NFL Picks - Week 13

Sunday Morning

Baltimore @ Atlanta
It appears Lamar Jackson will get another start at QB for the Ravens with Joe Flacco still sidelined. There’s no chance that the Baltimore front office has instructed the team doctors to negatively embellish their diagnosis in an effort to keep Flacco out of action while avoiding an awkward benching conversation, right? Obviously it’s inflammatory and irresponsible to suggest such tactics, or even consider the possibility that Ravens team doctors are methodically poisoning Joe Flacco. That’s NOT happening, and it’s very concerning that you would even entertain the possibility. All that being said, I think the Ravens and their fans are more than fine with Lamar Jackson remaining the starter for the foreseeable future. But I have to imagine that Atlanta will win a game at some point.

Falcons 27-23

Denver @ Cincinnati
The Broncos went into their bye week dead in the water at 3-6. Two weeks later they’ve had consecutive, impressive victories over the Chargers and Steelers and now sit at 5-6, a game out of the final wild card spot in the AFC. Denver making the playoffs might still seem far-fetched to you, but have you looked at their remaining schedule? Have you? Me neither, gimme a second ... Oh this is interesting, they have this game at Cincy, then at San Francisco, Cleveland, at Oakland, and then they finish at home against the Chargers. They’ll be favored in four of those games, and by Week 17 the Chargers (a team the Broncos did already beat on the road) may be locked into the #5 spot, meaning they may not be operating at full strength. Can Denver really go from 3-6 to 10-6? Stranger things have happened. I can't think of any at the moment, but I’m sure they have.

Broncos 24-13

Los Angeles Rams @ Detroit
I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage that the best defense is a good offense. Well apparently the Rams have heard it too, and they’re stretching it’s veracity. There’s no denying that the Rams’ offense is spectacular, while there’s also no denying that their defense has been quite crummy. They reached their nadir a couple Mondays ago when they surrendered 51 points to the Chiefs. Paradoxically though, the Rams managed to win that game thanks to two defensive touchdowns. It reminds me of Jar Jar Binks at the end of Phantom Menace; he bungles his way through most of the climactic battle until he somehow ends up clumsily saving the day. You can argue with the methods, but not the results. As I said before though, the Rams’ philosophy seems to be: Do enough on offense so that it doesn’t matter how poorly the D plays. Let the offense be your defense. And if you’re in a bind, pull a Jar Jar.

Rams 34-24

Arizona @ Green Bay
These teams have squared off in two classic playoff games in the past 10 years. Weren’t those great? It will probably be more pleasant to reminisce about those all-timers than to watch this week’s all-slimer. No, I know it didn’t work, but let’s just forget about it and move on. The Packers are back at Lambeau, which means they’ll actually have a chance to win. They’re also 4-6-1 now, which means they better win or else they’re donezo. And not just win this week, but every week from here on out. In what’s become an almost annual tradition Aaron Rodgers attempted to calm the fervor surrounding Green Bay by outlining how the Packers could still make the playoffs. In a long-winded fashion he basically said they needed to win out, which will make it really interesting to hear what spin Rodgers has ready when they lose a game. I doubt it will happen this week, but boy wouldn’t it be hilarious if it did?

Packers 28-18

Buffalo @ Miami
The bye weeks are over, so you’ve got your precious 16 games back. I hope you’re happy. Are you actually going to watch Bills/Dolphins? Of course not. This is why we need byes every week of the season. The worse the team is the more byes they get. Under this model the Raiders would have had 6 byes by now. It’s like the Sunday night flex schedule, except the league would just tell teams to go home. The fans save money, the players avoid injuries, and score picking specialists have fewer games to have to come up with something hilarious to write about. Everybody wins!

Dolphins 26-19

Chicago @ New York Giants
The Bears won on Thanksgiving in Detroit with Chase Daniel filling in at quarterback. With Mitchell Trubisky out again Chicago will be counting on Daniel this week as well. Can Chase get to 2-0 in New York? It boils down to whether or not the Giants are better than the Lions (and yes that’s all it boils down to; don’t give me any of this “match-up” nonsense). Sure the Giants are 3-8, and Eli is likely to throw at least one pick six on Sunday, but I have a feeling that New York has a mild upset in them. That being said, if Trubisky played the result would be different. This time last year I didn’t think I’d be using that sentence in a positive fashion.

Giants 17-14

Carolina @ Tampa Bay
The Panthers have lost three straight games and currently sit outside the playoffs in the NFC. They’re in a downward spiral, and when the going gets tough, Cam Newton gets severely depressed. At least that’s what I’ve repeatedly been led to believe by his face. Carolina should be able to get this win in Tampa, but if they don’t, look for Cam’s face to be replaced by the frowning emoji when the Panthers take the field next week.

Panthers 31-24

Indianapolis @ Jacksonville
With his benching this week we may have seen Blake Bortles’ last start with the Jaguars. But rest assured, we have not seen his last start in the NFL. Wherever Bortles ends up after this season circumstances will force him into action again at some point. Just look at some of the rando back-up QBs that have been called upon to start this year: CJ Beathard, Colt McCoy, Jeff Driskel, Scott Plisken, Nick Mullens, etc. Can you believe I only made up one of those names? The point is, we may never recapture the thrill of weekly Bortles, but we’re merely transitioning into a similarly enjoyable phase of his career: cameo Bortles. He’ll pop up every so often just to surprise us, say hello, tantalize us with flashes of coherence, then betray us with sheer ineptitude. I personally can’t wait for a moment a few years down the road when a starting quarterback goes down and we’re trying to remember who his backup is only to see #5 (or whatever jersey he gets stuck with) trot on the field as bar patrons across the U.S. collectively shout, “Holy shit, it’s Bortles!”

Colts 27-13

Cleveland @ Houston
It’s a quarterback rematch of the 2015 college football semifinal, when DeShaun Watson and Clemson topped Baker Mayfield and Oklahoma 37-17. What does that mean for this game? Nothing!  The Texans come into Week 13 with 8 straight wins, meanwhile the Browns have won two in a row, which for them is equivalent, if not greater than an 8 game streak by a normal team. So really it’s debatable as to who’s hotter. Where’s Lorenzo Lamas when you need him? If this game were in Cleveland I’d actually give the Browns a good chance to win, but unfortunately for them it’s being played in Houston at the notorious NRG Stadium? Is that still what it’s called? Just checked, and yes, it is still called NRG Stadium. It’s comforting to know that in this day of frequent mergers and bankruptcies a corporation can maintain naming rights for this long. The Texans will reward that commitment on Sunday. Oh wait a minute, it’s only been called NRG Stadium for four years. Well hey that’s still pretty good!

Texans 26-21

Sunday Afternoon

New York Jets @ Tennessee
The Jets have had a strange season. Their three wins have come with point explosions of 48, 34, and 42. They have lost all their other games without putting up more than 17 in any one of them. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to be on the edge of my seat this Sunday to see if the Jets score somewhere between 17 and 34 points. What would happen? Do they win because they topped 17, or do they lose because they didn’t reach 34? Hope as I may, something tells me that they’ll stick to their losing formula and score 17 or less in a loss. And that “something” is that they’re the Jets and they’re all sorts of lousy.

Titans 30-16

Kansas City @ Oakland
The Chiefs score 37 points per game, the Raiders allow 30. Kansas City is coming off their bye week, Andy Reid is 16-3 in his coaching career after a bye. These are just a couple of factors that are not working in Oakland’s favor. There are a lot more, but listing them all would feel like schadenfreude. The Chiefs are 15 point road favorites and that feels like it’s probably too low. The only thing that will keep Kansas City from winning by 20+ is if they get bored pawing the Raiders around and literally fall asleep on the field during the second half. Even then I’m guessing they’ll wake up in time to score a couple more touchdowns.

Chiefs 38-21

Minnesota @ New England
The Vikings got a big win last week against Green Bay in a game they sorely needed ahead of two tough road match-ups. This one in New England may seem like a near impossible task, but when the Vikings are playing like they want to out there, they’re hard to beat. Of course the same thing could be said for every team in the league, because every team wants to win, so obviously if they’re playing the way they want it doesn’t involve losing. To this point in the season the Patriots have been fairly underwhelming relative to their high standards, though, this is normally the time of year when they take things to the next level and make a run to the Super Bowl. And it has to be said, when the Patriots are playing the way they want to they’re hard to beat.

Patriots 31-27

San Francisco @ Seattle
Malcolm Smith and Richard Sherman make their return to Seattle as 49ers. Of course, as Seahawks, these two combined for the most pivotal, iconic play in the history of this rivalry. It will be somewhat surreal to see them back in CenturyLink playing for San Francisco, but I think it will all make sense by the end of the game. That’s because I fully expect Smith and Sherman to turn heel (or in this case face, since the crowd will be behind it) on the Niners and team up to hand a sure interception right to David Moore in the corner of the south end zone for a Seattle touchdown. The fans will go wild, and the pair will then return to the Seahawks' sideline. Sure it will be pretty awkward for them when they have to get back on the Niners’ team plane and subsequently play the rest of the season with them, (they’re on contract after all, they can’t just leave the team) but I think we can all agree that it will be totally worth it.

Seahawks 31-13

Sunday Night

Los Angeles Chargers @ Pittsburgh
We have a triple P on our hands here (Potential Playoff Preview), and it should be an exciting contest. For more on it let's turn to NBC analyst Cris Collinsworth:
That got a little uncomfortable.

Steelers 34-29

Monday Night

Washington @ Philadelphia
I was really hoping that the Cowboys would lose their Thursday nighter so that if the Eagles win this game there would be a three-way tie atop the NFC East:
Which would have made it clear that this division is of the devil. I mean one of the teams is named the Redskins, that’s the equivalent of building the whole thing on an ancient Indian burial ground. When you factor in the presence of Jerry Jones and the evil spirits that constantly wreak havoc on Eli Manning’s decision-making there’s no arguing that the NFC East is defined by evil. Unfortunately now they won't have the records to match,

Eagles 23-13


NFL Picks - Week 13 Thursday

New Orleans @ Dallas
It’s one week later and we’re looking at two Thanksgiving winners. That’s more than I can say for the turkeys! But seriously folks, I’m just pulling your leg ... kind of like I did to the turkey on Thanksgiving! You know I’m coming for that drumstick. Christmas may be a month away, but you can call me the little drummer boy, rat-a-tat-tat. Yes some people at the dinner table get upset when I take both legs from the turkey, but sometimes if you know what you want ya gotta be greedy. That’s a lot like the Saints offense, they’re snatching up all the points and leaving none for anybody else. Sure the Cowboys have won three in a row, but they’re going to have get their dark meat somewhere else because New Orleans is grabbing them legs.

Saints 27-20



NFL Picks - Week 12

Sunday Morning

Jacksonville @ Buffalo
Starting out Sunday hot with a rematch of the worst playoff game in years! And this season they’ve got the records to match. Each squad is 3-7, and coincidentally enough the final score of that playoff game last January was 7-3! Ok, it was actually 10-3, but c’mon, that would’ve been really cool right? Those of us that watched their postseason clash will never forget it. It was an arduous trek that we’ll one day tell our grandchildren about. They’ll be really bored by that, but that doesn’t mean we’ll stop. Of course one of the main reasons we watched back in January was because it was the only game on, that won’t be the case this time around, so you can feel free to avoid this contest.

Jaguars 16-13

Cleveland @ Cincinnati
The Browns are coming off a bye after a win, meaning when they take the field Sunday it will be three weeks since their last loss. That's their longest such span (during a season of course) since 2014. If I were Cleveland's interim coach Gregg Williams (and I awake each morning thanking God that I'm not) I wouldn't include that stat in my pregame speech for fear that my guys would get over-confident. But alas, it's likely too late, these Browns have surely read all the press clippings about how occasionally competitive they are. Good luck keeping their heads out of the clouds Gregg, though I suppose you do have experience with heads, so maybe you know what you're doing.  

Bengals 24-16

New England @ New York Jets
The Jets were on a bye last week, so perhaps you need a refresher as to what happened the last time they took the field; here it is: they lost to the Bills 41-10, at home. Buffalo had only scored 96 points all season coming into that game. In other words the Jets probably should have just gone on a permanent bye after that. Maybe I'm being too hard on them, after all the Bills were starting Matt Barkley on short notice, and when a team doesn't have time to prepare for Matt Barkley what the hell do you expect to happen?!? Luckily for the Jets they've had two weeks to prep for Tom Brady, so they should be totally fine. Or they'll give up 60 and the whole team will simultaneously retire after the final whistle. Keep an eye out for that, it would be a first.

Patriots 35-17

New York Giants @ Philadelphia
I don’t know if any of us thought the Eagles would beat the Saints last week (and the reason I just think and don’t know is because you guys still refuse to send me your picks; it’s the least you could do at this point), but I’m sure few expected them to be defeated so soundly. Now they’re 4-6, and a loss in this game would leave them with the same record as the Giants and tied for last place in the NFC East. The good news for Philly fans? Last place is only two games out of first place! It’s not a good sign when you have to search for silver linings, but if there’s one team that should have a playbook on how to do so it’s the Eagles. Right? Because Silver Linings Playbook?!? Ya know what I liked about that movie? Yes! The silver linings! The playbook was pretty good too.  Anyway, I think Philly will win and maybe take a deep breath, however it may be their last.

Eagles 27-23

San Francisco @ Tampa Bay
What is going on with this Niners schedule? In succession they’ve played the Cardinals, Raiders, Giants, and now the Bucs. That’s four straight putrid games. Of course it doesn’t help when you yourself are putrid. I suppose that’s the first step out putrosity, de-putrefying yourself. I’m pretty sure that was a Confucius quote. Almost certain. Can you look it up for me? Thanks a bunch! I think San Francisco has a decent shot in this game since Tampa has made the imminently foolish decision to start Jameis Winston at quarterback again. The Bucs aren’t going to make the playoffs. They seemingly want to move on from Winston after the season,  but the only way they’d be on the hook for more money in his contract is if he gets hurt before the end of the year. What could possibly go wrong?!?

Buccaneers 30-27

Seattle @ Carolina
What do you look for in a football game? If you said playoff implications, then step right this way. If you said dynamic quarterbacks who can turn broken plays into transcendent ones then keep right on coming. If you said never-ending pasta bowls ... you're out of luck. That's Olive Garden, there won't be any Olive Garden in this game. You might see a couple commercials for it, but that's the best I can do for ya. But actually, if both of these teams end up as the NFC wild card representatives in the playoffs, a real possibility, I guess you could say they're "all of card men," which sounds close to "Olive Garden." So there ya go, happy now big guy?   

Seahawks 23-20

Oakland @ Baltimore
The Raiders won last week! Aaaand completely screwed themselves out of their 1st position in the draft. They now have the same record as the Cardinals and a head to head victory over them. Just when I thought Gruden had some semblance of a plan in place to completely bottom out he goes and does something like this and proves that he’s flying by the seat of his pants. And ya know what? I love it! We need ineptitude like this to truly appreciate greatness. If everybody knew exactly what they were doing every game would be played to a tie (actually I’d be down for that). God bless you Jon Gruden for attempting to make this league lousy again.

Ravens 30-13

Sunday Afternoon

Arizona @ Los Angeles Chargers
Each of these teams is coming off a rough home loss to the dregs of the AFC West (Raiders and Broncos, respectively). At least the Cardinals has a reason to lose, I don’t know what the hell was going on with the Chargers. Oh wait, these are the Chargers we always knew, they just managed to hold it together for 9 games and avoid ridiculous losses. Has last week’s debacle signaled a return to absurdity? A loss to the Cardinals on Sunday would qualify as a resounding “Yes”. A too-close win would be more of a coy “We’ll see ...! Teehee.” And I think that’s just what we’ll get, because the Chargers are such flirts.

Chargers 26-17

Pittsburgh @ Denver
The Steelers started off their season 1-2-1, giving up 29 points per game. They've since gone 6-0 while surrendering 18 points per game. It sounds simple, give up fewer points win more games. And ya know what? It is simple, more teams should try it. But nah, everybody wants the action, they want the points, "Here, score a touchdown so that I can have the ball back and score one of my own." That's verbatim what I've heard multiple players say during games this season. I also heard one guy say, "I've been a good boy Santa, can I have a touchdown please?" But I think it was one of the Chiefs players talking to Andy Reid, so I'm actually fine with that. What's more fascinating about this Steelers streak is that in those six wins they've given up between 16 and 21 points in each game. I have to appreciate a team that operates with such predictability, it's a true blessing in my profession. Yes, I know it's not a profession if I'm not getting paid, which is why I'll say again, give me your money!
VenMo: @Erik-Andersen-19  

Steelers 29-19

Miami @ Indianapolis
Both of these teams come into this game at 5-5 and in a five way tie for the final wild card spot in the AFC. However, I saw a playoff breakdown on ESPN that didn’t even list the Dolphins as “in the hunt.” It may seem like an innocent mistake, but I think it’s indicative of Miami’s perception in the national zeitgeist. No one thinks about the Dolphins; they play in complete anonymity in a far corner of the country, completely ignored by the rest of the football universe. They are destined to go 8-8, the most forgettable of all records. Their quest towards perfect mediocrity continues this week with a loss to a Colts team making a legitimate charge at a playoff spot, unlike middling Miami.

Colts 31-20

Sunday Night
Green Bay @ Minnesota
Let's check in with Sunday Night Football analyst Cris Collinsworth to get his two cents on this pivotal match-up:
Kind of feels like you didn't even make a pick there CC. I guess I'll have to handle it. It's Week 12 and the Packers still have not won on the road. Why start now? (Other than the fact that their playoff chances hang in the balance)

Vikings 31-26

Monday Night

Tennessee @ Houston
We’re at the end of the week and guess what, there is no match-up of winning teams. This is one of only three where they’re both at least .500. Kind of a bummer. Or is it just the kind of story we love? Scrappy upstarts taking a shot at the big boys! Go get 'em Titans, I believe in you! Even if you are an insurmountable 2 games back of the Texans and a staggering 6 point underdog on Monday. Don’t give up on yourself or your dreams Tennessee, if you don’t believe in yourself who will? That being said I’m taking Houston.

Texans 22-16 


NFL Picks - Thanksgiving

Chicago @ Detroit
It’s that time of year again, when young men and women from across Michigan return home to hear their uncles’ thoughts on how lousy the Lions are. Poking fun at the Lions’ lackluster history may be easy pickings, but it really is astonishing when you take a closer look. If you consider 12-4 an elite record, which for the sake of argument I do, Detroit hasn’t reached that mark since 1991. Every other team in the NFC has managed to get to 12-4 at least once in that span. Every team that is, except for Washington, who happened to be the Lions opponent in the NFC Championship game after that ‘91 season after going 14-2. Perhaps after the game the two teams split a turkey and wished upon the wishbone. But, of course, each team wished to go 12-4 for the rest of time, and their wishes canceled each other out, leaving both franchises in these lowly states. Yep, that’s probably what happened.

Lions 20-17

Washington @ Dallas
Speaking of Washington being lousy, it suddenly seems that despite leading the NFC East they now have have little to no chance to make the playoffs. Whereas the Cowboys suddenly seem to be in prime position to host a playoff game this January. Of course, we’re dealing with the Cowboys here, so it’s best not to attempt prognostication more than two weeks out. You know what people say in every region of the U.S. thinking they’re the only ones who say it, “If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes.” Well if you don’t like the Cowboys' season, just wait a week. Come December we’ll probably be talking about how Jason Garrett has accidentally forfeited his remaining time outs for the entire season and Jerry Jones has traded a 2019 draft pick to Canada for Johnny Manziel. So yeah, I expect Dallas to win this game, but I hesitate to go beyond that.

Cowboys 23-16

Atlanta @ New Orleans
The Falcons have had a season full of ups and downs, much like their avian namesake. They split their first two games, lost three in a row, then won three in a row, and have now lost their last two. That kind of inconsistency is not conducive to postseason appearances. In fact, did you know that probably no team in NFL history has had two 3 game losing streaks in a season and made the playoffs? So if Atlanta drops this one they can basically call it a season. And this week they’re playing probably the best team in football ... on a short week ... on the road. But chin up Falcons, there’s always next year! Probably. This climate change situation doesn’t look promising, but we should be able to squeeze a couple more spins out of this. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving!

Saints 40-28 


NFL Picks - Week 11

Sunday Morning

Dallas @ Atlanta
Strange goings on with both of these teams last week. The Cowboys pulled themselves off the mat to win in Philadelphia, while the Falcons’ winning streak came to an end at 3 games with a confounding loss in Cleveland. Their performances were exactly what I expected, but the exact opposite. I’ve been trying to figure out what happened, and I think I’ve come up with the most logical explanation: while traveling from Dallas to Philly and Atlanta to Cleveland the Cowboy and Falcon flightpaths intersected over Kentucky and at that very moment lightning struck both planes causing ... you guessed it ... full team body swaps. That explains why the Cowboys played like the Falcons and the Falcons played like the Cowboys, the Cowboys were the Falcons, and the Falcons were the Cowboys. Phew, glad we could reconcile that. It’s unclear if the body swaps are still in effect, or if they’ve been undone by another equally powerful act of nature. If on Sunday we see Dak Prescott attempt a pass more than 20 yards downfield we’ll know that the swap still stands.

Falcons 26-20

Carolina @ Detroit
Prior to last week there was some buzz about Cam Newton being a possible MVP candidate. He quelled that discussion in the 1st quarter against Pittsburgh when he threw a horrendous pick six from his own end zone. Obviously I’m exaggerating, one throw can’t totally derail an MVP campaign. Well actually, if Newton had thrown a pass that got deflected so hard back toward him that it shattered his face mask, shot into his gaping mouth (I assume he’d be screaming because of the ball that’s rocketing toward him), and lodged sideways in his throat. Doctors would then be unable to extricate the football because the operation would be too dangerous, and frankly the whole thing would look too hilarious to undo. So yeah, hypothetically one throw could ruin an MVP season. Since Newton’s wasn’t quite that bad look for him to rebound this Sunday.

Panthers 34-17

Tennessee @ Indianapolis
This match-up has a mirror image this week in the Cincy/Baltimore game. A 5-4 @ 4-5 intra-divisional contest in which the winner will be in a good position to make a run at a playoff spot. It’s a Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s scenario, the same yet different. Of course, the only difference being that when looking into a mirror everything is backwards.

Colts 24-20

Tampa Bay @ New York
I hesitate to even say this, but the Ryan Fitzpatrick MVP Watch has become a little facetious. After leading the Bucs to a mere 3 points in a home loss to Washington last week it now seems that Fitz’s MVP train has come off the rails. Almost made it to the station though didn’t it? And by almost I mean he had like three or four good games. Look, sometimes I get a little too far ahead of myself. Maybe I should have learned years ago when I poured all my money into Surge the soda that launched an all out assault on your taste buds and mainstream soft drinks simultaneously. It was foolish, and I reacted too quickly based on a small sample size. It’s similar to what happened here with Fitzpatrick. But do I regret it? Absolutely not. It’s like Surge always said, “Life’s a scream,” and baby, I ain’t hoarse yet.

Giants 30-27

Houston @ Washington
Both of these teams are 6-3 division leaders who are seemingly of no concern to the rest of the league. So if this game happens in a forest and nobody sees it did it really happen? Also, why is it happening in a forest? I’d actually be much more interested in watching it if that were the case. I imagine passing would be a lot more difficult. Not only because the trees would get in the way, but also defenders could hide behind them and jump out at opportune moments to intercept passes. Ok, this is really stupid, but honestly Washington is such a boring team that I don’t really know what to say. Hopefully they’ll lose themselves into irrelevancy soon.

Texans 19-16

Pittsburgh @ Jacksonville
With his continued absence this week Le’Veon Bell has officially ended his 2018 season before it even began. The Steelers seemingly moved on weeks ago and have shaken off a slow start to look like a strong candidate to nab a first round bye in the playoffs yet again. Still, it’s hard to believe that Bell won’t be at Heinz Field at all this season ... Or won’t he? I for one think Bell should pull a Sting. No, not a clever caper involving off-track betting; I’m saying he should go the same route Sting did in WCW in 1996/97. Start showing up to games up on top of the Heinz Field overhang with a baseball bat, wearing a trench coat (Crow make-up optional). For the rest of the regular season he just stands there ominously, then in the playoffs during a crucial drive in the 4th quarter he repels down, and starts wreaking havoc. Bat shots for everyone, he lays out Antonio Brown and Maurkice Pouncey, takes the ball, hands it to Roethlisberger (who he hasn’t touched yet), points the bat at him and instantaneously shoots back up onto the roof, away from the action. Roethlisberger is then sacked immediately and the Steelers lose. I don’t know, that’s what I hope happens at least.

Steelers 30-16

Cincinnati @ Baltimore
Of course the main difference when looking into a mirror is that everything is backwards. It’s a Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. scenario, the same yet different. This is a 5-4 @ 4-5 intra-divisional contest in which the winner will be in a good position to make a run at a playoff spot. This match-up has a mirror image this week in the Tennessee/Indy game.

Ravens 27-17

Sunday Afternoon

Oakland @ Arizona
How does it happen that each week we have a seemingly worse match-up. In consecutive weeks we’ve seen Niners/Cardinals, Niners/Raiders, Niners/Giants ...  oh I guess the Niners have just had a ridiculous schedule recently. But finally here’s one that isn't their fault. You don’t have the Niners to push around anymore! ... Because they’re on a bye week; when they return you can recommence with the pushing. Arizona has been one of the said pushers, having only beaten San Francisco so far. They’ll keep it in the Bay on Sunday and hand the Raiders yet another ignominious loss. Feel free to read all about it after not watching the game.

Cardinals 24-13

Denver @ Los Angeles Chargers
Talk about teams going in different directions, these two will be doing just that on Sunday. Those directions will be determined after the coin toss and will then alternate each quarter. It’s standard NFL procedure, and thus we should expect exactly that when the Broncos and Chargers tangle this Sunday. We should also expect a win for the “home” team, because the Broncos are lousy as hell with a sprinkling of occasional mediocrity. Whichever level we see this week likely won’t be good enough, as it hasn’t been for the last two months in which Denver has gone 1-6 after a 2-0 start.

Chargers 26-16

Philadelphia @ New Orleans
This was a miraculous pass away from being the NFC championship game last season. This time around we’re a highly unlikely series of events away from it being the title game. The Saints look poised for a deep playoff run, the Eagles, on the other hand, do not. Things just aren’t working out the same for Philly this season, and the fire doesn’t seem to be burning as hot as it was in 2017. It’s possible that winning the Super Bowl is the worst thing that could’ve happened to this franchise. Ya know, except for the fact that they won the Super Bowl. We’re all waiting for them to return to their championship form, except for the Saints and the rest of the teams in the NFC, they seem cool with this.

Saints 33-24

Sunday Night

Minnesota @ Chicago
You know what time it is! Let's check in with our old pal Cris Collinsworth for some dynamite analysis on this match-up:
Thanks Thin Crust!

Bears 24-21

Monday Night

Kansas City vs. Los Angeles Rams
Alright, this is getting ridiculous, this game belongs in Mexico where it was originally scheduled! They can’t just send us an entire football game and expect us to deal with it. This was their problem, not ours! If they wanted us to accept this game they should have gone through the proper channels, not just foisted this upon us and expected us to deal with it. This is yet another example of Mexico sending us low lifes, criminals, and murderers, and that’s just the Rams defense. Bottom line, send this game back to Mexico and let it be played in its native land. You’re going to hear a lot of opinions about this game, but take it from me, a man who clearly has a complete understanding of the situation, that I’m right about this, and everything.

Chiefs 41-38