Sunday Morning
Dallas @ Detroit
Cleveland @ Kansas City
Miami @ New England
Buffalo @ New Orleans
New York Giants @ Philadelphia
San Francisco @ Jacksonville
Sunday Afternoon
New York Jets @ Cincinnati
Pittsburgh @ Oakland
Washington @ Denver
Broncos 45-28
Atlanta @ Arizona
Sunday Night
Green Bay @ Minnesota
Monday Night
Seattle @ St. Louis
The Seahawks' defense will be more than happy to see Kellen Clemens line up opposite them. And as if this team needed any further boost to their spirits, this guy is back. Ram Rule #6: Bend over.
Seahawks 31-6
Dallas @ Detroit
As
of last week it appears that Matthew Stafford has officially crossed
the line to where he'll blindly throw the ball to Calvin Johnson in
triple coverage. While some would call this a reckless strategy I'd call
it devil-may-care. Similar meanings, yes, but I just decided that I
didn't feel like using the word 'reckless.' And though this manner of
play may come back to bite him some weeks it may actually serve him well
against the Cowboys and their 30th ranked pass D. Tony Romo should
throw for yards aplenty as well, but in this game they won't be aplenty
enough.
Lions 37-34
It's
official, the Chiefs are the NFL's last undefeated team, and I have to
admit that I'm impressed. But now Brandon Weeden is coming to town and
as a starting quarterback this season he is also undefeated. Oh, wait a
minute, no he actually hasn't won any games yet, That's right, I meant
to say opposite of undefeated, my mistake. So right, Weeden is total
crap, which seems wholly appropriate based on the name of his team.
Luckily, for the Browns they announced that ol' B Weeds has a concussion and Jason Cambpell will be getting the start. Still, he's facing a top-notch defense on the road, this doesn't look good.
Chiefs 23-9
In
last week's loss to the Jets, Tom Brady had what many have called an
uncharacteristic performance. But what DO we really know about this
character Tom Brady? Has anybody ever heard anything about his past,
i.e. when he got drafted or where he went to college? I've done some
digging and I have to say that the facts just aren't there, at least not
where I've looked. So where's the truth? We're all waiting to hear it.
The ball's in your court Mr. Brady.
Patriots 27-20
Well
Thad Lewis did it, he got a win over the Dolphins last week and the
Bills are now 3-4. With EJ Manuel most likely returning to his role as
starter within the next couple weeks it seems that Thad is merely a fad,
though he still gets to play for a tad. Case in point he'll be the
starter this Sunday when the Bills travel to New Orleans to take on a
Saints team coming off their bye week. This is a tough match-up that
doesn't look like it will turn out well for Buffalo, but then again,
when does it ever?
Saints 31-19
The
Eagles have now lost nine straight home games. I've heard of a
home-field advantage, but this Sir, is decidedly a home-field disadvantage ...
(pause for laughter) ... (still paused? Wow, you guys really liked that
one.) ... (Ok, now I'm worried that this laughter is really just being
done in a mocking fashion, almost as if you're laughing at me instead of
with me, which I now feel obligated to say was not the intended effect.
Perhaps if I explained my snide barb more clearly you'd appreciate it.
You see, most teams win more often at home for any number of reasons,
some of which I'll list right now ... You stopped reading didn't you?
Alright, fine! I'll be honest, it wasn't my best material. You want me
to admit that I'm running out of things to say? Is that what you want?
Ok, fine! It's true! Are you happy now!? Ugh, you are, I can see that
smug little smile on your face, What an ass.)
Giants 24-23
We're
going back to London! Jaguars fans must be thrilled that this is
considered one of their home games, meaning that the folks in
Jacksonville will only be subjected to watching them in person seven
times. And they said these international games are good for nothing.
Despite the long flight, things shouldn't be too difficult for the Niners
in this one. Also, Jaw Sweatshirt will most likely be a big hit in
London, because they love assholes.
49ers 38-10
New York Jets @ Cincinnati
With
their win last week the Jets are 4-3, meaning they've already surpassed
the win total that I predicted for them in the preseason. Of course, I
didn't know that the refs would heavily aide them with game-changing
personal foul penalties at the very end of two separate games. If I had
known that I'd be some sort of super-prescient mega-picker who's always
right; and as my ex-wife would tell you, that's certainly not the case.
The Bengals escaped from Detroit with a win last week, managing to beat a quality
team on the road in the process. Seeing as how they're much better at
home, beating the Jets shouldn't present too much of a problem.
Bengals 20-16
After
starting the season 0-4 the Steelers have consecutive wins and find
themselves only 1.5 games behind the 2nd wild card spot in the AFC. Their
turnaround has been the result of dramatically improved defensive play
and probably cheating, if I had to take a guess. Look, I'm not saying
that they're definitely doing it, but it's at least something to
consider. Will they find a way to win against the Raiders this Sunday,
nefarious or otherwise? You can bet on it. No seriously you can if you
want. I know that gambling is supposed to be illegal, but trust me,
there are certain avenues through which to do it if you look hard
enough.
Steelers 22-17
The
Broncos are no longer undefeated after Peyton Manning's return to
Indianapolis. This just goes to show that no one, under any
circumstances should ever return to Indiana, there's just no way for it
to end well. The Redskins bring a strong running attack to Denver to
face the Broncos' #1 rush D. Of course, that number is skewed because
teams are usually trailing Denver by a couple of scores, leading them to
abandon their run game. Case in point, the Broncos are dead last
against the pass. While Washington should be able to put up points it
probably won't matter when you consider that their inept defense will be
going against the league's best offense.
Broncos 45-28
This
is the easiest game to pick of the week. The Cardinals played the
Seahawks last Thursday, which means they'll lose this Sunday. As I'm
sure you all know by now, teams are 0-6 the week after they play the
Hawks. Sorry Cards, don't blame yourself ... though you should be
ashamed of your whining coach who wears a Kangol cap at all times when
not on the field.
Falcons 24-17
Green Bay @ Minnesota
I
watched pretty much all of last week's Monday Night Football game
between the Vikings and the Giants. There, I admit it. I'm not proud of
myself. What I saw was not pretty. Josh Freeman was clearly in over his
head, going 20-53 in his first start with Minnesota. The only thing
worse would be having to watch this team play another primetime game
this week .... Oh shit. I really hope I don't end up watching the whole
thing again.
Packers 28-13
Seattle @ St. Louis
The Seahawks' defense will be more than happy to see Kellen Clemens line up opposite them. And as if this team needed any further boost to their spirits, this guy is back. Ram Rule #6: Bend over.
Seahawks 31-6
No comments:
Post a Comment