NFL Picks - Week 8

Sunday Morning

Dallas @ Detroit

As of last week it appears that Matthew Stafford has officially crossed the line to where he'll blindly throw the ball to Calvin Johnson in triple coverage. While some would call this a reckless strategy I'd call it devil-may-care. Similar meanings, yes, but I just decided that I didn't feel like using the word 'reckless.' And though this manner of play may come back to bite him some weeks it may actually serve him well against the Cowboys and their 30th ranked pass D. Tony Romo should throw for yards aplenty as well, but in this game they won't be aplenty enough.

Lions 37-34

Cleveland @ Kansas City

It's official, the Chiefs are the NFL's last undefeated team, and I have to admit that I'm impressed. But now Brandon Weeden is coming to town and as a starting quarterback this season he is also undefeated. Oh, wait a minute, no he actually hasn't won any games yet, That's right, I meant to say opposite of undefeated, my mistake. So right, Weeden is total crap, which seems wholly appropriate based on the name of his team. Luckily, for the Browns they announced that ol' B Weeds has a concussion and Jason Cambpell will be getting the start. Still, he's facing a top-notch defense on the road, this doesn't look good.

Chiefs 23-9

Miami @ New England

In last week's loss to the Jets, Tom Brady had what many have called an uncharacteristic performance. But what DO we really know about this character Tom Brady? Has anybody ever heard anything about his past, i.e. when he got drafted or where he went to college? I've done some digging and I have to say that the facts just aren't there, at least not where I've looked. So where's the truth? We're all waiting to hear it. The ball's in your court Mr. Brady.

Patriots 27-20

Buffalo @ New Orleans

Well Thad Lewis did it, he got a win over the Dolphins last week and the Bills are now 3-4. With EJ Manuel most likely returning to his role as starter within the next couple weeks it seems that Thad is merely a fad, though he still gets to play for a tad. Case in point he'll be the starter this Sunday when the Bills travel to New Orleans to take on a Saints team coming off their bye week. This is a tough match-up that doesn't look like it will turn out well for Buffalo, but then again, when does it ever?

Saints 31-19

New York Giants @ Philadelphia

The Eagles have now lost nine straight home games. I've heard of a home-field advantage, but this Sir, is decidedly a home-field disadvantage ... (pause for laughter) ... (still paused? Wow, you guys really liked that one.) ... (Ok, now I'm worried that this laughter is really just being done in a mocking fashion, almost as if you're laughing at me instead of with me, which I now feel obligated to say was not the intended effect. Perhaps if I explained my snide barb more clearly you'd appreciate it. You see, most teams win more often at home for any number of reasons, some of which I'll list right now ... You stopped reading didn't you? Alright, fine! I'll be honest, it wasn't my best material. You want me to admit that I'm running out of things to say? Is that what you want? Ok, fine! It's true! Are you happy now!? Ugh, you are, I can see that smug little smile on your face, What an ass.)

Giants 24-23

San Francisco @ Jacksonville

We're going back to London! Jaguars fans must be thrilled that this is considered one of their home games, meaning that the folks in Jacksonville will only be subjected to watching them in person seven times. And they said these international games are good for nothing. Despite the long flight, things shouldn't be too difficult for the Niners in this one. Also, Jaw Sweatshirt will most likely be a big hit in London, because they love assholes.

49ers 38-10

Sunday Afternoon

New York Jets @ Cincinnati

With their win last week the Jets are 4-3, meaning they've already surpassed the win total that I predicted for them in the preseason. Of course, I didn't know that the refs would heavily aide them with game-changing personal foul penalties at the very end of two separate games. If I had known that I'd be some sort of super-prescient mega-picker who's always right; and as my ex-wife would tell you, that's certainly not the case. The Bengals escaped from Detroit with a win last week, managing to beat a quality team on the road in the process. Seeing as how they're much better at home, beating the Jets shouldn't present too much of a problem.

Bengals 20-16

Pittsburgh @ Oakland

After starting the season 0-4 the Steelers have consecutive wins and find themselves only 1.5 games behind the 2nd wild card spot in the AFC. Their turnaround has been the result of dramatically improved defensive play and probably cheating, if I had to take a guess. Look, I'm not saying that they're definitely doing it, but it's at least something to consider. Will they find a way to win against the Raiders this Sunday, nefarious or otherwise? You can bet on it. No seriously you can if you want. I know that gambling is supposed to be illegal, but trust me, there are certain avenues through which to do it if you look hard enough.

Steelers 22-17

Washington @ Denver

The Broncos are no longer undefeated after Peyton Manning's return to Indianapolis. This just goes to show that no one, under any circumstances should ever return to Indiana, there's just no way for it to end well. The Redskins bring a strong running attack to Denver to face the Broncos' #1 rush D. Of course, that number is skewed because teams are usually trailing Denver by a couple of scores, leading them to abandon their run game. Case in point, the Broncos are dead last against the pass. While Washington should be able to put up points it probably won't matter when you consider that their inept defense will be going against the league's best offense.    

Broncos 45-28

Atlanta @ Arizona

This is the easiest game to pick of the week. The Cardinals played the Seahawks last Thursday, which means they'll lose this Sunday. As I'm sure you all know by now, teams are 0-6 the week after they play the Hawks. Sorry Cards, don't blame yourself ... though you should be ashamed of your whining coach who wears a Kangol cap at all times when not on the field.

Falcons 24-17

Sunday Night

Green Bay @ Minnesota

I watched pretty much all of last week's Monday Night Football game between the Vikings and the Giants. There, I admit it. I'm not proud of myself. What I saw was not pretty. Josh Freeman was clearly in over his head, going 20-53 in his first start with Minnesota. The only thing worse would be having to watch this team play another primetime game this week .... Oh shit. I really hope I don't end up watching the whole thing again.

Packers 28-13

Monday Night

Seattle @ St. Louis

The Seahawks' defense will be more than happy to see Kellen Clemens line up opposite them. And as if this team needed any further boost to their spirits, this guy is back. Ram Rule #6: Bend over.

Seahawks 31-6 

No comments: