New York Giants @ Cincinnati
tough loss to the Steelers last Sunday the Giants are headed back on
the road. And they couldn't be happier! That's because they're 3-1 away
from MetLife Stadium, and they outscore the home team by almost 14
points per game. They're also really happy because any number of the
players rampantly cheat on their wives, so going out of town is a real
blast for them. Meanwhile the Bengals have dropped four in a row, but as
we all know, in some cases appearances can be deceiving. This is not
one of those cases, but it's still a valid point.
Tennessee @ Miami
'Phins versus the 'Tans in a battle of ... Ok, let's start over, 'Tans
is a terrible nickname for Titans. I'm still a little new at this word
processing, but from what I understand I just have to type delete and
that will get rid of everything I just did. D-E-L-E-T-E.
Hey there sports fans, we've got a humdinger of a ...ugggh D-E-L-E-T-E
Mia-mi oh my, the Dolphins are D-E-L-E-T-E
Tennis-see anyone? "Bring 'em on," say the Dolphins, which in their language sounds more like, "Eeee-e-e-e-e eeeee!" K-E-E-P
Detroit @ Minnesota
Lions have clawed their way back into the playoff hunt despite a 1-3
start and after this game they'll play 5 of their last 7 at home, which
is advantageous, but it's also Detroit so they're probably not too
thrilled. As for the Vikings, their playoff chances appear to be
slipping away after 3 losses in their last 4 games and remaining
contests against the Bears (twice), Packers (twice), and Texans. This is
a tricky game to pick, but you know what? Tricks are for kids. Wait a
minute, Trix are for kids, Yikes, now this game's even more confusing.
I'll pick the Lions to stay hot even inside a dome with infamously
powerful air conditioning.
Buffalo @ New England
time these two teams met the Patriots put up 45 second half points
against the Bills, and you just know that Buffalo is itching for
revenge. How do you know that? Seriously, how? Please reveal your
source(s) in the comments section below. New England should be well
rested after their bye week, but good luck telling Bill Belichick what
his team should be, if anything he'll have 'em less rested just to prove a point. Man, what a genius.
Atlanta @ New Orleans
town that loves to celebrate a funeral it seems appropriate that this
might be the game in which the Saints' season dies. However, New Orleans
is also a city that knows a thing or two about voodoo, meaning that
even if the Saints do suffer a loss this week they may still rise from
the dead later, much like the carcass of Bernie Lomax in the middling
1993 comedy "Weekend at Bernie's 2." I've picked the Falcons to lose
their first game two weeks in a row, and they still haven't, so I'll
give them a break and pick them to get to 9-0, which all but assures a
San Diego @ Tampa Bay
The Bucs come into this game with the
hottest running back in the NFL; Doug Martin has amassed 486 yards from
scrimmage over the last two games. On a related note, the Chargers come
into this game with the haughtiest quarterback in the league; Philip
Rivers is just a real prick (ok, full disclosure, I had to look up
haughty to make sure I was using it right, and to be honest it's still a
stretch). Tampa's offense has been unstoppable as of late, averaging 36
points per game over their last four. San Diego has the number 4
rushing D in the league but until someone stops Doug Martin I won't bet
against the Bucs. Then again, I don't actually bet on any of these
games, so that really means nothing.
Denver @ Carolina
Panthers got their second win of the season last week, though when you
think about it, isn't having the courage to take the field each week as
good as a win? I say no. Not even close, in fact. This week the
courageous Peyton Manning comes to Carolina with the Broncos riding a 3
game win streak. A horse riding something else? Yes! In today's National
Football League it's possible. That streak will most likely grow to 4
games, which will make it easier for the Broncos to ride even further.
Oakland @ Baltimore
tough to figure out what the Ravens are right now as they have been
somewhat mediocre since losing Ray Lewis and Ladarius Webb. It's also
tough to figure out what ravens are. I mean, it's just kind of a shaggy
crow, right? Pretty lame. Teams should be more creative when they're
picking nicknames. Don't just go with some lame bird, and if you do at
least make it alliterative. Anyway, Baltimore should be able to hold off
the wild and crazy Raiders. I call them that because their games always
seem out of control, but also because they'll go anywhere and do anything to find football teams having fun.
New York Jets @ Seattle
all remember when Mark Sanchez announced his plans to leave USC after
his Junior season and Pete Carroll, his head coach at the time, openly
stated that he was against the decision. Well, this Sunday Sanchez
finally gets the opportunity to personally show Carroll that he was
right, another year of college would have served him well. Just look at
Russell Wilson, that guy went to two colleges and he's kick-ass. I
expect Russ to continue his ascension towards greatness this week while
a sullen Tim Tebow sits on the sideline with a small grin. Why the
grin? As upset as he is at his lack of playing time, nobody appreciates
an ascension more than Teebs.
Dallas @ Philadelphia
become quite clear that these teams are just flat out mediocre, and
another loss for either would most likely spell an end to their season.
The news only gets worse from there, because it's most likely that
either the Cowboys or Eagles will lose this game. The bad news for the rest of the country is that only one of these teams can
lose this game, meaning we'll still have to deal with one of them for a
few more weeks. I'll pick Dallas to get the win and stay in the playoff
hunt with 5 of their next 6 games at home.
St. Louis @ San Francisco
I do not expect the Rams to score in this game, making it very difficult for them to win.
Houston @ Chicago
It's a marquee match-up of 7-1 teams
featuring what may be the two leading candidates for Defensive Player of
the Year. The Bears' Charles Tillman has been taking balls away all
season while the Texans' J.J. Watt has been knocking balls down, not to
mention sacking quarterbacks, all while sort of reminding me of Krang
from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; I'm willing to bet that there's a
brain in his midsection controlling him. This game may come down to
which quarterback can maintain a level head in the face of relentless
pressure. So the question becomes, can Jay Cutler keep his cool? Jay,
what do you think? ... Me neither.
Kansas City @ Pittsburgh
favorite stat of this NFL season is the oft-mentioned anecdote that the
Chiefs have yet to lead a game all season. One aspect that I'm not
thrilled with, however, is the fact that I picked them to make the
playoffs. Uh oh! What a mistake! They're going to have to start getting
leads and fast if they don't want to make me look like an idiot.
Unfortunately I'm not sure that that's any concern of theirs at this
point, and they have a tough match-up on the road. It looks like one
more week without a lead for these sacks of poo.