Look... there's no matching the the intensity and longevity of our last Rumble preview... so Erik and I just exchanged quick glances at the Rumble participant list and decided we'd rank their chances at winning. HILARITY ENSUED!!! Not really. But read it anyway if ya like wrasslin': (Editor's note: turns out this wasn't the official list of Rumble participants... well f it. We did it anyway)
I sent this list to Erik and he replied without looking. They're shockingly (and funnily (word?) (to us) wow, look how many of these () I used)
30. Yoshi Tatsu
29. Zach Ryder
27. Santino Marella, I'm holding out hope that he could be the #30 who enters and the last two guys had already eliminated themselves.
26. Carlito, they hate this guy. Probably because he's a top 10 wrestler in the company
25. Evan Bourne, I hate this guy
24. Shelton Benjamin, I actually DON'T want him to win for a change... cuz it takes him out of the Money In The Bank Ladder match if he does. It's the one wrestling match I look forward to almost as much as the Rumble.... just to see Benjamin become a bright shining star.
23. Vladimir Kozlov
22. Jack Swagger, he got his push... didn't work out.
21. Dolph Ziggler, same here.
20. R-Truth, bet he wishes he was still in TNA
19. Mark Henry, I'll let you make this joke.
18. MVP, they seem to like him for whatever reason, but he's a mid carder for life
17. Mystery Guy #1
16. Cody Rhodes, I'd have him ranked higher, but there's no way he's winning it over Dibiase
15. Matt Hardy, I hold out hope that they'll reward his years of service and give him a run at main event. But his baby brother just left for TNA so Matt will probably be punished.
14. The Miz, I think of the next three dudes he might be my favorite. He's good on the mic.
13. John Morrison, next in the ring, but you can't teach charisma
12. Drew McIntyre, never seen him wrestle, but HHH loves him and we know what happens then.
11. Ted Dibiase, they've been looking to push him singles for a bit... maybe this is it?
10. Big Show
9. Kane, I know you hate him, but he kicks ass at Rumbles unless the whitecoats come for him.
8. CM Punk
7. Kofi Kingston, main event push?
6. Chris Jericho, could continue his quest to get back on RAW
5. David Batista
4. John Cena
3. HHH, he's definitely be in the final four.
2. Mystery #2, my money's it being Edge... but I'm not sure he'll win anymore.
1. Shawn Michaels, he ties Austin as the all time leader and goes on to face the Deadman.
to which Erik replies:
30. Mystery Entrant #1.
It will no doubt be one of the following "Mystery Entrant" classics: Hornswoggle, Jerry Lawler, an old wrestler, The Price is Right host, etc.
29. Yoshi Tatsu - Never heard of him. It'd be a bit of a shock if he won.
28. Zack Ryder
27. Santino Marella
26. Finlay - 64 year-olds rarely do well in the Rumble.
25. Carlito - Didn't even know he was still with the company.
24. Vlad Koslov
23. R -Truth - What's up!? ... Not your stock.
22. Evan Bourne
21. Matt Hardy - Should never have swithed to tights.
20. Mark Henry - This ain't the '98 Rumble, he's no favorite this time around.
19. Cody Rhodes
18. Jack Swagger
17. Drew McIntyre - Even though he's Vince's #1 heel.
16. Shelton Benjamin - Always my dark horse.
14. MVP - I don't know why this guy is popular. I can't stand him. He's a homless man's The Rock in a Max Moon outfit.
13. Dolph Ziggler
12. The Miz
11. John Morrison
10. Ted DiBiase
9. Big Show
8. CM Punk
7. Chris Jericho
6. Batista - Seems like he's kind of aimless right now. I base that on the fact that I never watch Smackdown.
5. Kofi Kingston - Turns out he's from Ghana, and he never had an accent. I mean, I could have sworn he was from Jamaica, but apparently not.
4. John Cena
2. Mystery Entrant #2 - I guess I'll go with Edge on this one. You seem pretty confident, so I'll go with him ... or Road Dogg.
1. Shawn Michaels
Enjoy the Rumble next Sunday