Sunday Morning
Jacksonville @ Cleveland
Tennessee @ Indianapolis
Chicago @ Minnesota
Miami @ New York Jets
Arizona @ Philadelphia
Tampa Bay @ Carolina
New England @ Houston
Sunday Afternoon
Atlanta @ Buffalo
St. Louis @ San Francisco
Denver @ Kansas City
Cincinnati @ San Diego
Sunday Night
New York Giants @ Washington
Monday Night
New Orleans @ Seattle
It's a Monday night game in Seattle and the Hawks have the best record in the NFL. With a win, they will have a stranglehold on the top spot in the NFC. Factor all of this in and the CLink might explode. And Rob Ryan will poop his pants, and his face will look like this.
Seahawks 27-17
Jacksonville @ Cleveland
Don't
look now, actually ya know what, look right now: the Jags have won two
out of their last three. And if you still think that's bad then maybe you
should talk to Meatloaf, because he would almost certainly tell you
otherwise. Meanwhile, the Browns are struggling. That marks the
900,000th time that the previous sentence has been written. While it's
near torture to have to pick a winner here, I'll force myself to go with
Cleveland.
Browns 16-13
If
the playoffs started today this would be a first round match-up. It
would be a peculiar occurrence, not necessarily because of the teams
involved but because the playoffs would be starting on a weekday between
Weeks 12 and 13. The Colts have been very shaky since their big win
over the Broncos in Week 7, inspiring very little confidence. However,
even with their uneven performance they were still able to top the
Titans in Nashville only a couple weeks ago. With this game being played
in Indy, I have no choice but to pick the Colts. I'm serious you guys, I
wish I had the guts to pick the other way, but I'm just too much of a
coward. I'm sorry ... I'm sorry! (Uncontrollable sobbing (Wait a minute,
why did I even type that? There was really no need))
Colts 24-17
I
just can't trust the Bears anymore. Though, it's really never a good
idea to trust bears, they're greedy and usually just interested in
honey. Chicago looked less than impressive in their loss to St. Louis,
and while Josh McCown's stats seemed fine in the process, there's just
something missing. That "something" is probably the presence of a run
defense; the Bears are last in the league and are traveling to Minnesota
to go against Adrian Peterson. Good luck assholes.
Vikings 23-21
The
Jets are 4-1 at home, which should be a good omen for this Sunday. A
bad omen for this Sunday is that Geno Smith is starting for New York,
and in the last four games he's thrown 0 TDs and 8 Ints. But maybe Smith
won't have to do anything to get a W. The Jets are the best in the
league against the run, and the Dolphins are among the worst at running
it. Also, New York runs well, while Miami is just as bad at defending
the run as they are running it themselves. That adds up to a win for the Jets, even
win you subtract appropriately for Geno Smith.
Jets 17-13
These
teams come into this game hot hot hot! This match-up is for the birds!
Let's get ready to take flight in an NFC showdown! Hey, here's a
football game! Ok, I couldn't figure out how to start things off, so I
just threw everything out there to see what stuck. It seems like this
game could go either way, but when I look at the stats I have to side
with the Cards. They're good against the run, which is what the Eagles
do best, and Philly is awful against the pass, which is what Arizona
does best. When you factor in the Eagles' struggles at home it's really a
no brainer, meaning my pick is "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." However, if I do use
my brain ...
Cardinals 31-27
Mike
Glennon is on fire! And not just because he's spent more than 20
minutes in the sun. The Bucs have won three in a row, and are seemingly
unstoppable. Unfortunately, they are running into a buzz saw, and that
buzz saw's name is the Carolina Panther buzz saws. I think the Panthers
get their eighth win in a row, but look for Tampa to put up a fight.
Mike Glennon don't know no other way.
Panthers 23-16
The Texans have now
lost nine in a row and are in the running for the #1 pick in next year's
draft. They should have no motivation to win another game this year,
which won't be a problem judging by the effort they put forth in a
home loss to Jacksonville. Houston has been within a touchdown in their
last five, look for that to change Sunday. But first look for a better
game to watch, because this one probably won't be worth it.
Patriots 27-17
Atlanta @ Buffalo
After
weeks of getting blown out, the Falcons managed to hang with the Saints
and lose by only 4. Essentially that was their death rattle. They will
now be put on an ice floe and sent off into the great unknown ...
Canada! That's right, it's the annual game north of the border and
here's hoping that the Molson's are flowin', because you'd have to be
drunk to give two pucks about this one. I think Buffalo will have more
fight in them and get the win.
Bills 28-20
What
has gotten into these Rams? They've won two in a row, putting up a
total of 80 points and a +7 turnover differential in the process. All of which begs the question, what has gotten into these Rams? Oh, I already
asked that, didn't I? Aww screw it, too late to go back and delete it
now. I don't look behind me, only forward. Yes, it creates problems when
typing; I've butchered countless e-mails at work, and am this close to
getting fired as a result. Can the Rams keep it going in San Francisco
this Sunday? I expect it to be competitive, but Kellen Clemens will
ultimately be their undoing.
49ers 20-13
Ladies
and gentlemen, your Game of the Week ... runner-up. Both teams are
coming off disappointing losses; games that they had in their back
pocket. The Chiefs' dominant defense suddenly looks vulnerable while
Peyton Manning reminded everyone that he is not to be trusted in cold
weather (some of us didn't have to be reminded, in fact, some of us
predicted exactly what would happen, but whatever). This Sunday's
forecast calls for it to be 43 degrees and raining, raining footballs.
But also, actual rain too. Even if Kansas City does get Tamba Hali back I
expect Denver to get the job done.
Broncos 24-20
Just
when you think you can give up on the Chargers they pull out a late win
in Kansas City, and put up 41 points doing it. As a result, they're
right in the middle of the race for the AFC's now infamous second wild
card spot. Can they make it two in a row with the Bengals coming to
town? I don't see why not. As I've mentioned before, I have very little
confidence in the Bengals' ability to win on the road. I know that in
this situation Fred Durst would tell me that I gotta have faith, but I'm
not sure I can roll with ol' Dursty on this one.
Chargers 23-20
New York Giants @ Washington
Isn't this why
the flex option was invented? This is an awful match-up. I can count
four other games on Sunday that I am more interested in seeing. I
suppose I'm failing to take into account the fact that these teams play
in the NFC East, the most exciting division in football. Play on studs.
Giants 31-23
New Orleans @ Seattle
It's a Monday night game in Seattle and the Hawks have the best record in the NFL. With a win, they will have a stranglehold on the top spot in the NFC. Factor all of this in and the CLink might explode. And Rob Ryan will poop his pants, and his face will look like this.
Seahawks 27-17
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