NFL Picks - Conference Championships

AFC Championship

New England @ Denver

Unfortunately for America, and readers of this blog, Cris Collinsworth has called his last game this season. And while I've been assured that he will return to break down the Super Bowl for us, he has decided to take this week off. In another stroke of bad luck, I was informed of a contractual obligation that I had unwittingly made to a past guest of this site. Basically I was left with no choice, so let's just get this over with. Ladies and gentlemen here is my (mandated) Q&A session with the color commentator for this game, Phil Simms:

Sorry about the misunderstanding there Phil. I'd say that I'll make it up to you next time, but I can't imagine there will ever be a next time. Then again, I didn't read that contract, so who knows what else I'll be forced into. As for this game, I'm going to guess that Brady will throw about 50 passes and New England will win.

Patriots 24-20

NFC Championship

Arizona @ Carolina

I have no interest in writing about this game, so I won't. In lieu of actual analysis please enjoy this excerpt from a TV pilot I wrote entitled Rogue Blogger ...


Derek Hendersen sits at his desk, it is littered with writing awards. He stares forlornly at a framed picture of a beautiful woman. She's a 9, at least. Derek's assistant Gerald enters.

                             I just got off the phone with the President, he said your
                             picks won him $6,000 this week. He can finally buy that rug.

                             Good for him.

                            How can you be so glum? You just nailed another week;
                            you haven't been wrong on one game yet this season.
                           You've won every major writing award in the biz, most of
                            them twice.

                            You want 'em? Take 'em.

DEREK waves his hand at those writing awards that I mentioned earlier.


GERALD starts to reach for the nearest award. before DEREK moves it away.


                           What level of professional success will make you happy?

                            I'll never quit until she notices.

DEREK touches the aforementioned picture, so we definitely know who he's talking about.

                                                       DEREK (cont.)
                            I have to get her back, and the only way I know how
                            is by picking the scores of NFL games. None of the
                            other accolades matter. Don't you get it Gerald?

                           Actually it's Arthur now. I had it changed this morning.

                           Really, why?

                           You're not the only one with a past ...

                           Hmm, that sounds like something interesting that
                           could be explored in the weeks and months to come.
                          You're not as one-dimensional as somebody might have
                           thought upon their first reading ... of you.

ARTHUR nods and the two sit in silence for a moment really soaking it in because there's a lot of pathos involved.
                           So what now then? What are you going to do in the
                          meantime until she wises up and realizes what a catch
                          you are both in terms of looks and personality?

                          The same thing I always do ... Pick some fucking games.


*NOTE: "fucking" can be taken out if this ends up being bought by a network.

Cardinals 23-20

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