NFL Picks Week 12

Sunday Morning

Houston @ Jacksonville

Hey Texans fans, it's Leinart time! The preceding sentence has been tweeted every hour on the hour by Matt Leinart since word broke out that Matt Schaub was out for the year. While his confidence is admirable it remains to be seen just how successful Leinart can be. Luckily for him his first contest is against the Jaguars who just lost to Colt McCoy.

Texans 27-13

Buffalo @ New York Jets

It's become clear now that the Bills' season is doomed. Where once was promise now lies only a hollow reminder of squandered opportunities and childlike whimsy. In other words they're fucked. Fred Jackson's season-ending injury looks like the final nail in the coffin for a Buffalo team that is in the midst of a three game losing streak in which the offense has managed only 26 points combined. The Jets haven't looked much better lately, but as long as they don't accidentally throw touchdowns to the other team (easier said than done, eh Sanch?) they should get the win.

Jets 20-10

Cleveland @ Cincinnati

The fact that the Browns are 4-6 is somewhat mystifying because every time I pay attention to one of their games (not often) they seem like the worst team in the league. Granted, when I wrote that last sentence I momentarily forgot that the Colts existed, but I still contend that Cleveland is much worse than their record indicates. The Bengals have lost two in a row, to Pittsburgh and Baltimore respectively, but they put up a good fight in both and proved that they can hang with anyone. They're a lot like Ferris Bueller in that way.

Bengals 19-6

Minnesota @ Atlanta

It appears that the Vikings may be without former Heisman Trophy runner-up Adrian Peterson, luckily for them they can replace him with former Heisman Trophy runner-up Toby Gerhart. Clearly these two are of equal skill level and capability based on their Heisman history, so don't expect much of a drop off. However, even with Peterson Minnesota was struggling, so this should be a good opportunity for Atlanta to get to 7-4.

Falcons 27-10

Arizona @ St. Louis

Word on the street is that the Rams have petitioned the NFL to play the remainder of their games in an abandoned warehouse. Their reasoning being that the ambiance would be more or less the same, and this way they don't have to shame themselves in front of "thousands" of people.

Cardinals 28-17

Carolina @ Indianapolis

This is Indy's chance to prove just how much they want the #1 pick in the draft, and prove it they will. The Colts will roll over and die like they're at a glue factory, and Cam Newton will relish every second of it, because he loves killing horses.

Panthers 31-14

Tampa Bay @ Tennessee

Wasn't it fitting that last week Jake Locker threw his first two NFL touchdown passes to Nate Washington? It's reminiscent of Josh Freeman's debut when he threw his first touchdown to Andre Kansas State. Unfortunately for Freeman, he hasn't been throwing many TDs this season (perhaps resigning Andre Kansas State would help), however, the offense showed some signs of life last week in Green Bay. They were only trying to keep up with Aaron Rodgers though, this week they face a returning Matthew Hasselbeck which will prove to be a much tougher task.

Titans 21-19

Sunday Afternoon

Chicago @ Oakland

It looks like Jay Cutler got so nervous about the playoffs this year that he went ahead and faked an injury before his team even had a chance to get there; a savvy move by the veteran. That being said, the Bears are riding a five game winning streak and they still have their most talented offensive player in Matt Forte. On the other side, it appears that the Raiders will be without Darren McFadden again, but they've been able to win their last two without DMC, and Carson Palmer is actually playing competent football (and very competent dominoes according to locker room reports). Because this will be Caleb Haney's first start I'll go with the Raiders (and yes, I now realize that I could have just typed that one sentence and been done with it, but that's not really how this works).

Raiders 24-20

Washington @ Seattle

Don't look now, but the Hawks have won back to back games. Seriously, don't look though, Tarvaris is very self-conscious and he gets embarrassed if he knows people are watching, like a dog pooping. It's never a great sign when you're comparing your starting QB to a pooping dog, but in actuality T-Jack has been serviceable as of late. Sure he threw a couple of early picks last week, but that was just vintage Hasselbeck sandbagging. With the Hawks on their longest winning streak of the year and the Redskins coming to town having lost six in a row, I'd say Seattle is the obvious pick. What could possibly go wrong?

Seahawks 23-13

Denver @ San Diego

It's becoming more and more futile to resist the magnetism of Tim Tebow. I didn't pick the Broncos last week, and I've learned my lesson: no matter how stupid it may seem, or how little sense it makes, bet on Tim Tebow. Of course, Tebow himself would not agree with that theory because betting on anything would be morally ambiguous, but that's no problem for me, back in college my nickname was Erik "Morally Ambiguous" Andersen. Was it the most clever nickname? No. In fact, it was voted worst nickname on campus by multiple publications, but that's not the point.

Broncos 24-21

New England @ Philadelphia

Remember when everyone gave Vince Young crap for making the "Dream Team" comment because he was just a back-up quarterback? Well look what happened when he got a chance to start, he led the Eagles to a road win against the division leading Giants. Maybe what it boils down to is that VY is the only real dreamer this dream team has. My Wacky Pick of the Week is that VY gets another start in this game and convinces Andy Reid to try a play that came to him in a dream. Disappointingly, the Eagles will be penalized before the play even has a chance to get started because horses are not allowed on the field ... it was a really weird dream.

Patriots 35-20

Sunday Night

Pittsburgh @ Kansas City

Hey Chiefs fans, it's Orton time! The preceding sentence has been tweeted by Matt Leinart at the bottom of every hour ever since news broke that Kansas City claimed former Broncos quarterback Kyle Orton off of waivers. While it's not likely that Orton will be any worse than Tyler Palko, it's equally unlikely that he'll be any better than Kyle Orton, and therein lies the problem.

Steelers 31-6

Monday Night

New York Giants @ New Orleans

It seems quite clear now that the Giants are not a top-notch team. They've lost their last two and based on their schedule they could easily drop the next three. With all of this adding up it becomes obvious that the Giants are going to win in New Orleans. This team is as unpredictable as an Eli Manning pass fluttering into triple coverage, so I've learned to ignore my instincts and pick the opposite when it comes to New York.

Giants 28-25

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