2018 NFL Preview

It’s time for another NFL season, football ain’t canceled yet baby! Though I was kind of assuming it would be, which is why I didn’t keep up on any league news this offseason. As such I’ve been cramming for the last 24 hours to try to get up to speed. Apparently all these players hate America now and it’s illegal to hit people? What gives? I watch football for two reasons, patriotism and concussions. And now the liberal wimps are trying to take both away from me. Nuts to that! Due to the staggering success of this column I’m obligated to still tune in every week, but rest assured I'll be doing it begrudgingly as hell. 

Since the NFL has become a parody of itself it seems appropriate to discuss parity itself. We hear about the increased parity in the league so often that we’ve become sort of numb to the topic, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a false phenomenon. In fact, it’s even more prevalent than I initially thought. Here’s a telling stat, in each of the last 10 seasons the league, as a whole, has gone exactly .500. Unbelievable! If that’s not parity, I don’t know what is. When you unearth a stat like that you can’t ignore it, and I don’t intend to. With that in mind, here are my final win/loss predictions for every team:

AFC East

New England     8-8

New York Jets    8-8

Miami                 8-8

Buffalo               8-8

AFC North

Pittsburgh      8-8

Baltimore       8-8  

Cleveland      8-8

Cincinnati      8-8

AFC South

Jacksonville  8-8

Houston        8-8

Tennessee    8-8

Indianapolis  8-8

AFC West

Los Angeles Chargers  8-8

Kansas City                  8-8

Denver                          8-8

Oakland                        8-8

NFC East

Philadelphia          8-8 

New York Giants   8-8

Dallas                    8-8

Washington           8-8

NFC North

Minnesota    8-8

Green Bay   8-8

Chicago       8-8

Detroit          8-8

NFC South

Atlanta            8-8

New Orleans  8-8

Carolina         8-8

Tampa Bay     8-8

NFC West

Seattle                    16-0

Los Angeles Rams  8-8

San Francisco         8-8

Arizona                   0-16

AFC Playoffs

Wild Card

#3 Chargers over #6 Chiefs

#5 Texans over #4 Steelers

Divisional 

#5 Texans over #1 Patriots

#2 Jaguars over #3 Chargers

Championship

#2 Jaguars over #5 Texans

NFC Playoffs

Wild Card

#3 Eagles over #6 Saints

#4 Vikings over #5 Packers

Divisional

#1 Seahawks over #4 Vikings

#2 Falcons over #3 Eagles

Championship 

#1 Seahawks over #2 Falcons

Super Bowl LIII

Seahawks over Jaguars