Valley Road Sandys

Alright Draft Guru Pete! You've had enough face time at the top of the site.... let's get back to what folks really care about here. The HCM Weight Loss Challenge.

Now this year's competition is coming to an end, but for those of you who want a get a jump start on next year's competition, I introduce to you... the Valley Road Sandy (picture not available).

The Valley Road Sandy was invented by three young college students in Pullman, WA in roughly the year 2000. This sandwich was delicious, thought provoking, and will ultimately kill you.

I encourage you all to start making and eating these sandwiches on a daily basis so you can compete next year. Good luck to those of you who survive.

The Valley Road Sandy:

What you'll need:

- Wheat bread
- Ranch Dressing
- Cheddar Cheese
- Ham (one of those big shrink wrapped ones that nobody ever buys)
- Bacon

Directions:

- Start with two slices of wheat bread, toasted.
- Apply ranch dressing to both slices of bread, liberally
- Cut two THICK slices of ham (the thicker the better), and place a slice of cheddar cheese on top (for thickness instructions refer to instructions on previously mentioned ham). Microwave the ham to melt the cheese. Time will vary depending on the girth of your ham slices.
- Once your microwave is free (preferably you have 2 microwaves) microwave 3 slices of bacon until crispy.
- Place crispy bacon slices on top of melted cheese/ham combo and cover with the second slice of toasted, ranched bread
- Slice down the middle so you can lift it.
- Complement your sandwich with a choice of frozen fried potato. The author suggests tots, but crinkle cut fries, wedges, or shoe string fries are more than acceptable.

Enjoy!

(the authors of this blog assume no responsibility for the affect the Valley Road Sandy has on the human body, mind or general condition. Thank you.)

Big Ben is a douche.

So you're trying to tell me Ben Rothlessburger tried to sneak a touchdown in and didn't REALLY get it in, and they gave it to him anyway? Weird.

I'm torn between making a "Same fucking thing happened in the SuperBowl" joke and a "If Ben wants to get it in, it doesn't matter what the rules are, he gets it in" sexual assault joke. I hate this guy.

NFL Picks Week 10

Alright, so last week wasn't too hot. I went 8-5 and didn't get too close on any of the games. Although, if we forget about the 1st quarter, which apparently the Hawks did, the score of their game was 32-3, not far off from my 31-0 prediction. Close enough for me! Still riding the hot streak!


Morning Games


New Orleans @ St. Louis

Oh boy. How ugly could this one get? This ugly? Or just this ugly?

Saints 41-10


Tampa Bay @ Miami

Miami puts up a solid effort every week, and that's exactly what it's going to take to beat a Raheem Morris coached team when they're on a winning streak. Has an NFL team ever had 3 people rush for 100 yards in the same game? I think Brown-Williams-White could do it.

Dolphins 35-17


Detroit @ Minnesota

If there's one thing we learned about the Lions last week it's that they absolutely cannot defend the short pass, and this year that has been Favre's specialty. I'm not sure if that's entirely true but it sounds right. What does it matter anyway, this is a squash match. In fact, the Lions aren't even going to get entrance music, they'll just be on the field when Fox comes back from commercial, and they'll probably have wrestling jackets on just for good measure.

Vikings 34-7


Jacksonville @ New York Jets

Anybody else getting tired of Rex Ryan thinking his team is really good for some reason? How about they just let him coach the Chargers so that the whole organization can just be cocky a-holes. That being said, they'll probably win this week because Jacksonville is not good.

Jets 20-13


Buffalo @ Tennessee

I'll say it again, VY just knows how to get the job done. either that or his first two games were against Jacksonville and San Francisco. And now he gets Buffalo at home. Oh, and Chris Johnson is ridiculous. Other than that it's all VY, and he's gonna do it again this week.

Titans 24-16


Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh

Alright, I made a mistake going against the Bengals at home last week, but I'm not going to do it again this week! That's because they're playing on the road.

Steelers 27-20


Denver @ Washington

Good news! Ever since I asked the Broncos to lose out a couple weeks ago they have kindly obliged. This is going to be a bit of a tall order though. Honestly, if you played for the Skins what would you be more ashamed of, your play on the field or the fact that your team name is a racial slur? Trick question, they're actually most ashamed of the Scientologists in their luxury box.

Broncos 26-14


Atlanta @ Carolina

What did I tell you about the heat that DeAngelo Hall would generate in his return to Atlanta. This leads me to my Wacky Pick of the Week. Hall will sneak onto the field in a Panthers uniform and attempt to sneak attack Falcons coach Mike Smith in a response to their altercation last week. However, Smith will see him coming and be like, "Oh hell no!" Then he'll beat him down Finn on Nick Van Exel style. Aside from that though, has anybody noticed that Matt Ryan isn't that good this year? I smell a mild upset.

Panthers 23-21


Afternoon Games


Kansas City @ Oakland

He does this, he does that.
He big as a bull and quick as a cat.

Those are some lyrics from "Man Called Sting," ironically it was also the scouting report on JeMarcus Russell coming out of LSU.

Winner: The people at home in the Oakland area. Ok fine, Chiefs 14-13


Seattle @ Arizona

I've learned that when it comes to the Cardinals I should just pick against whatever my first inclination is. Which means I get to pick the Hawks again!

Seahawks 30-28


Dallas @ Green Bay

Up until last week Aaron Rodgers had only thrown 2 interceptions. That seems like a really good stat until you realize that he's now been sacked 37 times. That's almost 5 a game. Might be time to start slingin' the pigskin as if he were out in the backyard playin' ball with the boys all while wearing a comfortable pair of jeans.

Cowboys 31-26


Philadelphia @ San Diego

I think this will be a big win for San Diego. And if we see LaDanian Tomlinson making his pouty face on the sideline at the end of the game we'll know that Darren Sproles has helped them get that win.

Chargers 27-24


Sunday Night


New England @ Indianapolis

Snoozefest!

Patriots 24-20


Monday Night


Baltimore @ Cleveland

Oh what a game! Did you know that the Saints defense has scored more touchdowns than the Browns offense? There's no joke here, well except for the Browns of course.

Ravens 30-13

Other

The worst thing I saw while watching baseball this week actually happened earlier today, and it was:

Daniel Murphy's base-running.

The Mets' rookie outfielder put on a sparkling display of ineptitude during the Top of the 2nd inning in the Mets' loss to the Pirates. To his credit, Murphy actually hit an RBI single to get aboard, which showed a semblance of baseball acumen. This is the point were Jerry Manuel should have sent in a pinch-runner so as to save young Murphy from embarrassing himself. Instead, Murphy remained in the game and the following occurred:

After a pitch or two, Pittsburgh attempted a pick off move to first. replays clearly showed that Murphy was tagged out, however, the 1st base ump called him safe, allowing him to try to go from 1st to 3rd on a base a hit to left a few pitches later. As the throw came in from the outfield Murphy slid in to 3rd. Replays clearly showed that Murphy had once again been thrown out, however, the 3rd base ump decided it would be funny if Murphy stayed on base (I guess) so he called him safe. With men on 1st and 3rd and one out, the next batter hit a grounder to the left side, and Murphy (sigh) decided to head home. This time, the umps couldn't save him seeing as how he was gunned down by a good 10 feet. At this point, Keith Hernandez, the Mets' color man, couldn't help it, and he started laughing hysterically for a good 20 seconds. While still laughing, he managed to say, "I'm sorry, but that's funny. They got him out three times." (That's a paraphrase, but it's the best I could remember)

So, just to recap, Murphy could have accounted for all three outs by himself. Most people would say he was running around like a "chicken with his head cut off." I would say that he ran around like a chicken who had a head, a head that was filled with the brain of a dumbshit. It reminded me of a little leaguer who just keeps running around the bases because the defense keeps making errors and they can't get him out. Except, in this case, they did get him out ... 3 times. Maybe he thought it was like double jeopardy, and that he couldn't be called out after he'd already been cleared of the charges the first time.

This week actually had a couple of contenders to the Other crown. Here's what barely missed the cut:

1st Runner-Up:

On Saturday, the 30th the Chicago White Sox and Kansas City Royals wore throwback uniforms from the Negro Leagues to honor the men who had played in the league. This game involved only 2 African-American players, one of whom, was only used as a pinch-runner. That struck me as more than a little ironic.

2nd Runner-Up:

John Lackey's face.

Other

This week's Other doesn't deal with what I would consider to be the worst or best thing I saw this week. Although it does deal with two very annoying individuals:

Kevin Youkilis & Kit Keller

I don't like either of these people (although, after seeing this pic, Youkilis is kind of growing on me). In case you've forgotten, Kit Keller is the character played by Lori Petty in the female baseball classic "A League of Their Own." Her character is insufferable and easily gets under your skin, kind of like Youkilis. I figured this was the only thing they had in common until earlier this week, when I was watching "A League of Their Own," and I saw this. (Jump to the 7:40 mark. Sorry, it was the best clip I could find)

Did you see that? They have the same exact batting stance!

This begs the question, was Youkilis a big fan of the movie and decided to pattern his stance after Keller? I can only assume that this is the case. Either way, I still dislike them both, and now they have something in common that I can direct all of my concentrated hate on.

By the way, I still say Dottie dropped the ball on purpose.

Nothing Important Happened Today.

This used to be one of my favorite sports days. The LOTTERY! NBA teams had a chance to drastically improve their future... all by chance (unless you're the Knicks).

Well Schultz and Bennett fracked all that up too. F those guys. I hope they live miserable unfulfilled lives.

OF COURSE the Thunder moved up in the draft. OF COURSE!!!!

Go Cleveland.

Carlos "Sleak" Silva

Someone needs to take this guy behind the barn and put him out of his misery.

That is all.

Happy New Year!!!

Well... maybe not for you, fat-faced Mike Martz:

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3800703

Couldn't happen to a more beloved (by HCM.com) person.