NFL Picks - Week 7

Sunday Morning

Seattle @ St. Louis

There comes a time when you need to look at yourself in the mirror. For me it's about 15 times a day, just to make sure the trains are still running on time. For the Seahawks it's this week. Time to address the mistakes and mediocre play that has plagued them for the past month or so and move past them, into the 21st century. If they're soliciting any advice, I'll just throw out the possibility of staying committed to the run even if you're down by a score, generating a pass rush even if it involves scheming, and/or Percy Harvin running some routes down the field, . Then again, what do I know? I'm barely even keeping my head above water with these picks. Better make it a 16th mirror visit today.

Seahawks 24-13

Atlanta @ Baltimore

Did you see the FlacMan last week? Homeboy was slangin'. Slangin' to the tune of 300 yards and 5 TDs, notching a victory over Mike Glennon in the process. Now FlacMan takes on the Falcons and Matt Ryan, a man whose career has been intertwined with Flac's ever since they were both drafted in the first round  and took their teams to the playoffs in 2008. They're like Damon and DiCaprio in The Departed. Which now begs the question, which one's which? I'm going to say FlacMan equals Damon, which means Ryan shouldn't stand near any elevator doors on game day.

Ravens 33-24

Tennessee @ Washington

Someday you'll be able to tell your grandchildren where you were when you saw Whitehurst vs. Cousins. And this is the reason they'll have no respect for you.

Redskins 23-16 

Cleveland @ Jacksonville

The Jags missed a long field goal last week that would have given them their first win of the year. It would have been by the score of 17-16 ... exactly the score I predicted! Thanks a pantload Jacksonville. And yes, I'm saying that to the entire city. It's everybody's fault. It takes a village to build a football team, and a shitty village makes for a shitty team.

Browns 24-20

Cincinnati @ Indianapolis

Here's a a marquee match-up between two teams jockeying for position in the AFC playoff picture. The Bengals should have no problem jockeying, since it involves whips, and as we know, they're into ties as well. Real sex freaks. That sort of perversion has no place in today's NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. And it's for that very reason that I'm taking Indy.

Colts 31-27

Minnesota @ Buffalo

Teddy Bridgewater suffered a letdown against the Lions last week, leading the Vikings to a paltry 3 points. Now he's set to make his first road start. Get ready for another let down Teddy, because you're going to Buffalo. I'm not necessarily saying you'll lose, but you have to travel to Buffalo, so either way ...

Bills 20-13

Miami @ Chicago

It's the Wannstedt Bowl! Expect to see a lot of fake mustaches in the crowd honoring the man that once coached both of these teams. And don't expect a dry eye in the house when ol' Dave himself strolls out to midfield to perform his autobiographical one man show at halftime (abridged due to time constraints, of course). If the players aren't fired up for this one then they don't have a heart. Expect it to be close with both squads vying for Wannie's favor.

Bears 27-24 

New Orleans @ Detroit

Poor New Orleans had to go on a bye week just after they'd generated white hot momentum with a desperate overtime victory over Tampa at home. That's just unfair. The NFL's equivalent of a cock block. Now they head to Detroit to face a Lions team that has been surprisingly defensive this season, leading the league in fewest yards and points per game. Detroit will be without Calvin Johnson once again, but if their offense can put up 20+ points against a terrible Saints D, that should get the job done.

Lions 26-21 

Carolina @ Green Bay

The Panthers are coming off a tie, and in their history they are 0-0 after such games. 0-0, another tie. Everything evens out. Yin and yang. Duality of man. Time is a flat circle, especially when you're tied. It doesn't take too much detective work to uncover that a loss here would leave Carolina at a triangularly symmetrical 3-3-1. Makes too much sense.

Packers 31-21

Sunday Afternoon

Kansas City @ San Diego

At first glance this seems like an obvious pick; the powerhouse Chargers over the mediocre Chiefs. But let's dig a little deeper. San Diego is playing at Denver this coming Thursday and could get caught looking ahead. Kansas City has been solid ever since Week 1, and desperately needs a win to keep their head above water. These factors add up to result in my upset special of the week. NOTE: the bylaws of the upset special of the week dictate that even if I get the pick wrong I am commended for my bravery.

Chiefs 24-23

Arizona @ Oakland

The Raiders put together a surprisingly competent game last week and now seem poised to notch their first victory of the season. Until you consider the fact that they have the worst running game in the league and they're going up against one of the best run defenses. I think I'll pass on the Raiders (though their pass D is surprisingly decent).

Cardinals 26-16

New York Giants @ Dallas

When one team plays a better game you just have to tip your cap and give them the credit they deserve. And it's with that in mind that I would tip my cap to the Eagles if I were a Giants fan. Man, they got killed, real pathetic stuff. Things won't get any easier for New York this week as they go against a team that's good now I guess, which seems dumb and wrong, but whatever, they'll blow it soon. Maybe not this week, but soon.

Cowboys 30-17

Sunday Night

San Francisco @ Denver

All this talk about Peyton Manning going for an NFL record 509 TD passes on Sunday night seems a bit unwarranted to me. Look, I know he's an all-time great quarterback, and that the Niners' defense is missing a few key pieces, but throwing for 509 touchdown passes in a single game is an impossibly tall order; I don't care what the circumstances are. If I had to guess he'll probably throw three, which is nothing to sneeze at, but still well off the pace that the so-called "experts" are predicting.
Broncos 27-20

Monday Night

Houston @ Pittsburgh

In this match-up of .500 teams only one can ascend to the glorious land of winning squadrons, filled with milk and honey and fantastical dreams come true. While the other will be cast down to the dark netherworld of failures, dashed hopes, and discontinued childhood favorites. They're here to battle for their lives and it's all for your entertainment. You disgust me.

Steelers 28-23


NFL Picks - Week 7 Thursday

New York Jets @ New England

This marks the third straight season these teams have played on a Thursday. Coincidence? I think not. This match-up simply can't be lumped in with all the other games on Sunday. It needs the spotlight baby! So many electric story lines. Can the Jets avoid losing 6 in a row? Will the Pats continue their march toward a 38th consecutive AFC East title? Will you watch on CBS or NFL Network? There is no end to the intrigue. I don't even want them to start this game because that means it has to end, and I'll have to wait another 9 weeks for the rematch. I miss it already.

Patriots 34-16


NFL Picks - Week 6

Sunday Morning

Jacksonville @ Tennessee

Shouldn't this game be in London? We're looking at a match-up of the league's two worst teams ... Whoops! Forgot about the Raiders for a minute. If only I could've made that permanent. It's still unknown if Charlie Whitehurst will start this game, and that's just not fair to someone trying to pick the outcome. I'll bank on the assumption that Locker isn't ready and go with the Jags. And I'll live to regret it!

Jaguars 17-16

Baltimore @ Tampa Bay

Glennon almost did it, the son of a bitch. He almost led the Bucs to an upset win in New Orleans. Now Tampa returns home after three weeks on the road. Bad news: the FlacMan is waiting at their doorstep. I'm really torn here, I wish I could pick a tie. But that's not what you folks come here for. You need definitive picks; you crave structure in this constantly shifting landscape. I have to do my part.

Ravens 27-24 OT

Denver @ New York Jets

Rex Ryan recently said that he thinks he will be fired if he doesn't fix the Jets. Bold statement. Conventional wisdom is that a coach can continue to lose forever and hold on to their job in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Rex has conquered Peyton Manning before, but to be fair he had Mark Sanchez as his quarterback then, and when you have Mark Sanchez as your quarterback anything is possible. With Geno Smith as your quarterback, the ball isn't passable.

Broncos 38-13

Detroit @ Minnesota

Teddy Bridgewater's back. Calvin Johnson's out. Seems like a recipe for a Minnesota victory. Coincindentally the other day I stumbled upon a great Minnesota Victory recipe. In case you didn't know that's a casserole that involves heavy amounts of mayonnaise and cheese. 

Vikings 21-20

New England @ Buffalo

Did you see that Pats/Bengals game last Sunday night? Tom Brady is back! Back to his annoying, overly enthusiastic self. Though it still looked a bit manufactured. Like, I better seem really into this game so that people lay off. I expect Tom Terrific will be a bit more subdued this week, if for nothing else because he's facing that swarming Jim Schwartz defense. Congrats to Schwartz by the way who helped defeat his former team, the Lions, in an early October match-up. Truly a victory worthy of asking your new players to carry you off the field on their shoulders. Congrats Turbo Redface, just when I think you can't be a bigger turbo you shock the world. Your dedication to being a turbo humbles us all.

Patriots 27-19 

Carolina @ Cincinnati

Cam Newton had his wisdom teeth pulled on Wednesday, which I have to believe will have an effect on his play this Sunday. The team docs will probably give him some pain relief pills before the game, but after a few hits and some general game action I imagine that he'll start feeling soreness in his jaw. It will probably become unbearable with just under 3 minutes remaining in the first, right around tooth hurty.

Bengals 21-14

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland

Two takeaways from the Browns historic comeback win over the Titans last week: Brian Hoyer does not quit; Charlie Whitehurst does. Chaz even put his hair up in a bun during the game, which shows what he was really worried about. Brian Hoyer doesn't have any hair, so he's never distracted. Except if he spots a major babe in the stands, Hoyer loves babes. That's what motivates him: play well, score babes. He has a real chance to shine for the ladies this week in a rivalry game against a Steelers team that has has gone 33-5 against Cleveland over the past 19 seasons. Obviously none of the current players have anything to do with most of those games, but still pretty astonishing domination. Regardless, I say Hoyer brings it for the broads and gets the win.

Browns 30-27

Green Bay @ Miami

The Packers seem to be back in the swing of things after consecutive blowout wins against division foes. Seem being the operative word. Don't trust these guys, not for a minute. They will stab you in the back and start sucking at the drop of a hat. I'm not sure why they'd do that, it really wouldn't be beneficial for anybody involved. But that just proves my long standing thesis: the Packers are idiots.

Packers 31-20

Sunday Afternoon

San Diego @ Oakland

The Chargers are rolling and Philip Rivers looks like a serious MVP candidate. The exact opposite can be said for Oakland's situation. So I guess that would mean the Raiders are standing still and Derek Carr looks like a facetious MVP candidate. There's no reason the Raiders should win this game, but haven't we learned that chaos rules in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE? Isn't there a chance that Oakland rises up and plays their hearts out for 60 minutes? No. Like I said before, "no reason" that they'll win.

Chargers 35-17

Chicago @ Atlanta

Is it too early to say that the loser of this game will have serious trouble making the playoffs? Not if you have a copy of Grays Sports Almanac. No not, that one, the 2001-2050 edition. And in case you're wondering, yes they still manage to fit the results of every single game in every sport into the space of a slim 75 page booklet. You're also probably wondering why, if I truly do have a copy of that almanac, I don't just predict every game exactly correct. Well, I guess I was trying to throw you off the scent. But come to think of it, I could stand to hit a few more directly on the nose. Ok, here's an exacta:

Falcons 34-31

Washington @ Arizona

Does anybody know who the Cardinals' starting quarterback will be this week? Carson Palmer? Drew Stanton? Logan Thomas? A possible mystery fourth option? I'm intrigued by the that last possibility that I just made up. You don't see enough mystery QBs in today's game. Take me back to the days when a graphic would pop up advertising the afternoon games and there would just be two silhouettes with questions marks on the inside. It certainly made for greater intrigue. No matter who ends up behind center this Sunday for Arizona it should be good enough to get by Washington at home.

Cardinals 20-13

Dallas @ Seattle

The Seahawks' opening drive touchdown on Monday night was their first in 15 games. That would be a troubling stat if they weren't 12-3 in those games. Actually, now that I think about it, 3? What the hell? Tighten it up guys. DeMarco Murray comes into this game with 130 carries on the season, a total that is at least 36 greater than any other back in the league, and puts him on pace for 416, which would tie Larry Johnson's record for most in a season. That sort of grind-it-out strategy has worked well for the Cowboys so far, leading to four wins and fewer mistakes from Tony Romo. But what would happen if the run game wasn't clicking? Would Romo be compelled to pass more, resulting in him forcing throws that will inevitably be picked off? Yep.

Seahawks 24-14

Sunday Night

New York Giants @ Philadelphia

LeSean McCoy is averaging 2.9 yards per carry. He's constantly running like he's Steven Jackson near the goal line. The Eagles' inability to run the ball or sustain long drives could ultimately lead to their demise. We saw a glimpse of this last week when they nearly relinquished a 27 point second half lead to the Rams. No, not a typo, the Rams. They'll need to get that straightened out ASAP, not PSIP (pretty soon if possible). I think they do enough to get the win at home.

Eagles 31-24

Monday Night

San Francisco @ St. Louis

The Rams have been putting up surprising point totals behind Austin Davis, so maybe I should stop being so hard on them. Or maybe, that's exactly what's fueling this offense. Nobody thinks they can get it done. And well, technically they've only actually gotten it done once. But who's to say this Monday won't be number 2? Me. I say it won't be. Hey, prove me wrong. Please.

49ers 23-20



NFL Picks - Week 6 Thursday

Indianapolis @ Houston

Every Thursday night game this season has been a real stinker, with an average margin of victory of 29 points for the winning teams. All but one of those winning teams have been playing at home. This bodes well for the Texans. Meanwhile, this bods well for the Texans. Seriously folks, what a physique. Why are you looking at me like that? What, one man can't appreciate another man's strength? Ya know if this were ancient Greece the players would all be naked, then what would you say? Ok, this one came off the rails a bit. This should be the closest mid-week contest yet, and if it's not don't blame me; I said should be, it's up to the players now.

Texans 23-20


NFL Picks - Week 5

Sunday Morning

Chicago @ Carolina

After holding their first two opponents to a total of 21 points the Panthers have surrendered 75 over the last two weeks. Why the discrepancy? What am I missing here? No seriously, what am I missing? I haven't really paid attention to this team. Is Kuechly hurt or something? That's gotta be it. So, with Kuechly on the sidelines and the Bears being 2-0 on the road I think I have to go with the visitors here.

Bears 24-20

Cleveland @ Tennessee

The Browns have had a full week off to concoct new, cheap ways to get Johnny Manziel the football. Maybe this time they'll sneak him onto the field in a ref's uniform and when it looks like he's going to spot the ball he'll just take off with it down field. Of course, it will be deemed illegal, and pretty bush league, by the real refs, but that won't stop Johnny Football from flashing money signs and growing zits. In the end though, Cleveland should string together enough legal plays to get the job done.

Browns 23-17

St. Louis @ Philadelphia

The Eagles didn't manage to score any points on offense last week. But, for that matter, neither did the Rams. Some would argue that that was a result of St. Louis not playing a game, but c'mon, do any of us really believe that the Rams would have scored points anyway?

Eagles 30-16

Atlanta @ New York Giants

Here's what I've learned from the Falcons' first four games: they are not nearly as good on the road. Unfortunately for them that's exactly where this game has been scheduled. As for picking Giants' games, this is about how I feel at this point. One thing is for sure, Eli Manning will not just have an average game. As Huey Lewis would say, he's hot and cold, he's got it all, hot loving every night. Ok, I probably should have cut off those lyrics a bit earlier, but you get the idea.

Giants 30-24

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans

Ladies and gentleman, he has returned. Miiiike Glenn-on. Just when you think this guy's buried he wriggles his impossibly slim neck up from the dirt like an earthworm on a dew-soaked morn. He epitomizes the eternal struggle of all living things to make it through another day. All that being said, the Saints should bounce back at home.

Saints 38-23

Houston @ Dallas

Another battle for the illustrious Governor's Cup, which is a real thing. This iteration is surprisingly relevant, with both teams coming into the match-up at 3-1. The Cowboys seem to have stumbled onto a groundbreaking new philosophy of staying committed to the run. It really has those fat cat pundits scratching their heads. I'm assuming that they'll throw caution to the wind and brazenly forge ahead with their run based attack for another week.

Cowboys 27-20  

Buffalo @ Detroit

E.J. Manuel has officially been benched in favor of Kyle Orton. That sounds like one of those classic spoof headlines from The Onion, but I assure you it's true. Another seemingly bogus piece of news coming out of last week: Calvin Johnson had 12 yards receiving. The Bills are 25th against the pass, so look for Johnson to bounce back. Seriously, just watch him the whole game, do not follow the ball. In fact, I'd recommend touching your finger to the screen wherever he is and following his route. If the folks you're watching with complain just punch a hole in the TV and shout, "Now look what you made me do!" The confusion felt by all should squash the tension.

Lions 28-18

Baltimore @ Indianapolis

I tried to warn the Panthers last week that the FlacMan was not to be trifled with, but sometimes warnings just don't make a difference, like when that street sign told me to "stop." Nice try bro. Now it's Indy's turn. When it comes to the FlacMan: tread lightly. However, I get the sense that this will be a classic shootout, with Luck being more fortuitous.

Colts 34-31

Pittsburgh @ Jacksonville

It's always nice to have at least one team you can count on. Thank you Jags for being so pathetic. They have yet to score more than 17 points in a game, and have surrendered at least 33 in each contest. Blake Bortles takes over now, and just may lead Jacksonville past that seemingly impenetrable 17 point glass ceiling ... in a loss.

Steelers 35-20

Sunday Afternoon

Arizona @ Denver

Carson Palmer is most likely missing another start. Though I'm not sure that he's even an improvement over Drew Stanton. Though I'm not sure Drew Stanton is an improvement over a broom. Where's Mike Glennon when you need him? In all seriousness though, the Cards' QBs have done enough to win all their games so far, which is more than I can say for Peyton Manning. That loser didn't even bother to play in overtime against the Hawks. He'll probably be out to prove that he isn't a hack against a stout Zona D, and I'm guessing he'll do just enough to win. But if it's tied at the end of regulation don't count on him.

Broncos 23-17

Kansas City @ San Francisco

The national media is really playing up Alex Smith's supposed return to San Francisco. But after doing a little research I found out that Alex Smith has never even played a game in Levi's Stadium. If you ask me, this whole thing is just a fabrication designed to illicit clicks. Well I won't stoop to that level. I do not pander. And pander sounds like panda, so here's a picture of a panda that thinks it's a person.

49ers 24-19

New York Jets @ San Diego

Last week I picked the Jets to beat the Lions, apparently forgetting that Geno Smith is New York's starting quarterback. A mistake I shant be making again! As for this game, I foresee that the Chargers will get plenty of pressure on the Jets' QB, whose name is ... um ... well you know, he's that guy ... Hmm, this is embarrassing. Who's the Jets' quarterback? Well he has to be decent enough right? He should be able to get this win ... PSYCHE! We must learn from our past or else we are doomed to repeat it. Historical reverence yo.

Chargers 27-13

Sunday Night

Cincinnati @ New England

I'm at one of those crossroads in which I have to figure out at what point I stop treating the Patriots as if they're still a top notch squad. I say not just yet. Historical reverence yo.

Patriots 20-17

Monday Night

Seattle @ Washington

Kirk Cousins is coming off of a stunningly abysmal performance with the Seahawks coming to town. In the words of that thug from Dumb and Dumber: Talk about being in wrrrong place at the wrrrong time. I'm imagining that the LOB and the rest of the D looked like this while watching Cousins film.

Seahawks 27-9


NFL Picks - Week 5 Thursday

Minnesota @ Green Bay

Last week I openly wondered whether or not the Packers were any good. Safe to say that more than a few of them read that and used it as bulletin board material prior to their 38-17 waxing of the Bears in Chicago last Sunday. You're welcome gang. Meanwhile, Teddy Bridgewater showed in his first start that he may, in fact, be better than Matt Cassel, a revelation that's left the nation reeling. If that turns out to be true then what other firmly held beliefs may also be false? I shudder to think. Literally. I'm shuddering my ass of right now. FHDSHHDDFFJF. Sorry, had some trouble typing there, on account of the shuddering. I've composed myself and am prepared to make my pick.

Packers 31-21


NFL Picks - Week 4

Sunday Morning

Green Bay @ Chicago

At this point I think it's fair to wonder whether or not the Packers are any good. And even if it weren't fair I'd still wonder it. You think I'm worried about being fair? Aww, hell nah. Fair only counts in buses and baseball. Green Bay is 1-2, with their only win being a desperation comeback over the Jets. If you're playing against the Jets and you're the desperate one you know you're in trouble. This week Aaron Rodgers told worried Packers fans to relax. The easiest way to make that happen would be to take your team out of playoff contention as quickly as possible so that nobody has to worry about winning anymore. But something tells me he hasn't thought it through.

Packers 28-26

Buffalo @ Houston

I had a feeling that we were due for a shoddy performance from Ryan Fitzpatrick, and he did not disappoint. Well he disappointed Texans fans, his family, and Ivy league graduates everywhere, but not me. We also saw a typically poor game from the Bills, which we've become accustomed to over the ... Jesus, how many years has it been now? This Sunday only one team will be able to rebound, like that infamous basketball game between the Harlem Globetrotters and the Albany Armless Warriors.

Texans 20-13  

Tennessee @ Indianapolis

On the surface this might look like a crummy game between a couple of 1-2 teams. But look a little deeper and you'll find that it's really a crummy game between a decent 1-2 team and an increasingly lousy 1-2 team. See if you can guess which one is which. If you've seen any portion of the Titans' last two games you'll know the answer. An "interesting" subplot to this contest is that the winner could wind up tied for first in the AFC South. Try not to shit yourself just thinking about it.

Colts 31-17  

Carolina @ Baltimore

Panthers, what happened? After impressive defensive performances in the first two games they went out and sprayed vomit on national TV last Sunday. And when you're feeling sick it's safe to say that the FlacMan is not what the doctor ordered.

Ravens 24-19 

Detroit @ New York Jets

Last week the Lions proved that they can win without their offense playing well; they probably shouldn't keep testing that out though. If I were them I'd go out and try to score a bunch of touchdowns on every drive. And yes, I know what that sounded like, and yes that's exactly what I meant. Multiple touchdowns per drive. Why not, huh? Where's it say that that can't happen? Ok, I looked it up on Google, and it wouldn't even let me type in the whole sentence before it told me I was wrong. Well fine, I never claimed to be an expert. This feels like one of those games that the Jets win just to make you think they might be decent when they're really not, and one of those games that the Lions lose just to confirm that they're not that great.

Jets 22-21

Tampa Bay @ Pittsburgh

It's rare that you can predict a team to win only 7 games in a season and already know you went too high within the first 3 weeks. But that's where we are with Tampa. If things keep going like this the whole team will be out of work before the end of the year and these old Buccaneers will be asking us to spare some change.

Steelers 34-20

Miami @ Oakland

London, are you rrrrrready?!? Yeah, I don't blame you. The Dolphins have sputtered after an opening week win that had many thinking they were a team on the rise. The Raiders have sputtered after their Super Bowl loss 12 years ago. Gonna go with Miami on this one.

Dolphins 23-15

Sunday Afternoon

Jacksonville @ San Diego

It's rare that you can predict a team to win only 7 games in a season and already know you went too high within the first 3 weeks. But that's where we are with Tampa ... Whoops. Jacksonville. Sorry, bit of a copy and paste snafu there. But that doesn't take away from the fact that the Jags have been truly awful ever since they jumped out to a 17-0 lead in the first half of their opener against Philly. Over the last 10 quarters they've been outscored 119-27. Not ideal numbers.

Chargers 35-14

Atlanta @ Minnesota

It's impossible to see this match-up and not recall images of the classic NFC Championship game these two played after the 1998 season. The most memorable aspect of that contest, of course, was the battle between two aged kickers in which it was finally proven that Andersen was superior to Anderson when Morten kicked the game winner that had eluded Gary. It was a big win ... for Andersens.

Falcons 27-17

Philadelphia @ San Francisco

So far this season in the second halves of games the Eagles have scored 74 points, while the 49ers have scored 3. Leaving us to wonder just how big of a lead San Francisco will need to amass in the first 30 minutes to ensure a victory? I say 21. If they're up by less at the half there's no doubt that they'll lose.

49ers 31-27

Sunday Night

New Orleans @ Dallas

Phew! After going a full three weeks to open the season without seeing the Cowboys in prime time I started to worry that something was wrong. But finally here they are. And it couldn't come at a better time, they're on a two game winning streak! I think their miracle run will come to an end here though. At least you'll be able to tell your kids you were there to see it ... What's that? No kids? Well what are you waiting for? You're not getting any younger. Unless, of course, you have that Benjamin Button disease, in which case that would be exactly what's happening to you. But, if I'm being honest, I'm not even sure that that disease really exists. I mean I know they said it was based on a true story, but I'm willing to bet that they gave it what's known in the biz as the "Hollywood treatment." What does this have to do with this game you ask? Cate Blanchett was telling the story from a hospital in New Orleans, idiot.

Saints 38-31

Monday Night

New England @ Kansas City

Did you know that the Patriots have the fewest yards per play in the league right now? They're moving down the field about as fast as the actual patriots did during the Revolutionary War. Luckily for New England they've had six days to reload their muskets, so expect a good start at the very least.

Patriots 23-20