NFL Picks - Week 13

Sunday Morning

Jacksonville @ Cleveland

Don't look now, actually ya know what, look right now: the Jags have won two out of their last three. And if you still think that's bad then maybe you should talk to Meatloaf, because he would almost certainly tell you otherwise. Meanwhile, the Browns are struggling. That marks the 900,000th time that the previous sentence has been written. While it's near torture to have to pick a winner here, I'll force myself to go with Cleveland.

Browns 16-13

Tennessee @ Indianapolis

If the playoffs started today this would be a first round match-up. It would be a peculiar occurrence, not necessarily because of the teams involved but because the playoffs would be starting on a weekday between Weeks 12 and 13. The Colts have been very shaky since their big win over the Broncos in Week 7, inspiring very little confidence. However, even with their uneven performance they were still able to top the Titans in Nashville only a couple weeks ago. With this game being played in Indy, I have no choice but to pick the Colts. I'm serious you guys, I wish I had the guts to pick the other way, but I'm just too much of a coward. I'm sorry ... I'm sorry! (Uncontrollable sobbing (Wait a minute, why did I even type that? There was really no need))

Colts 24-17

Chicago @ Minnesota

I just can't trust the Bears anymore. Though, it's really never a good idea to trust bears, they're greedy and usually just interested in honey. Chicago looked less than impressive in their loss to St. Louis, and while Josh McCown's stats seemed fine in the process, there's just something missing. That "something" is probably the presence of a run defense; the Bears are last in the league and are traveling to Minnesota to go against Adrian Peterson. Good luck assholes.

Vikings 23-21

Miami @ New York Jets

The Jets are 4-1 at home, which should be a good omen for this Sunday. A bad omen for this Sunday is that Geno Smith is starting for New York, and in the last four games he's thrown 0 TDs and 8 Ints. But maybe Smith won't have to do anything to get a W. The Jets are the best in the league against the run, and the Dolphins are among the worst at running it. Also, New York runs well, while Miami is just as bad at defending the run as they are running it themselves. That adds up to a win for the Jets, even win you subtract appropriately for Geno Smith.

Jets 17-13

Arizona @ Philadelphia

These teams come into this game hot hot hot! This match-up is for the birds! Let's get ready to take flight in an NFC showdown! Hey, here's a football game! Ok, I couldn't figure out how to start things off, so I just threw everything out there to see what stuck. It seems like this game could go either way, but when I look at the stats I have to side with the Cards. They're good against the run, which is what the Eagles do best, and Philly is awful against the pass, which is what Arizona does best. When you factor in the Eagles' struggles at home it's really a no brainer, meaning my pick is "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." However, if I do use my brain ...

Cardinals 31-27

Tampa Bay @ Carolina

Mike Glennon is on fire! And not just because he's spent more than 20 minutes in the sun. The Bucs have won three in a row, and are seemingly unstoppable. Unfortunately, they are running into a buzz saw, and that buzz saw's name is the Carolina Panther buzz saws. I think the Panthers get their eighth win in a row, but look for Tampa to put up a fight. Mike Glennon don't know no other way.

Panthers 23-16

New England @ Houston

The Texans have now lost nine in a row and are in the running for the #1 pick in next year's draft. They should have no motivation to win another game this year, which won't be a problem judging by the effort they put forth in a home loss to Jacksonville. Houston has been within a touchdown in their last five, look for that to change Sunday. But first look for a better game to watch, because this one probably won't be worth it.

Patriots 27-17

Sunday Afternoon

Atlanta @ Buffalo

After weeks of getting blown out, the Falcons managed to hang with the Saints and lose by only 4. Essentially that was their death rattle. They will now be put on an ice floe and sent off into the great unknown ... Canada! That's right, it's the annual game north of the border and here's hoping that the Molson's are flowin', because you'd have to be drunk to give two pucks about this one. I think Buffalo will have more fight in them and get the win.

Bills 28-20

St. Louis @ San Francisco

What has gotten into these Rams? They've won two in a row, putting up a total of 80 points and a +7 turnover differential in the process. All of which begs the question, what has gotten into these Rams? Oh, I already asked that, didn't I? Aww screw it, too late to go back and delete it now. I don't look behind me, only forward. Yes, it creates problems when typing; I've butchered countless e-mails at work, and am this close to getting fired as a result. Can the Rams keep it going in San Francisco this Sunday? I expect it to be competitive, but Kellen Clemens will ultimately be their undoing.

49ers 20-13

Denver @ Kansas City

Ladies and gentlemen, your Game of the Week ... runner-up. Both teams are coming off disappointing losses; games that they had in their back pocket. The Chiefs' dominant defense suddenly looks vulnerable while Peyton Manning reminded everyone that he is not to be trusted in cold weather (some of us didn't have to be reminded, in fact, some of us predicted exactly what would happen, but whatever). This Sunday's forecast calls for it to be 43 degrees and raining, raining footballs. But also, actual rain too. Even if Kansas City does get Tamba Hali back I expect Denver to get the job done.

Broncos 24-20

Cincinnati @ San Diego

Just when you think you can give up on the Chargers they pull out a late win in Kansas City, and put up 41 points doing it. As a result, they're right in the middle of the race for the AFC's now infamous second wild card spot. Can they make it two in a row with the Bengals coming to town? I don't see why not. As I've mentioned before, I have very little confidence in the Bengals' ability to win on the road. I know that in this situation Fred Durst would tell me that I gotta have faith, but I'm not sure I can roll with ol' Dursty on this one.

Chargers 23-20

Sunday Night

New York Giants @ Washington

Isn't this why the flex option was invented? This is an awful match-up. I can count four other games on Sunday that I am more interested in seeing. I suppose I'm failing to take into account the fact that these teams play in the NFC East, the most exciting division in football. Play on studs.

Giants 31-23

Monday Night

New Orleans @ Seattle

It's a Monday night game in Seattle and the Hawks have the best record in the NFL. With a win, they will have a stranglehold on the top spot in the NFC. Factor all of this in and the CLink might explode. And Rob Ryan will poop his pants, and his face will look like this.

Seahawks 27-17


NFL Picks - Week 13 Thanksgiving

Green Bay @ Detroit

Ever since Aaron Rodgers cracked a wing, the Packers have hardly been on a roll. In fact, beating them has been easy as pie. While some Packers fans may be giving thanks that Matt Flynn is back behind center, I still expect the Lions to beat the stuffing out of these turkeys.

Lions 30-20

Oakland @ Dallas

The Raiders had a chance to be tied for the final spot in the AFC playoffs but blew a late lead at home against Tennessee; what a bunch of turkeys! While Matt McGloin has been passable so far for Oakland I expect him to get gobbled up on the big stage. But I suppose that's what you get when your quarterback options are a bunch of leftovers.

Cowboys 31-16

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore

Up until recently these teams were playing like real turkeys. The mere fact that they're back in the playoff race has to be considered gravy. Expect these two squads to mash each other until the final buzzard sounds. The good news for whoever loses is that with the AFC wild card picture in such a fowl state, a 5-7 record doesn't necessarily mean your goose is cooked. Nor does it mean your turkey's cooked. Also, yams. It's Thanksgiving!

Ravens 23-20


NFL Picks - Week 12

Sunday Morning

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland

With both of these teams entering the game at 4-6, the loser can most likely kiss their playoff hopes goodbye, while the winner can kiss their playoff hopes hello, right on the mouth with just the right amount of tongue. After last week's wacky game against Detroit the Steelers have now given up 27 or more points in a quarter twice, a stat made less troubling by the fact that the Browns have only scored more than 27 in two full games this season. So while Pittsburgh's D is shaky, the Cleveland offense probably won't be good enough to fully exploit it.

Steelers 20-17

Tampa Bay @ Detroit

The Buccaneers have won two games in a row after losing their fist eight, and this man has led them there; a fact that should give even the biggest goobers and doofiest spazzes hope that they can accomplish great things. Unfortunately it looks like that magical streak may come to an end as Tampa travels to Detroit to face a Lions team who will need a win to avoid a loss.

Lions 31-20

Minnesota @ Green Bay

The Vikings have yet to win a road game, while the Packers haven't had a W since Aaron Rodgers broke his clllllavicle. With Rodgers out again this Sunday, you know what that means. I think in this one it will be Minnesota doing most of the giving, while Green Bay takes it ... that didn't come out like I wanted it to ... neither did that. In a statistical anomaly of sorts, the Packers have given up exactly 27 points in three straight games. Why do I bring that up? Because I was able to find that out with minimal research, which can describe pretty much everything you'll read here.

Packers 23-16

San Diego @ Kansas City

The Chargers have lost three games in a row in which they've had the ball late in the game with an opportunity to win or tie the game, resulting in a 4-6 record. Perhaps there's another world in which Philip Rivers was successful on those drives and the Chargers are 7-3. But that world is called Crondar, and nobody there really cares about football. Also, the Zirnian Conference is having a really strong year, so it's no guarantee that they'd be in playoff position anyway. Look for San Diego to stumble late once again.

Chiefs 20-13

Chicago @ St. Louis

The Bears experienced some severe weather at home last week and now travel to play in an even more hellish environment, the Edward Jones Dome. It's not where dreams go to die, it's where you go when your dreams are already dead.

Rams 27-24

Carolina @ Miami

The Panthers are on fire. Seriously, I just watched an Animal Planet documentary about it, it's pretty messed up. Aside from that though, Carolina is hot, and Miami is no place to cool down. Though, I wouldn't write the Dolphins off completely, another AP doc informed me that their recent population numbers are very encouraging.

Panthers 20-16

New York Jets @ Baltimore

This one promises to be a knockdown drag-out fight, and if it is, it will be totally against the rules resulting in many, many ejections. The Jets are currently one game ahead of the Ravens in the race for the AFC's second wild card spot meaning that this game carries a lot of weight. At times like these I'm greatly disappointed that Rex Ryan isn't as fat as he used to be, I really had a nice set-up there that's gone to waste.

Ravens 16-13

Jacksonville @ Houston

These teams come into this game with a combined record of 3-17, making this the league's worst possible match-up. Did someone say worst possible match-up? The Texans have declared that Case Keenum is still their starting quarterback. With Houston playing Jacksonville it's likely that Case Keenum thinks that getting the start in this particular occasion is neat, um ... that's all I got.

Texans 28-18

Sunday Afternoon

Tennessee @ Oakland

Another match-up of 4-6 teams that are still within a game of the playoffs. But I'll be honest with you guys, I wouldn't give either of them much of a chance. Now that I was honest with you, I think it's time you were honest with me. I mean, we've been doing this for over four seasons now, it's the least you could do. I want to trust you, I just don't know if I can. It's a lot like how I feel about Matt McGloin. But as is the case with both, I'm willing to take a leap of faith.

Raiders 24-19

Indianapolis @ Arizona

In my opinion this is the most interesting game of the day. The Cardinals are out to prove that they belong in the discussion for one of the NFC's wild card spots. The Colts hold a three game lead in the AFC South and are looking to stay in position for a first round bye. Fun fact, that three game divisional lead is the second largest in the whole NFL! Anybody want to guess who has the biggest lead? As for this contest, Arizona comes in to it 4-1 at home, while Indy is 4-1 on the road. The deciding factor for me is Carson Palmer, whichever team he doesn't play for on Sunday should get the win.

Colts 30-24

Dallas @ New York Giants

So here we are, the Giants are on the verge of being one game out of first place in the NFC East. With a win over the Cowboys, New York will trail only the idle Eagles. If that happens, may God have mercy on our souls. It would be pretty cliche at this point if the Giants snuck into the playoffs and won the Super Bowl again. And if I know these guys they like to do the unexpected, which at this point would mean no playoffs. It's a paradox of sorts. No surprise, coming from Eli Manning, master of the paradox.

Giants 34-31

Sunday Night

Denver @ New England

It seems the key to beating Peyton Manning is a lot like stopping a wound from bleeding, apply pressure. Manning's quick release makes that easier said than done. Though, when you think about it isn't everything easier said than done? Why is that even a saying? Anyway, the Patriots have 32 sacks, good for sixth most in the league, so clearly they can get after the QB. They also have Tom Brady, who is more than capable of exploiting the Broncos' defense, which is 28th against the pass. Add to that the sub-freezing temperatures expected for game time and Manning's struggle in past cold weather games and I think you have the recipe for a New England victory, Of course, getting all of that to work in your favor is easier said than done.

Patriots 31-28

Monday Night

San Francisco @ Washington

This game features probably the two most athletic quarterbacks that currently rank in the bottom half of the league in terms of passer rating. So in other words, get your popcorn ready! As we all know, the 49ers have lost consecutive games. Nothing much to add to that, but it bears pointing out. Luckily for San Francisco the Redskins are crummy, and should prove very beatable.

49ers 34-20


NFL Picks - Week 12 Thursday

New Orleans @ Atlanta

I don't want to say that the Falcons have quit on their season. I'd rather say that they've completely given up, I think that's more evocative. Whatever vocabulary you use, the fact is that they're playing worse with each new game. If Atlanta wants to end this one early all they'll have to do is touch Drew Brees in the neck, the refs will most likely call it for the Saints after that.

Saints 35-17


NFL Picks - Week 11

Sunday Morning

New York Jets @ Buffalo

The Jets have been up and down all year. You might go so far as to say that their season has been one big amusement park ride of some sort. Meanwhile, the Bills haven't been having nearly as much fun, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they have to play in Buffalo. Well ok, that probably has something to do with it, but I was mostly referring to their myriad injuries. But with rookie quarterback EJ Manuel playing in his second game back from injury and the Jets on track for a letdown after a big win in their last game I'll roll with the Bills. Wait a minute, roll ... roller coaster! There it is!

Bills 20-16

Baltimore @ Chicago

Starting with Week 4, neither of these teams has played in a game decided by more than one score. So obviously this one figures to be close, with the margin being eight points at the most. Luke McCown has played well for the Bears in relief, in fact, his playing time last week was probably too brief. The Ravens' latest win was a bit scary after nearly blowing it following a last-second Hail Mary. The allure of this rhyme gimmick is fading, and I've got to be doing some grading. Did I tell you guys that I've been teaching? Yeah it's hard work and the pay leaves plenty to be desired, but when I see those smiling faces looking back at me it makes it all worth it. Sure, some people say that teaching a full class on swear words to children is unnecessary and downright irresponsible, but I can't help but disagree.

Bears 23-20 

Cleveland @ Cincinnati

The Bengals have posted a 2-4 record on the road while going 4-0 in Cincinnati. They must be happier to come home than a kid returning from camp, a kid who pooed his pants on one of the hikes and then tried to play it off as if nothing had happened until the girl he liked came up and asked him what that smell was and before he could answer he pooed his pants again ... Look let's just stop talking about camp already, ok!? The bottom line is that the Bengals play much better at home.

Bengals 24-14

Washington @ Philadelphia

Despite the fact that Nick Foles has thrown 16 TDs and 0 INTs this season Chip Kelly has refused to name him the starting quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles. I'm not sure why I felt the need to specify there, it would be highly bizarre if he were to name Foles the starter of some other team. I don't know what more Foles could do to earn the job, but I suppose winning the Eagles first home game in eleven tries would be a start.

Eagles 38-28

Detroit @ Pittsburgh

While the Steelers defense has been maligned at times this season, they've actually given up only 201 yards passing yards per game, good enough for 4th best in the NFL. A stingy pass D is key if Pittsburgh plans on knocking off the Lions. And if they don't plan on knocking off the Lions, then that would make it a lot easier for everyone, no game necessary! Everybody can go home and do something else; maybe watch TV. Adam Sandler's The Longest Yard will be on TNT at that time. However, I do expect the Steelers to put up a fight, and I see them getting the win.

Steelers 27-24

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay

These are the last two teams to have played the Seahawks, so I've gotten a close look at each of them recently. Only one of them looked like they had some fight left in them. And their quarterback knows what it's like to win in this league now. Who needs pigment?

Buccaneers 21-16

Arizona @ Jacksonville

Don't look now, but the Cardinals have a winning record and are within ... did you just look? I told you not to! Do you have any idea what you've done!? No, no this just won't do. Call off the game. And just in case the game isn't cancelled by Sunday, I'll take Arizona.

Cardinals 20-10

Oakland @ Houston

The Raiders have the 31st passing offense in the league, the Texans have the best passing defense in the league. This isn't going to be pretty. For so many reasons other than just that statistical mismatch, I mean it's the Texans and Raiders so expect a first rate uggo.

Texans 28-20

Sunday Afternoon

San Diego @ Miami

Thanks to a wacky voicemail mix-up the Dolphins are missing two key starters on their offensive line. The result has been Ryan Tannehill facing probably more pressure than anybody involved with the Dolphins organization has ever faced. With the team in disarray even the scuffling Chargers seem likely to come to Miami and get a win. Now, if Dolphins players can just remember to use *67 in the future they might get their ship pointed back in the right direction.

Chargers 26-21 

San Francisco @ New Orleans

It was tough sledding for the 49ers in their loss to Carolina, but that makes sense, because there was no snow on the ground and the game was being played on a very flat surface. This week they're playing inside the Superdome, so it would seem that sledding is completely out of the question. The Saints have been dominant at home, beating teams by an average of 20 points. While I don't expect this one to be quite so one-sided, New Orleans should still get the win.

Saints 24-13

Green Bay @ New York Giants

The Giants have throttled the Packers the last two times they've played (37-20 & 38-10), and that's with Aaron Rodgers. Well now it's Scott Tolzien's show and I'm guessing that the reviews will not be rave. I mean, not Dads bad, but then again nothing is. With a win this Sunday the Giants can get to 4-6, which would put them right in the thick of things with a big divisional match-up against Dallas on the horizon in Week 12. Oh God, it's happening again isn't it? Please somebody just beat them and let this be over. 

Giants 22-16

Minnesota @ Seattle

It's been a long wait for Hawks fans, but the missing piece may finally make his debut soon. That's right Tharold Simon is returning to practice this week! And he can't come back soon enough now that it appears Brandon Browner may miss the remainder of the season with a groin injury. In other news, Percy Harvin could play his first game for the Hawks this Sunday, and if he doesn't get a touchdown the first time he touches the ball I think we can all agree that the trade was a mistake. Alright, enough goofing, I doubt that Harvin will play a big role until after the bye week, but judging by the receiving corps' performance last Sunday, another game on their own seems doable.

Seahawks 30-10

Sunday Night

Kansas City @ Denver

A lot of folks are touting this match-up as a Game of the Year candidate. Personally I've got Miami @ Buffalo in Week 16 circled on my calendar; I'm just a big fan of that rivalry, such a culture clash. But I have to admit that this contest carries a lot of weight with the AFC West lead and the conference's top spot on the line. The Chiefs have surrendered no more than 17 points in a game this season while the Broncos have scored at least 28 every time they've taken the field. This means something's gotta give ... or both team's just kind of even each other out and Denver scores about 23. Yeah, that seems more likely.

Broncos 23-20

Monday Night

New England @ Carolina

Somewhere in a dimly lit room in Connecticut the tied up ESPN employee who scheduled this season's Monday Night games has been given an extra bowl of porridge to eat, because lo and behold one of his selections has finally proven to be a quality match-up. The Panthers have won five in a row and are coming off their biggest conquest yet. Meanwhile, The Patriots have seemed mediocre all season but somehow find themselves at 7-2. In the end, I think Carolina stays as hot as a steaming bowl of porridge. Now, just imagine how much that guy's going to have to eat come Week 13.

Panthers 19-17


NFL Picks - Week 11 Thursday

Indianapolis @ Tennessee

Boy did this game look a lot better last week. Ya know what though, so did the burrito in my fridge and I'm sure as hell gonna eat that. The Colts were surprisingly thrashed by the Rams at home last week. But their big L was not nearly as damaging as the Titans', who, after their loss to the Jaguars will now be without starting quarterback Jake Locker and their dignity for the remainder of the season. The mere fact that Tavon Austin does not play for Tennessee will be enough of a boost, even if only a psychological one, for Indy, who should win comfortably.

Colts 27-13


NFL Picks - Week 10

Sunday Morning

Seattle @ Atlanta

The Seahawks have now dominated the Falcons for 30 consecutive minutes of game time, why should that change come Sunday? In all honesty, the Hawks have been sub-par the last couple of weeks, but hopefully the prospect of vengeance against a banged up Atlanta squad will be enough to bring out their best, or at least something resembling it. The Beast is hungry. Feed him the ball. Seriously. Do it.

Seahawks 28-18

Detroit @ Chicago

Jay Cutler is telling anyone who will listen that he wants to play this Sunday despite his injury. Obviously that's just lip-service though, because as we all know he thinks football is for nerds. If he does play it will help, but the Bears' defense will have a much tougher time containing Stafford to Johnson than they did containing Wallace to Nelson. And that's what I call groundbreaking, insightful analysis!

Lions 31-27

Philadelphia @ Green Bay

Aaron Rodgers suffered a broken collar bone early Monday night, and will now not have the structural support to don a collared shirt for over a month, which, as you can see is a real shame. It turns out he also won't be able to play football for some time, a development that will surely alter the fate of the Green Bay Packers, and perhaps the entire known universe. You think I'm exaggerating? Have you ever seen a little movie called The Butterfly Effect? I haven't, but I have a pretty good idea what it's about, and if I'm right it means that this broken collar bone will result in Ashton Kutcher growing a beard and Amy Smart gettin' real slutty. The logic-defying Eagles come to Green Bay this Sunday with a 4-1 record away from home and a quarterback that just threw 7 touchdowns in one game. Look for them to get another road win, unless that makes too much sense ...

Eagles 30-23

Jacksonville @ Tennessee

The Jaguars were on their bye last week, leaving the whole league angry that there wasn't a free win out there somewhere. The NFL has heard the cries of outrage and has decided that Jacksonville must play every week from now until the end of the season. While that's bad news for the Jags it's a real coup for the teams remaining on their schedule. First to reap the benefits are the Titans, who have a legitimate shot at the AFC's second wild card. After this Sunday, that shot promises to be even legitmater.

Titans 31-14

St. Louis @ Indianapolis

While the Rams have lost their last two games, one very positive revelation has revealed itself, Zac Stacy is a heckuva running back. Wait a minute, Zac Stacy, there's something very familiar about that name, or at least the combination of those two names ... that's it! Wow, if this guy weren't on the Rams I might like him. But he is, so I don't. Anyway, the Colts have been on a rampage through the NFC West this season, and I don't expect the Rams to stop it.

Colts 26-16

Oakland @ New York Giants

Well Raiders, you just gave up 7 TD passes to Nick Foles, what are you going to do now? And no, you can't just quit. Actually, I suppose you could, but what kind of message would that send to all the young fans in the Black Hole? With role models like that they might grow up to be real scumbags. The Giants are riding back to back wins, giving up only 7 points in each game. If they can replicate that number in this game I would give them a great chance to win, and I will stand by that statement, I don't care what fat cats in Washington disagree with it. It's like, this is a democracy, I'll say what I want when I want. And what I want to say is that if Oakland only scores 7 points, they won't win. Deal with it Obamacare.

Giants 23-17

Buffalo @ Pittsburgh

The Steelers were actually only down by 3 points heading into the 4th quarter last week at New England before their defense completely took a dump. Lesson learned: no more dumps. If the D hasn't made shirts with that saying yet, then it's already too late. EJ Manuel is returning this week for the Bills, and he couldn't come back soon enough. In fact, this isn't soon enough. Buffalo is 3-6 and more or less out of the playoff picture. I think these teams are just about even, but with Manuel likely having some rust and this game being played in Pittsburgh (at the Steelers' own stadium no less!), I'll have to go against the Bills.

Steelers 24-20

Cincinnati @ Baltimore

The Ravens seem to be suffering from a Super Bowl hangover, and boy do I know how they feel. Although, I recovered from my Super Bowl hangover by the following Tuesday (or maybe, Wednesday), so what's taking these wimps so long? Just grab yourself a Slurpee and a large 'za and get back out there already. Meanwhile, the Bengals bucked their two game road winning streak on Thursday in Miami to re-affirm that they are, in fact, a lousy team away from home. Will that trend continue? You bet, or my name's not Carl Shipley (haha, now I'm not held accountable for this pick; what a bunch of suckers).

Ravens 20-17

Sunday Afternoon

Carolina @ San Francisco

Over the last month both of these teams have been steamrolling everybody in their path. This Sunday we finally get an answer to the age old question: what happens when two steamrollers collide? My guess is that the spinning mechanisms will hit each other, causing the rest of the vehicles to stand up on end, at which point it's anybody's guess. I imagine that this game will be quite similar, with each team wanting to run often against a stout defensive front. The home team gets the nod in this one because, well, they're the home team. Side prediction: at one point Steve Smith and Donte Whitner start talking so much trash to each other after a play that they forget about the game and walk off the field and through the tunnel, jawing at each other the whole way. They will never return to an NFL field, and speculation as to their whereabouts will run rampant. Years later they will re-surface and reveal that they're happily married to each other. Pretty nice story if you ask me.

49ers 23-16

Houston @ Arizona

The Cardinals are playing their third straight game at home where they've been downright competent. This week they welcome the Texans, who can't seem to buy a win. Seriously, they can't do it, it's against the rules; though somebody should tell that to Jerry Jones, am I right? (Please let me know if I am right in the comments section) Houston's new QB1 Case Keenum certainly has some fire and could come away with his first win Sunday. However, Arizona still has something to play for (I guess), and they'll give the Cards' fans their money's worth. By the way, you can get a ticket to this game for $8 online.

Cardinals 19-17

Denver @ San Diego

Is it possible that the Broncos will get caught looking past the Chargers to their Sunday night tilt against the Chiefs and lose this game? Yes, and not having their head coach won't help. However, it should be noted that Peyton Manning doesn't really need a head coach, in fact, he probably prefers it this way. Also, San Diego's pass D has been among the worst in the league this season, which should allow Manning to fling it like nobody's biz. On the other hand, Denver's pass D has been even worse, and Philip Rivers has been flingin' it something fierce this season. You know what that means, we got ourselves a good ol' fashioned flingfest. I never bet against Peyton in a flingfest. Never have, never will.

Broncos 45-38

Sunday Night

Dallas @ New Orleans

Can someone say flingfest? I can, and I hope you can too, otherwise that last pick was probably a nightmare for you. Anyway, it looks like we have another double F on our hands in this Sunday night match-up. Neither team played very well last week, meaning they'll come out firing. Or they'll shrink in upon themselves due to a crippling lack of confidence. Either it way it should be a blast to watch.

Saints 38-27

Monday Night

Miami @ Tampa Bay

It's too bad that Richie Incognito won't be with the Dolphins when they travel to Tampa. I'm guessing that he would have loved to meet the whitest man on earth. The Bucs most likely expended all of their remaining energy and interest in a spirited, but ultimately futile effort in Seattle last week.

Dolphins 24-21


NFL Picks - Week 10 Thursday

Washington @ Minnesota

The Vikings may have found their quarterback of the future, and it's the quarterback of their past. Whoa, heavy. Sorry if this just happened after you read that sentence. While Christian Ponder hasn't actually won either of his last two starts, he hasn't been uncomfortably bad like Josh Freeman was when he got the nod. The Redskins defense has been anything but good, giving up the second most points per game in the league. I'll give you one guess which team has given up the most points; hint: their name starts with a J and ends with shitty. I like Ponder to get his first win of the year. I don't like like him, but maybe someday.

Vikings 28-24