Bauer Goes O'fer
Royal Rumble 2010
I sent this list to Erik and he replied without looking. They're shockingly (and funnily (word?) (to us) wow, look how many of these () I used)
30. Yoshi Tatsu
29. Zach Ryder
27. Santino Marella, I'm holding out hope that he could be the #30 who enters and the last two guys had already eliminated themselves.
26. Carlito, they hate this guy. Probably because he's a top 10 wrestler in the company
25. Evan Bourne, I hate this guy
24. Shelton Benjamin, I actually DON'T want him to win for a change... cuz it takes him out of the Money In The Bank Ladder match if he does. It's the one wrestling match I look forward to almost as much as the Rumble.... just to see Benjamin become a bright shining star.
23. Vladimir Kozlov
22. Jack Swagger, he got his push... didn't work out.
21. Dolph Ziggler, same here.
20. R-Truth, bet he wishes he was still in TNA
19. Mark Henry, I'll let you make this joke.
18. MVP, they seem to like him for whatever reason, but he's a mid carder for life
17. Mystery Guy #1
16. Cody Rhodes, I'd have him ranked higher, but there's no way he's winning it over Dibiase
15. Matt Hardy, I hold out hope that they'll reward his years of service and give him a run at main event. But his baby brother just left for TNA so Matt will probably be punished.
14. The Miz, I think of the next three dudes he might be my favorite. He's good on the mic.
13. John Morrison, next in the ring, but you can't teach charisma
12. Drew McIntyre, never seen him wrestle, but HHH loves him and we know what happens then.
11. Ted Dibiase, they've been looking to push him singles for a bit... maybe this is it?
10. Big Show
9. Kane, I know you hate him, but he kicks ass at Rumbles unless the whitecoats come for him.
8. CM Punk
7. Kofi Kingston, main event push?
6. Chris Jericho, could continue his quest to get back on RAW
5. David Batista
4. John Cena
3. HHH, he's definitely be in the final four.
2. Mystery #2, my money's it being Edge... but I'm not sure he'll win anymore.
1. Shawn Michaels, he ties Austin as the all time leader and goes on to face the Deadman.
to which Erik replies:
30. Mystery Entrant #1.
It will no doubt be one of the following "Mystery Entrant" classics: Hornswoggle, Jerry Lawler, an old wrestler, The Price is Right host, etc.
29. Yoshi Tatsu - Never heard of him. It'd be a bit of a shock if he won.
28. Zack Ryder
27. Santino Marella
26. Finlay - 64 year-olds rarely do well in the Rumble.
25. Carlito - Didn't even know he was still with the company.
24. Vlad Koslov
23. R -Truth - What's up!? ... Not your stock.
22. Evan Bourne
21. Matt Hardy - Should never have swithed to tights.
20. Mark Henry - This ain't the '98 Rumble, he's no favorite this time around.
19. Cody Rhodes
18. Jack Swagger
17. Drew McIntyre - Even though he's Vince's #1 heel.
16. Shelton Benjamin - Always my dark horse.
14. MVP - I don't know why this guy is popular. I can't stand him. He's a homless man's The Rock in a Max Moon outfit.
13. Dolph Ziggler
12. The Miz
11. John Morrison
10. Ted DiBiase
9. Big Show
8. CM Punk
7. Chris Jericho
6. Batista - Seems like he's kind of aimless right now. I base that on the fact that I never watch Smackdown.
5. Kofi Kingston - Turns out he's from Ghana, and he never had an accent. I mean, I could have sworn he was from Jamaica, but apparently not.
4. John Cena
2. Mystery Entrant #2 - I guess I'll go with Edge on this one. You seem pretty confident, so I'll go with him ... or Road Dogg.
1. Shawn Michaels
Enjoy the Rumble next Sunday
Mock Me? Mock You!
1. St. Louis – Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame
I really want this pick to happen. I don’t like Clausen and would love to see him playing for the Rams so my hatred for both can continue to grow. Suh would be the smarter pick here, but it is the Rams, so they might pass on the sure thing.
2. Detroit – Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska
Since the Hawks have no realistic chance at Suh, it’s best he goes to a team that we’ll never have to play in a meaningful game.
3. Tampa Bay – Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma
McCoy would be getting much more hype if it weren’t for Suh.
4. Washington – Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma
This is another pick that I would really like to see happen. Bradford is an official member of the Cherokee Nation. He is a hero to Native Americans across the country. How would they feel about him playing for the Redskins? Bradford seems like a nice guy, but he’s from OKC, so I actually wish this conflicting situation upon him.
5. Kansas City – Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma St.
If the draft plays out this way I’ll be happy because it leaves Okung and Eric Berry as options for the Chiefs with the Hawks being able to select the other.
6. Seattle – Eric Berry, S, Tennessee
I would be thrilled with this pick. If Berry develops into the type of player that people are suggesting he will, then the Hawks will finally have a difference-maker in the secondary. Plus, I’ve heard that he actually knows how to tackle in the open field.
7. Cleveland – Joe Haden, CB, Florida
With Holmgren at the helm there’s no way the Browns will screw up the draft.
8. Oakland – Taylor Mays, S, USC
This one seems too easy. His measurables will be off the charts and Al Davis won’t be able to resist. The only way I could see this not happening is if Davis gets too excited and falls into some kind of coma when he sees Mays’ combine tape and he misses the draft.
9. Buffalo – Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland
I think if one of the QBs drops to this spot the Bills will take them. The hiring of Chan Gailey as head coach would just piss me off if I was a Bills fan. There cannot be a single person in Buffalo who is more excited about next season based on that hiring.
10. Jacksonville – Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech
I see some mocks with Tebow here in an attempt to sell tickets. Or they could draft someone who will help the team win and probably sell tickets that way too.
11. Denver – Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma St.
If Brandon Marshall sticks around then they’ll probably go a different direction.
12. Miami – Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, USF
I got nothing
13. San Francisco – Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers
I’m almost positive the Niners will take Spiller one spot ahead of us just to piss us off. But in this mock they go for need over spite.
14. Seattle – C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson
Another pick that I would love for the Hawks to make. It would give the team a playmaker who can make big plays. I haven’t done research on it, but I believe the longest play from scrimmage this year for the Hawks was 14 yards.
15. New York (N) – Rolando McClain, LB, Alabama
I doubt he’ll fall this far because he the best LB in the draft and can probably start from Day 1, but I know Giants fans would love this pick, so I’ll give them some false excitement. This pick would make sense because Antonio Pierce appears to have gotten pregnant over this last season and will probably miss next year.
16. Tennessee – Carlos Dunlap, DE, Florida
17. San Francisco – Brian Price, DT, UCLA
18. Pittsburgh – Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa
19. Atlanta - Earl Thomas, S, Texas
If the Hawks don’t get Berry at 6, I wouldn’t mind them going with Thomas at 14. Or go with Thomas at 14 even if they do get Berry.
20. Houston – Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame
21. Cincinnati – Aaron Hernandez, TE, Florida
22. New England – Sergio Kindle, LB, Texas
23. Green Bay – Everson Griffen, DE, USC
24. Philadelphia – Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma
25. Baltimore – Arrelious Benn, WR, Illinois
26. Arizona – Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee
27. Dallas – Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama
28. San Diego – Navorro Bowman, LB, Penn State
29. New York (A) – Greg Hardy, DE, Ole Miss
I don’t know what this pick will be, but I guarantee that they’ll be Rex Ryan’s early favorite for 2010 Rookie of the Year.
30. Minnesota – Patrick Robinson, CB, Florida State
31. New Orleans – Jared Odrick, DT, Penn State
32. Indianapolis – Mike Iupati, G, Idaho
Going into the second I think the Hawks would have to address the OT position. I would prefer them to do it in Round 1, but if Berry and Spiller are available at 6 and 14 I think they have to be the picks
Well, since he ain't bringing the knowledge to us, I thought I'd just come right out and ask the hard hitting question to see if we can awaken this sleeping draft guru giant.
Draft Guru Pete, and chance there are players with this kind of athletic ability in the draft this year:
Consider this your wake up call Draft Guru Pete!!! The east coast has made you soft
NFL Picks Championship Round
AFC Title Game
New York Jets @ Indianapolis
Ok, so maybe I've underestimated the Jets all year. Maybe Rex Ryan is just some bad ass renegade coach who knows how to motivate his players. Maybe Mark Sanchez didn't throw more interceptions than touchdowns this year (I never should have trusted the stats on that one). And in a world where the Cardinals can make the Super Bowl, maybe this Jets team has what it takes. Nah, fuck it. I can't pick them. Have the Colts legitimately lost a game yet this year? No? Ok, I think I'll roll with them on this one. Plus, aren't the Jets basically just the Ravens with a slightly stouter defense? Well, we saw what happened to the Ravens last week. And if you didn't actually see it, the Colts dominated. And if you didn't actually see it, what are you queer?
NFC Title Game
Minnesota @ New Orleans
No matter what happens in this game, I still feel Sage Rosenfels was the right man for the job in Minnesota. Just one man's opinion.
Just like last week, feel free to post your picks as well. And see if you can out-pick the expert. But I highly doubt it assholes.
Joel Pineiro sign with the Angels?!?!
I think Madmartigan sums up most of our feelings here:
Bif F'n deal. If Jack Z didn't want he probably sucks.
And for those of you who actually clicked read more... here's an extended Madmartigan clip.... this kills me:
The biggest event of the season...
(I just read this whole thing again, and not to toot my own horn, but it's great stuff. If you like Pro-Wrestling at all, you'll enjoy reading it. And if you don't... well I've got some bad advice for you little buddy!"
It’s just about time for the greatest sporting event of the year.
My favorite and every wrestling fan’s favorite event of the year (I’ll listen to arguments for Wrestlemania. But that’s it) is deserving of a top 10 list. Interestingly enough, Erik was thinking the exact same thing. I received the following email:
Hey, I was planning on writing a top ten Rumbles post on Cotto, but I assumed you'd probably be gearing up for the same thing. So anyway, you want to collaborate on this thing?
To which I replied:
We exchanged emails over the course of the next few days and came up with a couple of top ten lists… and if you’re lucky we might combine them into one perfect list to worship. You’re welcome Foy. Now the nightmares can stop.
Here it goes…
Alright, well how about I give you my ten and you give me yours? I'll start with #10 and we alternate.
Sounds GREAT!!! But this will take some research and a LOT of time. Good thing we still have 18 days until the next one. What are our judging criteria?
I say the following should be taken into consideration in no particular order (of course, you judge however you would like): - #'s 1 and 2 and #30 - Who won the Rumble - The final four - Any dominating Rumble performances that year? - Awesome spots - Laugh out loud moments - If it was just fuckin' cool or not Thoughts?
That's pretty much exactly what I was thinking. Although, #30 isn't a big stickler for me. Overall rhythm is a factor, but I think that's what you're getting at with "Is it just fuckin' cool." So once I finalize my list I'll send you #10.
(I'm breaking this up all week in anticipation of Sunday's big event... you're all invited. And after reading all 45 of these Rumble countdown posts, you'll e just as JAZZED for the event as we are... More to come tonight.)
And finally... some old promos to get you EVEN MORE amped!!!
Alright, let's do it to it, let's get this party started. And now for the Rumble that drew #10!
Winner: Big John Studd
Final 4: Studd, Ted DiBiase, Akeem, Rick Martel (Strike Force)
#1 & 2: Ax & Smash
The first real Rumble gets on my list at number 10. There was nothing overwhelmingly great about this Rumble, but by getting #10 I'm basically just saying it was better than half of them. What sells me on this one is the overall storyline: Ted DiBiase had bought #30 and the help of the
Smash (Looks at the number he's just drawn): It's gonna be a long night.
Ax (Looks at his): You said it.
Or something along those lines. Their double-team on Andre was good, along with Andre eliminating himself due to his fear of Damien. Another lasting moment was Hogan's "accidental" elimination of Macho Man, stoking the flames of a feud that would culminate in the most homo-erotic World title match ever at WrestleMania V. Also, Hogan was eliminated with help from the outside establishing a standard for the only way he could possibly not win a Royal Rumble.
Alright, the lists are underway. Whaddaya got big bro?
Strong #10, if not just a liiiiiittle predictable. I don’t have much to add on that one, except this: Smash actually says: “Me too”. Bit of an easter egg to the kids paying attention at home. Smash was # 2 later that night.
Winner: Bret Hart / Lex Luger
Final 4: Bret Hart, Lex Luger, Shawn Michaels, and Fatu (One of these things does not belong here…. One of these things is not the same)
#1 & #2: Scott Steiner and Samu (Awful… just awful)
#30 Adam Bomb (he doesn’t have that good of an arm)
(quick side noet: This is the infamous PPV where Owen Hart tells Bret he “Kicked his leg out of his leg”)
There are a LOT of negatives about this rumble, like the first two dudes coming in followed by the mysterious Kwang and a sedated Rick Steiner (seriously, what the fuck was his problem that night). The beginning of this Rumble is painfully boring, even with the Diesel domination. Capped off by an unforgivable barely caught weak elimination of Macho Man Randy Savage. Although Backlund almost screwed everything up by dumping Diesel. That would have been funny.
What saves this Rumble for me is the drama of whether or not Hitman would be able to compete, and when he does he wins (with Lex, who’s paralyzed right now, so I’ll go easy). I especially oved when they cut off Luger’s music and Hitman’s starts. He turns around and yells “alright!!!”. Maybe the last time Bret was truly happy.
That’s what I got. What’s your number 9?
Okay... got tired of waiting. So here's my #9...
Winner: Chris Benoit
Final 4: Chris Benoit, Big Show, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho
#1 and #2: Chris Benoit and Randy Orton
What's # 9 for you?
Wow, I'm surprised you put '04 that low, considering your strange post-murder appreciation for Benoit. And if we're in the business of correcting quotes, doesn't Hitman shout "Yeeeeeeaaaaaaasssss." as he turns around? I guess you've probably seen it more recently, but considering this was a staple of my childhood, I think I should remember. Also, if you're bringing up Kwang, I should tell you that my sources inform me that he was replacing Ludwig Borga. Anyhow, here's the Rumble that drew #9.
Final Four: HHH, Kurt Angle, Mr. Perfect, Stone Cold Steve Austin
#1 & 2: Rikishi & Goldust
#30: Booker T
Ok, obviously #1 & 2 suck, they're stupid. And I've never been a hug Booker T fan, so #30 isn't a thrill for me. But there are a few great things about this Rumble. First is the Undertaker's domination. I checked the stats, and he's only in there for about 8 minutes. I've never seen anybody have a more productive 8 minutes without the help of Jamie Brinkus. 'Taker runs through everyone, and then gets eliminated by Maven out of nowhere, which was a genuinely good moment because it actually caught you off guard, which is tough to do at this point. Of course, this was followed by the Deadman taking him to the learning tree for the next hour. (Is it racist to say that an older white man took a rambunctious young black man to a tree?)
The second great aspect is the return of Mr. Perfect. He lasts all the way until the final 3, even going past Austin who gets dumped right before him. And even though you knew that a returning HHH was going to win, you had to be rooting for Perfect. In fact, I think Mr. Perfect actually got a Perfect-plex off on him, which elicited a huge pop from this smart mark.
This Rumble can be no higher because, as I mentioned before, it was obvious that HHH was going to win, and he did that extremely lame HHH-up, arms in the air move before he dumped Angle. Terrible, just terrible.
Alright, who goes for #8 now, you or I? I mean you jumped the gun on 9, so where do we go?
Sorry to burst your bubble but no he says, "Alright" . Look it shocked me too.
Your # 9 is good. Too good. In fact I had it ranked as the #6 Rumble of all time... and here's why:
It had four returning superstars: Godfather (eh), Val Venis (eh), Goldust (he actually got a pretty good pop, and since it was his return the #2 spot wasn't as lame as you think), and Mr. Perfect.
It was great to Perfect in the ring again, and after watching it last night, right when he comes out he pumps his fist to the pop and yells "Fuck yeah, man!". Plus he might have been drunk. No kidding.
It's got one of the best final fours ever, and a cool showdown moment for
But the part the extra stuff that makes this a great Rumble for me was a sequence in about the 2 quarter of the match where the Taker is taking on the Hardy's and Lita comes in (really a shame what happened to her) and they kick the shit out of Taker for a while. The Deadman ultimately eliminates them both, but only to de dropkicked form behind out of the ring by Maven. Maven is lame. But that was a classic Rumbled moment.
That brings us to #8. My # 8 is the 1997 Rumble.
Winner: Steve Austin
Final 4: Austin, Hitman, Vader and Taker
1 & 2: Crush and Ahmed Johnson (yuck and fuck)
This Rumble is where
Jim Ross: "It's the Latin Lover"
Vince McMahon: " It certainly is"
Something you'd like to get off your chest Vince? Anyway...
Also the second year in a row the King was uppercutted over the top ropes (they also did the lame Takes a King to know a King line that McMahon ruined)
Then there's the classic final ring after # 30 comes in (and they get rid of Hogman and Flash Funk). Were left with the final 4 AND Rocky Maivia, Diesel (Kane), Mankind and Terry Funk.
What's your 8?
Ok, well just to clear things up, I had 2004 at #5 on my list. The idea of someone winning from the #1 spot had already been done before, but a guy like Benoit was the perfect person to do it with if you were gonna do it again. I mean if somebody's gonna go all the way with something, Benoit's your guy (Oh no).
The ending is what really sells me on this Rumble though. Angle has Show locked into the ankle lock and Big Show brilliantly rolls over the ropes to eliminate him. As a side note, why would Angle be using the Ankle lock in the Rumble? Logically it doesn't make sense. You're gonna take away the Big Show's legs? If he can't stand up how the hell are you gonna get him over the rope? Anyhow, Benoit's elimination of Big Show may be the best final elimination in the history of Rumbles. It was actually somewhat believable and it really epitomized Benoit's effort. As terrible as Benoit's legacy has become, I have to give credit where it's due. It was finally his main event push, and they gave it to him in the greatest way possible. And that's why I gave this Rumble a high ranking.
Ok, you've got 1997 at #8, well I have to disagree with you here. I have it all the way up at #3. It would possibly top my list if the roster weren't so terrible and unrecognizable. I mean, there were around 7 or 8 guys that were not WWF wrestlers, what's the point?
My first reason for having it so high is the great push that
Secondly, there was a unique ending. Of course,
Thirdly, the sequence where
Here's the Rumble that drew #8
Winner: John Cena
Final 4: Cena, HHH, Batista, Kane
#1 & 2: Undertaker & Shawn Michaels
Yeah, I know, somewhat of a shocker, but hey, anything can happen in the WWF. Obviously, 1 and 2 are great, even if they're completely unbelievable. If I remember correctly, the Rumble itself was pretty enjoyable throughout. But the real reason i put it on the list is the ending. We knew there was a "mystery entrant" and by the time it got to #30 we knew he was coming out next. In the back of my mind I was thinking "It can't be Cena can it? He's gone for like 4 more months right? Yeah it can't be him, well who's it gonna be?" Then the countdown ends and : Ba ba da dum Ba ba da dum! "Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Damn it!"
Look I hate Cena pretty hard, but when he came through the curtain the hate turned into that rare type of "You son of a bitch" hatred where you can't help but crack a smile. I knew he would win the second I saw him, and I didn't really mind at that point. It was such a surprise that I felt like I'd got my moneys worth.
Also, the final 3 was comprised of the most popular wrestlers in the business which made the MSG crowd pretty great.
Great thoughts on the 97 and 04 Rumbles, very similar to my thoughts… you did read my thoughts, right? Anyway, it looks like we agree on why the Rumbles were great just not on their order in the top 10. Oh well.
And… good call on the ’08 Rumble, I agree with everything you have there. I was actually excited to see Cena, which is the first time that’s happened since the
It was a great Rumble… you just had it one spot too low. Coincidentally I had it at #7… so no new email from me. Also, we already went over my #6, it was ’02 HHH.
So let’s here your # 7 and #6.
The Rumble who drew #7 (by the way I'm not stopping this gimmick.)
Winner: Hulk Hogan
Final Four: Hogan, Mr. Perfect, Rick Rude, Hercules
#1 & 2: Ted DiBiase & Koko B. Ware
#30: Mr. Perfect
This is #7 strictly for the greatest showdown in Rumble history: DiBiase and Janetty. And also there's the other good one between Hogan and Warrior. Both of them were tearing through Rumble until they were the only two men left in the ring. When the crowd realized it they went apeshit. Of course, there were no real moves to be done, so they looked at each other for a while then ran perpendicular routes across the ring culminating in a double clothesline. And who comes out next to reap the benefits? That's right, The Barbarian. The 3rd most popular wrestler at the time (In my opinion at least). This is followed by Rick Rude saying "Screw it" and entering the ring a minute early. A crime for which there was no reprimand.
Anyway, this Rumble was the precursor to the Ultimate Challenge. While I know it wasn't a technically flawless match, it was my favorite as a fresh-faced young boy who knew no more about the sport than what he'd learned from his Wrestlin' Buddies and action figures; so it has a a soft spot in my heart.
Yeah this was a good Rumble for all the reasons you mentioned, but it's probably my third least favorite for the simple fact that my two favorite pro wrestlers (Koko B. Ware and Marty Janetty were quickly and embarrassingly eliminated by DiBiase at the very beginning of the Rumble. Not to mention my 4th favorite wrestler, (3rd was Brutus the Barber Beefcake for those scoring at home) Shawn Michaels entered late and was ousted in under 1 minute by the Warrior during that house cleaning moment you mentioned earlier in preparation of the Warrior / Hogan showdown. It's like Vinny Mac had it out for me personally: "Hey, I hear there's this kid watching the Rumble this year... some little shit in MillCreek
Anyway that sucked. Still waiting on your 6th.
And now the Rumble who drew #6:
Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin
Final Four: Austin, Kane, The Rock, Billy Gunn
#1 & 2: Jeff Hardy & Bull Buchanan
This was originally in a higher slot. My thinking being any Rumble featuring Sounders minority owner Drew Carey and a final four appearance from Monty Sopp has to be in the top 5. But with Drew Carey ruining the greatest ending ever on Price is Right, I realized it has to be a little lower.
The beginning of the Rumble was dominated by Kane, and it was pretty exciting stuff including Kane's encounter with Carey that ended when Raven came to Drew's rescue.
Raven? Why does he ... nevermind, it's not worth trying to figure out. Anyway, here's how Wikipedia explains Carey's elimination: "This gave Carey the opportunity to eliminate himself safely and do high-fives to the fans." The Rock comes in at #13 slowing down Kane and setting up the rest of the Rumble.
The final 3 is awesome, with Kane and the Rock exhausted in their corners, and a bloodied
This one didn’t make my list, but not because it’s not a great Rumble, it’s just THERE’S THAT MANY GREAT RUMBLES!!!
I’ll have to rewatch this one, and I’ll probably regret not putting it on my list. Kane’s performance was awesome and he deserved to win.
So… you’re getting wiki help? That’s fine cuz I;ve got the DVD’s to review, but could you do me a favor and see who’s appeared in the most final fours? It’s gotta be Kane, Taker, Michaels, or Austin… although Hogan was in a few and so was Macho… WHO IS IT?!?!?
Anyway… I’ve got my #5 ready… and the winner IS… (trying to get a little gimmick going of my own)
Winner: The Undertaker (finally gets one)
Final 4: Taker, Michaels, Randy Orton and Edge (It’s impossible to pick a greatest final 4 so I’ll stop trying, but this one is up there.)
#1 &2: Flair and Finlay (ummm... I guess they were taking a break from the young and exciting wrestlers that could carry the match at the beginning.)
#30: Deadman (finally # 30 wins one!!!)
Despite a terrible spot where the Great Kahli eliminates just about every good wrestler in the WWE… this one gets a high ranking for the fantastic Final 4 and finish.
Just a great sequence where Michaels is laid out on the outside, and Rated RKO are about to deliver a con-chair-to to the Deadman. Michaels slides in as Orton charges and he is backdropped to the outside, and then Edge swings and misses with the chair and is Sweet Chin Music-ed to the outside, and Michaels collapses in the ring.
Two men left, the biggest legends left In the WWE, and then Taker does his classic sit up, and Michaels does his kick up. No jokes, it was just great. Then they go back and forth for a bit, in the greatest “match” between and last two men standing at the end… I think. Not to mention it was a
And… since I think you said the ’04 Rumble was your # 5, that brings us to the 4’s… and since I’m so red hot right now I’ll keep going.
My # 4 is…
Winner: The Rock (yeah, yeah, yeah, disputed, didn’t happen at the PPV so didn’t happen here)
Final 4: The Rock, Big Show, Kane, and X-Pac (2nd guy to cheat in the Rumble, he didn’t get quite the results that
# 1 & 2: D-Lo and Grand Masta Sexay (This was lame, but it did lead to a cheesy but memorable Too Cool dance off in the middle of the Rumble… and it was REAL TO ME DAMMNIT)
This was an awesome total card (which doesn’t count I know) but it’s provbably why I remember it so fondly. Tazz vs Angle, Hardyz vs Dudleyz. Great stuff.
Two neat Rumble things for me were the surprise return of Backlund (I’ll let Pete comment on this) and Road Dogg employing a strategy I always thought more people should employ. He grabbed the bottom rope, wrapped himself around it.
The thing that makes this Rumble great were the run ins form the
You know… I ranked this way to high. I’m sorry. I want to change my list a bit when we’re done.
Ok, so let’s here your # 4.
As for the Final 4 stats, Austin has the most with 5, but that includes 3 wins. Michaels has 4, but that's with 2 wins. Kane has 4 with no wins. Maybe we should start calling him Ben Howland ... ouch, I am such a bitch.
I have to say I don't have either of those Rumbles in my top 10. 2000 just doesn't stand out. As for 2007, before the awesome ending, I remember thinking "This is one of the worst Rumbles ever," due in large part to the Khali fiasco.
Well, the NCAA has it's final 4, and so do I. Now the Rumble who drew #4:
Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin
Final 4: Austin, The Rock, Farrooq, Dude Love
#1 & 2: Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie
This Rumble was a lot of fun, beginning with Cactus and Chainsaw getting all sorts of hardcore, there was also apperances by all 3 faces of Foley (what a cheater) and the ongoing storyline of when Austin was going to show up. The only problem I have with it is that you knew Austin was going to win that Rumble before it started. I mean some people might have thought Mark Henry or Owen Hart would come out on top, but those people would have just been completely idiotic, I mean, out and out morons.
But I know you've got this one higher, so what do you have to say about it?
Yeah that was my #2 ranked Rumble. All the things you mentioned, plus as you noted about Austin in a pick earlier, this was a match where the Rock quite possibly made the leap to being a main eventer. But there’s a list of some great little things in this Rumble that really push it towards the top for me, and this is… is that list:
- “WHAT IS UP WITH D-LO?!?”
- Kurgan fan
- Austin on Goldust clothesline
- And the mess that is Ahmed Johnson.
Ahmed stumbles to ring half drunk and half asleep. He gets a giant wedgie mid way through his appearance that he never fixes. Then he just gets dumped out and tires to kick a guy when he’s leaving only he falls down like a pathetic lump of shit. Then! The icing on the cake! As he’s leaving to the back, just before he makes it behind the curtain, Kama enters the Rumble and violently shoves Ahmed out of the way. Ahmed’s response? Nothing. He gives a half-assed attempt at going after for him for about, oh, a second. Then he leaves. Probably passed out backstage while Dink dropped a Cleveland steamer on his chest.
Anyway, that’s #4 and this is #3…
Winner: Ric Flair
Final Four: Ric Flair, Sid Justice, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man
1 & 2: Bulldog and Dibiase
It was for the title!!! Flair goes almost the distance coming in at 3. There’s the classic Bossman elimination, and an epic final group of Hall of Famers: those guys above, and Slaughter and Piper (also IRS and Martel). Not to mention Piper finally making IRS pay for wearing that tie.
But what makes this Rumble for me was Bobby Heenan’s commentary. He was great throughout the Rumble, but two of my favorite lines were the “DAMNIT” when he saw Flair had entered at #3, and when Flair was left alone in the ring mid-Rumble and Heenan went nuts like he had won: “Flair’s done it! He’s won!!!”
Anyway, I’m sure this one is on your list at some point, so… care to comment?
Yes, I had 1992 in my number 1 slot. Obviously the fact that it was for the title makes it the most important Rumble ever. Everything you mentioned was basically what I had to say. One thing I wanted to add was that I seem to remember Flair actually taking the fight to people repeatedly in that match. That's pretty unheard of for the type of heel he was, so that's cool.
Also, I think you short-changed the Bossman elimination. This was more than classic, it defined a generation of botched Rumble spots. For every other bad elimination you can say, "Well, at least it wasn't as bad as Bossman's." Not to mention the flurry of action that led-up to it, including the Bossman's roundhouse whiff kick while his shirt gave new meaning to the term unbuttoned. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I knew wrestling was choreographed by 1992. I was 6 years old and I think you guys had let me in on the secret. But I'm sure somewhere in the back of my mind, I still thought it might be real. Well, if I did, this elimination sealed the deal for me. I realized right then and there, as Bossman leaped into the ropes fell back towards the ring and jumped back over and out, that wrestling was fake.
Anyway, as for my #3 we've already discussed it, it was 1997.
And my #2 is what I'm sure you're #1 is (confused yet everyone?) so I'll give you the honors of getting the first crack at it.
Alrighty! That leaves us with just one missing Rumble, my # 1 and your # 2…
Just kidding. That Rumble is the worst ever. Shouldn’t even have been mentioned in our rundown… but before we unveil the last one I thought we could drop some notes on the remaining Rumbles. Any other fond memories?
Like, 1988, the first one ever… and a jobber named Hacksaw won! Or how about, the worst Rumble elimination of all time (not to mention it was for the win) when Yokozuna threw Randy Savage out FROM THE MAT after Randy tried to pin him. Or there’s one of the greatest Rumble lines of all time in 1996 when Vince asks Mr. Perfect who he thinks is coming in at # 2: “Uhhhh… (Henry Godwin’s music hits)… HOGMAN!”. Classic. The stuff graduation tributes are made of.
Don’t really have any comments on the later ones that weren’t already mentioned. Probably why they didn’t make the list. But I felt those few above at least needed SOME recognition.
Anyway got any other final comments that don’t involve our last Rumble? Or should I just go on?
I think at some point we have to mention Rick Martel, a truly great Rumble performer who would always stick around for a solid amount of time.
A couple of other notes:
1996: Shawn Michaels wins, then moons the crowd, pulling his pants so far down in the front that it revealed his pubes.
1991: A kid in the crowd correctly predicts the next entrant when he shouts: "It's Hulk Hogan!"
Not Sure which Rumble: A spot is supposed to remain empty, but you can see that one of the L.O.D. is about to come through the curtain. As if he was thinking, "Well, looks like someone fucked up, guess I gotta save the Rumble." Then Bruce Pritchard or someone pulls him back.
And lastly, the recurring quotes from every one of the first 10 or so Rumbles:
-When tag teamers would inevitably fight: "It's every man for himself in the Royal Rumble."
-After #30 would come out: "The numbers game is over."
-The aforementioned: "Well the NCAA's got their Final 4, and we've got ours."
-Any of us watching an undercard match where a guy gets thrown over the top rope: "Ya know, if this were the Rumble, he'd be outta here."
-And finally, when the countdown is going for #30 and the announcers say something like:
"Only one man left now, and I think we both know who it is ...."
#30 finally comes out before the announcer can say anything, proving that they had no idea who was left.
"Yes, it's the Warlord. Only one person it could have been, and it's the Warlord."
YES! Classics!!! I love Animal's inner monologue. "Better fix this. FAST!" BTW (it's short for the By the way... little blogger (blogger not booger, Hugh) lingo I've picked up along the way), Animal was coming in because Macho no showed. First time that ever happened.
(Sorry everyone! Couldn't find quick clips for 1998, and there was no good Flair winning clip... plus I had to hustle in preparation for Lost)
(Coolest pic I could find of Michaels... I was pretty close to putting one of his Playgirl photos on here, but ultimately decided that was a little too... well, gay I guess)
Ok... that brings us to your #2 (and rightful #1) and my #1...
Winner: Shawn Michaels
Final 4: Michaels, Bulldog, Crush and Luger
1&2: Shawn Michaels and British Bulldog
This was highlighted by a couple of indivdual spots like the quick elimination of Luke, and the even quicker elimination of Moe, which was dubbed a record (later corrected by WWE.com. The Warlord was dumped quicker). Pam Anderson ringside. The most fast and furious Rumble ever (60 second intervals)... actually could have been longer. Shawn Michaels is body pressed like a dozen times in the match, on the verge of elimination over 75% of the Rumble, culminating in one of the most memorable Rumble moments of all time. There also the Adam Bomb entrance where he is WAY to amped. He looks like a fool. And of course... the Billy Gunn slide.
But the real story of this Rumble is the #1 and 2 entrants going the distance and being the last two men in the Rumble. Michaels obviously is the highlight, but Davey Boy deserves a lot of credit here too. After Bulldog clothelines Crush out over the ropes and the crowd almost instantly realizes that we're left with the same two men who started the Rumble... the place goes ballistic! The camera is shaking like crazy!! The Sinclairs and Andersen or going ape shit!!! Just a great, great Rumble. Probably one of the greatest pro-wrestling moments of all time.
Michaels ultimately gets Bulldog... sort of cheaply... but hey, Bulldog should have been sure he was out before celebrating.
HBK went on to bigger and better things. He was basically a mid-carder until this point, so it was great to think that anyone could win the Rumble. Well... almost anyone.
So that's that. Let's hear your top ten list in order again, and any final thoughts?
Everything you mentioned was good. I agree with it all. A couple of things I can't believe you forgot though:
-Mabel tickling King Kong Bundy to eliminate him.
-Bob Holly apparently being told by someone that if Michaels accidentally got tossed, then he was in line for the win. This led to Holly frantically trying to eliminate Michaels on about 5 different occasions, and getting dangerously close every time.
The reasons I did not put this # 1 are because of the time and the roster. The whole 1 minute interval thing makes it feel a little cheap to me. As for the roster, have you ever looked at it? This has to be the worst collection of Rumble talent ever. After the first 2 here are the best entrants in terms of notoriety:
11. Owen Hart (barely makes it to the ring after being attacked by Hitman, then gets eliminated instantly when he finally does get down there)
15. King Kong Bundy (Gets tickled out of the match)
19. Lex Luger (Uggh)
25. Bob Backlund (Same thing as Owen)
30. Crush (I guess)
As you can see, the talent was lacking. And I think anyone who's still reading this post would agree with me on that.
Anyway, here's my final top ten:
Yeah, you're right, it's nothing but Jobbers. The only one's even close were Luger, Owen, and Backlund. I wont even count Bundy or Crush.
So I took your list and my list:
And I gave a reversed point scale to come up with combined list (10pts. for #1 finsih, 1 pt for #10, etc.
And here is the final result:
10. 2001 (5pts)
9. 2007 (6pts)
8. 2000 (7pts, but only on one ballot)
6t. 2008 (7pts)
6t. 2002 (7pts)
5. 2004 (8pts)
4. 1997 (11pts)
3. 1998 (16pts)
2. 1992 (18pts)
1. 1995 (19pts)
So there it is Mustacheers! The official list of the greatest Royal Rumble's of all time!
Thanks Erik, this was fun... although I wonder how many people will lose what little respect they had for us after even seeing this post's lenght. And no one will read this. For the record.
COMMENT AWAY GANG!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
BOW DOWN TO THE KING!!!
that is all.
JBK's (Jack Bauer Kills)
But don't read the fracking post if you haven't seen the episodes... Jack got another kill last night. Snuck up on and but two (or three?) bullets into newly turned terrorist Horace Goodspeed when he was about to execute Cole Ortiz.
By the way... Good work not selling out your country Cole! In the immortal words of Lex Luger... this guy is getting GOOD! Although I was holding out hope he would continue to call Bauer, Mr. Bauer for most of the season, and then when COle finely earned it, Jack would turn to him and say, "Hey... call me Jack" then exchange respectful heads nods.
Season is off to a great start.
JACK IS BACK!!!!
And for once here at HCM we ain't talkin' about Zduriencik! Jack Bauer rides again this season on 24 and since he's one of our heroes, we'll be following Jack all season long doing what he does best... killing terrorists.
We'll keep a running total to on the right side bar to keep tabs on how many Bauer kills he knocks out.
We'd also ask you to vote on the total to right, and hell, while your at it... go ahead and post an exact guess if you'd like below. The closest will get a prize or some shit. I'll go on record with 51 kills. (This ain't Price is Right either. Going over helps tie breakers rather than hurts them. If you had faith that Jack would kill EVEN MORE? Well you should be rewarded! Besides what's the point of watching Price is Right after this atrocious job of announcing by Sounders owner Drew Carey... really Drew? Not excited? Here )
After last night's premier we're already on the board! Jack started things off with a bang... or a chop (heehee), by axing a terrorist in the chest and shoving him into his nitwit crony, knocking him down a a few stories of building stairs (the long drop middle part... not sure what they call that open area in the middle) hitting a bunch of them on the way down. Classic stuff. Vintage Bauer. Great job Jack, 2 hours... 2 Bauer Kills.
Keep up the good work and God bless America !
You learn something new everyday
NFL Picks Playoff Round 2
Arizona @ New Orleans
The Saints have made quite the statement heading into the playoffs, and that statement is: "Uh-oh we might be screwed." Even with the terrible way they ended the regular season I can't see them losing their first game; partly because I don't have the power to see into the future, and partly because I just don't think it's going to happen. The Cardinals have been very unpredictable, but the one thing that's clear is that their defense just doesn't have it right now. (Obviously they'll put up a shutout now.)
Baltimore @ Indianapolis
So we haven't seen Peyton Manning in about 4 weeks now, wouldn't it be cool if he just showed up with a beard on Saturday? Even if he can't grow a real beard he could just show up with a fake one and try to play it off. Anyway, I guess the Ravens D is back? They looked pretty frightening last week. Then again, if there's one man who can stand up to them it's Bearded Peyton Manning.
Dallas @ Minnesota
Romo vs. Favre! I've been giddy about this for days. The amount of smiles in this game will be immeasurable: Romo, Favre, Smiles Austin, Wade Phillips, the fans, John Madden (wherever he is). I'll probably have a smile on my face too, but it will be one of those psychotic hate smiles. Anyway, I think the Vikings are done for.
New York Jets @ San Diego
Rex Ryan thinks the Jets should be the favorites. Uggh, enough. I honestly think he's just joking at this point. Congrats Rex, you beat the Bengals! Do you even remember the last time the Bengals won a playoff game? Me neither. Not to mention that Shayne Graham took them out of the game with two missed field goals. So, yeah, you're probably right Rex, you're team is the best in the playoffs. Except, of course, for the team you have to play this week, who's won 11 games in a row.
Since there are so few games this week, why don't we throw in a little wrinkle. Post your picks with the scores in the comments section, and if you can outpick me, the obvious expert, a prize is in store for you!
For those of you interested in attending World Cup....
Not only can you put your country's flag on your jacket, but $1 per order will be donated to charities fighting against knife crime.
The Greatest Sports Film of All Time: #1
Today, one of the greatest of all days. A man’s birthday, who without, we wouldn’t be here right now. That man turns 50 (seriously, 50, this is too perfect, right… oh sorry). That man’s mustache was the inspiration for this “sports blog”. That man… is Henry Cotto.
Without further ado… I give you… the #1 film, in our countdown of the 50 Greatest Sports Films of All Time…
You’re an idiot AND an asshole if you hadn’t figured this one out already… and actually, we’ve got a lot of fun stuff planned to celebrate the film. Buuuuut… seeing as the Wild Thing has gone bat shit crazy… AGAIN… I figured we better get this out right away before we look like TOO big of heels.
We’ve got 2 pretty epic posts that WILL get done sooner or later, and I WILL continue to use CAPS letters as a tool for EMPHASIS!!!
So without getting into too much detail about those neato surprises, I will just say that not only is this the greatest sports film of all time, but it’s my FAVORITE movie of all time. It’s the best.
Please comment… or don’t and we’ll just shut this stupid thing down.
Two underrated faves:
- Jake Taylor: IS THAT YOU TOLBERT????
- Eddie Harris: Twat.
PS I know this post is lame… but we’ve got some better stuff planned for Major League. I mean it.
Is this the most hated man in America right now?
Many of you are probably asking, "Who the hell is that?"
That would be Greg Wise. Head Coach of the Yates High School Boys Basketball team. Tuesday night he couldnt manage to find the brakes and his team set a Texas record for most points in a game, 170. People probably wouldn't have as big of a problem with it if their opponent, Lee High, had scored more than 37. That's right the final score was 170-37. After going into the half with the score 100-12, he felt like his team needed to keep the foot on the gas. Lee's coach felt disrespected after the game, not understanding why you needed to press when they were up by so many points. A fight broke out after an intential foul was called in the 3rd quarter so each team had to finish the game with only 5 players. Wise says he shouldnt have to tell his 3rd line that they cant go out and score.
What do you think Mustacheers, should he have maybe laid off a little bit?
HCM Weight Loss Challenge
We've actually got a much larger group on competitors this year... let's meet them, shall we? ...
Like last year, the names and faces have been hidden to protect the innocent. But unlike last year, calling them "Dots" (stupid), I'd like to go in more of a Tarantino direction and name them Reservoir Dogs style. Here we go:
- MR. RED 205.4 pounds
Last year's champ has bragging for weeks about winning this thing two years in a row! Not sure that's something to be proud of.
- MR. BLUE 188.0 pounds
Last year's last place finisher... or as he'll remind you, Runner Up! Let's see if he can stay with the pack by contracting a weight eating stomach virus DURING the competition this year.
- MR. YELLOW 206.6 pounds
Surprising the second heaviest MR. in the competition. He carries it well.
- MR. GREEN 198.5 pounds
He's a hard worker I can tell you that much. Plus you probably burn a ton of calories fighting subway rats and bashing Yankee fans. He's got a shot.
- MR. PURPLE 249 pounds
Our final entrant, and a real dark horse if you ask me. He's the heaviest, so he's got the most to lose. We'll see if he can pull it off.
Ok! that's it. The prize has yet to be determined, but it will be mutually decided upon by all of the MR's. We'll hopefully try and keep you updated. I know you care. The competition ends the Wednesday evening before the first round of this years March Madness... or as I like to call it: "The Cougs first game in their march to glory"
Good luck everyone!
So in other words...
I hope you're all looking forward to a Cowboys/Patriots Superbowl. YAY!
Couple of postponements of posts... and stuff
Also I know you're all waiting for the #1 spot on our greatest sports films of all time... it'll have to Wednesday. It'll probably be pretty quick, but we have a lot of stuff planned for it down the road....
...plus we better get it out there before more of this Sheen story comes to light. Shitty stuff.
NFL Picks Week 17
Bills 19 Colts 17
Jaguars 27 Browns 14
Bears 23 Lions 17
49ers 24 Rams 19
Dolphins 27 Steelers 24
Vikings 28 Giants 17
Falcons 22 Bucs 21
Panthers 30 Saints 20
Patriots 28 Texans 20
Cardinals 23 Packers 16
Chargers 21 Redskins 18
Seahawks 52 Titans 4
Raiders 24 Ravens 23
Eagles 31 Cowboys 27
Broncos 35 Chiefs 14
Jets 20 Bengals 10
Take that suckers! I'll be back in full effect for the playoffs. So start holding your breath.
HCM Weight Loss Challenge '10
Please keep the photos tasteful.