NFL Picks - Week 13

Sunday Morning

Washington @ Indianapolis

This was supposed to be the long-anticipated clash between the top picks of the 2012 draft, RG3 and Andrew Luck. And now that we're here we're left to wonder what happened. Oh never mind, we know what happened, Griffin actively attempts to get injured on every scramble rendering him a shell of his former self. It's a real bummer to watch, unless you're Colt McCoy and you're greedily rubbing your hands together on the sidelines awaiting your return to the spotlight. There's no video evidence of that happening, but I have to believe that's the case.

Colts 27-13

Tennessee @ Houston

Just when I thought the Texans might make a playoff push they dropped a home game to the Bengals and lost their new starting quarterback Ryan Mallett for the remainder of the season. Now Ryan Fitzpatrick returns to the huddle bringing quite a bit of awkward energy with him I'd imagine. It's never fun to win back your job by default. Luckily for them the Titans are coming to town. They're super lousy.

Texans 23-16

Cleveland @ Buffalo

What tricks will Mother Nature have up her sleeve for this contest? Well the very fact that she's wearing sleeves should be some indication that the weather will be on the frigid side, because as we all know Mother Nature prefers to show some skin. Let's be honest though, it's usually too much; she's getting up there in years, and her husband Father Time has not been kind to her. So let's be glad she's covering up a bit. Oh also a loss here would basically end the Bills' season, so they'll be more motivated and get the win.

Bills 16-13

San Diego @ Baltimore

A clash between two of the five wild card contenders clustered at 7-4. The funny thing is that even with the high number of playoff hopefuls in the AFC, if the playoffs started today the same six teams from last year would be there this year, and in the same exact seeds, except for New England and Denver being flipped at the top. Funny, right? Well you're not laughing. Don't be like this. Anyway, another team that's not laughing at that scenario is the Ravens, because that would leave them out of the postseason. A win here will be a step toward changing that.

Ravens 30-23

New York Giants @ Jacksonville

I was going to make a joke about how the Jaguars are coming off their bye week and how you don't want to have to play them with an extra week of preparation. Then I checked and found out they actually played last Sunday. If that's not the most telling depiction of the Jacksonville Jaguars then I don't know what is; I assume every week is their bye week.

Giants 24-21

Cincinnati @ Tampa Bay

Shockingly the Bengals come into this game with a chance to win a third road game in three weeks. Standing in their way are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Congratulations Cincinnati on your third road win in three weeks.

Bengals 23-17

Oakland @ St. Louis

The Raiders, winners of one in a row storm into St. Louis with a taste of victory and a hunger for more. Unfortunately, their long layoff may have caused any hope they had of leftovers to go bad, like so many pounds of uneaten yams in refrigerators across the nation.

Rams 26-19

New Orleans @ Pittsburgh

These two squads are each embroiled in a heated divisional race. Well, Pittsburgh's is heated, the Saints' is more tepid, and probably becoming infested with bacteria the longer it's left out. So in other words the NFC South is like that piece of pizza that nobody put in the fridge and has been sitting on the counter overnight. You see it the next day and think, "Well, somebody's gotta eat it ..." No! Nobody has to eat it. Just throw it away.

Steelers 38-28

Carolina @ Minnesota

These scrappy Panthers are a half game out of first place at ... 3-7-1?!? Stop it NFC South! I'm throwing away the pizza!

Vikings 20-17

Sunday Afternoon

Arizona @ Atlanta

The leaders of the NFC West against the leaders of the ... NFC South. Noooooo! Ok, the leader of the division can't be 4-8 can they? If Mike Smith can manage to just stay out of the way the Falcons might have a shot in this game based on what I saw out of the Cardinals' offense last week. Granted, it was a much tougher match-up, but I'm guessing their confidence will be shaken to the core resulting in a tailspin. And no, I'm not referring to the cartoon spin-off featuring Baloo from The Jungle Book. Was that a serious question? Although I just realized that the show was called TaleSpin and it was a spin-off. That's meta shit Disney, I see ya.

Falcons 24-20

New England @ Green Bay

If you're a regular reader of these posts you know that I love to use the term "possible playoff preview." That's why Week 1 is my favorite week of the season, because every match-up is a possible playoff preview. Well with this game we have a legitimate possible playoff preview. And if you're as astute as I believe you to be you'll have figured out that a playoff game between these two could only be the Super Bowl. Of course, I'm not predicting that the Packers will make it there, but it's obvious that they're playing at a high level. However, their main weakness is against the run, an area in which they rank 30th in the league. The Patriots will most likely exploit this because they simply adapt their game plan based on whoever they're facing that weak and usually do so with dominant results. For instance, last week they played the Lions who are 1st against the run so they threw the ball 53 times, ran on only 20 occasions, and won 34-9. That came one week after they ran 44 times against the Colts en route to a 42-20 win. I guess these guys know what they're doing.

Patriots 31-27

Sunday Night

Denver @ Kansas City

This is a very enticing match-up. Man I'm so enticed. The Broncos come into the game slumping a bit over their last four going 2-2 while almost falling to the Dolphins last week as well. But even with the Chiefs' resurgence over the past two seasons Denver seems to have their number. Until I see differently I'll stick with the Broncos, a statement that is also known as the most cowardly in all of score predicting. It's one of those classic caveats that basically implies that even if I get the pick wrong I'll be able to justify it based on past results instead of actually trying to decipher what might happen in this particular game. So like I said before, I'm taking Denver.

Broncos 27-20

Monday Night

Miami @ New York Jets

I picked the Jets last week after over-thinking their match-up with the under-practiced Bills. Lesson learned. When picking Jets games don't over-think it. In fact, probably don't think at all, just go with the other team and move on.

Dolphins 31-13