NFL Picks - Thanksgiving

Minnesota @ Detroit
A lot to be thankful for in this one; any time we get a relevant Lions game on Thanksgiving is cause for a celebration. Hopefully you can find some sort of party during the day to help you do just that. Not me though, I’ll be locked in a room watching football all day because I vowed to dedicate my life to analyzing the game. It was an agreement I made with a gypsy who used a mysterious salve to save me from a snake bite 8 years ago. Sure I’m glad to be alive, though days like this really make me wish I could see my family again. But hey, if I wasn’t dedicating my every waking moment to football I wouldn’t be able to provide dedicated readers like you with groundbreaking analysis. So let’s get into it, Vikings/Lions ... Well Detroit already won in Minnesota this season, so they should probably beat the Vikings at home too, right? I don’t know.

Lions 20-17

Los Angeles Chargers @ Dallas
Ezekiel Elliott has to be kicking himself for appealing his suspension for so long and allowing himself to miss a Thanksgiving game in which his patented “feed me” motion would be more appropriate than ever. Of course now he can literally eat constantly during the game, so it’s debatable whether or not he made the right move after all. Obviously this game is less appealing than it could have been, but I can think of at least one thing to be thankful for, and that’s the tantalizing possibility that Philip Rivers has a dinner party immediately following the game and thus will be wearing a bolo tie that constantly peaks out from under his uniform. Of course, this will inevitably lead to a defensive end yanking on the strings and resulting in Rivers’ face looking something like this. Once that occurs it will be hard for the Chargers to recover, and the somewhat recuperated Cowboys will nab a narrow win. 

Cowboys 24-20

New York Giants @ Washington
I’m sure when the NFL scheduled this game for the Thanksgiving nightcap they expected the Giants to be better than 2-8. A lot of us did. What we overlooked was the fact that their coach was William Twosythe, and that he’s pretty bogus. So is there anything to be thankful for in this seemingly lousy match-up? Yes, it’s the perfect game to accompany the nap that you’ll inevitably be taking at this point in the evening. In the past you may have dozed off during the night game and been really bummed upon waking up and realizing you’d missed a quarter. This time around when you stir awake in the middle of the third you can feel free to finish the remainder of the hours-old pie slice on your plate and go right back to sleep.
Redskins 30-17

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