Sunday Morning
You
have to admire that the Dolphins haven't allowed their season to be
derailed by a big, fat scumbag. Of course I'm referring to Santa, who
publicly announced that he would not be visiting Miami this year. As of
right now they're still on the outside of the AFC playoffs due to being
on the wrong end of a tie-breaker, but if they win their final two they
have a good shot at making it over the Ravens who have a tougher
schedule. But traveling to Buffalo to play a football game is never
easy. In fact, this time of year traveling anywhere to do anything isn't
easy. It's like are you kidding me with these delays? And I don't care
what TSA recommends, I ain't showing up three hours before my flight.
Bills 24-21
It's
MIN vs. CIN and I'm not mincin' words when I proclaim that this will not be the game of the day. Is that statement controversial? Maybe. But
guess what, I'm bold as I wanna be; deal with it. The Bengals could
actually miss the playoffs if they stumble in their final two games, but
with both of them being at home they should be safe. As safe as anyone
can be in this barbaric bloodsport.
Bengals 30-22
It's
a triple P y'all: Possible Playoff Preview. And you know that nothing
gets me more jazzed. The Chiefs have exploded offensively over the past
four weeks to the tune of 40.5 points per game. What does that tune
sound like? Probably similar to this. The Colts have proven more than capable of giving up large amounts of points and I expect nothing less here.
Chiefs 35-27
With
their win over the Saints last week the Rams proved that there's still
fight in them. Of course, that doesn't do them much good now that
they're 6-8, but at least they can hold their head high. Granted, not as
high as many of the other teams in the NFL, but they haven't given up.
True, it would actually help their draft position if they did give up,
but that just isn't the Jeff Fisher way. The Jeff Fisher way seems to be
all about getting as close to .500 as possible. Here's one more step in
the right direction.
Rams 23-16
A lot of folks would tell you that this game means nothing.
Jets 20-17
With the chill of another December comes the inevitable
weekly collapse of Tony Romo. Honestly though, isn't it time that we all
stop blaming him for these game ruining interceptions? If it weren't
for the defense allowing the other team back into the game Romo wouldn't
even have to blow it at the end. A lost at Washington could doom
Dallas's season and cause many a TV analyst's head to cave in.
Fortunately for their brains, I think the Cowboys will manage to get a
win.
Cowboys 31-26
Do
you like playoff implications? If you don't then why don't you just get
the hell out of here right now. I don't have room for lame-o's. If New
Orleans wins they will clinch the NFC South title and a first round bye.
If the Panthers beat the Saints they only need to win in Atlanta in
Week 17 to clinch those aforementioned accolades. The loser of this game
will most likely start the playoffs on the road as a wild card. So
we're dealing with a lot of shit. We all know that the Saints struggle
on the road, and this game happens to be scheduled to be played in
Carolina (Charlotte, North Carolina specifically).
Panthers 23-20
Ohhhhhh
baby. Hold onto your butts! Pump up the volume and raise da roof! This
is gonna be a wild ride! Everybody dance now! It's getting hot in here!
Footballllll!
Jaguars 27-23
Denver @ Houston
Whatever
happened to the Broncos offense last week? Not to mention the milkman, the paper boy, or evening TV. They had to scratch and claw
just to get to 20 points and on their final drive Peyton Manning was
checking down at a Jason Campbellian pace. Now they have to visit
Houston who somehow boasts the second best passing defense in the
league. Of course, they also boast a 12 game losing streak. Though, I'm
not sure that a 12 game losing streak is something that can be boasted. The Texans won't have to
worry about that for long though, because after Sunday it will be 13.
Broncos 35-17
Arizona @ Seattle
One
more win and the Hawks will clinch home field advantage throughout the
NFC playoffs. I'm not sure about the team, but I don't see any reason to
wait until next week to get that win. And just to prove I mean business
I've decided to board a plane and personally stand in the Hawks' Nest to
make sure the job gets done.
Seahawks 27-10
The
Lions lost control of their destiny last week with a home loss to the
Ravens. Now they are subject to the same chaotic happenstance as the
rest of us. Their fate is at the mercy of the random machinations of the
universe. Good luck guys, if there even is such a thing.
Lions 34-20
Don't
look now ... Don't look ... Don't look ... Ok, look look look! The
Packers have a winning record again and they only need to win their
final two games to become NFC North champs. There's also a chance that
Aaron Rodgers will return from his broken clllllavicle injury for one or
both of those games. Either way I think Green Bay gets the win this week.
Packers 24-20
Even though the
Chargers got a big win last Thursday over the Broncos they'll
still need a lot of help to make the playoffs. But nobody's going to
help you unless you help yourself, and once you do that, you've truly
won. That being said, it would really help if the Ravens and Dolphins
both lost their last two games.
Chargers 38-24
The
end of the Ravens' 2013 regular season is following the exact opposite
trajectory of their 2012 regular season. After starting 9-2 in '12 they
stumbled to a 10-6 finish. This season they started 4-6 and have now won
four in a row to sit at 8-6 with a legitimate shot at returning to the
playoffs to defend their title. They'll most likely get the win this
week over a Patriots team that is 3-4 on the road this season.
Ravens 26-23
CHI vs. PHI? It's all Greek to me. Thank you everybody, goodnight!
Eagles 30-27
Whoops,
forgot there was one more game. Can ya blame me? I hope this game moves
swiftly, I hope it goes quick so we can finally say goodbye to that
dump called Candlestick.
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