NFL Picks - Week 10

Sunday Morning

Kansas City @ Buffalo

This is a pivotal match-up between 5-3 teams in the thick of the crowded AFC playoff race. It's like a packed restaurant that doesn't take reservations and doesn't have a waiting list. You have two options, either stay alert and scramble to get a table when it opens up, or decide that it's not worth it and bail. Of course, there's also the third option of standing conspicuously close to someone's table and staring at them while they eat until they get so uncomfortable that they leave. The Chiefs seem like a team that's willing to scramble and perhaps even shove their way to a table when the opportunity presents itself. The Bills, on the other hand, are pretty beat from a long work week and they'd rather just go somewhere familiar where they know they can get seated immediately (read: home in January).

Chiefs 20-16

Miami @ Detroit

Both of these teams have won three in a row, though the Lions' last two victories have come by a combined two points. That would indicate to me that they're hanging on by a thread. Even though Detroit's most likely getting Calvin Johnson back on Sunday it seems like the point in the season in which the wheels start to come off for the Lions. Over the last two seasons Detroit has gone 9-7 in the first half of their schedule, and 3-13 in the latter half. This is their ninth game, so they're officially into the second half. GULP.

Dolphins 23-20

Dallas @ Jacksonville

Is there any way to really know what will happen in this game? The mere chance of Brandon Weeden participating tells us that no, there is no way to accurately predict the outcome. He's like a wild card that somehow ruins your entire hand. You know it's bad when they're not sure whether to play you or a guy with a semi-broken back who just took an overseas flight. I think that the lack of a quality defense on the other side of the ball will allow the Cowboys to get the win either way. But don't be surprised if the Jags take this one, because you shouldn't let anything surprise you at this point, you must always be prepared, just like Brandon Weeden.

Cowboys 24-17

San Francisco @ New Orleans

The Forty-Niners are on a troubling slide due to consecutive losses, or so it would seem. Back-to-back losses are nothing new for San Francisco, having already gone through it once this season. In fact, they lost consecutive games on two separate occasions last season as well. So the lesson to be learned is that if the Niners lose a game you can assume they'll lose a second. But a third? That would be unheard of. Though when you think about it, isn't everything unheard of until you hear it for the first time? Is that a stupid statement? Yes. But is it a poignant one? No. I just think they're going to lose.

Saints 27-23

Tennessee @ Baltimore

The Ravens usually don't lose at home and the Titans usually don't win. Anywhere. Seems like a pretty simple recipe for a Baltimore W. Add Zack Mettenberger and stir.

Ravens 34-17

Pittsburgh @ New York Jets

Ben Roethlisberger has thrown for 12 touchdown passes over the last two games. The Jets have thrown 8 touchdown passes this whole season. That's a ridiculous stat, but hey, the Jets are a ridiculous team. They have to be salivating looking at this match-up though, because once they finish losing they get to have their bye week; a magical seven day stretch in which they don't have to embarrass themselves in front of friends, family, and the nation as a whole.

Steelers 31-16

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay

Remember the last time these teams met? Josh McCown imploded, literally. He caved in upon himself and was never heard from again. Until this week! He's back and better(?) than ever. McCown will be getting the start this week, a piece of news that was revealed to us by Mike Glennon himself, the man that is being benched in favor of McCown. Professional move by the Bucs, letting the benched QB make the announcement of his benching. It's like those public shaming punishments in which people have to wear signs in public explaining their crimes. Unfortunately for Tampa it's because of their new starting QB that I'm picking Atlanta. You didn't honestly think you could embarrass Mike Glennon and get away with it did you? Not in my house.

Falcons 30-23

Sunday Afternoon

Denver @ Oakland

The Raiders are getting closer and closer to winning their first game. They're making progress and could soon get over the hump. If this were a sports movie the montage would be starting right about now. Of course, even with a very successful montage over the last half of the year the most they could hope for is 6 or 7 wins, which would make for a pretty shitty movie. But hey, if you're an Oakland fan wouldn't you take pretty shitty at this point?

Broncos 35-20

St. Louis @ Arizona

Boy these Rams are frisky. Frisky like an annoying cat that won't listen to humans who know better. We're trying to keep you alive you stupid cat, just help us help you! Much in the same way that a cat has nine lives, the Rams have at least nine losses every season. This game should provide them with their sixth and send them well on their way to another losing season. And sooner or later we'll have a dead cat on our hands.

Cardinals 24-13

New York Giants @ Seattle

The Seahawks continued their trend of playing one solid half per game in last week's win over the Raiders. This time, however, they started out hot and held on as opposed to previous weeks when they scrambled to score at the end of the game. At this point it would be foolish to ask for them to string together an entire four quarters of excellence, but if they could manage three out of four that should be good enough and would be a step in the right direction before the schedule becomes a gauntlet.

Seahawks 27-17

Sunday Night

Chicago @ Green Bay

Ah, Bears/Packers, a tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme. In fact, this game is played so often that I'm pretty sure I've used that same exact opening line before. Luckily this site has no one to hold me accountable ever since Bobby Bateman went missing years ago. While the Packers suffered a setback their last time out, the Bears seem to be in a free fall with their season and, in turn, their lives spiraling out of control, completely untethered to society. After another loss this week Jay Cutler will most likely decide that it's not worth, call it quits, and go completely off the grid. After that, my guess is you'll never hear from him again.

Packers 34-24

Monday Night

Carolina @ Philadelphia

Rejoice! Mark Sanchez is back! What sort of boner plays and wacky hijinx will he have in store for us this time around? The nation will have a front row seat as he takes on another lousy top 5 draft pick: Cam Newton. Bad news for all the Panthers fans out there, Monday is Sanchez's birthday, and from what I've heard he's only got one wish ... an iPhone 6. And if he gets it his spirits should be riding high enough to carry him and his team to victory. Side note: Monday is also Cam Newton's half birthday, but as we all know half birthdays don't count. Shut up Cam.

Eagles 26-19

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