Philadelphia @ Seattle
My biggest complaint with Taravaris Jackson's play so far this season would have to be that he appears completely lost trying to run a 2 minute drill. I can't stand to watch it, and apparently he feels the same seeing as how he promptly threw an interception at the end of last week's game, creating more of a 20 second drill. Now he's coming off a short week and tasked with facing two of the best cover corners in the league (I'm basing that statement purely on salary size, as all things should be based). It would appear to be a grim proposition for the Hawks, but if the defense can keep the Eagles out of the end zone, something they've done well lately with the exception of the 4th quarter last week, the game is all but over. Why? Because Red Bryant will simply block any and all field goals. Case closed.
Seahawks 16-12
11.30.2011
11.24.2011
NFL Picks Week 12
Sunday Morning
Houston @ Jacksonville
Hey Texans fans, it's Leinart time! The preceding sentence has been tweeted every hour on the hour by Matt Leinart since word broke out that Matt Schaub was out for the year. While his confidence is admirable it remains to be seen just how successful Leinart can be. Luckily for him his first contest is against the Jaguars who just lost to Colt McCoy.
Texans 27-13
Buffalo @ New York Jets
It's become clear now that the Bills' season is doomed. Where once was promise now lies only a hollow reminder of squandered opportunities and childlike whimsy. In other words they're fucked. Fred Jackson's season-ending injury looks like the final nail in the coffin for a Buffalo team that is in the midst of a three game losing streak in which the offense has managed only 26 points combined. The Jets haven't looked much better lately, but as long as they don't accidentally throw touchdowns to the other team (easier said than done, eh Sanch?) they should get the win.
Jets 20-10
Cleveland @ Cincinnati
The fact that the Browns are 4-6 is somewhat mystifying because every time I pay attention to one of their games (not often) they seem like the worst team in the league. Granted, when I wrote that last sentence I momentarily forgot that the Colts existed, but I still contend that Cleveland is much worse than their record indicates. The Bengals have lost two in a row, to Pittsburgh and Baltimore respectively, but they put up a good fight in both and proved that they can hang with anyone. They're a lot like Ferris Bueller in that way.
Bengals 19-6
Minnesota @ Atlanta
It appears that the Vikings may be without former Heisman Trophy runner-up Adrian Peterson, luckily for them they can replace him with former Heisman Trophy runner-up Toby Gerhart. Clearly these two are of equal skill level and capability based on their Heisman history, so don't expect much of a drop off. However, even with Peterson Minnesota was struggling, so this should be a good opportunity for Atlanta to get to 7-4.
Falcons 27-10
Arizona @ St. Louis
Word on the street is that the Rams have petitioned the NFL to play the remainder of their games in an abandoned warehouse. Their reasoning being that the ambiance would be more or less the same, and this way they don't have to shame themselves in front of "thousands" of people.
Cardinals 28-17
Carolina @ Indianapolis
This is Indy's chance to prove just how much they want the #1 pick in the draft, and prove it they will. The Colts will roll over and die like they're at a glue factory, and Cam Newton will relish every second of it, because he loves killing horses.
Panthers 31-14
Tampa Bay @ Tennessee
Wasn't it fitting that last week Jake Locker threw his first two NFL touchdown passes to Nate Washington? It's reminiscent of Josh Freeman's debut when he threw his first touchdown to Andre Kansas State. Unfortunately for Freeman, he hasn't been throwing many TDs this season (perhaps resigning Andre Kansas State would help), however, the offense showed some signs of life last week in Green Bay. They were only trying to keep up with Aaron Rodgers though, this week they face a returning Matthew Hasselbeck which will prove to be a much tougher task.
Titans 21-19
Sunday Afternoon
Chicago @ Oakland
It looks like Jay Cutler got so nervous about the playoffs this year that he went ahead and faked an injury before his team even had a chance to get there; a savvy move by the veteran. That being said, the Bears are riding a five game winning streak and they still have their most talented offensive player in Matt Forte. On the other side, it appears that the Raiders will be without Darren McFadden again, but they've been able to win their last two without DMC, and Carson Palmer is actually playing competent football (and very competent dominoes according to locker room reports). Because this will be Caleb Haney's first start I'll go with the Raiders (and yes, I now realize that I could have just typed that one sentence and been done with it, but that's not really how this works).
Raiders 24-20
Washington @ Seattle
Don't look now, but the Hawks have won back to back games. Seriously, don't look though, Tarvaris is very self-conscious and he gets embarrassed if he knows people are watching, like a dog pooping. It's never a great sign when you're comparing your starting QB to a pooping dog, but in actuality T-Jack has been serviceable as of late. Sure he threw a couple of early picks last week, but that was just vintage Hasselbeck sandbagging. With the Hawks on their longest winning streak of the year and the Redskins coming to town having lost six in a row, I'd say Seattle is the obvious pick. What could possibly go wrong?
Seahawks 23-13
Denver @ San Diego
It's becoming more and more futile to resist the magnetism of Tim Tebow. I didn't pick the Broncos last week, and I've learned my lesson: no matter how stupid it may seem, or how little sense it makes, bet on Tim Tebow. Of course, Tebow himself would not agree with that theory because betting on anything would be morally ambiguous, but that's no problem for me, back in college my nickname was Erik "Morally Ambiguous" Andersen. Was it the most clever nickname? No. In fact, it was voted worst nickname on campus by multiple publications, but that's not the point.
Broncos 24-21
New England @ Philadelphia
Houston @ Jacksonville
Hey Texans fans, it's Leinart time! The preceding sentence has been tweeted every hour on the hour by Matt Leinart since word broke out that Matt Schaub was out for the year. While his confidence is admirable it remains to be seen just how successful Leinart can be. Luckily for him his first contest is against the Jaguars who just lost to Colt McCoy.
Texans 27-13
Buffalo @ New York Jets
It's become clear now that the Bills' season is doomed. Where once was promise now lies only a hollow reminder of squandered opportunities and childlike whimsy. In other words they're fucked. Fred Jackson's season-ending injury looks like the final nail in the coffin for a Buffalo team that is in the midst of a three game losing streak in which the offense has managed only 26 points combined. The Jets haven't looked much better lately, but as long as they don't accidentally throw touchdowns to the other team (easier said than done, eh Sanch?) they should get the win.
Jets 20-10
Cleveland @ Cincinnati
The fact that the Browns are 4-6 is somewhat mystifying because every time I pay attention to one of their games (not often) they seem like the worst team in the league. Granted, when I wrote that last sentence I momentarily forgot that the Colts existed, but I still contend that Cleveland is much worse than their record indicates. The Bengals have lost two in a row, to Pittsburgh and Baltimore respectively, but they put up a good fight in both and proved that they can hang with anyone. They're a lot like Ferris Bueller in that way.
Bengals 19-6
Minnesota @ Atlanta
It appears that the Vikings may be without former Heisman Trophy runner-up Adrian Peterson, luckily for them they can replace him with former Heisman Trophy runner-up Toby Gerhart. Clearly these two are of equal skill level and capability based on their Heisman history, so don't expect much of a drop off. However, even with Peterson Minnesota was struggling, so this should be a good opportunity for Atlanta to get to 7-4.
Falcons 27-10
Arizona @ St. Louis
Word on the street is that the Rams have petitioned the NFL to play the remainder of their games in an abandoned warehouse. Their reasoning being that the ambiance would be more or less the same, and this way they don't have to shame themselves in front of "thousands" of people.
Cardinals 28-17
Carolina @ Indianapolis
This is Indy's chance to prove just how much they want the #1 pick in the draft, and prove it they will. The Colts will roll over and die like they're at a glue factory, and Cam Newton will relish every second of it, because he loves killing horses.
Panthers 31-14
Tampa Bay @ Tennessee
Wasn't it fitting that last week Jake Locker threw his first two NFL touchdown passes to Nate Washington? It's reminiscent of Josh Freeman's debut when he threw his first touchdown to Andre Kansas State. Unfortunately for Freeman, he hasn't been throwing many TDs this season (perhaps resigning Andre Kansas State would help), however, the offense showed some signs of life last week in Green Bay. They were only trying to keep up with Aaron Rodgers though, this week they face a returning Matthew Hasselbeck which will prove to be a much tougher task.
Titans 21-19
Sunday Afternoon
Chicago @ Oakland
It looks like Jay Cutler got so nervous about the playoffs this year that he went ahead and faked an injury before his team even had a chance to get there; a savvy move by the veteran. That being said, the Bears are riding a five game winning streak and they still have their most talented offensive player in Matt Forte. On the other side, it appears that the Raiders will be without Darren McFadden again, but they've been able to win their last two without DMC, and Carson Palmer is actually playing competent football (and very competent dominoes according to locker room reports). Because this will be Caleb Haney's first start I'll go with the Raiders (and yes, I now realize that I could have just typed that one sentence and been done with it, but that's not really how this works).
Raiders 24-20
Washington @ Seattle
Don't look now, but the Hawks have won back to back games. Seriously, don't look though, Tarvaris is very self-conscious and he gets embarrassed if he knows people are watching, like a dog pooping. It's never a great sign when you're comparing your starting QB to a pooping dog, but in actuality T-Jack has been serviceable as of late. Sure he threw a couple of early picks last week, but that was just vintage Hasselbeck sandbagging. With the Hawks on their longest winning streak of the year and the Redskins coming to town having lost six in a row, I'd say Seattle is the obvious pick. What could possibly go wrong?
Seahawks 23-13
Denver @ San Diego
It's becoming more and more futile to resist the magnetism of Tim Tebow. I didn't pick the Broncos last week, and I've learned my lesson: no matter how stupid it may seem, or how little sense it makes, bet on Tim Tebow. Of course, Tebow himself would not agree with that theory because betting on anything would be morally ambiguous, but that's no problem for me, back in college my nickname was Erik "Morally Ambiguous" Andersen. Was it the most clever nickname? No. In fact, it was voted worst nickname on campus by multiple publications, but that's not the point.
Broncos 24-21
New England @ Philadelphia
Remember when everyone gave Vince Young crap for making the "Dream Team" comment because he was just a back-up quarterback? Well look what happened when he got a chance to start, he led the Eagles to a road win against the division leading Giants. Maybe what it boils down to is that VY is the only real dreamer this dream team has. My Wacky Pick of the Week is that VY gets another start in this game and convinces Andy Reid to try a play that came to him in a dream. Disappointingly, the Eagles will be penalized before the play even has a chance to get started because horses are not allowed on the field ... it was a really weird dream.
Patriots 35-20
Sunday Night
Pittsburgh @ Kansas City
Hey Chiefs fans, it's Orton time! The preceding sentence has been tweeted by Matt Leinart at the bottom of every hour ever since news broke that Kansas City claimed former Broncos quarterback Kyle Orton off of waivers. While it's not likely that Orton will be any worse than Tyler Palko, it's equally unlikely that he'll be any better than Kyle Orton, and therein lies the problem.
Steelers 31-6
Monday Night
New York Giants @ New Orleans
It seems quite clear now that the Giants are not a top-notch team. They've lost their last two and based on their schedule they could easily drop the next three. With all of this adding up it becomes obvious that the Giants are going to win in New Orleans. This team is as unpredictable as an Eli Manning pass fluttering into triple coverage, so I've learned to ignore my instincts and pick the opposite when it comes to New York.
Giants 28-25
11.23.2011
NFL Picks - Thanksgiving
Green Bay @ Detroit
After the people of Detroit created a much publicized petition to stop them from playing at halftime, I'd really enjoy it if Nickelback came to the stage wearing Packers jerseys. They're just the type of badass mother effers that could do something like that. Apparently the Lions fans didn't understand the irony of having a band named Nickelback perform at a game in which the Lions will have to use three DBs on a majority of downs against Aaron Rodgers and the pass-happy Packers. Well I did, and I think the NFL made the perfect choice. Of course, I've also said time and again that "Photograph" is the greatest song of the last ten years. Unfortunately, Nickelback most likely won't have an impact on the game itself, so perhaps I should focus a little more closely on the players. The Lions should be ready to go for this one, but the Packers have Aaron Rodgers and so far this season teams with Aaron Rodgers have won all their games.
Packers 35-30
Miami @ Dallas
These teams come into this game hotter than a turkey fresh out of the oven. If you know anything about poultry preparation you know that means that these teams have an internal temperature of over 165 degrees. The Dolphins' defense has been dominant over the last three weeks, allowing a total of 20 points. Meanwhile, the Cowboys snuck away with an OT victory over Washington and are now tied atop the NFC East with New York. I'd love to go with the upset here, but I think Miami's lockdown D has also had a lot to do with their recent opponents, who have willfully allowed themselves to be beaten down, which would make the Dolphins a dominatrix of sorts. The Cowboys will not put the ball-gag in their mouths so easily.
Cowboys 20-16
San Francisco @ Baltimore
Fun fact: the coaches of these teams are brothers. The 49ers D has received its fair share of ballyhooing as of late, and the Ravens' defense is as ballyhooed as they come, but in their last four games they've given up at least 20 points each time. So who will be most ballyhooed after Thursday night? It will probably come down to which offense can actually get into the end zone, and between these two I think Baltimore has the better chance.
Ravens 13-9
After the people of Detroit created a much publicized petition to stop them from playing at halftime, I'd really enjoy it if Nickelback came to the stage wearing Packers jerseys. They're just the type of badass mother effers that could do something like that. Apparently the Lions fans didn't understand the irony of having a band named Nickelback perform at a game in which the Lions will have to use three DBs on a majority of downs against Aaron Rodgers and the pass-happy Packers. Well I did, and I think the NFL made the perfect choice. Of course, I've also said time and again that "Photograph" is the greatest song of the last ten years. Unfortunately, Nickelback most likely won't have an impact on the game itself, so perhaps I should focus a little more closely on the players. The Lions should be ready to go for this one, but the Packers have Aaron Rodgers and so far this season teams with Aaron Rodgers have won all their games.
Packers 35-30
Miami @ Dallas
These teams come into this game hotter than a turkey fresh out of the oven. If you know anything about poultry preparation you know that means that these teams have an internal temperature of over 165 degrees. The Dolphins' defense has been dominant over the last three weeks, allowing a total of 20 points. Meanwhile, the Cowboys snuck away with an OT victory over Washington and are now tied atop the NFC East with New York. I'd love to go with the upset here, but I think Miami's lockdown D has also had a lot to do with their recent opponents, who have willfully allowed themselves to be beaten down, which would make the Dolphins a dominatrix of sorts. The Cowboys will not put the ball-gag in their mouths so easily.
Cowboys 20-16
San Francisco @ Baltimore
Fun fact: the coaches of these teams are brothers. The 49ers D has received its fair share of ballyhooing as of late, and the Ravens' defense is as ballyhooed as they come, but in their last four games they've given up at least 20 points each time. So who will be most ballyhooed after Thursday night? It will probably come down to which offense can actually get into the end zone, and between these two I think Baltimore has the better chance.
Ravens 13-9
11.17.2011
NFL Picks Week 11 (Cont.)
In case you haven't been diligently keeping track of my picks' success on a weekly basis (mystifying as to why you wouldn't be) I should let you know that I've struggled as of late. I'm 15-15 over the last two weeks, so something has to change. This week I decided to look for developing trends and follow them. As most of you know, I'm something of a trend setter, so this was very difficult for me. So difficult, in fact, that at times even though I recognized a trend my pick went in the complete opposite direction. See for yourself:
Sunday Morning
Tampa Bay @ Green Bay
The Bucs have been a mess lately, losing 4 of 5, with the only win inexplicably coming over New Orleans. Does this mean that Tampa is capable of another inexplicable win over the Packers this week? No, odds are this one will be extremely explicable. I'd even go so far as to say explicable as hell. And there's nothing more explicable right now than the Packers in a cream job.
Packers 31-13
Carolina @ Detroit
The Lions have gained a reputation as the dirtiest team in the league, and I have to agree. But it's not their fault, the team showers have been broken for weeks, I blame the facilities manager (and there it is folks, the worst joke of the year ... so far; I'm sure I can top it by season's end). It's for certain that something's negatively affecting their play because they've fallen to 6-3 after starting 5-0. Odds are a tougher schedule is to blame, luckily for them they get a break this week against the reeling Panthers.
Lions 34-20
Jacksonville @ Cleveland
The Browns have only managed to score more than 17 points once this year, a 27 point effort against the Colts, which isn't very impressive considering Indy has given up, on average, 48 points a game. While that Colts stat isn't real it doesn't negate the fact that Cleveland can not score points. But guess what? Neither can the Jags! They too have only topped 17 once this year, and that was only 20, in a loss. So which offense will prove less inept this Sunday? Probably the one with the former Big 12 quarterback who's in way over his head ...
Jaguars 15-13
Oakland @ Minnesota
Somehow, after their two worst losses of the season the Raiders got a W and now find themselves alone atop the AFC West. Hopefully they don't get too comfortable though, because the whole division is breathing down their neck, or more appropriately wheezing on the back of their calves as they struggle to get back to their feet. Meanwhile, Minnesota is coming off a cream job loss, but I wouldn't put too much stock into that considering it was against the Packers. I think the Vikings will get a surprise win, but Oakland will maintain their lead in the West.
Vikings 24-20
Buffalo @ Miami
These two teams are heading in opposite directions. The Bills averaged just over 30 points in their first seven games, but in the last two they've averaged only 9. On the flip side, the Dolphins' offense has come alive, relatively, and led them right out of the race for Andrew Luck. As a result, Miami might as well try to win out, and if they haven't adopted the slogan "Phinish Strong" by now then I just don't know what hell is going on in that locker room.
Dolphins 20-17
Dallas @ Washington
Washington has lost 5 games in a row. In their last three they have only put up a combined 20 points. More bad news for the Redskins, (a headline that was frequently seen in newspapers throughout the 19th century) the Cowboys are coming to town and playing at their best. And while it's clear that DeMarco Murray is on steroids, he probably won't get busted until after the season is done, which means he'll play this week and help Dallas get another win.
Cowboys 24-9
Cincinnati @ Baltimore
Just when you think you've got all the answers in the AFC, Roddy Piper changes the question. Then you're left wondering what does Roddy Piper have to do with this? Is he somehow in control of the AFC playoff picture? Well the answer is yes, but I'll get to that later. The Ravens have been maddeningly inconsistent this season, but because this is a game that they'll actually care about they should get the win.
Ravens 20-16
Sunday Afternoon
Arizona @ San Francisco
My Wacky Pick of the Week is that John Skelton's helmet will be jarred loose at some point during this game revealing a skull instead of a head, proving that he is, in fact, a skeleton masquerading as a human. Despite the very unimaginative name choice, everybody will agree that he's done a magnificent job assimilating into human culture and that he's probably the best skeleton quarterback of all time. That being said, Arizona will lose.
49ers 26-13
Seattle @ St. Louis
At the very least, the last two games have shown that the Hawks have an actual strategy on offense: Engage Beast Mode; let Tarvaris manage the game; and don't score touchdowns, they're for wimps that don't want to compete in a close game for 60 minutes. Obviously the Hawks exceeded expectations last week in their 22-17 win over Baltimore, (I only had them winning by 3) so a setback against the Rams would be especially aggravating. Is it possible? Of course not! 10-6 can still make the playoffs, Phinish Strong!
Seahawks 21-16 (that's 7 field goals for the Hawks)
Tennessee @ Atlanta
Both teams come in at 5-4, and in need of a win. Though, if they had both come into the season with the mindset that they need to win every game they might be doing a little better right now. Falcons' coach Mike Smith has received a lot of unfair criticism just because last week he made a foolish decision that directly cost his team the game. I'm guessing he'll play things a little closer to the vest this time around and the Falcons will get the home win.
Falcons 28-20
San Diego @ Chicago
The Chargers have lost four in a row, but they hope things will get better for them with a trip to Chicago. What they don't understand is that you can't just go running off to Chicago every time things get rough. Sure it's a wonderful city, and everybody should see it at least once, but if they want to get back to winning football games sooner or later they're just going to have to face their problems head on. Not the least of these problems is the fact that Phil Rivers has been spending all of his time at the Real World house moonlighting as a lesbian named Sam. Also, the Bears have been playing well, so San Diego will most likely lose again.
Bears 29-24
Sunday Night
Philadelphia @ New York Giants
The Eagles have played so many night games this season that they've basically had their own primetime show, which makes it hard to believe that they haven't been cancelled yet. After luring everyone into thinking they were turning their season around Philly has dropped two straight, including a loss to the Cardinals that no one, and I mean no one, could have seen coming. New York should get the win, but then again it's an Eagles game so who the hell knows what's going to happen.
Giants 31-23
Monday Night
Kansas City @ New England
The Chiefs have taken a nose dive the past couple of weeks, losing to teams with Matt Moore and Tim Tebow at the helm. This week they face slightly stiffer competition in the form of Tom Brady (ladies, you know what I'm saying right? Oh wait, no women read this. Uh oh, now I seem really gay, I better flip this by the end of the post). It's plain to see that the Pats will win this game, almost as plain to see as a naked woman in my apartment, with her boobs out and what not ... (phew, that was close).
Patriots 35-14
Sunday Morning
Tampa Bay @ Green Bay
The Bucs have been a mess lately, losing 4 of 5, with the only win inexplicably coming over New Orleans. Does this mean that Tampa is capable of another inexplicable win over the Packers this week? No, odds are this one will be extremely explicable. I'd even go so far as to say explicable as hell. And there's nothing more explicable right now than the Packers in a cream job.
Packers 31-13
Carolina @ Detroit
The Lions have gained a reputation as the dirtiest team in the league, and I have to agree. But it's not their fault, the team showers have been broken for weeks, I blame the facilities manager (and there it is folks, the worst joke of the year ... so far; I'm sure I can top it by season's end). It's for certain that something's negatively affecting their play because they've fallen to 6-3 after starting 5-0. Odds are a tougher schedule is to blame, luckily for them they get a break this week against the reeling Panthers.
Lions 34-20
Jacksonville @ Cleveland
The Browns have only managed to score more than 17 points once this year, a 27 point effort against the Colts, which isn't very impressive considering Indy has given up, on average, 48 points a game. While that Colts stat isn't real it doesn't negate the fact that Cleveland can not score points. But guess what? Neither can the Jags! They too have only topped 17 once this year, and that was only 20, in a loss. So which offense will prove less inept this Sunday? Probably the one with the former Big 12 quarterback who's in way over his head ...
Jaguars 15-13
Oakland @ Minnesota
Somehow, after their two worst losses of the season the Raiders got a W and now find themselves alone atop the AFC West. Hopefully they don't get too comfortable though, because the whole division is breathing down their neck, or more appropriately wheezing on the back of their calves as they struggle to get back to their feet. Meanwhile, Minnesota is coming off a cream job loss, but I wouldn't put too much stock into that considering it was against the Packers. I think the Vikings will get a surprise win, but Oakland will maintain their lead in the West.
Vikings 24-20
Buffalo @ Miami
These two teams are heading in opposite directions. The Bills averaged just over 30 points in their first seven games, but in the last two they've averaged only 9. On the flip side, the Dolphins' offense has come alive, relatively, and led them right out of the race for Andrew Luck. As a result, Miami might as well try to win out, and if they haven't adopted the slogan "Phinish Strong" by now then I just don't know what hell is going on in that locker room.
Dolphins 20-17
Dallas @ Washington
Washington has lost 5 games in a row. In their last three they have only put up a combined 20 points. More bad news for the Redskins, (a headline that was frequently seen in newspapers throughout the 19th century) the Cowboys are coming to town and playing at their best. And while it's clear that DeMarco Murray is on steroids, he probably won't get busted until after the season is done, which means he'll play this week and help Dallas get another win.
Cowboys 24-9
Cincinnati @ Baltimore
Just when you think you've got all the answers in the AFC, Roddy Piper changes the question. Then you're left wondering what does Roddy Piper have to do with this? Is he somehow in control of the AFC playoff picture? Well the answer is yes, but I'll get to that later. The Ravens have been maddeningly inconsistent this season, but because this is a game that they'll actually care about they should get the win.
Ravens 20-16
Sunday Afternoon
Arizona @ San Francisco
My Wacky Pick of the Week is that John Skelton's helmet will be jarred loose at some point during this game revealing a skull instead of a head, proving that he is, in fact, a skeleton masquerading as a human. Despite the very unimaginative name choice, everybody will agree that he's done a magnificent job assimilating into human culture and that he's probably the best skeleton quarterback of all time. That being said, Arizona will lose.
49ers 26-13
Seattle @ St. Louis
At the very least, the last two games have shown that the Hawks have an actual strategy on offense: Engage Beast Mode; let Tarvaris manage the game; and don't score touchdowns, they're for wimps that don't want to compete in a close game for 60 minutes. Obviously the Hawks exceeded expectations last week in their 22-17 win over Baltimore, (I only had them winning by 3) so a setback against the Rams would be especially aggravating. Is it possible? Of course not! 10-6 can still make the playoffs, Phinish Strong!
Seahawks 21-16 (that's 7 field goals for the Hawks)
Tennessee @ Atlanta
Both teams come in at 5-4, and in need of a win. Though, if they had both come into the season with the mindset that they need to win every game they might be doing a little better right now. Falcons' coach Mike Smith has received a lot of unfair criticism just because last week he made a foolish decision that directly cost his team the game. I'm guessing he'll play things a little closer to the vest this time around and the Falcons will get the home win.
Falcons 28-20
San Diego @ Chicago
The Chargers have lost four in a row, but they hope things will get better for them with a trip to Chicago. What they don't understand is that you can't just go running off to Chicago every time things get rough. Sure it's a wonderful city, and everybody should see it at least once, but if they want to get back to winning football games sooner or later they're just going to have to face their problems head on. Not the least of these problems is the fact that Phil Rivers has been spending all of his time at the Real World house moonlighting as a lesbian named Sam. Also, the Bears have been playing well, so San Diego will most likely lose again.
Bears 29-24
Sunday Night
Philadelphia @ New York Giants
The Eagles have played so many night games this season that they've basically had their own primetime show, which makes it hard to believe that they haven't been cancelled yet. After luring everyone into thinking they were turning their season around Philly has dropped two straight, including a loss to the Cardinals that no one, and I mean no one, could have seen coming. New York should get the win, but then again it's an Eagles game so who the hell knows what's going to happen.
Giants 31-23
Monday Night
Kansas City @ New England
The Chiefs have taken a nose dive the past couple of weeks, losing to teams with Matt Moore and Tim Tebow at the helm. This week they face slightly stiffer competition in the form of Tom Brady (ladies, you know what I'm saying right? Oh wait, no women read this. Uh oh, now I seem really gay, I better flip this by the end of the post). It's plain to see that the Pats will win this game, almost as plain to see as a naked woman in my apartment, with her boobs out and what not ... (phew, that was close).
Patriots 35-14
11.16.2011
NFL Picks Week 11
Thursday Night
New York Jets @ Denver Broncos
This game has turned into something of a perfect storm. With the combination of the Jets pass defense and Tim Tebow at quarterback for the Broncos we could be looking at something truly catastrophic. Is it possible for a team to go a whole game without throwing a pass? We're about to find out! By the way, we'll find out that the answer is no. Tebow was born to throw, he's like the opposite of Bruce Springsteen (in so many ways, but this one in particular). If you need any further convincing that Teebs is a top-notch passer, just look at his rating from last week: 102.6! (And no, that's not a joke, he went 2-8 on the game and had a 102.6 passer rating) Even with all of this incontrovertible proof and the fact that the Jets D struggled last week I'm still going to have to take New York. I'm sorry Tim, prove me wrong.
Jets 24-7
New York Jets @ Denver Broncos
This game has turned into something of a perfect storm. With the combination of the Jets pass defense and Tim Tebow at quarterback for the Broncos we could be looking at something truly catastrophic. Is it possible for a team to go a whole game without throwing a pass? We're about to find out! By the way, we'll find out that the answer is no. Tebow was born to throw, he's like the opposite of Bruce Springsteen (in so many ways, but this one in particular). If you need any further convincing that Teebs is a top-notch passer, just look at his rating from last week: 102.6! (And no, that's not a joke, he went 2-8 on the game and had a 102.6 passer rating) Even with all of this incontrovertible proof and the fact that the Jets D struggled last week I'm still going to have to take New York. I'm sorry Tim, prove me wrong.
Jets 24-7
11.10.2011
NFL Picks Week 10
It's Week 10 and one of the more interesting sub-plots to me, and indeed the entire nation, is the Survivor Football league in which Finn and I are the only two remaining participants and there is absolutely no cash prize. The tension is palpable but we'll obviously have to wait until Sunday to find out who picked who.
Sunday Morning
Arizona @ Philadelphia
The Eagles are currently only one game better than the Cardinals, however the two teams feel much further apart. In fact, if my survival depended on one pick this week I'd have to go with Philly. Or, to put it another way, if I had to choose one game correctly otherwise I'd be forced to swim with toasters in some sort of suicide pool, I would most likely pick the Eagles (maybe I shouldn't have used those italics).
Eagles 27-17
Tennessee @ Carolina
Remember before the season when Chris Johnson got upset with all the "fake fans" that were just concerned about him playing this year for fantasy purposes? Is it possible that his awful play this season is just his way of getting back at them? I say it's the only feasible explanation. And I'm pissed! I was saddled with him for the first 9 weeks, but now I've unloaded him, so I'm no longer a "fake fan," I'm not even a fan at all. Worst of luck bud!
Panthers 30-14
Houston @ Tampa Bay
The Bucs have been much better at home this season and the Texans have been a bit shaky on the road outside of their 41-7 cream job on Tennessee a couple weeks ago. However, it seems like the Texans are gaining a lot momentum and confidence while Tampa is losing all of that.
Texans 24-10
Washington @ Miami
The Dolphins shocked the NFL with a 31-3 win in Kansas City last week. I'm sure it also shocked Matt Moore who, by this point, must have been sure that his team was trying their damnedest to replace him with the first pick in the draft. This week Miami will get another win to further eliminate themselves from the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes ... the Luckstakes? No that sucks, don't worry I'll come up with a better portmanteau word involving luck at some point today.
Dolphins 20-13
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis
The last time these teams met a season ago they were battling for the lead in the division, now they're fighting it out in the basement as if they were Stu Hart. But you and I both know that neither of these teams are deceased wrestling legends, and if they are they've done quite the job disguising themselves. So what to make of this stinker (which is the same thing I say when I sculpt poo for money on the Venice boardwalk)? I think the Colts manage to get their first win. Why? Because I'm crrrraaaaaaaaaaaazy (see: poo sculpting).
Colts 23-20
Denver @ Kansas City
For a couple weeks now "Tebowing" has become all the rage, including players from other teams mocking Tebow by kneeling after sacking him. If players really wanted to mock Tebow they should grab the ball after they sack him, run around like a chicken with his head cut off and then throw the ball into the stands. There would probably be resulting penalties, but that's not the point; the point, as it always is in football, is to be hilarious.
Chiefs 28-16
Buffalo @ Dallas
With the absence of Miles Austin in this game the Cowboys have lost more smiles than Shawn Michaels circa '97. Will that be enough to get the Bills the win? I don't think so. As legendary former Dallas coach Tom Landry once said, "Smiles don't win football games." (don't bother looking that quote up, you won't be able to find it, just trust that I did)
Cowboys 27-24
New Orleans @ Atlanta
The winner of this game will take control of the NFC South ... for now. If there's one thing I've always said about the NFC South it's "Don't count out the Saints even if they fall to 6-4 and are a half game out of first going into their bye week." So, as you can see, even with a loss this week to the Falcons New Orleans still has a chance.
Falcons 31-27
St. Louis @ Cleveland
Rams vs. Browns. C'mon, that's kind of funny/dirty on it's own right?
Rams 12-11
Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
The Bengals currently hold the #1 seed in the AFC. That's not a joke, I couldn't make up something that funny. But the honeymoon will soon be over as the second-half schedule brings four games against the Steelers and Ravens and another one against the Texans. There's still a chance they could make the playoffs, but a first round bye won't be in the cards. A wild card is more likely in the cards, I mean that's just common sense if you look at the words.
Steelers 17-13
Sunday Afternoon
Baltimore @ Seattle
As I've said before, as the Flac-Man goes so go the Ravens, and he proved it last week by leading a game-winning last-second touchdown drive to beat Pittsburgh. Unfortunately for Flac he's making his first trip to Seattle this week, and as we all know, those don't go so well, just ask Andy Dalton. Er, wait don't do that; fine, whatever, do it, it's not like you have his phone number you loser. Anyway, I say that Flac gets rattled and Tarvaris (very close to going back to Turdvaris) somehow learns how to operate a two minute drill to get the win.
Seahawks 16-13
New York Giants @ San Francisco
The Giants come into this game having won six of their last seven (bonus points to whoever can name the one team they lost to), but their last four wins in that stretch have been by only 3 or 4 points in each game. This could mean that they're clutch, or just lucky. I say they're both, they're clucky! Hmm, no, that didn't work either, shit. Ok never mind they're just good, and I feel like they're better on the road. I know I said that I'd never pick against the Niners again, and I hate to lie, but if John Matrix can do it then so can I. Besides, fuck 'em.
Giants 20-17
Detroit @ Chicago
The Bears have won three in a row, including wins in Philadelphia and London, two of the toughest places to play in the NFL. The Lions lost two in a row and then destroyed Tim Tebow. Now they're coming off a bye which I think will leave them sluggish, like a wet sponge. That adds up to a rare Chicago pick for me.
Bears 23-20
Sunday Night
New England @ New York Jets
Last week the Patriots lost a heart-breaker, meanwhile Rex Ryan ate a burger called the "Heart-breaker." It's safe to say that the experience was more pleasant for Ryan, and I think that will have a carry-over effect to this week. It would seem strange for New England to drop to 5-4, but they just haven't been playing well lately.
Jets 21-19
Monday Night
Minnesota @ Green Bay
My Wacky Pick of the Week is that Aaron Rodgers only throws one incompletion. It will come right towards the end of the game, and he will throw it all the way into the stands, into the waiting arms of a sick child. Replays will catch Rodgers flashing a sly wink as he turns back to the huddle. Wow, what a great guy. As for the game itself, it's Green Bay in a cream job.
Packers 38-21
Sunday Morning
Arizona @ Philadelphia
The Eagles are currently only one game better than the Cardinals, however the two teams feel much further apart. In fact, if my survival depended on one pick this week I'd have to go with Philly. Or, to put it another way, if I had to choose one game correctly otherwise I'd be forced to swim with toasters in some sort of suicide pool, I would most likely pick the Eagles (maybe I shouldn't have used those italics).
Eagles 27-17
Tennessee @ Carolina
Remember before the season when Chris Johnson got upset with all the "fake fans" that were just concerned about him playing this year for fantasy purposes? Is it possible that his awful play this season is just his way of getting back at them? I say it's the only feasible explanation. And I'm pissed! I was saddled with him for the first 9 weeks, but now I've unloaded him, so I'm no longer a "fake fan," I'm not even a fan at all. Worst of luck bud!
Panthers 30-14
Houston @ Tampa Bay
The Bucs have been much better at home this season and the Texans have been a bit shaky on the road outside of their 41-7 cream job on Tennessee a couple weeks ago. However, it seems like the Texans are gaining a lot momentum and confidence while Tampa is losing all of that.
Texans 24-10
Washington @ Miami
The Dolphins shocked the NFL with a 31-3 win in Kansas City last week. I'm sure it also shocked Matt Moore who, by this point, must have been sure that his team was trying their damnedest to replace him with the first pick in the draft. This week Miami will get another win to further eliminate themselves from the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes ... the Luckstakes? No that sucks, don't worry I'll come up with a better portmanteau word involving luck at some point today.
Dolphins 20-13
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis
The last time these teams met a season ago they were battling for the lead in the division, now they're fighting it out in the basement as if they were Stu Hart. But you and I both know that neither of these teams are deceased wrestling legends, and if they are they've done quite the job disguising themselves. So what to make of this stinker (which is the same thing I say when I sculpt poo for money on the Venice boardwalk)? I think the Colts manage to get their first win. Why? Because I'm crrrraaaaaaaaaaaazy (see: poo sculpting).
Colts 23-20
Denver @ Kansas City
For a couple weeks now "Tebowing" has become all the rage, including players from other teams mocking Tebow by kneeling after sacking him. If players really wanted to mock Tebow they should grab the ball after they sack him, run around like a chicken with his head cut off and then throw the ball into the stands. There would probably be resulting penalties, but that's not the point; the point, as it always is in football, is to be hilarious.
Chiefs 28-16
Buffalo @ Dallas
With the absence of Miles Austin in this game the Cowboys have lost more smiles than Shawn Michaels circa '97. Will that be enough to get the Bills the win? I don't think so. As legendary former Dallas coach Tom Landry once said, "Smiles don't win football games." (don't bother looking that quote up, you won't be able to find it, just trust that I did)
Cowboys 27-24
New Orleans @ Atlanta
The winner of this game will take control of the NFC South ... for now. If there's one thing I've always said about the NFC South it's "Don't count out the Saints even if they fall to 6-4 and are a half game out of first going into their bye week." So, as you can see, even with a loss this week to the Falcons New Orleans still has a chance.
Falcons 31-27
St. Louis @ Cleveland
Rams vs. Browns. C'mon, that's kind of funny/dirty on it's own right?
Rams 12-11
Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
The Bengals currently hold the #1 seed in the AFC. That's not a joke, I couldn't make up something that funny. But the honeymoon will soon be over as the second-half schedule brings four games against the Steelers and Ravens and another one against the Texans. There's still a chance they could make the playoffs, but a first round bye won't be in the cards. A wild card is more likely in the cards, I mean that's just common sense if you look at the words.
Steelers 17-13
Sunday Afternoon
Baltimore @ Seattle
As I've said before, as the Flac-Man goes so go the Ravens, and he proved it last week by leading a game-winning last-second touchdown drive to beat Pittsburgh. Unfortunately for Flac he's making his first trip to Seattle this week, and as we all know, those don't go so well, just ask Andy Dalton. Er, wait don't do that; fine, whatever, do it, it's not like you have his phone number you loser. Anyway, I say that Flac gets rattled and Tarvaris (very close to going back to Turdvaris) somehow learns how to operate a two minute drill to get the win.
Seahawks 16-13
New York Giants @ San Francisco
The Giants come into this game having won six of their last seven (bonus points to whoever can name the one team they lost to), but their last four wins in that stretch have been by only 3 or 4 points in each game. This could mean that they're clutch, or just lucky. I say they're both, they're clucky! Hmm, no, that didn't work either, shit. Ok never mind they're just good, and I feel like they're better on the road. I know I said that I'd never pick against the Niners again, and I hate to lie, but if John Matrix can do it then so can I. Besides, fuck 'em.
Giants 20-17
Detroit @ Chicago
The Bears have won three in a row, including wins in Philadelphia and London, two of the toughest places to play in the NFL. The Lions lost two in a row and then destroyed Tim Tebow. Now they're coming off a bye which I think will leave them sluggish, like a wet sponge. That adds up to a rare Chicago pick for me.
Bears 23-20
Sunday Night
New England @ New York Jets
Last week the Patriots lost a heart-breaker, meanwhile Rex Ryan ate a burger called the "Heart-breaker." It's safe to say that the experience was more pleasant for Ryan, and I think that will have a carry-over effect to this week. It would seem strange for New England to drop to 5-4, but they just haven't been playing well lately.
Jets 21-19
Monday Night
Minnesota @ Green Bay
My Wacky Pick of the Week is that Aaron Rodgers only throws one incompletion. It will come right towards the end of the game, and he will throw it all the way into the stands, into the waiting arms of a sick child. Replays will catch Rodgers flashing a sly wink as he turns back to the huddle. Wow, what a great guy. As for the game itself, it's Green Bay in a cream job.
Packers 38-21
11.09.2011
Week 10 - Thursday Night
Thursday Night
Oakland @ San Diego
After watching these two teams over the last couple of weeks I kind of wish I could pick against them both. Come to think of it, that would be a great idea, I should do that with every game, I'd never lose ... then again I'd never really win either. It would be like some type of picking purgatory, a pickatory if you will ... you won't? Alright dick. As I was saying, neither team has looked great in their most recent outings, but the Raiders have been a real mess since Darren McFadden went down at the start of the KC game. Not coincidentally that was also the first game that Carson Palmer played in Oakland. With DMC out again and Palmer still very much in I will confidently take the Chargers.
Chargers 31-16
Oakland @ San Diego
After watching these two teams over the last couple of weeks I kind of wish I could pick against them both. Come to think of it, that would be a great idea, I should do that with every game, I'd never lose ... then again I'd never really win either. It would be like some type of picking purgatory, a pickatory if you will ... you won't? Alright dick. As I was saying, neither team has looked great in their most recent outings, but the Raiders have been a real mess since Darren McFadden went down at the start of the KC game. Not coincidentally that was also the first game that Carson Palmer played in Oakland. With DMC out again and Palmer still very much in I will confidently take the Chargers.
Chargers 31-16
11.03.2011
NFL Picks Week 9
We've hit the midway point of the season, which means I'm either going to be repeating myself or reaching way too far to think of creative things to say. Enjoy!
Sunday Morning
Miami @ Kansas City
Interesting coaching match-up here, Todd Haley looks homeless and Tony Sparano may soon be jobless, and I assume within a matter of months actually homeless. Let's face it, coachin' is all Sparano knows, and in this economy there just isn't a lot of freelance coaching work out there. So, in essence, Sparano needs to win some games down the stretch to maintain his livelihood and his family's safety. Unfortunately for the Sparanos the Chiefs have won 4 in a row, while the poorly-coached Dolphins have lost their 10 dating back to last season.
Chiefs 24-10
Atlanta @ Indianapolis
There's been some talk lately about Peyton Manning really wanting to try to play this season. This feels like when you would fake being sick to stay home from school and you'd make a half-assed effort to get ready before you finally told your mom you couldn't make it. You never did that? I did it all the time ... wait a minute I hope my mom isn't reading this, for a number of reasons really, but that confession in particular. Another problem is that the analogy only works if Manning is faking his neck injury ... hmm ... I just love stirring up controversy/making things up.
Falcons 31-13
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
Many were shocked by the Saints loss to the Rams last week, but not me. It's become clear that the Seahawks solved New Orleans for the rest of the NFC West after beating them in the playoffs last season, and last week's game has proven it. Bottom line: the NFC West owns the Saints, they're just lucky that the Rams are the only West team on their slate this year. Now that New Orleans is back to a softer schedule they should be able to get back on their feet.
Saints 34-20
New York Jets @ Buffalo
These teams play each other twice in the next four weeks, Coincidentally, because of his terrible diet that's the same amount of times that Rex Ryan will poop in that time span. After this game the Bills play 4 of their next 5 on the road, so a win in this one would go a long way towards their playoff hopes. However, I think that the Jets will shit all over those hopes ... well, not Rex Ryan of course, but the team itself.
Jets 20-17
Seattle @ Dallas
The Hawks' last two trips to Dallas have been uninspiring at best, losing 34-9 and 38-17, the former of which ruining an Andersen Thanksgiving. So why will this time be different? Well, it's not Thanksgiving, check a calendar bro. As for the Hawks getting a win? I can't make any guarantees, clearly, seeing as how I'm 2-5 when picking them this year, but I can believe damn it. Why? Because I don't have a choice.
Seahawks 24-20
Cleveland @ Houston
It would appear that I made an error in judgment when I said that the Texans wouldn't win a game while Andre Johnson was out, they've now won two. But hey, I'm a man who can admit when he's made a mistake, like the time I overslept for a midterm or when I ran over a guy while I was driving too fast to get to a midterm on time. The point is the Texans are looking like they are officially the team to beat in the AFC South; well actually the Colts are the team to beat, seeing as how they've been beaten seven times already this season, if you're looking for a team to beat it's them!
Texans 26-13
San Francisco @ Washington
The Niners are so dominant that they're even throwing to their linemen now. These guys are so cool! Anyway, another week and another win for the boys from San Fran. 15-1 here they come!
49ers 22-7
Sunday Afternoon
Cincinnati @ Tennessee
The Bengals tacked on a couple of superfluous touchdowns at the end of their supremely impressive win in Seattle last week. I wouldn't call it running up the score, but I certainly didn't like it. Now it's up to Matthew Hasselbeck to seek vengeance. I'm sure MH was watching the game last week and was just as upset as I was, so he'll take extra pleasure in shredding Cincy's D to the tune of 16 points.
Titans 16-13
Denver @ Oakland
This game promises to be an entertaining one for fans of sloppy QB play (by the way, do not google "sloppy QB play" while at work, just trust me, QB does not stand for quarterback on most of those sites). It's quite possible that this game will come down to whoever has the ball last ... that team will lose. Seriously, these teams should just start their receivers on defense.
Raiders 27-13
New York Giants @ New England
It's a rematch of that classic game from a few years back in which the Patriots completed their perfect regular season with a thrilling 38-35 victory. I know I'll never forget where I was when I watched that game, feel free to post your own memories in the comments section. Will this one be a repeat of that timeless epic? We can only hope. But the answer is probably not, because Eli Manning could never beat Tom Brady.
Patriots 38-24
St. Louis @ Arizona
Arizona is riding a 6 game losing streak, St. Louis just snapped a 6 gamer of their own. What does this mean? It's Fox's Game of the Week!
Cardinals 19-14
Green Bay @ San Diego
Philip Rivers' snap receiving is becoming a problem, and look who's coming to town! Green Bay, the best snap defenders in the league. Rivers will be lucky to come away from this contest without a snap pick or two. Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers is the best in the NFL at receiving snaps and then throwing with that very same ball. The Chargers are clearly better at home (3-0, while 1-3 on the road) but why pick against the Packers right now?
Packers 30-26
Sunday Night
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
My Wacky Pick of the Week: No one will get a bruise in this game.
Steelers 21-18
Monday Night
Chicago @ Philadelphia
I honestly think that at least one of these teams has played in one of the night games every week so far, so it was only a matter of time before they ended up facing each other; it was inevitable, like a room full of monkeys being able to write Shakespeare given enough time and typewriters (this is an old hypothetical scenario that was finally proven to be true recently! Click here for the details). As for this game, the Eagles have won back to back games, meaning they are clearly as good as we all thought they were before the season. So, barring any monkey business (hold for laughter) Philly should get the win.
Eagles 31-21
Sunday Morning
Miami @ Kansas City
Interesting coaching match-up here, Todd Haley looks homeless and Tony Sparano may soon be jobless, and I assume within a matter of months actually homeless. Let's face it, coachin' is all Sparano knows, and in this economy there just isn't a lot of freelance coaching work out there. So, in essence, Sparano needs to win some games down the stretch to maintain his livelihood and his family's safety. Unfortunately for the Sparanos the Chiefs have won 4 in a row, while the poorly-coached Dolphins have lost their 10 dating back to last season.
Chiefs 24-10
Atlanta @ Indianapolis
There's been some talk lately about Peyton Manning really wanting to try to play this season. This feels like when you would fake being sick to stay home from school and you'd make a half-assed effort to get ready before you finally told your mom you couldn't make it. You never did that? I did it all the time ... wait a minute I hope my mom isn't reading this, for a number of reasons really, but that confession in particular. Another problem is that the analogy only works if Manning is faking his neck injury ... hmm ... I just love stirring up controversy/making things up.
Falcons 31-13
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
Many were shocked by the Saints loss to the Rams last week, but not me. It's become clear that the Seahawks solved New Orleans for the rest of the NFC West after beating them in the playoffs last season, and last week's game has proven it. Bottom line: the NFC West owns the Saints, they're just lucky that the Rams are the only West team on their slate this year. Now that New Orleans is back to a softer schedule they should be able to get back on their feet.
Saints 34-20
New York Jets @ Buffalo
These teams play each other twice in the next four weeks, Coincidentally, because of his terrible diet that's the same amount of times that Rex Ryan will poop in that time span. After this game the Bills play 4 of their next 5 on the road, so a win in this one would go a long way towards their playoff hopes. However, I think that the Jets will shit all over those hopes ... well, not Rex Ryan of course, but the team itself.
Jets 20-17
Seattle @ Dallas
The Hawks' last two trips to Dallas have been uninspiring at best, losing 34-9 and 38-17, the former of which ruining an Andersen Thanksgiving. So why will this time be different? Well, it's not Thanksgiving, check a calendar bro. As for the Hawks getting a win? I can't make any guarantees, clearly, seeing as how I'm 2-5 when picking them this year, but I can believe damn it. Why? Because I don't have a choice.
Seahawks 24-20
Cleveland @ Houston
It would appear that I made an error in judgment when I said that the Texans wouldn't win a game while Andre Johnson was out, they've now won two. But hey, I'm a man who can admit when he's made a mistake, like the time I overslept for a midterm or when I ran over a guy while I was driving too fast to get to a midterm on time. The point is the Texans are looking like they are officially the team to beat in the AFC South; well actually the Colts are the team to beat, seeing as how they've been beaten seven times already this season, if you're looking for a team to beat it's them!
Texans 26-13
San Francisco @ Washington
The Niners are so dominant that they're even throwing to their linemen now. These guys are so cool! Anyway, another week and another win for the boys from San Fran. 15-1 here they come!
49ers 22-7
Sunday Afternoon
Cincinnati @ Tennessee
The Bengals tacked on a couple of superfluous touchdowns at the end of their supremely impressive win in Seattle last week. I wouldn't call it running up the score, but I certainly didn't like it. Now it's up to Matthew Hasselbeck to seek vengeance. I'm sure MH was watching the game last week and was just as upset as I was, so he'll take extra pleasure in shredding Cincy's D to the tune of 16 points.
Titans 16-13
Denver @ Oakland
This game promises to be an entertaining one for fans of sloppy QB play (by the way, do not google "sloppy QB play" while at work, just trust me, QB does not stand for quarterback on most of those sites). It's quite possible that this game will come down to whoever has the ball last ... that team will lose. Seriously, these teams should just start their receivers on defense.
Raiders 27-13
New York Giants @ New England
It's a rematch of that classic game from a few years back in which the Patriots completed their perfect regular season with a thrilling 38-35 victory. I know I'll never forget where I was when I watched that game, feel free to post your own memories in the comments section. Will this one be a repeat of that timeless epic? We can only hope. But the answer is probably not, because Eli Manning could never beat Tom Brady.
Patriots 38-24
St. Louis @ Arizona
Arizona is riding a 6 game losing streak, St. Louis just snapped a 6 gamer of their own. What does this mean? It's Fox's Game of the Week!
Cardinals 19-14
Green Bay @ San Diego
Philip Rivers' snap receiving is becoming a problem, and look who's coming to town! Green Bay, the best snap defenders in the league. Rivers will be lucky to come away from this contest without a snap pick or two. Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers is the best in the NFL at receiving snaps and then throwing with that very same ball. The Chargers are clearly better at home (3-0, while 1-3 on the road) but why pick against the Packers right now?
Packers 30-26
Sunday Night
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
My Wacky Pick of the Week: No one will get a bruise in this game.
Steelers 21-18
Monday Night
Chicago @ Philadelphia
I honestly think that at least one of these teams has played in one of the night games every week so far, so it was only a matter of time before they ended up facing each other; it was inevitable, like a room full of monkeys being able to write Shakespeare given enough time and typewriters (this is an old hypothetical scenario that was finally proven to be true recently! Click here for the details). As for this game, the Eagles have won back to back games, meaning they are clearly as good as we all thought they were before the season. So, barring any monkey business (hold for laughter) Philly should get the win.
Eagles 31-21
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