NFL Picks Week 4

Sunday Morning

Detroit @ Dallas

Dating back to last season the Cowboys have played 9 consecutive games decided by 3 points or less, amassing a 5-4 record in that span. That may be a fairly well known stat at this point but it doesn't make it any less remarkable; and no, I don't mean the 5-4 part. Contrast that with the fact that the Seahawks, before last week, had not played a 3 point game in their last 15 contests, including the playoffs and it seems even more amazing. I know what you're thinking, if every Hawks' game is as exciting as last week's I don't know if I'd be able to handle it! There's no reason to bet against the Cowboys' streak coming to an end here, but I'm not betting against the Lions' streak either.

Lions 30-27


Carolina @ Chicago

As much crap as I give Tarvaris Jackson I still think I'd honestly take him as my QB over Cutler, I just can't stand that guy. I mean with Jakcson at least I have a guy I respec ... at least I have a guy that doesn't constantly look like a douche. I wish I could take the Panthers, but they were underwhelming last week against the Jags, so I'll just stick with the sourpuss (which I may start calling Cutler from now on, unless anybody posts a better nickname; and don't try Cu*tler, that's just too vulgar, even for this site).

Bears 21-14


Buffalo @ Cincinnati

Like I said last week, I'm fully on-board the Ryan Fitzpatrick bandwagon. BUT I didn't have the guts to pick him and the Bills to beat the Pats. Well, now I'm not going to be afraid anymore, I'll throw caution to the wind and say that they beat the Bengals!

Bills 28-16


Tennessee @ Cleveland

Is it weird that Hasselbeck is my favorite player in the league, including the Seahawks? Of course, part of the reason might be that it's much easier to get behind him now that I don't have to worry about the consequences if he makes mistakes because I don't care about the Titans. And it's in that vain of blind optimism for Hass that I will pick the Titans on the road over the mighty Browns.

Titans 20-13


Minnesota @ Kansas City

The Vikings have now blown double-digit leads in each of their first three games. If I didn't know any better I'd say these guys have Bobby Ayala playing QB in the second half (never forget). It sounds as if Minnesota is actually going to keep giving Adrian Peterson the ball this week so I'm going to pick them here. Don't screw me on this Ayala.

Vikings 23-17


Washington @ St. Louis

If St. Louis is really expecting the 12th Ram to be the loudest fanbase in the NFL, they'll have to put up a better effort on the field than they did last Sunday. Although, the Rams really shouldn't be blamed on that one, I mean when Torrey Smith is on the opposing team you know you're going to have a tough time winning. In all fairness, the Rams have had a very difficult schedule to start out the season, and I don't much like their chances this week either.

Redskins 19-12


New Orleans @ Jacksonville

My Wacky Pick of the Week is that David Garrard shows up in the Jags' locker room, looks Jack Del Rio in the eye and tells him, "I've seen enough, pay me what you want, but I'm playing today." All Del Rio will be able to do is give him a steely glare and nod his head. Garrard will proceed to throw for 143 yards and turn the ball over 5 times. Del Rio will offer him cab fare home.

Saints 31-17


Pittsburgh @ Houston

The Texans let a big win get away from them last week. It's too bad for them that Ben Roethlisberger's not their quarterback, because he never let's anything get away, no matter how hard she struggles. Hey, it's my first Roethlisberger rape joke of the season! I think. I honestly can't remember if I've already made one. Anyway, the Steelers have not been impressive, so I'm taking Houston.

Texans 28-21


San Francisco @ Philadelphia

After last week's impressive 13-8 win over the Bengals I can no longer deny the fact that the Niners are a team on the rise. In fact, they're probably tops in the league. And with that in mind, I will be picking to win all of their remaining games. That being said, I'm going with the Eagles in this one; I expect Vick to play, and more importantly I expect Alex Smith to play.

Eagles 24-16


Sunday Afternoon

New York Giants @ Arizona

It was a little perplexing to see Kevin Kolb run around the field last week celebrating after throwing one of the worst passes in recent memory. Of course, it was no more ill-advised than Eli Manning's famous Super Bowl throw to David Tyree, so maybe Kolb's got what it takes. The real subplot of this game is everybody's favorite kicker Jay Feely playing against his former team only one week after having his confidence shattered once again in Seattle. Seriously, how great was it to see him miss another 49-yarder short? It brought back so many good memories.

Giants 24-20


Atlanta @ Seattle

It's now clear that Turd-varis just didn't like throwing to any of the other Seahawks receivers, but with Sidney Rice back he has someone he trusts to catch his shitty passes. Speaking of which, Big T managed to score the winning touchdown with his legs last week with a whirling finish that many referred to as Elway-like. Of course, this play wasn't in the Super Bowl like Elway's, but it was a Cards/Hawks game in September, which is about as close as you can get. As for this game I see no scenario in which the sputtering Falcons get healthy against the Hawks. No chance.

Seahawks 20-17


Miami @ San Diego

I can only describe the Dolphins' road loss to the Browns last week as troubling. Then again, they let it slip away late and I don't think that totally puts an end to Miami's bi-polar ways, so I'm taking them in an upset.

Dolphins 20-17


New England @ Oakland

These have been two of the most exciting teams in the league so far this season. I say that trend continues here, because, as far as I can tell, both defenses are very suspect and Wes Welker is due for a 40 point fantasy week here at some point.

Patriots 38-31


Denver @ Green Bay

The Packers are a good football team, the same can not be said for the Broncos.

Packers 35-16


Sunday Night

New York Jets @ Baltimore

These teams have both been a bit of an enigma so far, looking both very good and very shaky at times. So it stands to reason that this game should tell us a lot about both teams. Or maybe it won't, because football is CAA-RAAAAAZY! I mean just look at the ball, that thing's cooky lookin'. Not really much of a ball at all, more of a spheroid. And how often do they even use their feet? Ha, whatever!

Ravens 16-13


Monday Night

Indianapolis @ Tampa Bay

It's time for the people of Tampa to meet the Bucs! This will be the first Buccaneers game televised in the area this year regardless of whether or not they sell it out simply because it's Monday Night Football. This is a shame because I was really hoping that the Tampa fans could make it an all Stinger year; sounds like WCW circa '92! My dream is also doomed because of a Saturday night NFL Network game in December. But if the city of Tampa manages to Sting the other 6 home games I'll have no problem deeming them the worst fans in the league. Ya hear that 12th Ram? Alright, let's slow clap this out.

Bucs 27-10