NFL Picks Week 4

I came back with a strong showing last week. It was quite the return ... speaking of great returns ... and ....

Sunday Morning

San Francisco @ Atlanta

So the Niners fired their Offensive Coordinator. I'm sure that when he had to clean out his desk it took him a while to gather all of his papers and shuffle through them. If I were Singletary I'd tell everyone that he had been in charge of calling timeouts too.

Falcons 35-10

Cincinnati @ Cleveland

One week after the Governor's Cup determined the best football team in Texas we get the Battle of Ohio. However, I'm not so sure that this one will be confined to the Bengals and Browns. My Wacky Pick of the Week is that during the 3rd quarter Ohio St. will do a run-in that will turn this game into a double DQ, forcing the first ever Triple Threat football game next month. My prediction for that game is OSU 28-17-7. My prediction for this game is ...

Bengals 10-9 (Before the DQ)

New York Jets @ Buffalo

So maybe the Jets are back on track, but now they have to face a squad full of Bills ... What? They didn't take my advice from last week? Fine screw 'em. I just checked and they don't even have ONE guy named Bill, not even a Will. Mark my words, this team will not win another game until they sign at least one player named Bill. Sidenote: I predict that Rex Ryan will coach this whole game with Buffalo sauce smeared all over his face. Not just his mouth, he'll even have some on his forehead.

Jets 23-9

Seattle @ St. Louis

After the Hawks dominated from start to finish against the Chargers the team's confidence must be pretty high. At the same time, the Rams just won their 2nd game since George W. Bush was in office, so clearly they're on a roll. Still, a loss here would seriously hamper my earlier prediction of the Hawks going 15-1

Seahawks 27-17

Denver @ Tennessee

Just when you think VY is gone he pops right back up again, kind of like herpes or a boner. I think I just wrote a commercial for the Titans marketing staff.

Titans 26-14

Detroit @ Green Bay

I think it's finally time for us to come to the realization that Shaun Hill isn't the superstar Quarterback we thought he would be. I know, It's hard on me too, I still have the ESPN Magazine with Hill on the cover and the headline: "On Top of the Mountain: Why Shaun Hill is Poised to Dominate the NFL for the Next Decade." I guess the re-sale value has gone down a bit.

Packers 38-17

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh

Looking at the abbreviations for this game you get BAL @ PIT, or Balpit ... Ball-pit. Sadly I think hanging out in a ball-pit might be more fun than watching these offenses. Especially if it's one of the ones with a pyramid in the middle that you can climb up. I never could get to the top though, I mean they wouldn't let you wear shoes in there, how the hell was I supposed to get to the top with just socks on? It was way too slippery. To sum things up, I'll take the Ravens.

Ravens 14-10

Carolina @ New Orleans

The Clausen Alert is still in effect, which I love because it makes it way easier to pick games. The Saints have yet to hit their stride, but I'm guessing they will this Sunday, more specifically their D-line will hit its stride all over Jimmy Clausen's face. Sure they'll get a few penalties for stomping another player's head but I'll bet the refs will be cool with it for the most part, and probably even throw out a few fist bumps.

Saints 28-9

Sunday Afternoon

Indianapolis @ Jacksonville

If I went in for surgery and it turned out that Peyton Manning was the surgeon I think I'd be cool with it. The point is I trust him, I've gotten past the Super Bowl clinching interception he threw. Hell, even the best surgeon severs a nerve sac every now and then.

Colts 24-20

Houston @ Oakland

Does anybody else think that someone was holding Janikowski's family hostage last Sunday, and that's why he missed that 32 yard potential game-winner? Unfortunately, the spread was Cards by 4.5, so they probably killed his family anyway. Rumor has it that the Texans really like playing on fields with a lot of dirt on them, so this game should be right up their alley.

Texans 27-15

Washington @ Philadelphia

After so many years of booing him as an Eagle I wonder if it will even be fun for the Philly fans to boo McNabb now that he's on another team. It'll be like when you turn 21 and you can drink legally; it was just a lot more fun to do it when you weren't supposed to, and there was a lot more barfing. I say McNabb holds in his lunch this time around and pulls it off.

Redskins 24-23

Arizona @ San Diego

I'm starting to wonder if Norv Turner misunderstood the concept of "Special" teams and he's actually fielding 10 mentally challenged guys and Nate Kaeding? And then in the playoffs 11 mentally challenged guys. The Cardinals have two wins, they beat the Rams by 4 and the Raiders by 1, call me crazy but I think they might lose this game.

Chargers 30-14

Sunday Night

Chicago @ New York Giants

Can't they flex the Giants out of this game already? I'd be fine with never having to watch them on a Sunday Night again, which is the same thing I said after two episodes of American Dad .... ZING, topical! That being said, I'm not buying the Bears yet.

Giants 20-17

Monday Night

New England @ Miami

Sometimes a Dolphin's own home can be the most dangerous place for it. I learned that when I watched The Cove, and that theory was proven again last Sunday when Miami lost their opener at SunSharkLandLife Stadium. After this game I think they'll drop to 0-2 at home and Tom Brady will start referring to his throwing arm as The Harpoon.

Patriots 25-22


Mr. F said...

I'm willing to bet you put that picture of the good doctor in there strictly to get a comment out of me. Well... good job.

Erik said...

Well I was also referencing him severing a nerve sac.

jimi said...

Harpoon!!! Brilliant