NFL Picks - Week 12

Sunday Morning

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland

With both of these teams entering the game at 4-6, the loser can most likely kiss their playoff hopes goodbye, while the winner can kiss their playoff hopes hello, right on the mouth with just the right amount of tongue. After last week's wacky game against Detroit the Steelers have now given up 27 or more points in a quarter twice, a stat made less troubling by the fact that the Browns have only scored more than 27 in two full games this season. So while Pittsburgh's D is shaky, the Cleveland offense probably won't be good enough to fully exploit it.

Steelers 20-17

Tampa Bay @ Detroit

The Buccaneers have won two games in a row after losing their fist eight, and this man has led them there; a fact that should give even the biggest goobers and doofiest spazzes hope that they can accomplish great things. Unfortunately it looks like that magical streak may come to an end as Tampa travels to Detroit to face a Lions team who will need a win to avoid a loss.

Lions 31-20

Minnesota @ Green Bay

The Vikings have yet to win a road game, while the Packers haven't had a W since Aaron Rodgers broke his clllllavicle. With Rodgers out again this Sunday, you know what that means. I think in this one it will be Minnesota doing most of the giving, while Green Bay takes it ... that didn't come out like I wanted it to ... neither did that. In a statistical anomaly of sorts, the Packers have given up exactly 27 points in three straight games. Why do I bring that up? Because I was able to find that out with minimal research, which can describe pretty much everything you'll read here.

Packers 23-16

San Diego @ Kansas City

The Chargers have lost three games in a row in which they've had the ball late in the game with an opportunity to win or tie the game, resulting in a 4-6 record. Perhaps there's another world in which Philip Rivers was successful on those drives and the Chargers are 7-3. But that world is called Crondar, and nobody there really cares about football. Also, the Zirnian Conference is having a really strong year, so it's no guarantee that they'd be in playoff position anyway. Look for San Diego to stumble late once again.

Chiefs 20-13

Chicago @ St. Louis

The Bears experienced some severe weather at home last week and now travel to play in an even more hellish environment, the Edward Jones Dome. It's not where dreams go to die, it's where you go when your dreams are already dead.

Rams 27-24

Carolina @ Miami

The Panthers are on fire. Seriously, I just watched an Animal Planet documentary about it, it's pretty messed up. Aside from that though, Carolina is hot, and Miami is no place to cool down. Though, I wouldn't write the Dolphins off completely, another AP doc informed me that their recent population numbers are very encouraging.

Panthers 20-16

New York Jets @ Baltimore

This one promises to be a knockdown drag-out fight, and if it is, it will be totally against the rules resulting in many, many ejections. The Jets are currently one game ahead of the Ravens in the race for the AFC's second wild card spot meaning that this game carries a lot of weight. At times like these I'm greatly disappointed that Rex Ryan isn't as fat as he used to be, I really had a nice set-up there that's gone to waste.

Ravens 16-13

Jacksonville @ Houston

These teams come into this game with a combined record of 3-17, making this the league's worst possible match-up. Did someone say worst possible match-up? The Texans have declared that Case Keenum is still their starting quarterback. With Houston playing Jacksonville it's likely that Case Keenum thinks that getting the start in this particular occasion is neat, um ... that's all I got.

Texans 28-18

Sunday Afternoon

Tennessee @ Oakland

Another match-up of 4-6 teams that are still within a game of the playoffs. But I'll be honest with you guys, I wouldn't give either of them much of a chance. Now that I was honest with you, I think it's time you were honest with me. I mean, we've been doing this for over four seasons now, it's the least you could do. I want to trust you, I just don't know if I can. It's a lot like how I feel about Matt McGloin. But as is the case with both, I'm willing to take a leap of faith.

Raiders 24-19

Indianapolis @ Arizona

In my opinion this is the most interesting game of the day. The Cardinals are out to prove that they belong in the discussion for one of the NFC's wild card spots. The Colts hold a three game lead in the AFC South and are looking to stay in position for a first round bye. Fun fact, that three game divisional lead is the second largest in the whole NFL! Anybody want to guess who has the biggest lead? As for this contest, Arizona comes in to it 4-1 at home, while Indy is 4-1 on the road. The deciding factor for me is Carson Palmer, whichever team he doesn't play for on Sunday should get the win.

Colts 30-24

Dallas @ New York Giants

So here we are, the Giants are on the verge of being one game out of first place in the NFC East. With a win over the Cowboys, New York will trail only the idle Eagles. If that happens, may God have mercy on our souls. It would be pretty cliche at this point if the Giants snuck into the playoffs and won the Super Bowl again. And if I know these guys they like to do the unexpected, which at this point would mean no playoffs. It's a paradox of sorts. No surprise, coming from Eli Manning, master of the paradox.

Giants 34-31

Sunday Night

Denver @ New England

It seems the key to beating Peyton Manning is a lot like stopping a wound from bleeding, apply pressure. Manning's quick release makes that easier said than done. Though, when you think about it isn't everything easier said than done? Why is that even a saying? Anyway, the Patriots have 32 sacks, good for sixth most in the league, so clearly they can get after the QB. They also have Tom Brady, who is more than capable of exploiting the Broncos' defense, which is 28th against the pass. Add to that the sub-freezing temperatures expected for game time and Manning's struggle in past cold weather games and I think you have the recipe for a New England victory, Of course, getting all of that to work in your favor is easier said than done.

Patriots 31-28

Monday Night

San Francisco @ Washington

This game features probably the two most athletic quarterbacks that currently rank in the bottom half of the league in terms of passer rating. So in other words, get your popcorn ready! As we all know, the 49ers have lost consecutive games. Nothing much to add to that, but it bears pointing out. Luckily for San Francisco the Redskins are crummy, and should prove very beatable.

49ers 34-20