffalo because his old coach is there.  I would say this is a huge mistake, but Miami did a similar thing last year with Tannehill and it worked (thought it would be a terrible move at the time).  I just don't see any of these guys being the franchise QB like Russell Wilson or even at the level of an Andrew Luck or a Robert Griffith III.

Does Manti Te'o get fooled by mock drafts?
I would really like this questioned answered.  Do you think he sees Kiper's mock and then runs out of his room shouting to his family about how he just got drafted by the Vikings?  And then the next day reads McShay's and wonders why the Bears were now able to draft him?  This poor guy might have been very confused over the past month.

Three intriguing question marks
I'm very interested to see where the following three players are drafted: DJ Hayden (CB, Houston), Tyrann Mathieu (CB, LSU) and Marcus Lattimore (RB, South Carolina).

Hayden is back to being considered a Round 1 CB after having a freak, life-threatening injury in practice.  Back in November he had a major blood vessel tear in his chest.  The injury is usually seen in car crash victims and it has an over 95% fatality rate.  He has a clean bill of health and ran a great 40 at his pro day (some report 4.4 some say 4.3).  Mayock saw enough to put him back as his #1 CB based on the tape and his improved health.  Still, he hasn't been in pads and on the field since that injury.  He might have the skills, but there's no way of telling if this kid is really ready to go out and starting hitting people again.  Not sure how the fact that he almost died wouldn't be in the back of his mind every time he goes in to make a tackle.  But, if a team is convinced it's not an issue than he will likely go in the Top 20.

Tyrann Mathieu's story is probably better-known because of his high-profile troubles at LSU.  He looks to still be in good shape after a year off, but there's bound to be some rust.  He was never the best cover corner and nothing has changed there.  He probably wouldn't have been a first rounder even if he had played.  But, the guy is clearly a playmaker.  He can help in the return game and his ability to cause turnovers, specifically forcing fumbles, is enough to keep in the late-2nd to early-3rd discussion.  My biggest concern with him is that, by sitting out a year, his nickname has become severely dated.  Nobody gives a shit about the Honey Badger video anymore, so keeping that nickname would be stupid.  He needs to adopt a new nickname to convey his reckless play such as Wheat Thins Puppet or Cunt Punter (hope you guys have read the sorority girl rant letter or watched the Michael Shannon reading of it).

Before Kevin Ware got a leg up on him, Marcus Lattimore was owned the title of "Most Gruesomely Injured Collegiate Athlete of 2012-13."  Lattimore suffered an awful knee injury that ended his season (also tore his ACL in 2011).  When healthy, Lattimore was one of the more effective backs in the nation and he was doing it against top-notch SEC defenses.  By all accounts he will not be able to contribute significantly in 2013.  With that in mind, it will be interesting to see who takes him based on the hope that he can regain his form (or even come back better like Adrian Peterson).  My fear is that the 49ers, who have roughly 43 picks in this year's draft, will spend one on him in the late 3rd round (it would be there 5th pick already).  They don't have too many holes to fill on their roster, so they can take a chance on him and place him on IR for a year.  Gore is winding down his career (hopefully) and they can start grooming Lattimore to replace him.  My hope is that this will jinx it and make this scenario not happen.  

Check back later tonight or, more likely, early tomorrow morning for the official HCM 2013 Mock Draft.  And remember to follow the site and Twitter tomorrow for all the breaking news and rumors.


"Mock" Draft

Let me start by apologizing to all the Mustacheers who rely on the site for all draft-related news and content.  The coverage has been a bit sparse this year if not non-existent.  Some say the lack of coverage this year is due to the fact that the "blue-chip" prospects are really boring.  Others say it's due to the fact that the Seahawks don't have a first round pick.  While other, better-informed sources claim it's because I forgot my login and password.  Whatever the reason, the 2013 NFL Draft is only three weeks away and it's time to get the HCM boards a buzzin.  And don't forget that I'm the draft genius that just last year in the draft day running commentary gave such great insights as, and I quote, "I like it. Wagner looks good (maybe)" and "I like Russell Wilson".  I think that solidifies my rep.  Around this time I usually debut my mock draft, but this year I'm going to give you all a draft mock.  This is where I pick apart that talking head Mel Kiper's latest projection.

Here are that joker's picks with some Vintage Pete goofs:

1.       KC – Luke Joeckel, OT, Texas A&M
What a lazy pick.  Do your research.

2.       Jax – Ezekiel Ansah, DE, BYU
Raw DE prospects seem to be more popular these days than raw fish (aka sashimi).  Have you heard about these places?  They sell you raw fish and other uncooked stuff from the ocean.  Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?  “Let’s trick people into eating uncooked food and we won’t even have to pay for an oven or grill.  Say it’s from a different country and we can charge more.”  Apparently they’re popular lunch spots for high-powered CEOs after their mid-morning felatio.  I bet Kiper goes to sushi restaurants and orders California rolls.  What a clown.

3.       Oak – Sharrif Floyd, DT, Florida
Not positive, but I think you goofed Mel and mocked a basketball prospect in your NFL draft.  Probably will fix it in version 3.0.

4.       Phi – Geno Smith, QB, West Va
Do you even try anymore Mel?  “Oh, Chip Kelly likes to run a quick offense, so let’s mock a guy who I think is probably an athletic QB.” It’s the 21st (?) Century Mel.  Wake up.

5.       Det – Dee Milliner, CB, Alabama
OK, this one’s solid.

6.       Cle – Dion Jordan, OLB, Oregon
According to Mel, “Really like this fit.”  That’s the sort of thing I say when I try on a pair of Hanes boxer briefs.  Gotta try better if you’re getting paid for this Melly.

7.       Ari – Eric Fisher, OT, Central Michigan
Two things: one, Mayock likes Fisher more than Joeckel so you screwed up; two, you say keeping Palmer upright is the priority.  I couldn’t disagree more.  Palmer is not a long-term solution, so don’t worry about building an offense to support him.  If you think Fisher is the best player available then take him, but don’t take players to make Palmer better.  He’s there for a max 2 years.  Arizona is picking in the top 15 next year too, so take guys that you can build around.

8.       Buf – Jonathan Cooper, G, UNC
WHAT?!?  Most mock drafts this year when the first guard is taken justify it with something along the lines of “guards don’t go in the Top 10, but Chance Warmack is a special talent.”  The problem here though is that Kipey has mocked the 2nd best guard at #8.  If you’re just being an idiot Mel you might as well mock Barkevious Mingo to the Jets at #9.

9.       NYJ – Barkevious Mingo, DE, LSU

10.   Ten – Chance Warmack, G, Alabama
Titans must be pissed they missed out on Jonathan Cooper.

11.   SD – Lane Johnson, OT, Oklahoma
If I were a GM I would never draft a guy named Lane.

12.   Mia – DJ Fluker, OT, Alabama
Mel, I think you screwed up here.  You list him as an OT, but based on his name he is clearly a WR.

13.   TB – Star Lotulelei, DT, Utah
So you say he is cleared medically.  That was the only red flag about the guy.  He dropped from #1 consideration down to mid-round when heart scares came up.  If those are gone, why is he the second DT off the board?

14.   Car – Sheldon Richardson, DT, Missouri
Too easy

15.   NO – Jarvis Jones, OLB, Georgia
If you need me to tell you why this makes no sense then just stop reading.

16.   STL – Tavon Austin, WR, West Va
“The loss of Amendola leaves a void, but could even be an upgrade.”  This is a ridiculous statement.  If you don’t think you’re getting a player better than Danny Amendola at 16, then you need to select a different player.  Why do people think this little shithead Amendola is some great receiver?  He sucks.  He sucks the big one.

17.   Pit – Tyler Eifert, TE, Notre Dame
Another quote from Kipes: “Can’t effectively be covered by anybody.” Wow.  That’s odd though because I don’t remember him catching 200 passes this year.  Oh, what’s that?  He only caught 50 passes in 2012?  And never more than 6 in one game?  Interesting.

18.   Dal – Sylvester Williams, DT, UNC
Ha, maybe as a goof.

19.   NYG – Desmond Trufant, CB, Washington
Is it just me or did he never look all that good at UW?

20.   Chi – Manti Te’o, LB, Notre Dame
If anyone had his cell number you’re basically obligated to call and pretend to be a GM saying you’re going to draft him, right?

21.   Cin – Alec Ogletree, LB, Georgia
Ugh, really?

22.   STL – Kenny Vaccaro, S, Texas
Cool pick Rams.  It’s a shame he’ll never be the best Safety from Texas in the NFC West ever in his career.

23.   Min – Cordarrelle Patterson, WR, Tenn
Gotta handd it to Mell.  This is a goodd onne, butt I fear that this player hass too many doubble consonants in his namme to be truly successfull.

24.   Ind – Xavier Rhodes, CB, FSU
Not bad I guess since they can’t really draft a new health problem for a beloved member of the staff to rally around.

25.   Min – Kevin Minter, LB, LSU
This guy will definitely impact a game less than Percy Harvin.  Not so much a knock on Kiper as it is a chance to be happy about getting Harvin.

26.   GB – Eddie Lacy, RB, Alabama
A running back to the Packers?  Do you even watch football bro?  The Packers don’t run the ball.  Waste of a pick.

27.   Hou – Robert Woods, WR, USC
Hahahahaha.  Nope.

28.   Den – DJ Hayden, CB, Houston
You made a big mistake here Mello Yello.  This is the second “DJ” you have going in the first round.  You expect me to believe that there will be more DJs selected than Steves or Barkeviouses combined??

29.   NE – Justin Hunter, WR, Ten
Yes, yes.  Nailed it.

30.   Atl – Kyle Long, OL, Oregon
This gutless worm Kiper can’t even tell us if the guy will play G or T.  Take a stand you pussy.  Quit hiding behind your hair.

31.   SF – Margus Hunt, DE, SMU
This guy’s nickname is the Eastern Block because he’s from Estonia and he had like 15 blocked kicks in his career.  Kinda cool?

32.   Bal – Jonathan Cyprien, S, Florida Intl
Way to finish strong dumbshit

Second Round Notes
·         Matt Barkley to the Jags at #33.  This isn’t so much a mock of Kiper, but a warning to any good Junior quarterbacks playing at USC.  DO NOT COME BACK FOR YOUR SENIOR SEASON.
·         Kawann Short, DT, Purdue to Minnesota at #52.  I like this guy and would love to take him at #56 if he’s there.
·         Speaking of #56, he has the Hawks going with Jonathan Hankins, DT, Ohio St.  Says he only drops this far due to depth at the position in this year’s draft.