Hello.
It's good to see you (all?) again. I trust that everybody's rested and
ready for another long season of puns, retread goofs, and picks that you
can trust just over 60% of the time. There hasn't been a game that
mattered since January 13th, at which point I was acting a lot like this
kid, until I'm pretty sure I blacked out, because I don't seem to
remember the very end of the it.
The point is that we haven't had football in quite a while, so let's shake off the rust by giving out a few awards for the offseason:
Most blatantly homosexual comment in all of sports:
RUNNER UP: "I'm gay." - Jason Collins
Best potential nickname based on a TNT show:
WINNER: The
Packers drafted running backs Jonathan Franklin and Eddie Lacy back in April. With
Lacy being a more bruising, power back, I hereby submit that this duo
should be known as Franklin & Bash.
RUNNER UP: I've heard that the Houston Texans offensive line refers to themselves as Leverage.
Worst Thing:
RUNNER UP: Murder
And now here's how every
team will finish, so if you fall asleep for the next four months and
miss the whole season don't worry, you'll already know what's going to
happen.
AFC
East
New England Patriots 11-5
Miami Dolphins 8-8
Buffalo Bills 5-11
New York Jets 3-13
North
Cincinnati Bengals 11-5
Pittsburgh Steelers 10-6
Cleveland Browns 9-7
Baltimore Ravens 8-8
South
Houston Texans 10-6
Indianapolis Colts 8-8
Tennessee Titans 6-10
Jacksonville Jaguars 3-13
West
Denver Broncos 12-4
Kansas City Chiefs 7-9
San Diego Chargers 6-10
Oakland Raiders 2-14The point is that we haven't had football in quite a while, so let's shake off the rust by giving out a few awards for the offseason:
WINNER: "Just an Adonis. A great physical specimen of a man. Our creator created a beautiful man."
- Jim Harbaugh, describing a discus thrower that the 49ers signed to play football.
WINNER: The
Jaguars new uniforms. It's not just the two-tone helmets, the jerseys
and pants are awful as well. It looks like someone was trying out
"Create-A-Uniform" on Madden and got way too far down the rabbit
hole with all of the new features. However, on Madden you can simply
realize the mistakes you've made and just choose not to save; as for the
Jags, they have to reap what they've sewn. Well, they didn't actually
sew them, I'm sure they have someone else who does that, but you get
what I mean, right?
East
AFC Wild Card
New England over Cleveland
3 comments:
My eyes were open my eyes wre wide open
We're back baby!!!!
I seriously thought this site shut down. The future is bright!
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