NFL Picks - Week 17

Morning Games

Carolina @ Atlanta

Now that Carolina's locked up the #1 pick in the draft they can give this game their full effort. Unfortunately, they've actually been giving their full effort all year, so don't expect much in this contest.

Falcons 37-13

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland

My Wacky Pick of the Week? Blood ... blood everywhere!

Steelers 20-17

Minnesota @ Detroit

On Wednesday one of my co-workers said, "So do you think Favre's gonna start?" Is that really still a topic of conversation? Who gives a shit? The only Favre-related news that I care about is that he got a slap on the wrist for sending dick pics. Well, look out ladies! It took ol' Brett 4 years to figure out how to send dick pics, and now that he knows he can get away with it he'll probably just send out a few blast texts a week.

Vikings 21-16

Oakland @ Kansas City

The Chiefs can lock up the 3 seed with a win, meanwhile, the Raiders can finish 6-0 in their division if they come out on top. I've heard the argument that Oakland would win the NFC West if they played in it, that argument is stupid. They've gone 5-0 in the AFC West, how could they have done any better against the NFC West? It's not their division that's stopping them it's the rest of the league. (To be fair I haven't heard this argument in weeks, but it seems even dumber now, so why not dust it off.)

Chiefs 24-21

Miami @ New England

It's been a great run Dolphins and what better way to close it out than beating the best team in the NFL, on the road of course. Seeing as how the Pats have already locked up the #1 seed in the AFC, Miami will most likely get the W, making them 7-1 on the road and 1-7 at home. It's rare that season ticket holders would be justified in asking for their money back after an 8-8 season, but that's the case here.

Dolphins 28-20

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans

A lot of playoff implications in this one, all of which will be rendered moot once the Falcons easily beat the Panthers and the Packers cruise past a Bears team with nothing to play for. So suck it Tampa. Congrats on the big win last week, but guess who still controls their own destiny? Chazz Whitehurst and the Seahawks, that's who!

Saints 27-17

Buffalo @ New York Jets

The whole Rex Ryan foot-fetish thing seems to have blown over. Or maybe it hasn't, but I ran out of ways to fit 'foot' into my pick. Don't worry the Jets are going to the playoffs so I'll have at least another week to think of some good zingers.

Jets 17-13

Cincinnati @ Baltimore

If the Ravens win and the Steelers lose Baltimore will get the 2 seed and a first round bye. If that doesn't happen they'll most likely have to play at Indianapolis next week, which means they'll have a first round bye bye. I'm sorry, I had to do it, when a joke like that is sitting there you can't pass up the opportunity. Heck, I don't even think the Colts would win that game, but like I said, I couldn't help myself.

Ravens 23-10

Afternoon Games

Jacksonville @ Houston

Well Jags, I held up my end of the bargain. I acted like a total asshole all season, waiting for you to rise up and prove me wrong. You didn't. Instead you lost at home to the Redskins and cemented the fact that you won't be making the playoffs. I'm sorry I couldn't help you ... I'm sorry we couldn't help each other (I realize that they're not mathematically eliminated but c'mon, Trent Edwards is starting). As for the Texans, what a bunch of spineless dick-lickers! (Already getting started on next year's project)

Texans 26-14

New York Giants @ Washington

The Giants went from being on the verge of 10-4 to 9-6 and most likely missing the playoffs quicker than a cross country flight. Look, you might think that analogy sounds lame but it's just true, all in all it took them about 4.5 hours, and most cross country flights are gonna take at least that long, unless you're on the Concord of course, but I'm pretty sure that thing ceased operations years ago, and even when it was up and running I think it was only used for transatlantic flights. Hopefully this has put the Giants collapse into proper context for you.

Redskins 27-24

Dallas @ Philadelphia

The Eagles locked themselves into the 3 seed with their loss last week, meaning that if they win next week they'll be playing at Chicago in round 2. I'm starting to think Vick an Co. lost on purpose because that seems like a classic round 2 road victory scenario. Maybe that's because Chicago has lost in the 2nd round the last two times they've had the 2nd seed (deuces wild anyone?), including once against the Eagles in 2001-02.

Cowboys 28-19

Arizona @ San Francisco

So he's gone. They finally put him out of his misery. Maybe it was the untimely timeouts, or maybe the sideline shouting matches with quarterbacks, or maybe the locker room de-robing, or maybe the only rudimentary understanding of how anything other than linebacking worked. Whatever the nail in the coffin was I know one thing, I'll miss you Mike Singletary, you always made it easy to root for the other team.

Cardinals 16-13

Chicago @ Green Bay

As I've already touched on, the Bears will be locked into the 2 seed at this point and have nothing to play for while the Packers need a win to get in. Packers in a squash.

Packers 41-14

Tennessee @ Indianapolis

Luckily for the Colts, Kansas City is playing earlier in the day which will afford Indy the luxury of being able to sit all their players if KC gets a win. And we all know there's nothing the Colts love more than sitting all their players. Oh wait, I forgot about the Jags, which was, not surprisingly, very easy to do.

Colts 28-18

San Diego @ Denver

For once the Chargers' slow start has come back to bite them, and it will probably cost Norv Turner his job. To quote BASEketball: It looks like time finally ran out on the old cocksucker.

Chargers 27-20

Sunday Night

St. Louis @ Seattle

Finally NBC has come to their senses and flexed in the game that America really wants to see. Pete Carroll has said that Hasselbeck starting would be "against the odds," you know what else would be against the odds? A 6-9 team having a shot at the playoffs. So obviously, we can throw odds out the window here, just don't ask Chuck Whitehurst to throw those odds, because he'd probably miss the window. If Whitehurst does start it might be time to finally try having Leon Washington line up 30 yards behind the line of scrimmage, throwing the ball back to him and letting him treat it like a kick return. Is that insane? Insane like a fox ... a crazy fox. Normally I might make two picks based on whether or not Hasselbeck plays, but why bother? The result's the same either way.

Seahawks 49-3


A tradition unlike any other...

That's right... it's that time of year again.... the Henry Cotto's Mustache Weight Loss Challenge!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

Let's take a quick look back at this storied tradition:

Sure... last year we kind of dropped the ball on the results (wanamaker lost like 4 pounds and won), but they year before that, there were some serious results!!!

Anyway, you know the drill. Jan. 1st through March Madness. Whoever loses the most weight wins.

Submit your before picture to us prior to the 1st. Remember ladies, you're invited to! And you don't have to pose topless like the beefcakes.

Who's excited? I am!


NFL Picks - Week 16


Dallas @ Arizona

The cable companies will point to this game when they explain why they don't need NFL Network. After having to play on Christmas, hearing more Cowboys fans than Cardinals fans in his home stadium and inevitably having multiple balls sail over his head I'm guessing that Larry Fitzgerald will snap and start beating the hell out of everyone on his sideline.

Cowboys 27-20

Morning Games

Washington @ Jacksonville

Mark Brunell has publicly stated that whichever of these teams wins this game will be the team whose jersey he'll have on his Hall of Fame bust. It seems that nobody told him that not only do NFL Hall of Fame busts have no logos, but that he also isn't going to make the Hall of Fame. As for this game, the Jags will probably win but it won't matter because these sucks blew it last week. It's over ya buttholes!

Jaguars 29-10

Detroit @ Miami

I now feel like an idiot for not betting on the Dolphins all year seeing as how I was on to them since Week 4. Now I feel like they're just trying to prove me right ... and I love it! To make matters worse, the road warrior Lions are coming to town.

Lions 19-16

San Francisco @ St. Louis

As a Hawks fan I actually have to root for the Rams in this game, or better yet a tie. While we're on the subject, am I the only one that secretly roots for a tie when a game goes into overtime? Normally I can't explain why, at least this time I'll have an excuse.

Rams 23-13

Tennessee @ Kansas City

The Chiefs are trying to close out the season with consecutive wins to be AFC West champions. As an inspiration tactic Todd Haley wanted to show his team How the West Was Won, the classic western movie, however, he accidentally rented How the West Was Fun the Olsen twins movie. Turns out the team loved it anyway, and it did inspire them to be more precocious. So expect some trick plays from KC.

Chiefs 30-20

New York Jets @ Chicago

This should be one heck of a FOOTball game. It promises to be pretty close, it could be decided by a yard or even a FOOT; who knows, it might come down to one of the kicker's TOES. On paper these two FOOTball teams seem to be evenly matched. They've played well most weeks, but at times they can't put one FOOT in front of the other ... the other FOOT that is. I'm going to pick the Jets to win on the road, which is no small FEET, whoops that's supposed to be spelled feat. (NOTE: If your name isn't Rex Ryan then you don't have a boner right now.)

Jets 24-20

New England @ Buffalo

The Patriots may be the best team in the league, but how did they give up 27 points to a Packers team without Aaron Rodgers? No seriously, how did it happen? I fell asleep for most of it. In all fairness though, I was only power-napping so I could go slam brews with Bateman later. The Bills will also not have Aaron Rodgers this Sunday, which could present problems for New England. Then again it might not, like I said I didn't pay much attention last week.

Patriots 35-24

Baltimore @ Cleveland

My Wacky Pick of the Week is that LeBron James will show up to this game wearing a Ravens jersey to establish himself as a lover of all traitors. To make matters worse he'll sit in his luxury box and smash a bunch of Drew Carey Show DVDs throughout the game. This guy is one sick bastard.

Ravens 23-16

Afternoon Games

Houston @ Denver

Gary Kubiak returns to face his former team. You want drama? You got it you son of a bitch! Look, I'm sorry I got so upset but talking about Kubs gets me so damn emotional I just can't control myself sometimes.

Texans 30-24

San Diego @ Cincinnati

What can you say about a game like this? Not much. I'll take the Chargers.

Chargers 34-17

Indianapolis @ Oakland

The Raiders are 7-2 against the AFC/NFC Wests and 0-5 against everybody else. That translates into a loss in this one.

Colts 27-23

New York Giants @ Green Bay

The Giant's collapse against the Eagles last week reminded me of a Madden game where the computer is playing way too well so you switch the difficulty level from All-Pro to Easy. I'm pretty sure Andy Reid switched it to easy midway through the 4th. They better hope that they were set back to All-Pro this week, because a loss will severely hurt their playoff hopes.

Packers 31-24

Seattle @ Tampa Bay

The Hawks caught a huge break when this game was moved to 1. However, they've caught a bad break over the last couple months with their terrible play. If Detroit can win in Tampa then literally anyone else can, even the Hawks ... right?

Seahawks 20-17

Sunday Night

Minnesota @ Philadelphia

Well, Favre nearly got killed again on Monday night, but apparently he might start again this weekend. This guy just won't die, he's like John McClane, except not charming, and he's really hard to root for, and instead of trying to save his estranged wife he sends out dick pics. Other than that though, they're basically the same guy.

Eagles 28-14

Monday Night

New Orleans @ Atlanta

The Falcons can win the NFC South with a win, or they can just wait and beat the Panthers at home next week. If I were Mike Smith I'd just kneel on the ball every play and not show the Saints anything they might be able to use in the playoffs, because this is a possible playoff preview after all.

Falcons 30-27


NFL Picks Week 16 - Thursday

Carolina @ Pittsburgh

If a scientist builds a time machine the NFL Network will probably be one of the first groups to reserve an appointment with it after selecting some awful games to show on their channel this season. Clearly the only way to avoid this next season would be a time machine.

Steelers 27-13


NFL Picks - Week 15

Morning Games

Cleveland @ Cincinnati

The Battle of Ohio Part II - The most unwanted sequel since Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. If Delhomme is still starting this one's a toss-up, as in the ball will be repeatedly tossed up for grabs by both quarterbacks.

Browns 20-16

Washington @ Dallas

One team's an underachiever whose veteran coach and zany owner only aided in their poor performance this season. The other is the same exact thing.

Cowboys 31-14

Houston @ Tennessee

Just when you think Houston has had its most heartbreaking loss of the season they top themselves. It's possible that their games are being fixed by Steve Sabol in an effort to create a super entertaining NFL Yearbook. If that's the case it only stands to reason that Sabes won't stop pulling the strings now.

Titans 27-24

Jacksonville @ Indianapolis

I'm so glad that the Jags have hung around this long, now it will only be sweeter when the Colts crush their souls with a good ol' fashioned Manning Stomp. I'm thinking 400+ yards 4 TDs and 3 babes made out with during halftime.

Colts 30-21

Kansas City @ St. Louis

Three weeks ago Matt Cassel torched the Seahawks, he owes it to us to play in this game and play well. If he doesn't he's my new least favorite player in the league, right behind Hines Ward. (I had to think for a while who my least favorite player in the league was, but I think it's him. Please post your own in the comments section.)

Chiefs 24-20

Buffalo @ Miami

The Dolphins really came through for me last week with yet another road win. And now it's time for them to come through again with a home loss. Much like it was asking a lot for them to beat the Jets last week, it's going to take a big effort for them to lose to the Bills. But at this point it's unavoidable, they have to lose.

Bills 17-16

Detroit @ Tampa Bay

Time for my Wacky Pick of the Week: Sensing that the Lions really need this game and that now is the perfect time, Barry Sanders will come out of retirement for one game only. His final stats will be 7 CAR 16 YDS. Did you really expect the guy to do that well, he's like 45 now.

Buccaneers 28-17

Arizona @ Carolina

Good for Jay Feeley, he finally has a comeback for anybody who brings up the Hawks game from '05, "Oh yeah, did you see that game when I scored 25 points?" Of course, the person will answer no because nobody watched the Cardinals-Broncos game last week, but that's not the point. What will Feeley do for an encore? My guess is miss a potential game winner.

Panthers 16-14

New Orleans @ Baltimore

I'm guessing that while Matt Schaub was throwing all over the Ravens D in the 4th quarter on Monday Night Drew Brees was laughing his ass off. It had nothing to do with the game, Brees was watching a Seinfeld re-run. Be that as it may, the Ravens better get it together before the Saints show up on Sunday.

Saints 24-22

Philadelphia @ New York Giants

The biggest NFC East game of the year and it's airing at 10am? Every other week the NFC East has had one of the night games and now this? I'm not saying I want another East game during primetime but this just seems insulting. It's like living in 1984 and Big Brother says "Ya know what 2+2 actually equals 4," but by that point you're like, "No, fuck you it's 5, you can't take it back now." (Or it might be nothing like that, I don't know)

Eagles 27-23

Afternoon Games

Atlanta @ Seattle

I've said it before but last week hammered it home even further, when the Hawks lose they really shit the bed. So either they'll lose this game by at least 3 scores or they'll win.

Seahawks 20-19

New York Jets @ Pittsburgh

In the Jets losses they've scored 9, 0, 3, & 6. I'm taking this into account, from now on if I pick them to lose I won't give them any more than 9 points. But, as it turns out Polamalu's not playing, so I have to go with New York.

Jets 20-17

Denver @ Oakland

There's no reason for anyone to watch this game, even if you're a Raiders fan and especially if you're a Broncos fan.

Raiders 34-17

Sunday Night

Green Bay @ New England

Mike McCarthy has said that he won't know whether or not Aaron Rodgers is going to play until Saturday, well that doesn't really help me does it!? I have no choice but to post two scores, the first one will apply if Rodgers plays, the second if he doesn't. Actually, posting two scores for every game isn't a bad idea, I'll probably start doing this for every game.

w/Rodgers: Patriots 31-20 w/o Rodgers: Patriots 38-7

Monday Night

Chicago @ Minnesota

Anybody catch that footage of the MetroDome collapsing? Crazy huh? To be fair, I don't blame Fox and ESPN for playing that clip every 10 minutes, it's one of the cooler things I've ever seen (this is #1). I'm sure both of these teams would rather be playing indoors, especially Chicago who made it clear last week that they refuse to play in the snow. Considering the Vikings have nothing at QB I'm forced to take Chicago.

Bears 20-6


NFL Picks Week 15 - Thursday

After a week of picks that has been referred to as "one for the ages," I'm sure a lot of you thought (or hoped) I might retire on top. Nope!

San Francisco @ San Diego

The short week should benefit Singletary in this one because Norv Turner will only have four days to prepare while Singletary will follow his normal routine and not prepare at all. However, I don't think the coaching advantage will be enough to get the Niners over the hump.

Chargers 31-13


Seahawks vs 49ers

This will be the first time since... well... maybe ever, that I've watched a Seahawks game by myself. So why not include the Mustacheers. That's right! A running commentary on today's epic battle!

Let's go!


NFL Picks - Week 14

Morning Games

Cleveland @ Buffalo

These two teams seem to have been in an inordinate amount of exciting games this season considering how bad they are. So this game figures to be pretty interesting doesn't it? No! Sometimes two rights make a wrong, and three rights make a left.

Bills 23-20

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh

Last week the Bengals fell for the oldest trick in the book, but they shouldn't feel so bad about it. I mean, if it's the oldest trick in the book it's got to be pretty good right? Otherwise they would have taken it out of the book. For instance, one of the next oldest tricks in the book is "Steal someone's wallet," which still works today. But seriously, these dipshit morons don't deserve to win.

Steelers 27-14

Green Bay @ Detroit

Wacky Pick of the Week: Aaron Rodgers throws for over 500 yards ... on the first drive!

Packers 37-30

New York Giants @ Minnesota

For all my Favre hatred over the years I really should have enjoyed seeing him get obliterated last week more than I did, in actuality it was just kind of sad. I mean, here's a guy at the end of his rope just trying to gut it out like he's done his whole career, you have to respect ..... alright never mind I just watched the clip again and it's hilarious. He's all, "Let me just throw it here, ok, here I go AHHHHHH!" He actually seemed like he almost exploded right there on the field, and isn't that how we all expect it to end at this point? Favre literally exploding (or imploding) after a big hit and then Chris Berman making it his #1 play that week and saying, "What a way to go," no "Bye bye Miss American Pie," no "You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave." Yep that's exactly what will happen.

Giants 24-21

Tampa Bay @ Washington

So the Redskins basically suspended Albert Haynesworth for being an asshole. Also because he kept making this face. Hey Albert, are you angry or something? We couldn't tell from your frowny face. Washington shouldn't be too surprised that Haynesworth ended up being a jerk though, I mean he did step on a guy's neck during a game.

Buccaneers 21-20

Atlanta @ Carolina

The team with the best record in the league takes on the team with the worst record in the league. Now, conventional wisdom would tell you that this game would be a blowout; well, I for one am a big believer in conventional wisdom. Falcons in a blowout!

Falcons 31-10

Oakland @ Jacksonville

This sound-bite sums up how I feel about the Jags' winning four of their last five. They're still shitty. Just the thought of picking these trash-eating stinkbags makes me sick.

Jaguars 24-16

Afternoon Games

Seattle @ San Francisco

When Mike Singletary announced that Alex Smith was going to be the starting quarterback this week I reacted a lot like the kid at the end of this clip (:28).

Seahawks 23-16

Miami @ New York Jets

This week the Dolphins travel to New ... wait, I don't even have to finish that statement, the very fact that the Dolphins are traveling anywhere means that they'll win.

Dolphins 20-17

Denver @ Arizona

It seemed like the Cardinals really had a chance to win this week until Denver fired their coach. If we've learned anything this year it's that if you fire your coach you will win the following game (we've also learned that the Dolphins hate playing in front of the lame-o's at LifeShark Stadium, but I already went over that).

Broncos 21-14

Kansas City @ San Diego

The Chiefs have taken a stranglehold on the AFC West. Will they let go? No, absolutely not, the Kansas City Chiefs are cold-blooded killers that want to watch the life drain out of the AFC West's eyes, the sick bastards. But they'll probably lose this week.

Chargers 27-24

New England @ Chicago

Three words: Possible playoff preview. Whoops, I guess that means it would have to be in the Super Bowl. Look, I'll be honest, if I see two teams with good records playing each other and I don't know what to write I just say "possible playoff preview." I'm a fraud. I promise not to stoop to this level again, I only hope that you can forgive me.

Patriots 28-20

St. Louis @ New Orleans

If the playoffs started today these teams would meet in the first round.

Saints 30-13

Sunday Night

Philadelphia @ Dallas

Not a possible playoff preview here, yet it wasn't flexed out of the Sunday Night slot. Although when you look at the rest of the schedule the only other possibility is KC @ San Diego, and I'm sure NBC doesn't want that aforementioned snuff film on their hands.

Eagles 30-27

Monday Night

Baltimore @ Houston

Why in the world would ESPN schedule the Texans in a Monday Night game this late in the season? They never end up being good. Wouldn't putting them on earlier in the season when they're surrounded by hype be a better idea? Wait a minute, the Texans are only two games out of first in the AFC South, and the Ravens are in line for a Wild Card, you know what that means ...

Ravens 21-16


Miguel Olivo is a Mariner!

Obviously Z would only pull the trigger on this move if he had some bigger plan in place.  There is no way he would just go out an acquire Olivo to be our starting catcher.  I'm really excited to see which GM he is about to fleece with a big trade.  My hunch is that it will be Kansas City GM Dayton Moore.  Olivo is the personal catcher for Zach Greinke, so obviously Z's interest is in getting Greinke.  We'll probably be able to flip Rob Johnson and Josh Wilson in addition to some made up prospects for him.  Congrats in advance Z.  You truly are the best!


Week 14 - Thursday Night

Indianapolis @ Tennessee

Well Manning sucks. It's a shame, that guy had potential. 11 picks in the last three games? Yikes! Maybe Leaf was the better pick, it's at least up for debate at this point. That said, the Colts can probably get by the Titans, who have scored 6 points over the last two weeks. That's especially terrible when you consider that the teams they played are 25th & 27th in scoring defense.

Colts 27-10


NFL Picks Week 13

Morning Games

New Orleans @ Cincinnati

The only way this one will be entertaining is if Terrell Owens tries to switch teams during the game, and I can actually see him trying it. Like he just shows up in the Saints huddle laughing, "Hahaha, but seriously Drew what's the play man?" And all the Saints just stare at him until he puts his head down and walks out of the stadium never to be heard from again. So anyway, that will probably happen, and the Saints will get the win.

Saints 28-13

Chicago @ Detroit

We all know what happened with Calvin Johnson's catch that wasn't last time these teams met, I don't think he's going to have that problem again. In fact, my Wacky Pick of the Week says that once Johnson catches his first pass he'll refuse to let the ball go for the rest of the game, which will result in some sort of All-time QB situation. I suppose it would become quite obvious after a while that he wasn't going to pass, and I'm not really sure how the snaps would work, but hey that's why it's wacky, I'll leave it to them to figure out the logistics.

Bears 24-20

San Francisco @ Green Bay

All season the Niners have moved the ball up and down the field slower than an old man, so it's fitting that their best player would break his hip. But hey, San Fran has won 3 out of 4 ... over the Broncos, Rams and Cardinals. Something tells me it won't be as easy against the Packers.

Packers 27-9

Jacksonville @ Tennessee

You're pathetic Jaguars. You had the lead last week and you couldn't close the deal. I can't wait until they move your sad sack franchise to L.A. so I can personally spit in your face.

Jaguars 20-10

Denver @ Kansas City

It's the Finger Bowl! Of course, I'm referring to the incident in which Todd Haley waved his finger at Josh McDaniels after the Chiefs' Week 10 loss to the Broncos. I'm not referring to the football themed porn of the same name starring Sack Phillips. The Chiefs have one of the better offenses in league history right? Seemed like it last week. I have to factor that in to my pick.

Chiefs 31-24

Cleveland @ Miami

Congrats Dolphins, your win last week means that I can still pick you, not this week of course, I mean you're playing at home.

Browns 23-21

Buffalo @ Minnesota

It's this type of game and this type of situation that Brett Favre had in mind when he decided to come back this year. Oh, sorry, I meant it was this type of situation that I dreamed of when Favre decided to come back.

Vikings 24-17

Washington @ New York Giants

What's the verdict on the yellow pants the Redskins have been wearing this season? I thought they were ok at first, if not a little charming, but I didn't realize they were actually going to be around all season and now I think they're pretty disgusting. They're like the Andy Foy of pants. Anyway, Giants win!

Giants 26-14

Afternoon Games

Oakland @ San Diego

This game features one team on the rise and another on the decline, this is like the Hollywood Homicide of football games. Never mind, as it turns out Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett were both on their declines at that point. (Gotcha Hartnett!) Is there any doubt now that the Chargers will win out and suffer a disappointing home loss in the postseason? I think not.

Chargers 34-20

Carolina @ Seattle

I don't have much to say about this game, so let's take a look back at what happened the last time the Panthers came to Qwest Field.

Seahawks 26-13

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay

Now would be a good time for the Buccaneers to prove themselves and I think they will. They'll prove that they aren't quite good enough when they lose and seriously hamper their playoff aspirations.

Falcons 24-21

St. Louis @ Arizona

The Cardinals probably should have tried to get their Monday night game rescheduled so that the entire nation didn't have to see them, like an ugly girl who doesn't even bother going to the dance. I'm guessing that Derek Anderson was actually laughing out of disbelief that a team is still allowing him to be their starter.

Rams 23-13

Dallas @ Indianapolis

Peyton Manning's 4 interception performance last week really let me down. Though, it didn't stop me from beating Bobby Bateman in Fantasy, in fact, I did the math and Manning could have thrown 20 more picks and I still would have won. But that's not the point, come to think of it I've forgotten what my original point was. Maybe it was that when Manning looks bad he looks BAD. Man, this guy doesn't do anything half way huh?

Colts 31-28

Sunday Night

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore

Possible playoff preview here.

Steelers 20-17

Monday Night

New York Jets @ New England

This is being billed as the game of the year in the NFL, which is only the sixth time that's been said this season. I'm not so sure though, my money's on the Super Bowl being the game of the year when all's said and done.

Patriots 24-20


Week 13 - Thursday

Houston @ Philadelphia

Michael Vick's got to be a little annoyed that Andre Johnson is allowed to play in this game. I mean Johnson fought a human and no one could care less. Fortunately for Johnson it's become clear that everyone, including Roger Goodell, hates Cortland Finnegan, so he's been given a free pass.

Eagles 34-17


Apple Cup

Consider this your opportunity to talk shit about either the Huskies or the Cougs.

Everyone a little shy? Ok I'll get us started...

I hate 'em. The Huskies. I REALLY hate Jack-Huskies ... but that's not what I want to rant about.

Lately I've found a NEW annoying Husky-fan trend. I tell them I hate the Huskies and never root for them... they look mortified and they say "But I root for the Cougars, when they aren't playing the Huskies!?!?".

It's infuriating for a number of reasons, but here are a few thoughts:

A) You're probably a liar. You don't root for the Cougs at all. You just think it makes you sound like a cooler person. It doesn't. Or maybe you're just lying to yourself. 'Cuz if you really root for the Cougs when they aren't playing the Huskies, you're a LAME fan. We're your rival.

Side-note: Let me squash an argument against this right now... Husky Fan: "We care more about beating Oregon. THEY'RE our big rival." Sounds like a delusional Mariners fan from back in the day. We thought the Yankees were our rival. But if you told a Yankee fan that, they'd just laugh in your face. Probably like an Oregon fan would. In fact the similarities are pretty hilarious cuz Husky fans hate the advantages that Oregon has in recruiting just like the Mariner fans hate how the Yankees can spend more money. Problem is the Huskies have a huge advantage in recruiting over most schools just like the M's spend more than most teams. Anyway.. Go Mariners... See ya Jose Lopez...

Where were we?

B) Nobody asked you to root for the Cougs, and quite frankly we don't want ya! We don't need your condescending cheers. The, oh look the little Cougars won, good for them cheers!!! SHOVE IT you pompous d-bags! (this next part is on me cuz I choose to live in Seattle, but TOO BAD) I've got to listen to months and months of how great Jake Locker is (PS what recent QB in the Husky "legacy" wouldn't you take over him? Stanback? Everyone else demolishes him), how great this Husky team is going to be, etc. UGH.

So in closing you magnanimous Husky fans... frack off. Don't root for us. You haven't earned it.

Frack the Huskies.

Go Cougs.

We're gonna roll you.

(lots of generalizations in here... I'll give a pass to my immediate family, and maybe a few others.)