NFL Picks - Week 17

As we enter the final week of the season I thought it might be fun to take a look back at my preseason predictions for each team and see how accurate they were. And if you disagree and think that wouldn't be fun at all well then I guess you can just stop reading now. You really left didn't you? Well that backfired. I'll go ahead with the plan anyway for my own gratification.

Sunday Morning

Cleveland @ Baltimore

Cleveland Preseason Guess: 6-10
Baltimore Preseason Guess: 9-7
I'm in the ballpark on this one, which is more than I can say for Tim Couch, because he doesn't play for the Browns anymore, so of course he wouldn't be there. Ravens need the win to stay alive, while the Browns have unsurprisingly already died.

Ravens 26-13

Dallas @ Washington

Dallas: 5-11
Washington: 6-10
Whoops! Oh come on, like you thought the Cowboys were going to be good? Pfff, liar. Dallas can still improve their playoff standing, while Washington can only hurt their draft position with a win. Kind of makes you wonder why they'd even bother playing this game. Though I get the feeling that that's been the 'Skins mindset for most of the season.

Cowboys 31-20

Indianapolis @ Tennessee

Indianapolis: 10-6
Tennessee: 4-12
Pretty accurate here, although I somehow gave the Titans too much credit. The Colts now have no shot of getting a first round bye and will be playing on Wild Card weekend for the third straight season. There's a chance they'll be resting some starters, but even still they'll be playing the Titans, so ...

Colts 17-13

Jacksonville @ Houston

Jacksonville: 7-9
Houston: 6-10
I had confidence that Gus Bradley would start to turn things around in his second year in Jacksonville. Unfortunately they were approaching one of those no U-turn stop lights so they had to keep going in the same direction. The Texans immediately turned things around after a 2-14 season, and even without a legitimate quarterback still have an outside chance of making the playoffs.

Texans 23-16 

San Diego @ Kansas City

San Diego: 10-6
Kansas City: 7-9
A win for the Chargers would put them right at 10-6 and mean a return trip to the playoffs. So it would only make sense for me to pick them to win this game. But a true prognosticator doesn't stubbornly stand by a pick just because that's what they said originally. If new information presents itself then that must be taken into account and the situation reevaluated. That being said, the Chiefs have looked pretty lame lately, so old and new information really gels nicely for me on this one.

Chargers 21-19

New York Jets @ Miami

New York Jets: 7-9
Miami: 8-8
In future years I plan on having another person sit in the room with me when I make my preseason predictions so that when I broach the idea of the Jets being 7-9 they will stop me, with physical restraint if necessary.

Dolphins 24-16

Chicago @ Minnesota

Chicago: 9-7
Minnesota: 4-12
I thought the Bears would be a playoff team. There, I said it. I'm not proud of it, but I must embrace my failings so that I can learn from them. I guess I didn't anticipate a non-injury scenario in which Jimmy Clausen would be starting a game this season. Let's be honest, Jimmy Clausen didn't anticipate that either.

Vikings 23-20

Buffalo @ New England

Buffalo: 7-9
New England: 12-4
Picking the Patriots record isn't difficult, just go with 12-4 and you'll be within a game at worst. Er wait, no, I actually used a lot of advanced metrics and stuff. They'll probably be resting starters this week, and the Bills defense should help them grind out a win.

Bills 20-17

Philadelphia @ New York Giants

Philadelphia: 11-5
New York Giants: 6-10
Less than a month ago the Eagles looked like they would cruise to the playoffs with at least the 11-5 mark I originally predicted. Then their will and entire offensive philosophy was crushed by the Seahawks. I really should have seen that coming.

Giants 31-27

New Orleans @ Tampa Bay

New Orleans: 12-4
Tampa Bay: 7-9
Ummmm, I uhhhhhh, I'll be right back ... (HURRIED FOOTSTEPS; CAR DOOR SLAM; TIRE SCREECH) Look, when I made this prediction the Saints still had a home field advantage. Now they've lost five in a row in the Superdome and really made me look like a fool in the process. The only person that gets to make me look like a fool is me.

Saints 30-23

Sunday Afternoon

Carolina @ Atlanta

Carolina: 6-10
Atlanta: 7-9
If the Falcons win this game those records will be spot on, with the exception of that pesky tie from the Panthers. An NFL tie hasn't loomed this large since Michael Irvin's.

Falcons 24-17  

Detroit @ Green Bay

Detroit: 7-9
Green Bay: 11-5
Looks like I underestimated the Lions here, and if I'm being honest I still think their 11-4 record is a bit better than they are. In fact, their current expected record according to Pro Football Reference is 9-6. And they're using math, so you know it's legit. What's not legit is their chances of winning this week in Green Bay.

Packers 30-17

Oakland @ Denver

Oakland: 3-13
Denver: 12-4
Boom baby! A Broncos win makes each of these predictions spot on and makes me look like a genius in the process. Don't go back and tally up how many other others I'm going to get right, just remember this game and the word "genius." Surprisingly Denver hasn't reached 30 points in their last four games. Should change here.

Broncos 35-13

Arizona @ San Francisco

Arizona: 7-9
San Francisco: 11-5
I've never been happier to have missed on a guess. My 11-5 prediction gave the Niners waaaaay too much credit. And I'll admit that I was off on the Cardinals, I thought they would backslide after having a winning record in 2013. Now they're 11-4 and forced to start Ryan Lindley again, so let my trend of not believing in Arizona continue.

49ers 16-13

St. Louis @ Seattle

St. Louis: 6-10
Seattle: 16-0
A bit off with the Hawks pick, but if I had woken up from a coma in late November and watched this team since you'd have a hard time making me believe that they weren't undefeated on the year. Now it's time to wrap up the regular season and stomp the Rams in the process. A perfect end to what I'm still convinced should have been a perfect season.

Seahawks 27-3

Sunday Night

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh
Cincinnati: 8-8
Pittsburgh: 9-7
Looks like I underestimated these two squads, whereas NBC overestimated the importance of this match-up. While it will decide the winner of the AFC North, it's not a win or go home situation like that battle for all the NFC South marbles taking place in Atlanta. Of course, those marbles are all chipped and scuffed up, and does anybody even play with marbles anymore for that matter? Anyway, I think Pittsburgh wins at home, taking the division and a hefty sack of marbles with them into the playoffs.

Steelers 34-26


NFL Picks - Week 16


Philadelphia @ Washington

A mere two weeks ago the Eagles were in control of the NFC East with a legitimate shot at a first round bye in the playoffs. Now they sit on the outside of the NFC playoff picture with only two games remaining. The lesson to be learned here is that a lot can change in two weeks, especially when your quarterback is Mark Sanchez. Luckily for Philly their final games are against the Skins and the Giants. Unluckily, I wasn't lying in the previous sentence, Mark Sanchez is their quarterback. In other words, things could get shaky.

Eagles 27-16

San Diego @ San Francisco

It's officially over for the 49ers. Their struggles have been well documented, so there really isn't much left to say; except maybe this, this, or this. Now the Hawk hangover will claim another victim and further establish Seattle's dominance over San Francisco, sending the Niners spiraling into a losing record. See ya in April at the draft guys! You'll have a better pick, so jelly!

Chargers 19-16

Sunday Morning

Minnesota @ Miami

It's this time of the season when completely meaningless games become more prevalent. While I'm sure there is a scenario in which the Dolphins can make it into the playoffs I just don't have the time to research that properly. So we'll go ahead and just assume this game is pointless. Can we assume the same about existence as a whole? That's for you to decide. I can't provide the answers for everything.

Dolphins 23-20

Baltimore @ Houston

The Texans' quarterbacks are dropping like Cardinals' quarterbacks. It looks like rookie Tom Savage or the newly signed Case Keenum will get the start for Houston on Sunday, which could make for some entertaining wackiness, but wouldn't it be much more interesting if they started J.J. Watt at QB and ran the wishbone? Any sort of success the offense had would put Watt's MVP candidacy over the top. Of course, if he failed miserably that would be a heck of a watch too.

Ravens 20-12

Detroit @ Chicago

The Lions seem like they're masquerading as contenders in the NFC, and I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out. It hasn't yet, and I don't expect it to this Sunday because they're facing a team that appears to have absolutely no fight left in them. Jay Cutler took his level of not caring to new heights (or lows?) on Monday. In fact, I'm pretty sure I saw him watching Guardians of the Galaxy on his phone during one of his dropbacks. Now it's Jimmy Clausen's turn. So um, that oughta work out. The weird thing is that Cutler almost seemed relieved at his Thursday press conference following the news of his benching. Oh wait, that's not surprising, Jay Cutler hates playing football.

Lions 27-17 

Cleveland @ Carolina

Games in which I have zero confidence in either quarterback are the toughest to pick, and boy is that the case here. The Panthers will either be starting Derek Anderson or Cam Newton coming off of a car wreck. The Browns will be starting Johnny Manziel coming off of a car wreck. Of course, only one of those accidents was metaphorical, but I'm not sure which was more painful.

Panthers 13-10

Atlanta @ New Orleans

The Saints have climbed back atop the NFC South mountain and planted their flag on the peak. It should be mentioned that the mountain in question is a pile of used diapers at a dump just outside of New Orleans. The Saints can't clinch the division with a win here due to the Panthers' presence, but they can eliminate the Falcons from contention. And there's nothing these sick bastards would like more than to end another team's season.

Saints 37-30

Green Bay @ Tampa Bay

The Packers took a step back in Buffalo last week and are now fighting for their playoff lives. It's possible with a loss in Week 17 that Green Bay could miss the postseason at 11-5. Of course, that's assuming that the Packers will win in Tampa this Sunday, which I think we can safely assume without making an ass out of you or me. And if the Bucs do win, and we turn out to be asses, well then I apologize for shaming you and your family. If it takes me a lifetime to rectify this wrongdoing then so be it. Yikes, I just really raised the stakes on this game.

Packers 27-20  

Kansas City @ Pittsburgh

Here's another contest with serious playoff implications. I feel like the term "playoff implications" is coming up so much nowadays that we should just abbreviate it to "playoff imps." Though now that I think about it that makes it sound like we're talking about little goblins that exist only to wreak havoc upon the playoffs, which I actually like better. Anything odd that happens can just be blamed on the playoff imps.

Steelers 24-19

New England @ New York Jets

This game just seems too obvious. Of course the Patriots would come into New York and dominate the lowly Jets, right? Right. Did you think I was setting you up for some surprise pick? No, the Jets blow. They can't even lose right, as they proved last week in Tennessee. They'll get back on the losing track this Sunday, but it will be too late for them to contend for the #1 pick.

Patriots 31-13

Sunday Afternoon

New York Giants @ St. Louis

The Rams reminded us all who they were last week with their listless performance in a 12-6 home loss to the Cardinals. This just proves my long standing edict: Never trust the Rams. Though I guess you can trust them to never have a winning season, something that they ensured will not be happening again after losing their 8th game last Thursday. By contrast, the Giants have been very trustworthy this year, you can trust them to lose games they're expected to.

Rams 20-16

Buffalo @ Oakland

With last week's stellar performance against Green Bay the Bills defense has verified that they are, in fact, a formidable group. While it's not likely that they'll make the playoffs, one more victory will result in a winning season for the first time in 10 years and only the second time in 15. That victory will come this Sunday, and the Bills will return home to a parade in the streets of Buffalo, because damn it, they need this. In future news, the Bills parade was snowed out.

Bills 17-10

Indianapolis @ Dallas

You thinking what I'm thinking? Playoff imps! The Colts have already wrapped up their third straight AFC South title and still have an outside chance at a first round bye. Meanwhile, any and every playoff scenario is open for the Cowboys. They could finish with any of the six seeds in the NFC (except for #4, because of the NFC South) or miss the postseason, altogether (really hoping you all said that out loud Airplane! style). So clearly Dallas has much more to play for, which leads me to believe that they'll get the win. But both of these teams have been so erratic that it makes it hard to confidently predict anything, other than that we're all gonna have a blast! Right everybody?!?

Cowboys 34-31

Sunday Night

Seattle @ Arizona

Word on the street is that Bruce Arians has told Ryan Lindley to "go out there and sling it" this Sunday. "Thanks!" said the Seahawks defenders. Though a more open offensive game plan is most likely the best chance the Cardinals have of winning, because we saw what happened when Arizona went conservative in Seattle last month. Wait, did they even go conservative or did it just look like that because they were being dominated? Either way it doesn't portend well for the Cardinals in this contest. If the Hawks can establish a two score lead in the first half I like their chances. Like 'em A LOT!

Seahawks 16-6

Monday Night

Denver @ Cincinnati

What is that which I hear? The chattering of playoff imps inside my ear? The Broncos look to maintain their position as the AFC's #2 seed and keep themselves in the running for #1 while the Bengals have a realistic shot of finishing anywhere from #3 to #outta there. According to the aforementioned prediction theorem that the team who needs it more is the team to pick, the Bengals would be the likely winner here. Of course that theorem runs into a wall when you believe that one team is much better than the other. With that in mind I'm taking Denver.

Broncos 31-24

NFL Picks - Week 16 Thursday

Tennessee @ Jacksonville

As we all know marquee games can be "flexed" into prime time for Sunday Night Football, so why can't the opposite happen? Shouldn't the league be able to "sag" a match-up out of prime time. I'm not even saying it needs to be replaced with another game, just eliminate the Thursday game altogether this week. Why subject the players and fans to embarrassment like this? In the end this will probably come down to who wants the top draft pick more, because the winner will be eliminated from contention for #1 in April.

Jaguars 17-13 


NFL Picks - Week 15

Sunday Morning

Pittsburgh @ Atlanta

There is no way to confidently predict what will happen in this game. Both teams have enjoyed surprising victories but also suffered terrible losses, and the state of their seasons seem to fluctuate on a weekly basis. The one thing that wouldn't surprise me is points and lots of 'em. Each squad put up three touchdowns in the fourth quarter of their last game, which would signify that we're in for a wild one. I keep going back and forth on what the actual outcome will be. In fact, I've been sitting at the computer for the last seven hours contemplating it. The conclusion that I've come to? All predictions are pointless. Life was not meant to be spent asking "what's next," instead we must focus on the here and now. With that being said, as of right now Julio Jones is a game time decision, so I'll go with Pittsburgh.

Steelers 38-31

Washington @ New York Giants

A bit surprising that this late season NFC East match-up wasn't flexed into the Sunday Night Football slot, I mean, just look at the size of these markets! I suppose the fact they have a combined 7 wins doesn't help much. Washington has never looked worse, and no, I'm not talking about those bozos in Congress, but seriously folks. And if we are being serious there's no way the 'Skins win this game, right? Right. Right?

Giants 24-13

Miami @ New England

Tom Brady sure has been fist-pumping and screaming curse words a lot lately. Is he really that jazzed about this season or is he just trying to prove that he still cares? Like a cheating husband who buys his wife expensive jewelry. No matter what the motive is he has the Pats playing well, so either way it doesn't matter ... yet.

Patriots 27-17 

Oakland @ Kansas City

Did you notice that the Hawk Hangover is back? Seattle's last 7 opponents have lost their next game. The Raiders have certainly noticed, their two wins have come against hangover victims. They're feeding off the Seahawks' scraps; Banya to Seattle's Seinfeld. This is a revenge game for the Chiefs after they were embarrassed three weeks ago by the then winless Raiders. But as the old saying goes, when a team goes on a quest for revenge they should dig two graves. Though if they're being humane about it they would dig 53 graves, because trying to pile the entire Oakland roster into two holes is pretty barbaric. Maybe I'm missing the point of that adage, but the point is that Kansas City should get the win.

Chiefs 23-16

Houston @ Indianapolis

After another comeback win by his Colts it's never been clearer that Andrew Luck is most comfortable with his back against the wall. In fact, this comfortability transcends the field; I've heard his favorite pose is that super cool back against the wall, one leg up, thumbs in the pockets look. That's how much he loves having his back against the wall. Accordingly, look for the Colts to get behind early this Sunday only to rally for another victory, clinching the AFC South title in the process.

Colts 27-23

Jacksonville @ Baltimore

It's clear that Blake Bortles is having a tough season, throwing 10 TDs and 16 INTs through his first 11 starts. But hopefully the rookie and the Jacksonville fans (assuming there are any) aren't too discouraged, because even though he's currently going through growing pains, there's a chance he'll be saving Christmas in no time.

Ravens 31-14

Green Bay @ Buffalo

The Packers have reeled off 9 wins in 10 games, mostly by steamrolling inferior opponents at home. There's no argument that their offense has been all but unstoppable at Lambeau, but if we look closer at this stretch some interesting trends start to arise. Only four of those ten games were on the road. The Packers were 3-1 in those games, one win was a 21 point blowout of the Bears; the other two were 3 point victories over the Dolphins and Vikings. Their loss was a 21 point drubbing at the hands of the Saints in the Superdome. The Saints have now lost their last four games in that building. My point is that the Packers are mere mortals away from Green Bay. While the cold weather in Buffalo shouldn't bother them, the hostile crowd might, not to mention the Bills' stingy defense.

Bills 21-20

Tampa Bay @ Carolina

A relieved Cam Newton remarked at a post car wreck press conference on Thursday, "I'm on somebody's fantasy team, and I think it's the man upstairs." Sounds like God missed the playoffs. Due to that crash back-up QB Derek Anderson will get the start for Carolina, which puts them on even footing at the position with Tampa who continues to insist Josh McCown is a starting quarterback. Seeing as how Anderson already got the job done against the Bucs in Week 1 there shouldn't be any issue with him doing it again. That's how it goes in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, everything always works out exactly as it did the last time.

Panthers 20-14

Cincinnati @ Cleveland

Johnny Football .... Manziel .... money sign .... future Proactiv endorsement ... Look, we all know the story by now, it basically writes itself. Johnny Manziel's first start is a pivotal one, with any hopes the Browns have for keeping their season alive requiring three straight wins to close it out. When Cleveland went to Cincinnati last month they creamed them 24-3, which would suggest that the Browns should have no problem this week. Well not so fast, just because something happened once does not mean it will happen again in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Expect Football, John to make a lot of crazy throws; some will be crazy good, but most will just be crazy.

Bengals 24-21

Sunday Afternoon

New York Jets @ Tennessee

Are we sure Zack Mettenberger is actually injured? My guess is that he just brought a note from his mom into the coach's office to get out of playing in this game. Unfortunately they went overboard on the severity of the fake injury and now he has to miss the rest of the season. Fool me once shame on you and your enabling mother. All things considered though it was probably the right move, now he can just watch movies on his Microsoft Surface on the sidelines instead of looking at this game. Will either team want to win? They shouldn't, it will just hurt their draft position. Is it possible for teams to have negative points?

Jets 20-17

Denver @ San Diego

The Chargers appear to be pretty good, just not good enough to get over the hump. And yes, this is a metaphorical hump, although I wouldn't be surprised if there was some weird hill on the field in Qualcomm leftover from the old pitcher's mound.

Broncos 27-20

Minnesota @ Detroit

With two road games to close out the season ahead of them this becomes a must win for the Lions. Though, if you're not treating every game as must win at this point in the season then you don't deserve to make it into the playoffs. You come strong or you don't come at all. That's a motto I live by. A lot of days I show up to work and feel like I haven't come strong so I simply pack it in and head back home minutes after I arrive. I think the Vikings can hang tough, but ultimately fall short. In other words they'll come strong but not strong enough.

Lions 23-18

San Francisco @ Seattle

It's time to take the Harbaugh era out back, tie it to a tree, and put it out of its misery.

Seahawks 27-0

Sunday Night

Dallas @ Philadelphia

The Eagles are Sony and the Seahawks are the Guardians of Peace. All of Philly's secrets have been made public and their weaknesses have been exposed. Of course, the big secret to disrupting the Eagles' offense is having superior talent and being able to line up up and play your game regardless of their scheme. As we've seen, not every team can do that, and from the look of that Thanksgiving day game in Dallas, the Cowboys certainly can't. But I just get the feeling that the Eagles', and especially Mark Sanchez's, confidence is shaken, and we'll see that to a certain extent on Sunday night.

Cowboys 26-23

Monday Night

New Orleans @ Chicago

Well it appears that I went overboard last week when I proclaimed that the Saints would make it to 8-8. I just assumed that they would be able to handle a home game against the Panthers, a team that hadn't won a game in two months. I'm taking Chicago more as a result of my disgust with the Saints than my confidence in the Bears.

Bears 31-28 

NFL Picks - Week 15 Thursday

Arizona @ St. Louis

Just who do these Rams think they are? They've shutout consecutive opponents by a combined score of 76-0. And these weren't just any opponents, they were two of the worst teams in the league. Oh, so I guess that actually devalues St. Louis's accomplishment a bit, but regardless of who they're playing they can't do better than a shutout. Now the Rams return home with a chance to get to .500 (hold on, checking to make sure ... yes, that's actually possible). Standing in their way are the division leading Cardinals, or what's left of them at least. The Arizona O has put up an average of only 13 points per game over their last four and now must face a suddenly dominant unit. And this time of year there's nothing more fearsome than a dominant unit.

Rams 13-10


NFL Picks - Week 14

Sunday Morning

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati

This is the first meeting of the season for these divisional foes, and it comes with Cincinnati all of a sudden holding a 1.5 game lead in the AFC North. But can we trust the Bengals? Thousands of years of human intuition would tell us to never trust a tiger, and four years of football intuition would tell us to never trust Andy Dalton. However, the Steelers have been equally shaky this season and according to my spell check "Steeler" isn't even a word. Pretty shady bros.

Bengals 31-28

St. Louis @ Washington

According to ESPN there are tickets available for this game for $8. C'mon D.C., if you have an opportunity to see a Shaun Hill/Colt McCoy showdown in person for under $10 you really shouldn't pass it up. That's a good rule of thumb to live by: if you're ever offered something for less than $10 accept it with a smile.

Rams 21-17

New York Giants @ Tennessee

Somewhere Kerry Collins will be watching this game with his son and say, "Ya know, I used to be quarterback for both these teams." To which his son will reply, "I don't care Dad, this game blows, turn it off," because he's an ungrateful little prick! That being said, he's totally right about this game, it's a stinker. Neither team has won since October 12th. Barf. No, not Barf, barf.

Giants 27-23

Carolina @ New Orleans

We've all had plenty of fun with the NFC South this season, ridiculing their collective patheticness. And for quite a while it's been assumed that the division champion would have a losing record, but I'll venture to say that that won't actually happen. The Saints' remaining schedule after this game is as follows: @ CHI, ATL, @ TB. All of those games are winnable, and I predict they'll prevail in at least three (spoiler alert!). If so, they'll soar into the playoffs at 8-8 and the nation will be bummed out by their exact mediocrity. We pretended that we didn't want a losing team in the playoffs, but now that it might not happen we kind of miss it, like the mosquito bite we liked to scratch or the bruise we enjoyed thumbing.

Saints 33-19

New York Jets @ Minnesota

Before the Jets' final drive on Monday, when they were forced to throw due to a deficit and a dwindling clock, Geno Smith was 4-8 with 42 yds.. And they were only down 3! Maybe Rex Ryan has figured out how to make Geno into a starting quarterback: don't let him throw. Meanwhile, Teddy Bridgewater hasn't been setting records (to my knowledge) but the Vikings are at least letting him throw more than 8 times a game, which is the ultimate sign of confidence. As I said last week, I'm no longer going to even think when making a Jets pick, just going to close my eyes and drop the hammer. While we're here, don't close your eyes and drop a hammer. The best result is a loud noise, the worst is death following a prolonged battle with gangrene.

Vikings 20-13

Baltimore @ Miami

The Ravens have to be thrilled that Ray Rice's suspension is over and that he can now return to action. Baltimore could certainly use the boost after their devastating loss to the Chargers. How quickly Rice can re-assimilate into the offense remains to be seen, but his mere presence should be inspiring to his teammates. What's that? So he's not going back there? Good, they don't need that scumbag.

Ravens 26-23

Indianapolis @ Cleveland

The Browns have decided to give Brian Hoyer another chance as their starting quarterback despite the widespread clamoring for Johnny Manziel to take over the job. Maybe it's because they were turned off by the way Manziel laid on the turf like a corpse after losing the football near his own goal line. The call of a fumble was later overturned to an incomplete pass, but it doesn't take away from the fact that he appeared dead for a few fleeting moments. Any time you have to double-check your QB's pulse after a big hit it has to shake your confidence.

Colts 30-24

Tampa Bay @ Detroit

The Bucs come into this game winners of one of their last three. Sadly that constitutes a hot streak for Tampa. And yes, I'm referring to the entire city. This is the first of two very winnable home games for the Lions, a team that could really use two wins. So bully for them.

Lions 23-13

Houston @ Jacksonville

J.J. Watt is getting a lot of MVP buzz because of his dominant play on defense and his 3 receiving TDs. Just for the record those 3 TDs have been for a total of 3 yards. Also, is it crazy to think that any other tight end on the roster could have caught those 1 yard passes? All I'm saying is that we probably shouldn't overreact to Watt's offensive stats. Now, if he ever gets a yard after catch, then I'll be impressed.

Texans 27-17

Sunday Afternoon

Buffalo @ Denver

Poor Bills. Just when it looked like they had reignited their playoff hopes they get bombarded with this impossible match-up in Denver. It's like the '87 Survivor Series when Bam Bam Bigelow was left all alone and took out King Kong Bundy and the One Man Gang before the dominant Andre the Giant came in to extinguish his hot streak. Go ahead, watch it back, it's the exact same thing. Of all the analogies possible in this universe, that was the perfect one. By the way, the Bills currently have the #2 scoring defense in the league; they won't after this Sunday.

Broncos 31-17

Kansas City @ Arizona

Two weeks ago these teams were a combined 16-4. Since then they've doubled their collective loss total with an 0-4 stretch. Two squads once marching confidently toward the playoffs are now trudging timidly toward God knows where. The good news is that one of them has to win. Of course, that's bad news for the other team as they'll continue their downward spiral into playoff purgatory. Kind of makes you wish we lived in a world where nobody ever had to lose doesn't it? Man that would really piss off the '72 Dolphins. The NFL should change the rules accordingly if for no other reason than that.

Cardinals 17-13

San Francisco @ Oakland

On the one hand the 49ers have won three of their last four. On the other hand they were just the victim of a live snuff film in front of a national audience on Thanksgiving. So a short trip across the Bay could go a long way to repairing their damaged psyche. This will be good for them, they need this; poor guys.

49ers 23-10

Seattle @ Philadelphia

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Based on past experience it results in The Joker going to Arkham Asylum or Andre the Giant getting bodyslammed. The Eagles' offense has indeed looked close to unstoppable at times this year, yet when their rhythm gets disrupted they seem quite ordinary. And who better to disrupt their rhythm than the most disruptive defense in years. After surrendering only 6 points over the last two games the Hawks' D has a chance to make another statement on Sunday. One of the only things they haven't done in that span is score a touchdown themselves. My guess is they'll add points of their own on the way to another victory.

Seahawks 26-17 

Sunday Night

New England @ San Diego

The Patriots are only one game better than the Chargers but it feels like much more. And that's how I operate, by feel. It's the most important sense folks, or at least in the top five. This feels like a win for New England. But not only that, it also looks, smells, tastes, and touches(?) like a win for the AFC leaders. Then again, Philip Rivers could always prove me wrong, because sometimes he makes no sense.

Patriots 34-27

Monday Night

Atlanta @ Green Bay

Here come the Atlanta Falcons! They've won three of four, they're at 5-7, and they currently hold the tiebreaker for first place in the NFC South. And now they have games @GB, PIT, @NO. There go the Atlanta Falcons! That could be a three game losing streak waiting to happen. Then again if you're a pessimist, or if this guy is your head coach, everything is a three game losing streak waiting to happen.

Packers 38-24


NFL Picks - Week 14 Thursday

Dallas @ Chicago

Despite their recent struggles the Cowboys are still 5-0 on the road. The Bears, meanwhile, are 2-3 at home. Sometimes this job is just too easy. Actually, most of the time. There are like three games a week that are tough to pick, and when an upset happens you can just fall back on "Well who saw that coming?" So if you like to make excuses as much as I do there's really nothing to it.

Cowboys 30-23