50 Greatest Sports Films of All Time: Intro

The moment you've all waited for is finally here. The 50 Greatest Sports Films of All Time. Notice I didn't say HCM's or Henry Cotto's Mustache presents. I didn't say that, because that limits the scope of our list. This list isn't for just this site. This is the definitive sports film list for eternity and the universe. Maybe more.

The list will begin tomorrow with #50, and we will (try) to add a new flick each week day until we reach #1!!! See you back here tomorrow... or really every day. You should always be here.

For more info on how the movies were scored click Read More! === >

Each Party Host (even Peter, his participation counted as his NCAA Tourney win post. The draft is over so as far as we're concerned, so are his posting privileges. Thank you for your excellent draft coverage Peter. Seriously)... where was I... oh yeah: Every Party Host was asked to rank 30 films. Their #1 ranking got 30 points, # 2 got 29, and so on... After totaling up all the values we had our list of 50. SHOCKINGLY, there were some ties. We then checked to see how many lists the film appeared on. The film with more list appearances won the tiebreaker. If they were still tied, we took the average ranking of where they appearead on the list. If they were STILL tied, we took a vote... film vs film. IF, when the list is all posted, and you'd still like to see the result totals... I guess I can email you the excel spreadsheet. But if I screwed up, frack off. This was supposed to be fun you anal dickweeds.

Just to wet your appetite... here's a list of films that received votes but not enough to make the Top 50:

Blades of Glory
Pride of the Yankees
Nacho Libre
The Air Up There
Dead Solid Perfect
Over the Top
The Greatest Game Ever Played
Any Given Sunday
The Last Boy Scout
No Holds Barred
Major League 2
Mr. 3000
Gleaming the Cube
3: The Dale Earnhardt Story

Should have #50 tomorrow as long as the guy who voted for it gives me some info on it.... cuz I've never seen it, and I don't think anyone else has.

ALRIGHT!!!! Enjoy the list!

(PS I clearly haven't figured out how to use this Read More deal yet. Please be patient.)

It's coming...

The Hurricane
Above The Rim
The Color of Money
The Hustler
Side Out
Semi Pro
Remember the Titans
Blue Crush
The Bring it On
Mystery, Alaska
Air Bud
Million Dollar Baby
Angels In America
A Season on the Brink
The Wizard
The Love Bug

All of these fantastic films have one thing in common...

Not one of them received a single vote on our official 50 Greatest Sports Films of All Time. I know... WOW. I know... you're excited! I know... you can't wait! Well, you won't have to much longer. The list begins this week!!!


Re: A Venture into Hostile Territory or The Worst Beer of My Life

Everyone has times in their life when they regret drinking. Usually it's because of an ill-advised make-out session, a soiled bed, or the fact that you woke up the following morning with someone else's blood on your hands and the sneaking suspicion that you may have killed again. It's not often that you regret drinking because it made you miss a first ballot hall-of-famer hit his 620th home run; however, this was the case for yours truly last night.

The explanation for this begins a couple hours before game time in the Dodger Stadium parking lot. Pete Williams (brother of faceless Mustacheer "Andrew Williams"), an unnamed third party, and myself had some pregame BL smooths (that's a Bud Light for all the lame-o's in the crowd). We were confined to the car by patrolling security guards and policemen. We might have gone to a nearby bar if they existed. In case you don't know, Dodger Stadium sits alone on a hill and is surrounded by a giant, circular parking lot which is, in essence, a mandatory $15 tip for the team (Thanks for the baseball guys!) You really don't have a choice, you have to park there, which makes getting out of games so much of a free-for-all that it's hosted by Todd Pettengill. Anyway, I can't speak for the other guys, but I was good and buzzed by the time I got into the game. We bought our tickets at the box office, Pete didn't have any cash, so he used his card, and I gave him cash for my ticket (this seemed like the logical move at the time). When we got to the game the aforementioned buzz wore off, and because I'm a binge drinker I was really fiending for something to drink by the time the 3rd inning rolled around. Now, if it were a couple of months from now, maybe my lingering college tolerance would have continued its decline to the point that I could have waited until after the Top of the 3rd, but alas, that was not the case.

As I got up from my seat I thought, "Well, we have the top of the order coming up, maybe I should stay." But, I knew there was a beer stand right outside our section so, I would be able to get back to my seat within a matter of about 2 minutes, I'd be fine. I got to the beer stand and, being in the agreeable state I was in, I was able to talk myself into a $13 Heineken. I figured I'd just pay for it with my debit card and forget about it, however, I was informed that this particular stand was cash only. I checked my wallet for cash but, of course, all of mine was sitting in that slimeball Pete Williams' pocket. I was forced to go to a normal concession stand that had a giant line. At this point I was dead set on getting some sort of alcoholic beverage, so I decided to brave the throng of fat Angelinos. I should have thought about this more, thought, "Maybe I should wait until the M's are pitching, Griffey's coming up soon." But I didn't, and now I'm haunted by it.

I had been keeping an eye on the game on the concession stand's monitor, it looked like someone had gotten on base, but I wasn't sure who. I got up to the 2nd or 3rd spot in the line when I heard it: a CRACK followed by 40,000 people groaning. I looked up to the monitor to see the ball landing well into the right field seats. One thought ran through my head "Don't be Griffey, please don't be Griffey." The broadcast cut to the Mariner rounding 1st, it was Griffey. I yelled, "Damnit!" immediately after I saw this, which was probably confusing to the rest of the people in line considering the fact that I was wearing a Mariners shirt (2004 workout tee).

The first thing I thought about when we signed Griffey was how cool it would be to see him in the uniform again, I envisioned him hitting a home run for the M's again and I got chills. Well, when we went to the game last night we were just hoping that Griffey would get the start. We just wanted to see him in the uniform. Seeing him hit a home run would have been too much to ask for, and for me, it turned out it was. Did I get chills seeing him trot around the bases on a 20 inch monitor hanging from the concession stand ceiling? No. I did, however, get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach; the kind I imagine someone gets when they realize they picked the winning lottery numbers but lost the ticket.

There are times in which I feel (and maybe some of you do as well) that I'm a glutton for punishment when it comes to sports. Whenever a team I root for falls short there is the upside that we still have something to shoot for, and that all the losses will make it that much better when we finally do come out on top. In this situation, however, there was no silver lining. If anything, you might say it was tragically comical because it was my fault. I could have just stayed put for another half inning and experienced firsthand what those imaginary chills were really like. Instead, I was charged $11.50 for a 24 oz. beer and a feeling of deep regret.

When I got back to my seat Pete said, "Well, that better be the best beer you've ever had." It was Budweiser American Ale so, needless to say, it wasn't. I really appreciated the smart-ass comment, especially coming from a guy whose lack of cash had caused this whole mess in the first place. When I woke up the next morning there was blood on my hands ... I had killed Pete Williams.


A Venture Into Hostile Territory

Tonight, myself and the Williams Bros. (Pete & Andy) will be heading to Chavez Ravine for the Mariners game against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Chavez is notorious for being a rough place on opposing fans, and I'm about to find out first hand. I'll be sure to let you all know how things turn out, complete with any pics. (no guarantees).

But hey, it's King Felix vs. Eric Milton .... what could go wrong?


Weirdest day ever?

What used to be one of my favorite days of the year starts out with a pin-up legend losing her cancer battle, continues with the death of the King of Pop, and culminates in the first NBA draft I've witnessed where I had no rooting interest. Torture.

Thank god those OKC douches didn't take Rubio.

Weirdest day ever?

Does This Guy Think He's a Linebacker or Something?

Looks like Owen Schmitt is desperately trying to get into the good graces of fans by following in the footsteps of other favorites Lofa Tatupu and Leroy Hill. Here's the link to the article about Schmitt's exploits last night.

Honestly, this won't affect how I feel about Schmitt. I liked him when he was at West Virginia and now that he's a Hawk I'm obviously an even bigger fan. But as the DUIs start to pile up for our starters you've got to wonder why these guys don't splurge for a cab ride home. Or better yet, why don't the Seahawks just have a car service that is on call at all hours? I realize that Leroy's incident was not in Washington, but it still makes sense.


Happy Birthday HCM!!!!

Well not yet.... but it's coming next month, the 20th to be exact, but that's during the week, and we only party on the weekends. Live responsibly kiddies.

Soooo... here's where we're having our party:

My pal, and quite possibly yours, Davin Stedman's band, The Staxx Brothers, are playing a show on July 17th at the Tractor in Ballard. If you haven't seen them yet, you're missing out. Fantastic live show! They're kind of a rap/blues/funk/rock bad... very hard to describe. Here's their myspace site if you need convincing: www.myspace.com/staxxbrothers

We're trying to sell the show out for three reasons:

A) They're a great band, and I know you'll all have a SWELL time!

2) The Mustacheers need a place to party. And this'll do.


III) If they have a packed house they get to play Halloween this year, and it could mean the return of our legendary (it got mentioned on the radio once, look it up) Andersen Bros. (and Eddie and Amy) Halloween Bash!!!

I know you've all missed it!!! I KNOW IT!!!! Anyway, it's win/win. Great show, and the possibility for a Halloween shindig to end all Halloween shindigs. Seriously. Halloween will be canceled forever after what were planning goes down.

But back to the task at hand... gotta slam the Tractor on the 17th of July for The Staxx Brothers. Tickets are only $10.50 with all applicable fees. Let's do it.

Here's the link to buy tickets for the 17th:


If that doesn't work just go to www.ticketweb.com and search for The Staxx Brothers.

Everyone show up. Seriously. Don't be pussies. Show up. It'll be fuckin' kick ass.

One last piece of housekeeping... the Greatest Sports Movies of All Time... the DEFINITIVE list... will happen. Just needs a few more days to compile, and then we'll start the slow painful trip to # 1.



Last week I stumbled upon something so egregious and atrocious that looking at it almost made me physically ill. No, it wasn't John Lackey's face; instead it was:

Sports Illustrated's list of the "50 Greatest Sports Movies of All-Time."

I put the name of their list in quotes because, in actuality, this list is nowhere near what would be considered by sane human beings to be the best sports movies of all-time. As we all know, Major League is the best sports movie ever. And it would be natural to assume that SI felt the same. However, they did not give it the top spot, nor did they give it a spot at all. That's right, they left Major League off the list of the 50 Greatest Sports Movies of All-Time! I honestly had to check it 3 or 4 times just to make sure I didn't miss it, but no, it's not on there.

According to SI, Major League isn't quite as good as gems like:

-Searching for Bobby Fischer


-Remember the Titans &

-Any Given Sunday

Not to mention about ten movies I'd never heard of, including one called: The Goalie's Anxiety at the Penalty Kick. Catchy title.

This list also contributes to the glorification of two of the most overrated sports movies ever: Slapshot and Hoosiers (5th and 6th, respectively). Look, I've got no problem with either of these flicks, they're both pretty solid, but they're definitely not as great as everybody seems to think they are. Slapshot is mildly funny, but certainly not the raucous laughfest I was led to believe; and, needless to say, it's nowhere near Major League in terms of outright hilarity. As for Hoosiers, I don't know, I guess I just didn't get it. After watching it, I couldn't see why anybody would think it's the best sports movie of all-time, unless you were an Indiana high school basketball player, or lame ... which I guess go hand-in-hand (Zing! Take that Indiana high schoolers, you effing losers!)

Here's another problem, they ranked Caddyshack 17th and left Rudy off the list altogether. Caddyshack is what Slapshot wishes it was (even though I think the latter was released a couple years earlier). And how can you leave Rudy off the list!? Inexcusable. Look, I don't cry while watching movies, but I'll tell you that after Rudy makes the sack and Roc starts to walk away and gives the little fist pump, well I was fighting 'em back.

After looking at this list and regaining my compsure I checked to see who had compiled this crime against humanity so that I could seek him out and start booing him constantly for at least 2 weeks. Then I found out that the list was put together by the "SI Staff." What!? There were multiple people sitting around and NONE of them saw fit to include Major League!

I'm cancelling my subscription.


Google Image Search

Found this pretty interesting.

Do a Google Image search for Henry Cotto and see what you come up with. A few pics of Cotto and then... check about 14 down.

And then... basically the rest of 'em.

Look familiar?

Apparently there aren't too many image searches for the master of the mustache these days.

This just in...

From the No Shit?! department... SAMMY SOSA DID STEROIDS!!!!

I know... it's shocking.

I'm glad. Just one more jerkaroo who can;t hold a candle to the guy we all know didn't do the juice...

our hero...

Henry Cotto. God bless ya.



The worst thing I saw this week hasn't happened yet. Maybe that was a little confusing. What I meant to say was that it was an upcoming event that I first heard about this week. Maybe that was even more confusing. Why don't we cut to the chase:

Brandon Morrow Bobblehead Night.

I'm sure you've all heard of it already, but I felt someone had to point out the absolute absurdity of this. (Here's the link in case you want more info.) Now I know we've been getting on poor ol' B-Mor pretty hard lately, but c'mon. What does a guy have to do for a team to cancel a bobblehead night? Would one more blown save have done the trick? The website advertises that the first 20,000 fans will receive a miniature Morrow, but will that many people actually show up? I think this promotion may actually result in an attendance drop. Here's my guess of what a hypothetical convo might be like:

A: Hey wanna go to the game on Friday?
B: No.
A: C'mon I've got free tickets.
B: The money wasn't the problem, I just don't want one of those fucking bobbleheads.

In essence, the Mariners are now penalizing fans for coming out to the ballpark. Another scenario may arise in which tens of thousands of fans wait outside the stadium in an attempt to NOT be one of the first 20,000 people through the gates. This standoff may last throughout the entire game, causing Safeco to be completely empty. Well, maybe Dale Shit will be there, but that's about it.

Another question I have would be about the movement of the head. Normally, a bobblehead faces forward and bobbles back and forth; however, I suggest that Morrow's should pivot over his shoulder so that he can watch another home run he gave up sail over the fence.

The preposterousness doesn't stop with this promotion however, there's also a Franklin Gutierrez bobblehead give-away on July 24th. Look, I love Goots as much as the next guy, but does he deserve this? I think not. So where does it stop? Where do the M's draw the line? Having a bobblehead made in your likeness used to mean something, now you basically get one when you sign with the team. Which reminds me, make sure you all head to the ballpark on September 18th for Dustin Ackley Bobblehead Night!


Brandon Sorrow

New reports have Brandon Morrow ready to abandon his current role of game destroying relief pitcher, and make the move back to starting pitcher. I haven't seen this much flip-flopping since the end of the Epic video by Faith No More. (No good? How about I haven't seen this much flip-flopping since Kate with Jack and Sawyer on Lost.... still nothing? Well... that's all I got).

I actually think this is good news... I mean it can't get any worse, right?

I know how you guys love surveys... so check it out to the right.

Brandon Morrow Surveys!!!!

Uh Oh

I glanced at the front of a newspaper (they still exist) this morning, and saw that Joe Montana's kid is going to UW. How good can he be right??!?!

Don't worry Coug fans... early reports have Tom and Gisele's first born commiting to the Cougs (ba-dum-dum)


The Call

A few Mustacheers got together on Friday to support independent film at the Central Cinema. The Call is about a small sports agency and follows three of their clients in last years draft. One of them happened to be Owen Schmitt. And the dude was in attendance:

No idea he was that tall.

I think I speak for everyone else when I say it was a pretty rad! The flick is great. Any sports fan (or really anyone) will love it. Plus, it features our (HCM's) favorite Seahawk (well... outside of MH). He seemed like a cool cat. I mean he put up with our slightly drunk line of questioning and even entertained the idea of playing on our kickball team.

I think Peter has the info on when you can catch it again, hopefully he'll post it here. I recommend going. 4:00 on Tuesday... I think.

And... if Owen Schmitt is the kind of guy who googles himself, (which I doubt... he's probably too busy pancake blocking fools and stiff arming chumps) come play on our drunken kickball team. We'll save you a jersey.

Go Seahawks!!!


Stop that pigeon, stop that pigeon

Maybe not as cool as Randy Johnson, but funny none the less.

Is That You Tolbert?

I'm not sure about the rest of you, but I had a bad feeling about last night's game when this guy stepped to the plate in the 10th.

Ya know if he was gonna pull that shit at least he could have been on the Yankees.

Also, great job blowing the game Balentien. Awesome stuff out there pal. Not only did he commit the error on the Tolbert hit, but he badly misplayed the "double" that Joe Mauer hit earlier in the inning. If a fielder's error directly leads to his team losing I think he should be credited with the loss, not the pitcher. Balentien is 0-1.


Best Albums of 1990

Here are the top 5 albums released in 1990.  As you can see we love the Black Crowes.  Looking at what was released in 1990, it's easy to see why alternative music exploded in 1991.  Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 was the top selling US album for the year.

Mr. F
Alice in Chains - Facelift
Fugazi - Repeater
Poison - Flesh & Blood
Pixies - Bossanova
Living Colour - Time's Up
Depeche Mode - Violater
MC Hammer  - Please Hammer Don't Hurt ‘Em
Jane's Addiction -Ritual de lo Habitual
The Black Crowes - Shake Your Money Maker
The Black Crowes - Shake Your Money Maker



The worst thing I saw while watching baseball this week actually happened earlier today, and it was:

Daniel Murphy's base-running.

The Mets' rookie outfielder put on a sparkling display of ineptitude during the Top of the 2nd inning in the Mets' loss to the Pirates. To his credit, Murphy actually hit an RBI single to get aboard, which showed a semblance of baseball acumen. This is the point were Jerry Manuel should have sent in a pinch-runner so as to save young Murphy from embarrassing himself. Instead, Murphy remained in the game and the following occurred:

After a pitch or two, Pittsburgh attempted a pick off move to first. replays clearly showed that Murphy was tagged out, however, the 1st base ump called him safe, allowing him to try to go from 1st to 3rd on a base a hit to left a few pitches later. As the throw came in from the outfield Murphy slid in to 3rd. Replays clearly showed that Murphy had once again been thrown out, however, the 3rd base ump decided it would be funny if Murphy stayed on base (I guess) so he called him safe. With men on 1st and 3rd and one out, the next batter hit a grounder to the left side, and Murphy (sigh) decided to head home. This time, the umps couldn't save him seeing as how he was gunned down by a good 10 feet. At this point, Keith Hernandez, the Mets' color man, couldn't help it, and he started laughing hysterically for a good 20 seconds. While still laughing, he managed to say, "I'm sorry, but that's funny. They got him out three times." (That's a paraphrase, but it's the best I could remember)

So, just to recap, Murphy could have accounted for all three outs by himself. Most people would say he was running around like a "chicken with his head cut off." I would say that he ran around like a chicken who had a head, a head that was filled with the brain of a dumbshit. It reminded me of a little leaguer who just keeps running around the bases because the defense keeps making errors and they can't get him out. Except, in this case, they did get him out ... 3 times. Maybe he thought it was like double jeopardy, and that he couldn't be called out after he'd already been cleared of the charges the first time.

This week actually had a couple of contenders to the Other crown. Here's what barely missed the cut:

1st Runner-Up:
On Saturday, the 30th the Chicago White Sox and Kansas City Royals wore throwback uniforms from the Negro Leagues to honor the men who had played in the league. This game involved only 2 African-American players, one of whom, was only used as a pinch-runner. That struck me as more than a little ironic.

2nd Runner-Up:

John Lackey's face.