1.30.2009

Hello World

Well it's great to finally be a contributor to this wonderful blog. I was so excited that I left work at 3pm so I could make this post. I would like to thank the creators for giving me this opportunity to share my thoughts, findings and opinions on all things surrounding the greatest 2 days in sports (not counting the first two days of the NCAA Tournament). Poeple might be wondering why they should care what I have to say. First off, that's rude and uncalled for. Secondly, let me give you a run down of why people consider me an expert:
- I have watched over 6 NFL Drafts
- I plan on watching this next one
And thirdly, I have agreed to an exclusive deal with this blog. That means this is the only site on the Internet that I will allow to publish my 2009 NFL Draft material.

Over the next couple months leading up to draft days, I will provide you with mock drafts, Senior Bowl and Combine thoughts, mailbags (if people send me questions), and chats (most likely with made up questions from fake people).

So buckle up. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go make my number 1 draft pick...an ice cold Miller Lite.

NFL DRAFT 2009 COVERAGE @ HCM

Thank god this football season is almost over. Let's just pretend it never happened. The nice thing is having a Seahawks team that is primed for Superbowl run next year AND the NFL was nice enough to give us the #4 pick in the draft!!! Can't beat that, am I right? Am I right?

Anyway... the draft is pretty damn important, so we went out and aquired the services of a pretty damn impressive Draft Correspondent. He should be debuting a post later today or this weekend.

For any hints at who it might be... please direct your attention to the picture posted at the bottom of this blog.

Thank you EVERYONE!!!!

Thanks, but no thanks Reggie

How is this even news?

I'm a crappy wide receiver with ties to the area! I'd love to play for the Seahawks as well! Think they'll run a piece on me?

The Seattle P.I. will be missed

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/thiel/398085_thiel30.html

1.28.2009

Cardinals Just Kidding


TAMPA, FL – "Gotcha!" said Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt Tuesday during the Super Bowl’s Media Day. "I can’t believe you guys fell for it," he continued, "The Cardinals in the Super Bowl, psssh, c’mon." The Arizona coach elaborated further, explaining that the Cardinals 3 playoff wins have all been an intricately orchestrated hoax. "It all started when Mike (Smith, Falcons head coach) and I were having a drink. We were laughing about how funny it would be if we actually stayed close. Then it was actually him who said something like ‘Imagine how hilarious it would be if you actually won!’ Well from there it kind of just snowballed. We got on the phone with John (Fox) and Andy (Reid) and ran it by them. I could barely hear them say yes because they were laughing so hard. At that point I knew we had something going." After these revelations the three opposing coaches, and supposed accomplices, joined Whisenhunt on stage. "I couldn’t have done it without these guys," said a grinning Whisenhunt, "Of course, some of you went a little over-the-top." Whisenhunt joked while staring directly at John Fox, who replied with a shrug and a sheepish grin. When asked by a reporter if he seriously expected football fans everywhere to believe that they had made the playoffs into an elaborate joke, Whisenhunt answered, "You find it easier to believe the Cardinals are legitimately the NFC Champions?" No one responded.

1.26.2009

Leroy's got $5 on it

Leroy Hill got in to some trouble with the law when passed out a stop light and had some sitcky-icky-icky on him.



This doesn't really bother me. It WILL bother me if this impacts our decision to bring Leroy Hill back. We better resign him, DANG IT!!!

1.23.2009

Aussie Open News

I'm working the Australian Open, and color commentator Whit Sheppard (some dumb Aussie) just claimed that the wave was invented at the Mexico World Cup in 1986. I've always been under the impression that it came about at Husky Stadium in the early 70s.

Now, here's the thing. The guys calling the match aren't actually in Australia, they're outside in a production truck in the DirecTV parking lot. Should I go find this guy and let him know he's an idiot?




Then kick his ass?

Top 100 Prospects

Here is Keith Law's top 100 prospects for 2009.

Local bad boy Travis Snider is listed at #5. However, I'm more interested with the lad that falls at #7. How was this not discussed at Christmas?

Also, in an interesting note, Triunfel was born in 1990. 1990! Well, unless he's actually 2 years older than he says, which is apparently the rumor.

Not all people from New York are scumbags

I give you our newest Mustacheer... NY Keith!!!

Check out that picture. That's some sick shit!

Go Cougs

Lat night's game reminded me why I love rooting for sports teams....

and then it reminded me why it sucks so bad to care.

Horrible people

Take a look at this story:



http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=903780



What a group of despicable human beings. The coach should be fired, and these girls should be ashamed of themselves. How do you lose by 100?



I'm kidding.



Obviously I'm directing my comments towards the winning team. What an awful collection of people.

1.22.2009

Royal Rumble / HCM Anthology Part 5: The Finale


(Coolest pic I could find of Michaels... I was pretty close to putting one of his Playgirl photos on here, but ultimately decided that was a little too... well, gay I guess)

Finn:

Ok... that brings us to your #2 (and rightful #1) and my #1...

1995

Winner: Shawn Michaels
Final 4: Michaels, Bulldog, Crush and Luger
1&2: Shawn Michaels and British Bulldog
30: Crush

This was highlighted by a couple of indivdual spots like the quick elimination of Luke, and the even quicker elimination of Moe, which was dubbed a record (later corrected by WWE.com. The Warlord was dumped quicker). Pam Anderson ringside. The most fast and furious Rumble ever (60 second intervals)... actually could have been longer. Shawn Michaels is body pressed like a dozen times in the match, on the verge of elimination over 75% of the Rumble, culminating in one of the most memorable Rumble moments of all time. There also the Adam Bomb entrance where he is WAY to amped. He looks like a fool. And of course... the Billy Gunn slide.

But the real story of this Rumble is the #1 and 2 entrants going the distance and being the last two men in the Rumble. Michaels obviously is the highlight, but Davey Boy deserves a lot of credit here too. After Bulldog clothelines Crush out over the ropes and the crowd almost instantly realizes that we're left with the same two men who started the Rumble... the place goes ballistic! The camera is shaking like crazy!! The Sinclairs and Andersen or going ape shit!!! Just a great, great Rumble. Probably one of the greatest pro-wrestling moments of all time.

Michaels ultimately gets Bulldog... sort of cheaply... but hey, Bulldog should have been sure he was out before celebrating.


HBK went on to bigger and better things. He was basically a mid-carder until this point, so it was great to think that anyone could win the Rumble. Well... almost anyone.

So that's that. Let's hear your top ten list in order again, and any final thoughts?

Erik:

Everything you mentioned was good. I agree with it all. A couple of things I can't believe you forgot though:

-Mabel tickling King Kong Bundy to eliminate him.
-Bob Holly apparently being told by someone that if Michaels accidentally got tossed, then he was in line for the win. This led to Holly frantically trying to eliminate Michaels on about 5 different occasions, and getting dangerously close every time.

The reasons I did not put this # 1 are because of the time and the roster. The whole 1 minute interval thing makes it feel a little cheap to me. As for the roster, have you ever looked at it? This has to be the worst collection of Rumble talent ever. After the first 2 here are the best entrants in terms of notoriety:

11. Owen Hart (barely makes it to the ring after being attacked by Hitman, then gets eliminated instantly when he finally does get down there)
15. King Kong Bundy (Gets tickled out of the match)
19. Lex Luger (Uggh)
25. Bob Backlund (Same thing as Owen)
30. Crush (I guess)

As you can see, the talent was lacking. And I think anyone who's still reading this post would agree with me on that.

Anyway, here's my final top ten:
10. 1989
9. 2002
8. 2008
7. 1990
6. 2001
5. 2004
4. 1998
3. 1997
2. 1995
1. 1992

Finn:

Yeah, you're right, it's nothing but Jobbers. The only one's even close were Luger, Owen, and Backlund. I wont even count Bundy or Crush.

So I took your list and my list:

10. 1994
9. 2004
8. 1997
7. 2008
6. 2002
5. 2007
4. 2000
3. 1992
2. 1998
1. 1995

And I gave a reversed point scale to come up with combined list (10pts. for #1 finsih, 1 pt for #10, etc.

And here is the final result:

10. 2001 (5pts)
9. 2007 (6pts)
8. 2000 (7pts, but only on one ballot)
6t. 2008 (7pts)
6t. 2002 (7pts)
5. 2004 (8pts)
4. 1997 (11pts)
3. 1998 (16pts)
2. 1992 (18pts)
1. 1995 (19pts)

So there it is Mustacheers! The official list of the greatest Royal Rumble's of all time!

Thanks Erik, this was fun... although I wonder how many people will lose what little respect they had for us after even seeing this post's lenght. And no one will read this. For the record.

COMMENT AWAY GANG!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Lost blog

Posted: http://catinthehatch.blogspot.com/

1.21.2009

Royal Rumble / HCM Anthology Part 4

Erik:

As for the Final 4 stats, Austin has the most with 5, but that includes 3 wins. Michaels has 4, but that's with 2 wins. Kane has 4 with no wins. Maybe we should start calling him Ben Howland ... ouch, I am such a bitch.

I have to say I don't have either of those Rumbles in my top 10. 2000 just doesn't stand out. As for 2007, before the awesome ending, I remember thinking "This is one of the worst Rumbles ever," due in large part to the Khali fiasco.

Well, the NCAA has it's final 4, and so do I. Now the Rumble who drew #4:

....1998

Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin
Final 4: Austin, The Rock, Farrooq, Dude Love
#1 & 2: Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie
#30: Vader

This Rumble was a lot of fun, beginning with Cactus and Chainsaw getting all sorts of hardcore, there was also apperances by all 3 faces of Foley (what a cheater) and the ongoing storyline of when Austin was going to show up. The only problem I have with it is that you knew Austin was going to win that Rumble before it started. I mean some people might have thought Mark Henry or Owen Hart would come out on top, but those people would have just been completely idiotic, I mean, out and out morons.

But I know you've got this one higher, so what do you have to say about it?

Finn:

Yeah that was my #2 ranked Rumble. All the things you mentioned, plus as you noted about Austin in a pick earlier, this was a match where the Rock quite possibly made the leap to being a main eventer. But there’s a list of some great little things in this Rumble that really push it towards the top for me, and this is… is that list:

- “WHAT IS UP WITH D-LO?!?”
- Kurgan fan
- Austin on Goldust clothesline
- And the mess that is Ahmed Johnson.

Ahmed stumbles to ring half drunk and half asleep. He gets a giant wedgie mid way through his appearance that he never fixes. Then he just gets dumped out and tires to kick a guy when he’s leaving only he falls down like a pathetic lump of shit. Then! The icing on the cake! As he’s leaving to the back, just before he makes it behind the curtain, Kama enters the Rumble and violently shoves Ahmed out of the way. Ahmed’s response? Nothing. He gives a half-assed attempt at going after for him for about, oh, a second. Then he leaves. Probably passed out backstage while Dink dropped a Cleveland steamer on his chest.

Anyway, that’s #4 and this is #3…

1992

Winner: Ric Flair
Final Four: Ric Flair, Sid Justice, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man
1 & 2: Bulldog and Dibiase
30: Warlord

It was for the title!!! Flair goes almost the distance coming in at 3. There’s the classic Bossman elimination, and an epic final group of Hall of Famers: those guys above, and Slaughter and Piper (also IRS and Martel). Not to mention Piper finally making IRS pay for wearing that tie.

But what makes this Rumble for me was Bobby Heenan’s commentary. He was great throughout the Rumble, but two of my favorite lines were the “DAMNIT” when he saw Flair had entered at #3, and when Flair was left alone in the ring mid-Rumble and Heenan went nuts like he had won: “Flair’s done it! He’s won!!!”

Anyway, I’m sure this one is on your list at some point, so… care to comment?


Erik:


Yes, I had 1992 in my number 1 slot. Obviously the fact that it was for the title makes it the most important Rumble ever. Everything you mentioned was basically what I had to say. One thing I wanted to add was that I seem to remember Flair actually taking the fight to people repeatedly in that match. That's pretty unheard of for the type of heel he was, so that's cool.

Also, I think you short-changed the Bossman elimination. This was more than classic, it defined a generation of botched Rumble spots. For every other bad elimination you can say, "Well, at least it wasn't as bad as Bossman's." Not to mention the flurry of action that led-up to it, including the Bossman's roundhouse whiff kick while his shirt gave new meaning to the term unbuttoned. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I knew wrestling was choreographed by 1992. I was 6 years old and I think you guys had let me in on the secret. But I'm sure somewhere in the back of my mind, I still thought it might be real. Well, if I did, this elimination sealed the deal for me. I realized right then and there, as Bossman leaped into the ropes fell back towards the ring and jumped back over and out, that wrestling was fake.

Anyway, as for my #3 we've already discussed it, it was 1997.

And my #2 is what I'm sure you're #1 is (confused yet everyone?) so I'll give you the honors of getting the first crack at it.

Finn:

Alrighty! That leaves us with just one missing Rumble, my # 1 and your # 2…

1999.

Just kidding. That Rumble is the worst ever. Shouldn’t even have been mentioned in our rundown… but before we unveil the last one I thought we could drop some notes on the remaining Rumbles. Any other fond memories?

Like, 1988, the first one ever… and a jobber named Hacksaw won! Or how about, the worst Rumble elimination of all time (not to mention it was for the win) when Yokozuna threw Randy Savage out FROM THE MAT after Randy tried to pin him. Or there’s one of the greatest Rumble lines of all time in 1996 when Vince asks Mr. Perfect who he thinks is coming in at # 2: “Uhhhh… (Henry Godwin’s music hits)… HOGMAN!”. Classic. The stuff graduation tributes are made of.

Don’t really have any comments on the later ones that weren’t already mentioned. Probably why they didn’t make the list. But I felt those few above at least needed SOME recognition.

Anyway got any other final comments that don’t involve our last Rumble? Or should I just go on?

Erik:

I think at some point we have to mention Rick Martel, a truly great Rumble performer who would always stick around for a solid amount of time.

A couple of other notes:

1996: Shawn Michaels wins, then moons the crowd, pulling his pants so far down in the front that it revealed his pubes.

1991: A kid in the crowd correctly predicts the next entrant when he shouts: "It's Hulk Hogan!"

Not Sure which Rumble: A spot is supposed to remain empty, but you can see that one of the L.O.D. is about to come through the curtain. As if he was thinking, "Well, looks like someone fucked up, guess I gotta save the Rumble." Then Bruce Pritchard or someone pulls him back.

And lastly, the recurring quotes from every one of the first 10 or so Rumbles:

-When tag teamers would inevitably fight: "It's every man for himself in the Royal Rumble."
-After #30 would come out: "The numbers game is over."
-The aforementioned: "Well the NCAA's got their Final 4, and we've got ours."
-Any of us watching an undercard match where a guy gets thrown over the top rope: "Ya know, if this were the Rumble, he'd be outta here."
-And finally, when the countdown is going for #30 and the announcers say something like:
"Only one man left now, and I think we both know who it is ...."
#30 finally comes out before the announcer can say anything, proving that they had no idea who was left.
"Yes, it's the Warlord. Only one person it could have been, and it's the Warlord."

Finn:

YES! Classics!!! I love Animal's inner monologue. "Better fix this. FAST!" BTW (it's short for the By the way... little blogger (blogger not booger, Hugh) lingo I've picked up along the way), Animal was coming in because Macho no showed. First time that ever happened.

(Sorry everyone! Couldn't find quick clips for 1998, and there was no good Flair winning clip... plus I had to hustle in preparation for Lost)

1.20.2009

Editors Note: A big apology to Yahoo!!

When a powerful blog such as HCM speaks, the world listens. My sources have told me that the yahoo running the Yahoo Offseason Major League Updates Widget for myYahoo has been fired. Here is the proof that their mistake has been corrected. Feel free to return to Yahoo for all your up to the minute sports news as it happens.

Royal Rumble / HCM Anthology Part 3


Erik:

The Rumble who drew #7 (by the way I'm not stopping this gimmick.)

.....1990

Winner: Hulk Hogan
Final Four: Hogan, Mr. Perfect, Rick Rude, Hercules
#1 & 2: Ted DiBiase & Koko B. Ware

#30: Mr. Perfect

This is #7 strictly for the greatest showdown in Rumble hist
ory: DiBiase and Janetty. And also there's the other good one between Hogan and Warrior. Both of them were tearing through Rumble until they were the only two men left in the ring. When the crowd realized it they went apeshit. Of course, there were no real moves to be done, so they looked at each other for a while then ran perpendicular routes across the ring culminating in a double clothesline. And who comes out next to reap the benefits? That's right, The Barbarian. The 3rd most popular wrestler at the time (In my opinion at least). This is followed by Rick Rude saying "Screw it" and entering the ring a minute early. A crime for which there was no reprimand.


Anyway, this Rumble was the precursor to the Ultimate Challenge. While I know it wasn't a technically flawless match, it was my favorite as a fresh-faced young boy who knew no more about the sport than what he'd learned from his Wrestlin' Buddies and action figures; so it has a a soft spot in my heart.

Finn:

Yeah this was a good Rumble for all the reasons you mentioned, but it's probably my third least favorite for the simple fact that my two favorite pro wrestlers (Koko B. Ware and Marty Janetty were quickly and embarrassingly eliminated by DiBiase at the very beginning of the Rumble. Not to mention my 4th favorite wrestler, (3rd was Brutus the Barber Beefcake for those scoring at home) Shawn Michaels entered late and was ousted in under 1 minute by the Warrior during that house cleaning moment you mentioned earlier in preparation of the Warrior / Hogan showdown. It's like Vinny Mac had it out for me personally: "Hey, I hear there's this kid watching the Rumble this year... some little shit in MillCreek Washington named Finn. Let's see if we can make him cry."

Anyway that sucked. Still waiting on your 6th.

Erik:

And now the Rumble who drew #6:

......2001

Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin
Final Four: Austin, Kane, The Rock, Billy Gunn
#1 & 2: Jeff Hardy & Bull Buchanan
#30: Rikishi

This was originally in a higher slot. My thinking being any Rumble featuring Sounders minority owner Drew Carey and a final four appearance from Monty Sopp has to be in the top 5. But with Drew Carey ruining the greatest ending ever on Price is Right, I realized it has to be a little lower.

The beginning of the Rumble was dominated by Kane, and it was pretty exciting stuff including Kane's encounter with Carey that ended when Raven came to Drew's rescue.


Raven? Why does he ... nevermind, it's not worth trying to figure out. Anyway, here's how Wikipedia explains Carey's elimination: "This gave Carey the opportunity to eliminate himself safely and do high-fives to the fans." The Rock comes in at #13 slowing down Kane and setting up the rest of the Rumble.

The final 3 is awesome, with Kane and the Rock exhausted in their cor
ners, and a bloodied Austin sitting in his. Stone Cold pulls a "Hogan" elimination on the Rock, setting up their match at 'Mania X-Seven. Then he dumps Kane, who at this point is without question the greatest Rumble performer ever who has not won the whole thing.

Finn:

This one didn’t make my list, but not because it’s not a great Rumble, it’s just THERE’S THAT MANY GREAT RUMBLES!!!

I’ll have to rewatch this one, and I’ll probably regret not putting it on my list. Kane’s performance was awesome and he deserved to win.

So… you’re getting wiki help? That’s fine cuz I;ve got the DVD’s to review, but could you do me a favor and see who’s appeared in the most final fours? It’s gotta be Kane, Taker, Michaels, or Austin… although Hogan was in a few and so was Macho… WHO IS IT?!?!?

Anyway… I’ve got my #5 ready… and the winner IS… (trying to get a little gimmick going of my own)

2007!

Winner: The Undertaker (finally gets one)

Final 4: Taker, Michaels, Randy Orton and Edge (It’s impossible to pick a greatest final 4 so I’ll stop trying, but this one is up there.)

#1 &2: Flair and Finlay (ummm... I guess they were taking a break from the young and exciting wrestlers that could carry the match at the beginning.)

#30: Deadman (finally # 30 wins one!!!)

Despite a terrible spot where the Great Kahli eliminates just about every good wrestler in the WWE… this one gets a high ranking for the fantastic Final 4 and finish.

Just a great sequence where Michaels is laid out on the outside, and Rated RKO are about to deliver a con-chair-to to the Deadman. Michaels slides in as Orton charges and he is backdropped to the outside, and then Edge swings and misses with the chair and is Sweet Chin Music-ed to the outside, and Michaels collapses in the ring.

Two men left, the biggest legends left In the WWE, and then Taker does his classic sit up, and Michaels does his kick up. No jokes, it was just great. Then they go back and forth for a bit, in the greatest “match” between and last two men standing at the end… I think. Not to mention it was a Texas based Rumble with both guys being Texas natives at the end (crowd was slightly in favor of Michaels). Great Rumble.

And… since I think you said the ’04 Rumble was your # 5, that brings us to the 4’s… and since I’m so red hot right now I’ll keep going.



My # 4 is…

2000 Rumble.

Winner: The Rock (yeah, yeah, yeah, disputed, didn’t happen at the PPV so didn’t happen here)

Final 4: The Rock, Big Show, Kane, and X-Pac (2nd guy to cheat in the Rumble, he didn’t get quite the results that Austin did)

# 1 & 2: D-Lo and Grand Masta Sexay (This was lame, but it did lead to a cheesy but memorable Too Cool dance off in the middle of the Rumble… and it was REAL TO ME DAMMNIT)

#30: X-Pac

This was an awesome total card (which doesn’t count I know) but it’s provbably why I remember it so fondly. Tazz vs Angle, Hardyz vs Dudleyz. Great stuff.

Two neat Rumble things for me were the surprise return of Backlund (I’ll let Pete comment on this) and Road Dogg employing a strategy I always thought more people should employ. He grabbed the bottom rope, wrapped himself around it.

The thing that makes this Rumble great were the run ins form the Mean Street Posse and Kaientati (sp?) they resulted in a HUGE face smack against the mats on Taka… might have ended his career… has anyone SEEN him since? And there was Pete Gas just EATING it on the bottom rope when he tried to slide in.

You know… I ranked this way to high. I’m sorry. I want to change my list a bit when we’re done.

Ok, so let’s here your # 4.

Royal Rumble / HCM Anthology Part 2 (w/ The Wrestler briefly reviewed)

Finn:

Sorry to burst your bubble but no he says, "Alright" . Look it shocked me too.

Your # 9 is good. Too good. In fact I had it ranked as the #6 Rumble of all time... and here's why:

It had four returning superstars: Godfather (eh), Val Venis (eh), Goldust (he actually got a pretty good pop, and since it was his return the #2 spo
t wasn't as lame as you think), and Mr. Perfect.

It was great to Perfect in the ring again, and after watching it last night, right when he comes out he pumps his fist to the pop and yells "Fuck yeah, man!". Plus he might have been drunk. No kidding.

It's got one of the best final fours ever, and a cool sho
wdown moment for Austin and Triple H (right before Hurricane comes in and tries to double chokeslam them).

But the part the extra stuff that makes this a great Rumble for me was a sequence in about the 2 quarter of the match where the Taker is taking on the Hardy's and Lita comes in (really a shame what happened to her) and they kick the shit out of Taker for a whil
e. The Deadman ultimately eliminates them both, but only to de dropkicked form behind out of the ring by Maven. Maven is lame. But that was a classic Rumbled moment.

That brings us to #8. My # 8 is the 1997 Rumble.

Winner: Steve Austin
Final 4: Austin, Hitman, Vader and Taker
1 & 2: Crush and Ahmed Johnson (yuck and fuck)

30: Deadman

This Rumble is where Austin makes his first big leap towards superstardom. The
re's good moments of Austin waiting in the ring looking at his watch and doing pushups, and later freaking out when it's the Hitman's music (out of character, but who cares). Plus there's the Latin Lover's entrance:

Jim Ross: "It's the Latin Lover"

Vince McMahon: " It certainly is"

Something you'd like to get off your chest Vince? Anyway...
Also the second year in a row the King was uppercutted over the top ropes (they also did the lame Takes a King to know a King line that McMahon ruined)

Then there's the classic final ring after # 30 comes in (and they get rid of Hogman and Flash Funk). Were left with the final 4 AND Rocky Maivia, Diesel (Kane), Mankind and Terry Funk.

>

What's your 8?

Erik:

Ok, well just to clear things up, I had 2004 at #5 on my list. The idea of someone winning from the #1 spot had already been done before, but a guy like Benoit was the perfect person to do it with if you were gonna do it again. I mean if somebody's gonna go all the way with something, Benoit's your guy (Oh no).

The ending is what really sells me on this Rumble though. Angle has Show locked into the ankle lock and Big Show brilliantly rolls over the ropes to eliminate him. As a side note, why would Angle be using the Ankle lock in the Rumble? Logically it doesn't make sense. You're gonna take away the Big Show's legs? If he can't stand up how the hell are you gonna get him over the rope? Anyhow, Benoit's elimination of Big Show may be the best final elimination in the history of Rumbles. It was actually somewhat believable and it really epitomized Benoit's effort. As terrible as Benoit's legacy has become, I ha
ve to give credit where it's due. It was finally his main event push, and they gave it to him in the greatest way possible. And that's why I gave this Rumble a high ranking.

Ok, you've got 1997 at #8, well I have to disagree with you here. I have it all the way up at #3. It would possibly top my list if the roster weren't so terrible and unrecognizable. I mean, there were around 7 or 8 guys that were not WWF wrestlers, what's the point?

My first reason for having it so high is the great push that Austin got with this Rumble. This was right at the time where fans were starting to g
et on board with him, and he was on the verge of being a main-eventer, which put him in the perfect spot to win the Rumble.

Secondly, there was a unique ending. Of course, Austin cheated, but that's what made it cool.

Thirdly, the sequence where Austin is dominating the Rumble is one of my favorite moments ever. He ends up the only guy in the ring, eliminates a couple guys who come down after that, and is left sitting on the top turnbuckle looking at his watch. (I always love when it's about halfway through and there's only one guy in the ring
.) Then Hitman's music hits. Austin looks up shocked. He was totally confident until this moment, and now he knows he's got a real fight on his hands. It was awesome, they paced it perfectly so that this was right in the middle, which set up the rest of the Rumble. Anyway, those are my thoughts.

Here's the Rumble that drew #8

....2008

Winner: John Cena
Final 4: Cena, HHH, Batista, Kane

#1 & 2: Undertaker & Shawn Michaels
#30: Cena

Yeah, I know, somewhat of a shocker, but hey, anything can happen in the WWF. Obviously, 1 and 2 are great, even if they're completely unbelievable. If I remember correctly, the Rumble itself was pretty enjoyable throughout. But the real reason i put it on the list is the ending. We knew there was a "mystery entrant" and by the time it got to #30 we knew he was coming out next. In the back of my mind I was thinking "It can't be Cena can it? He's gone for like 4 more months right? Yeah it can't be him, well who's it gonna be?" Then the countdown ends and : Ba ba da dum Ba ba da dum! "Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Damn it!"

Look I hate Cena pretty hard, but when he came through the curtain the hate turned into that rare type of "You son of a bitch" hatred where you can't help but crack a smile. I knew he would win the second I saw him, and I didn't really mind at that point. It was such a surprise that I felt like I'd got my moneys worth.

Also, the final 3 was comprised of the most popular wrestlers in the business which made the MSG crowd pretty great.

Finn:

Great thoughts on the 97 and 04 Rumbles, very similar to my thoughts… you did read my thoughts, right? Anyway, it looks like we agree on why the Rumbles were great just not on their order in the top 10. Oh well.

And… good call on the ’08 Rumble, I agree with everything you have there. I was actually excited to see Cena, which is the first time that’s happened since the Seattle Wrestlemania. There were a couple of moments that also stood out: Shelton Benjamin’s leap onto the turnbuckle and getting Morrison and Miz (not eliminating, but that would’ve been cool). Unfortunately he got superkicked out of the wring 30 seconds (or less) later. You take what you can get from Benjamin in the WWE. There was also the Snuka/Piper stuff, and the final three showdown was great. All three have a staredown and do their respective taunts, culminating in two DX crotchchops before they go at it.

It was a great Rumble… you just had it one spot too low. Coincidentally I had it at #7… so no new email from me. Also, we already went over my #6, it was ’02 HHH.

So let’s here your # 7 and #6.


----------------------------------

The Wrestler

What Pervitron 3000 wants, Pervitron 3000 gets: The Wrestler was a fantastic movie. Any professional wrestling fan HAS to see it, but I'd also advise any fan of cinema to see it as well. Mickey Rourke definitely deserves his Golden Globe, and I hope he picks up the Oscar as well. It's probably the best leading male performance I've seen this year, but I dunno. Marissa Tomei is great, and still hot as hell, and gets all kinds of naked... but I really thought the daughter was fantastic too. Evan Rachel Wood should be getting some award consideration, but doesn't seem to be getting much love.

The movie seems to capture (from what I know, which isn't a lot) some of the hardships these fading stars that are professional wrestlers go through. It was real good.

There were a couple of things I'd change, but I can't really get into to it without spoiling things for everyone, so I wont. On a Netflix scale i would give it 5 stars. But 4.5 or 4.75 is probably more appropriate.

Definitely see this movie. Right after you're done pirating a copy of Delgo.

Nobody has put more work in this offseason than Ryan Howard

It's still foggy outside.

President Obama has been in office for a couple of hours now and it's still just as foggy outside as it was when Bush was President this morning.

Change my ass.

Oh, and we got Bedard for another year, at least.... http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3846940

He's the ray of sunshine this city needs to get rid of this fog. Erik Bedard will accomplish what Barack Obama was never able to do.

MLB Divisional Odds

Maybe I'm being a little superfanish... I mean Sean and I haven't even had our Mariner's pump up conversation (each year we talk ourselves into how each player needs to perform and why we'll win the division), but check out this link on the odds to win the divisions for each team:

http://vegaswatch.net/2009/01/early-mlb-divisional-odds.html

I can't vouch for the accuracy of this site, in fact I barely looked at it... but aren't we the best bet on there?

1.19.2009

The Royal Rumble / HCM Anthology Part 1

Erik:

Alright, let's do it to it, let's get this party started. And now for the Rumble that drew #10!

.......1989
Winner: Big John Studd

Final 4: Studd, Ted DiBiase, Akeem, Rick Martel (Strike Force)

#1 & 2: Ax & Smash
#30: DiBiase


The first real Rumble gets on my list at number 10. There was nothing overwhelmingly great about this Rumble, but by getting #10 I'm basically just saying it was better than h
alf of them. What sells me on this one is the overall storyline: Ted DiBiase had bought #30 and the help of the Twin Towers and was poised to steal the Rumble. Of course, he didn't and Big John Studd won, which was kind of lame, which is why it's no higher than 10. Also, the Ax and Smash drawing #1 & 2 was pretty memorable, with probably the best part being their pre-match selections:

Smash (Looks at the number he's just drawn): It's gonna be a long night.
Ax (Looks at his): You said it.

Or something along those lines. Their double-team on Andre was good, along with Andre eliminating himself due to his fear of Damien. Another lasting moment was H
ogan's "accidental" elimination of Macho Man, stoking the flames of a feud that would culminate in the most homo-erotic World title match ever at WrestleMania V. Also, Hogan was eliminated with help from the outside establishing a standard for the only way he could possibly not win a Royal Rumble.

Alright, the lists are underway. Whaddaya got big bro?

Finn:

Strong #10, if not just a liiiiiittle predictable. I don’t have much to add on that one, except this: Smash actually says: “Me too”. Bit of an easter egg to the kids paying attention at home. Smash was # 2 later that night.

My # 10 is 1994

Winner: Bret Hart / Lex Luger

Final 4: Bret Hart, Lex Luger, Shawn Michaels, and Fatu (One of these things does not belong here…. One of these things is not the same)

#1 & #2: Scott Steiner and Samu (Awful… just awful)

#30 Adam Bomb (he doesn’t have that good of an arm)

(quick side noet: This is the infamous PPV where Owen Hart tells Bret he “Kicked his leg out of his leg”)

There are a LOT of negatives about this rumble, like the first two dudes coming in followed by the mysterious Kwang and a sedated Rick Steiner (seriously, what the fuck was his problem that night). The beginning of this Rumble is painfully boring, even with the Diesel domination. Capped off by an unforgivable barely caught weak elimination of Macho Man Randy Savage. Although Backlund almost screwed everything up by dumping Diesel. That would have been funny.

What saves this Rumble for me is the drama of whether or not Hitman would be able to compete, and when he does he wins (with Lex, who’s paralyzed right now, so I’ll go easy). I especially oved when they cut off Luger’s music and Hitman’s starts. He turns around and yells “alright!!!”. Maybe the last time Bret was truly happy.




That’s what I got. What’s your number 9?

Erik:

Finn:

Okay... got tired of waiting. So here's my #9...

2004

Winner: Chris Benoit
Final 4: Chris Benoit, Big Show, Kurt Angle,
Chris Jericho
#1 and #2: Chris Benoit and Randy Orton
#30: Gooooooldberg

Chris Benoit goes from # 1 to win it all. I wish he'd come in at 4 to cross another number off the list, but I digress... There's the cool #1 vs #2 that carries the first half of the Rumble until Mick Foley appears as a surprise entrant eliminating Orton. Then the end has some great stuff. It's the Big Show stand... he takes finishing moves from Jericho, RVD, Cena, Angle and Benoit, then rallies back to the finals, (that may be the best group of pure wrestling talent in a final group). Then we get to possible the best final elimination in the history of the Rumble. Not the best Final 4 (but close), not the best finals, but the best actual elimination. Benoit is about to be chokeslammed out of the ring when he reverses into a (gulp) choke hold and drag Show out of the ring. All in all, it was a kil... I can't do it.

What's # 9 for you?

Erik:

Wow, I'm surprised you put '04 that low, considering your strange post-murder appreciation for Benoit. And if we're in the business of correcting quotes, doesn't Hitman shout "Yeeeeeeaaaaaaasssss." as he turns around? I guess you've probably seen it more recently, but considering this was a staple of my childhood, I think I should remember. Also, if you're bringing up Kwang, I should tell you that my sources inform me that he was replacing Ludwig Borga. Anyhow, here's the Rumble that drew #9.

......2002
Winner: HHH
Final Four: HHH, Kurt Angle, Mr. Pe
rfect, Stone Cold Steve Austin
#1 & 2: Rikishi & Goldust
#30: Booker T

Ok, obviously #1 & 2 suck, they're stupid. And I've never been a hug Booker T fan, so #30 isn't a thrill for me. But there are a few great things about this Rumble. First is the Undertaker's domination. I checked the stats, and he's only in there for about 8 minutes. I've never seen anybody have a more productive 8 minutes without the help of Jamie Brinkus. 'Taker runs through everyone, and then gets eliminated by Maven out of nowhere, which was a genuinely good mom
ent because it actually caught you off guard, which is tough to do at this point. Of course, this was followed by the Deadman taking him to the learning tree for the next hour. (Is it racist to say that an older white man took a rambunctious young black man to a tree?)

The second great aspect is the return of Mr. Perfect. He lasts all the way until the final 3, even going past Austin who gets dumped right before him. And even though you knew that a returning HHH was going to win, you had to be rooting for Perfect. In fact, I think Mr. Perfect actually got a Perfect-plex off on him, which elicited a huge pop from this smart mark.

This Rumble can be no higher because, as I mentioned before, it was obvious that HHH was going to win, and he did that extremely lame HHH-up, arms in the air move before he dumped Angle. Terrible, just terrible.

Alright, who goes for #8 now, you or I? I mean you jumped the gun on 9, so where do we go?

Seperate site for the Lost blog

Don't need to gum up this site with Lost talk so I created a new blog for it HERE

That way casual Lost viewers don't have to be spoiled or worry about being spoiled by viewing the posts.

The rest of you (all 6 if I'm lucky) can go to that new site linked above.

Bye.
It’s just about time for the greatest sporting event of the year.

That’s right…

My favorite and every wrestling fan’s favorite event of the year (I’ll listen to arguments for Wrestlemania. But that’s it) is deserving of a top 10 list. Interestingly enough, Erik was thinking the exact same thing. I received the following email:

Erik:

Hey, I was planning on writing a top ten Rumbles post on Cotto, but I assumed you'd probably be gearing up for the same thing. So anyway, you want to collaborate on this thing?

To which I replied:

Finn:

Yes

We exchanged emails over the course of the next few days and came up with a couple of top ten lists… and if you’re lucky we might combine them into one perfect list to worship. You’re welcome Foy. Now the nightmares can stop.

Here it goes…

Erik:
Alright, well how about I give you my ten and you give me yours? I'll start with #10 and we alternate.

Finn:

Sounds GREAT!!! But this will take some research and a LOT of time. Good thing we still have 18 days until the next one. What are our judging criteria?

I say the following should be taken into consideration in no particular order (of course, you judge however you would like): - #'s 1 and 2 and #30 - Who won the Rumble - The final four - Any dominating Rumble performances that year? - Awesome spots - Laugh out loud moments - If it was just fuckin' cool or not Thoughts?

Erik:

That's pretty much exactly what I was thinking. Although, #30 isn't a big stickler for me. Overall rhythm is a factor, but I think that's what you're getting at with "Is it just fuckin' cool." So once I finalize my list I'll send you #10.

(I'm breaking this up all week in anticipation of Sunday's big event... you're all invited. And after reading all 45 of these Rumble countdown posts, you'll e just as JAZZED for the event as we are... More to come tonight.)

And finally... some old promos to get you EVEN MORE amped!!!


1.16.2009

I've said it before and I'll say it again...



Cindy Brunson digs me!!!








Finn (Seattle, WA): Cougs needed OT to beat the Beavers last night, but a win is a win right? GO COUGS!







Cindy Brunson: (12:12 PM ET ) Amen Finn. I tuned in when the Cougs were down by double digits -painful. Doubt Wazzu will have a shot to make the tournament but at least they're competing!



I wish I could say the same for her faith in the Cougs.

Clear eyes, full hearts...

CAN'T LOSE!

Watch (DVR is you must) Friday Night Lights tonight on NBC.

No excuses. Top 5 shows on tv.

That is all.

This is an actual movie

Now, here at HCM, we've thrown our full support behind movies in the past, (Delgo, anyone?). But I'm not sure I can get behind (pun intended) this next one.

Apparently this is the title of an actual movie coming out: Donkey Punch. Hopefully you're all familiar with the term... well, hopefully you aren't. Anyway.... SERIOUSLY?!?!? A movie?

The premise seems to be a group of sexy young tweens meet and go partying on a yacht. Some Dirty sex occurs and a young woman is accidentally killed by, you guessed it, a donkey punch.

Here's the trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pzoh5XvVVjE

There were a couple of jokes I wanted to make so I'll list them both:

1. This was based on the sad, but true, story of a young women from Montana that asphyxiated during a Glass Bottom Boat.

or...

2. Based on the true story of a man, violently castrated, during a Rusty Trombone.

I'm sure you all can do better... let's hear em.

1.15.2009

Introducing The Biggest Douchebag Mayor in America


This is Pittsburgh's mayor and you would think he would be too busy securing funds to pay off the refs this weekend to worry about changing his stupid name. He would like to be called Steelerstahl and here is to hoping that the Ravens kick the Steelers' ass and the city blames this d-bag mayor and they kill him. (sarcasm, a little bit, just about the killing part) At least light him on fire for a little bit.

1.14.2009

Introducing the Coolest Mayor in America


This strapping young chap is Luke Ravenstahl, the mayor of Pittsburgh. Because his beloved Steelers are playing Baltimore in the AFC Title Game this weekend he decided it necessary change his name. He needed to get that dirty Raven out of his name so he now goes by Luke Steelerstahl. Lets hope for him it doesn't have some type of reverse effect since Pitt already beat Baltimore twice this year with the Raven in his name.

1.13.2009

Lost Blog

Some of you sports nuts may have a problem with the Lost blog showing up here... you can suck it.

Season 5 of Lost starts next Wednesday, and to get things started I thought I'd post a (giant) list of questions that I still have and would like to have answered within the final two seasons.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!! I'm not going to do this anymore. If you're not up to date on Lost then don't read these posts dummies.

Ok, questions I'd like to see answered:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Smoke Monster

What? How? When? Why? Where?

Does it scan people?

Does it inhabit dead bodies, like Christian and Yemi? Cuz both bodies are missing.

Did it scan Juliette like Eko? Or something else?

Can Ben summon smokey?

The Sickness / Vaccine / Quarantine

What’s real, what isn’t?

Nigerian Drug Plane

How’d it get there? Although I think it’ll have something to do with the Island moving now.

Four Toed Statue

Island history? Let’s have some.

Island Time

Did Locke move it in time, location, what? Why do different degrees of arrival equal different time frames? And is it only on the surface of the water? Cuz the plane crashed pretty conveniently in the same time as the Others existed.

The Others

How did they brainwash the tail section passengers to their “cause”?

Were they trying to take Eko? Was he a good person or just a threat?

Why do the Others go from docile family folk into murderous maniacs? Why are the Other’s even there anymore? What do they want to do that’s soooo important?

Why do the important one’s always go on the missions? Ben, Ethan, we know why Goodwin now.

What was there ultimate plan with Claire? (was Juliette on board?)

Why the fake outfits?

Why did Ben try and convince Locke that he didn’t have to push the button, when it’s clear he wanted them to keep doing it?

The Others can’t REALLY believe they are the good guys right? They’re delusional?

Why didn’t they know about Desmond’s boat?

Did they not know the result of not pushing the button?

Why don’t the Others have good medical supplies, ie crash cart?

Why didn’t Ben just leave to get his surgery?

How do they travel to and from the island with ease?

Do they really use the sub to get to and from the island?

How did they get Locke’s dad onto the island? I thought outside comm. Was down?

Why do all the babies on the island die?

How do they know Sawyer killed the shrimp shack guy?

Why did they need Locke to kill his dad?

How does Richard Alpert Age?

What happened to Annie?

Is Mikhail really dead?

Room 23, Brainwashing? Is that how they got the tailies?

Where’d Karl come from?

Who led the Others before Ben?

Horace Goodspeed time loop? He had an Arrow logo? Was the Arrow a mathematics related station? If he said he'd been dead for 12 years, that's when the Purge happened. Danielle's story doesn't add up with that... hmmmm???

Jacob

Who was on his list and why?

Who is he?, etc

How did he cure Rachel’s cancer, or was it all bullshit?

What’s with the moving cabin?

What’s with the ring of dirt/ash/dust around the cabin?

How is his cabin warping around the island?

Why is Christian Shepard hanging out in it?

Why use a cabin that Horace Goodspeed built?

The Dharma Initiative:

Why are the Dharma Drops still coming?

Who’s in charge now?

Why Lockdowns?

Kelvin Inman, when was he recruited, must’ve been just before the purge.

Swan Station

Most stuff won’t get answered

What was the incident?

Hieroglyphs?

Arrow Station

What was it for?

The trunk: Army knife, Glass Eye, Film Piece

The Staff Station

Escape hatch?

The Pearl Station:

What happened to the place where the tubes land?

Why lie about the insignificance of the Swan hatch?

Other Characters:

Libby:

mental hospital

Husband David

Razinksy,

Blastdoor map… also, why’d he edit the movie.

Charles Widmore

Did he really fake the plane crash? Or was it Ben?

How does he really know about the island?

How’d he get the DI knowledge?

What rules were changed when Widmore killed Alex?

Why can't Ben kill Widmore? Vice versa?

Why is Widmore having nightmares?

Why won't Ben be able to find Penny?

Penny Widmore

Still not sure how she knew to look for the magnetic anomalies… but this one might belong in the other category of questions that won’t get answered.

Matthew Abadon

Who the hell is he?

Claire

- Is she dead?

Faraday

Why is Faraday so broken up about the 815 flight being found?

Bad Memory?

How can Desmond be his constant, I thought you couldn’t alter the future, or whatever?

How does Faraday know so much about the DI?

Charlotte

Was she born on the island?

How’d she leave?

Miles

How can he talk to dead people?

Why did he want 3.2 million dollars?

Jin

Is Jin dead?

Desmond:

Is what he and Minkowski experienced the Sickness?

Do you need to travel on specific coordinates?

Did Desmond lie about his last Charlie vision?

How did the Hatch explosion let Desmond sort of float through time? How can he see the future?

Time lady, how does she fit in?

Christian Shepherd

How is he “alive”?

Why is he Jacob’s mouthpiece?

Danielle

- There are all sorts of holes in her story…

Adam and Eve

Black and White Stones

Who are they?

Richard Alpert

What's with the items Richard shows to Locke?

How is an ageless Richard traveling all over the world?

Walt’s special-ness

Birds fly into windows.

Rain Stopped

Always wins at backgammon

Told Locke not to open the hatch

Told Michael he had to leave

Shows up soaking wet in places

Kept showing up to Shannon

Sort of led Shannon to her death

Questions from the finale:

How does the donkey wheel export you?
WHy Boone, Charlie, and Libby?
What was Sawyer's favor?
Charlotte, born on the island?
WHy would Miles want to stay?
Sun: Who does she blame for Jin's death besides her father? Jack? Also how would any of that make sense to her father, since the cover story just had them craching adn that's it? How did Sun afford to purchase her father's company? What are her plans with Charles Widmore?
WHy is Hurley seeing dead people? Jack too? Island messenger?
Who is Claire saying not to bring back in Kate's dream? Aaron?
How'd Locke make it off the island?
What terrible things happened that forced Locke to leave?
Who does Ben mean, when he says EVERYONE needs to comeback? Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun, Aaron, Locke, Ben? Lapidus? Desmond? Walt? Ji Yeon?



OK! Anybody got any answers? Have I missed anything?

Also... no future spoilers on here. I'm not reading them. Don't ruin the show for me or I will, how do I put this, kill you.

Enjoy the premier on Wednesday, and I'll try and have my recap on either that night or tomorrow morning.

1.09.2009

Bobby Bateman?

How the fuck are ya?

Sorry Mustacheers... needed to be said.

Enjoy your Friday.

MLB Network

I'm not sure if any of you have tuned in to the new MLB Network. We have it down in LA right now with Time Warner Cable, and I'm not sure if it's just a free preview or not, but either way it's been pretty impressive. The most impressive program being one called "The Seasons" which chronicles one season from the past in each episode. For the last couple of days, they've been airing the 1995 episode, so naturally I tuned in.

I was pleasently surprised by their treatment of this particular season. They spent a couple of minutes higlighting the wild-card races including the M's playoff game. Then they moved on to the DS round. The ONLY series they bothered to mention was the M's-Yankees series. They spent a good 5 minutes (of the hour-long show that looked at the whole season) going over the series with interviews from Niehaus, Rizzs, Blowers, Buhner, and Art Thiel. They really gave the series the epic feel that it truly deserved. Not only that, but after that they just skipped to the World Series, barely even mentioning that we'd lost to the Indians. And they gave the World Series equal, or maybe even less, time then the M's divsional series. As if it couldn't get more enjoyable, at the end the narrator said something like, "Baseball began it's comeback with Cal Ripken Jr.'s record streak, and by the time Ken Griffey Jr. slid into home, it was clear that baseball was back for good." Which basically credits the M's with not only saving baseball in Seattle, but all around the country.

So I have come to assume that someone from Seattle produced this show. Be that as it may, it is insanely enjoyable for people of our ilk. Check it out immediately, especially considering it may be gone soon.

1.05.2009

Matt Vasgersian ... Respectable?

During the broadcast of the Fiesta Bowl, Colt McCoy started to audible and announcer Matt Vasgersian commented:

"McCoy, doing his best Matt Hasselbeck, getting in and out of the play."

Now, I'm not really sure that "getting in and out of the play" was exactly what he meant to say, but still I was pretty surprised. I've always kind of disliked Vasgersian, but I've got to say he earned some points here.

We want you!!!

Look, your party hosts here at henrycottosmustache.com are very fragile and vain. We want more mustacheers. So if you've stopped by the site... sign up. If you're already a mustacheer, recruit. I have to believe that we've reached at least 15 people. Maybe more.



Delgo. McRib. Henry Cotto.



Good night... and good luck.



Finn


1.04.2009

Interesting Tidbits from Vegas

I was in Las Vegas for the last few days and I have a couple of pertinent things to report.

1. The McRib is there.

2. I was sitting in the sports book at the Monte Carlo overhearing the conversation behind me between a WSU grad from Seattle and some idiot from LA. The guy from Seattle was pretty knowledgeable and seemed to be a solid fan (Of course). I can't say the same for that fat Angelino he was talking to however. When they began discussing the Seahawks, the guy said: "Who do you guys have at running back? Bam Morris?" Yep, this soon to be 37 year-old ex-con is toting the ball for us every Sunday.

3. They let you drink and gamble anywhere you want!

4. I ended up in a limo with a group of seven Australians. (Why I was in the limo or where it was going is not important) I told them where I was from and one of the guys, or mates as they are called in their native tongue, said:

-"Oh, you lost your basketball team huh?"
Me- "Yeah, that's a touchy subject actually, let's just move on from that one."
3rd Guy- "Should we talk about the Seahawks then?"
Me- (Trying to come up with an Australian Rules Football-related comeback)

I was pretty floored that even guys who live in Australia are giving me shit about Seattle sports. I guess it just proves that it is known the world over that we are unlucky bastards.

5. I won $140 playing blackjack. I spent $10 on a baseball bat, $10 on a shovel, and $100 on a cab ride into the desert. Then I did this to the Australians. I used the remaining $20 to buy 5 McRibs, that I easily devoured. Suck it Fortune!