1.25.2011
1.24.2011
I think we all knew it
I wasnt paying much attention to the end of the AFC Title game thanks to the fact that the Fucking Steelers were winning. However, towards the very end I looked up I swear I saw Big Ben getting pounded. I dont have any crazy screen capturing machines in my house so I have been searching the internet far and wide for the video evidence. I knew in my heart, which apparently Jay Cutler doesnt have, that if my eyes were not playing tricks on me someone would post it. And here it is:
1.20.2011
The Ol' Dongslinger rides off
As many of you have probably heard, Brett Favre filed his retirement papers with whoever he needed to. Do you think they just pull them out of an old cabinet in back, or does he have to fill it all out again? He has also started pimping some "thanks for all the memories" shit on his website. So its pretty clear that this time is for real. That and he sent his cock to pretty much every chick whose phone number he got and had the worst year of his career. I cant wait to see what Minnesota's O-Coordinator can do with a real Quartaback.
In honor of his douche-baggery (this really smart dude at my office told me its hyphenated, he drinks wine!) I present to you this awesome video:
H/T to mustacheer Chris Miller for the link
In honor of his douche-baggery (this really smart dude at my office told me its hyphenated, he drinks wine!) I present to you this awesome video:
H/T to mustacheer Chris Miller for the link
1.17.2011
Yeah, well...
Ok, so that blew... but at least we got.... well........ I'm not sure what we have to look forward to as a Seattle sports fan. Spring Training? Yikes. Coug Hoops? Ya know I love it, but things will be tough without our toked out loked out PG. Husky hoops? I'm not a fan, but I'm sure some of you are. Well, let's just say I'll bet they wish their legal troubles were limited to those of the weedish variety.
Are the Sounders playing? Seriously, I don't know...
Anyway, what we got? what we need?
Are the Sounders playing? Seriously, I don't know...
Anyway, what we got? what we need?
1.14.2011
Reasons why the Seahawks WILL win
I'm not gonna post em here because I don't wanna jinx anything, but know that I have a list (seriously) and I will be happy to post it here right after the game is over and the Seahawks are victorious! I know this post is pathetic, but so is this site's current attendance... outside of Sincdog. I really do have a list. And I'll post it g-damn it. Seahawks will win. Just know that. (also... it's Friday night and I ran out of time to post this, and I've got a busy Saturday of rockin and rollin)
Let's see some chatter Mustacheers!!!! (or don't... no big whoop)
Let's see some chatter Mustacheers!!!! (or don't... no big whoop)
NFL Picks - Divisional Round
Saturday
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
I've heard a lot this week about how physical this match-up is going to be. In fact, their first couple games were so intense that they led to multiple fines and the players involved complaining that Roger Goodell wants them to play touch football. Here's what I think Roger Goodell should do for this game: Make them play touch football, literally. That'd really stick it to 'em eh?
Steelers 16-13
Green Bay @ Atlanta
The first match-up between these two was close throughout and felt like a playoff game. In fact, some considered it a possible playoff preview. Once again, it seems most everyone is going with the Packers on the road. While they proved last week that they can win a road playoff game, I think this may be a case of the Falcons being undervalued because they didn't play last week and everyone forgets that they were the best team in the conference for the whole regular season. Can Green Bay pull the upset? Certainly. Will they? I don't think so. How's that for definitive analysis!?
Falcons 24-20
Sunday
Seattle @ Chicago
If there's a singular play that may come to define the Seahawks' season it's Marshawn Lynch's 67 yard TD tun. Not just because it was one of the greatest runs in the league's history, but also because it's a metaphor for this year's team. If you count, there are nine Saints that get a hand on Lynch, nine times he could have been stopped along the way, kind of like the nine times Seattle lost this season. And even though he got slowed down by some of those would-be tacklers he kept running, even though it seemed like he wouldn't be able to score. It would be too ridiculous for him to score on a play like that, much like it would be too ridiculous for the Hawks to get to the playoffs with a season like that, but that didn't stop the team, much in the same way it didn't stop Lynch. By the end of the run Lynch leapt into the end zone and told everyone else to suck it, and, here's another chance for the Hawks to tell the haters to suck it.
Seahawks 21-17
New York Jets @ New England
It's fitting that the Jets came into this season talking a bunch of shit and now they're going to go out the same way. I don't know that I expected anything different from them, but that doesn't take away from the fact that's it's idiotic. Has talking trash to the Patriots ever worked? Actually it probably worked a lot in their first three or four decades of their existence, but I was concentrating more on the last ten years.
Patriots 34-13
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
I've heard a lot this week about how physical this match-up is going to be. In fact, their first couple games were so intense that they led to multiple fines and the players involved complaining that Roger Goodell wants them to play touch football. Here's what I think Roger Goodell should do for this game: Make them play touch football, literally. That'd really stick it to 'em eh?
Steelers 16-13
Green Bay @ Atlanta
The first match-up between these two was close throughout and felt like a playoff game. In fact, some considered it a possible playoff preview. Once again, it seems most everyone is going with the Packers on the road. While they proved last week that they can win a road playoff game, I think this may be a case of the Falcons being undervalued because they didn't play last week and everyone forgets that they were the best team in the conference for the whole regular season. Can Green Bay pull the upset? Certainly. Will they? I don't think so. How's that for definitive analysis!?
Falcons 24-20
Sunday
Seattle @ Chicago
If there's a singular play that may come to define the Seahawks' season it's Marshawn Lynch's 67 yard TD tun. Not just because it was one of the greatest runs in the league's history, but also because it's a metaphor for this year's team. If you count, there are nine Saints that get a hand on Lynch, nine times he could have been stopped along the way, kind of like the nine times Seattle lost this season. And even though he got slowed down by some of those would-be tacklers he kept running, even though it seemed like he wouldn't be able to score. It would be too ridiculous for him to score on a play like that, much like it would be too ridiculous for the Hawks to get to the playoffs with a season like that, but that didn't stop the team, much in the same way it didn't stop Lynch. By the end of the run Lynch leapt into the end zone and told everyone else to suck it, and, here's another chance for the Hawks to tell the haters to suck it.
Seahawks 21-17
New York Jets @ New England
It's fitting that the Jets came into this season talking a bunch of shit and now they're going to go out the same way. I don't know that I expected anything different from them, but that doesn't take away from the fact that's it's idiotic. Has talking trash to the Patriots ever worked? Actually it probably worked a lot in their first three or four decades of their existence, but I was concentrating more on the last ten years.
Patriots 34-13
1.11.2011
Seahawks vs. bears
Just a quick thread for the Mustacheers that flock to this site. Wanted to make sure you all had a place to be heard. Well HERE IT IS!!!!
WEEEEEEE...
Seahawks 108 Bears 3
WEEEEEEE...
Seahawks 108 Bears 3
1.10.2011
Beast Mode a compilation
There's not a lot left to be said about the Seahawks game. If you've followed this blog long enough, you know how we feel about MH... and he was, to say the least, vindicated.
and then... there was BEAST MODE!!!!
Here are a few of the best clips...
and then... there was BEAST MODE!!!!
Here are a few of the best clips...
Enjoy the week. We'll have an analysis of the upcoming matchup against the Bears later on. It'll go like this. WE FUCK THE BEARS UP!!!
What's this?!?!?
Oh my god... that's Mr. Purple's music!!!!!
He's back and clocking in at 236 lbs. A surprise final entrant!!!! This shit just got interesting!
He's back and clocking in at 236 lbs. A surprise final entrant!!!! This shit just got interesting!
1.09.2011
2011 Henry Cotto's Weight Loss Challenge
Well, we were holding our breath for some more competitors, but it looks like this will be the 4. Take a look at the tradition, do some research, whatever. Here it is.
And without further delay... this year's competitors:
Mr. Blue: 188.2 lbs.
Mr. Blue is hoping the third time is the charm as he tries for that ellusive HCM Weight Loss championship belt.
Mr. Red: 194.6 lbs.
He won the original competition, finishing second last year. I'd say he's a long shot for winning it this year.Mr. Yellow: 203.4 lbs.
Last year's champ, and an early favorite for this year. Mr. Orange: 208.6
This year's only rookie so far. I think he's got a real shot to lose the most. We'll see if he can get it done.There they are. Who's gonna win? Place your bets. If any other competitors wish to enter, by all means... we always enjoy receiving shirtless pics.... I mean competition.
Good luck.
1.07.2011
NFL Picks - Wildcard
I feel like at this point in the season we know everything we need to know about these teams, which means I'll surely have perfect picks throughout the playoffs. For those of you counting at home, I went 161-92 for the regular season. Far from perfect, but as I think we all know, everyone is 0-0 now.
Saturday
New Orleans @ Seattle
Here it is, the game that most folks have been referring to as "The Real Super Bowl." I'm sure you've all heard about the Seahawks' miraculous, inspirational run to the playoffs as a plucky underdog, but now the nation looks on with baited breath as these Hawks attempt to teach America what it means to believe again. In a time like this, with the country beaten down by a terrible economy, high unemployment rates and a dwindling sense of national pride it just might take a team like this to show us that there's always hope. Many are drawing parallels between the 2010 Hawks and the 1980 US hockey team. I'd say that's a little unfair, I mean the Miracle on Ice team got to practice together for months while the Hawks have only had Mike Williams at 100% for less than half the season. Obviously the Saints are a formidable foe who won't go down without a fight. I guess it just comes down to one question: Do you believe in miracles? As for me? No. But I believe in this country, and in turn, I believe in this team.
Seahawks 24-21
New York Jets @ Indianapolis
It should be interesting to see how the Colts perform after actually having to exert themselves fully for 16 games. I was ready to pick against Indy when I assumed they would be playing the Ravens, but now that they've avoided the wrath of Joe "Flack-Man" Flacco I think I'll stick with Manning.
Colts 19-13
Sunday
Baltimore @ Kansas City
This is Joe Flacco's 3rd season in the league, he's been to the playoffs every year, and yet he's never played a postseason game at home. This will be the Flack-Man's 6th consecutive road playoff game and so far he's done pretty well, putting together a 3-2 record. On the flip side the Chiefs have lost their last 3 home playoff games. That's a recipe for disaster, especially when you're going up against the Flack-Man. All of this would probably lead you to believe that I'm taking the Ravens in this game wouldn't it? Good, we're on the same page then, I'm taking the Ravens.
Ravens 17-14
Green Bay @ Philadelphia
There's a lot of buzz around Aaron Rodgers and the Packers heading into the playoffs, but one thing I've learned from my days as a beekeeper is that if there's too much of a buzz, you should head in the other direction.
Eagles 30-27
Saturday
New Orleans @ Seattle
Here it is, the game that most folks have been referring to as "The Real Super Bowl." I'm sure you've all heard about the Seahawks' miraculous, inspirational run to the playoffs as a plucky underdog, but now the nation looks on with baited breath as these Hawks attempt to teach America what it means to believe again. In a time like this, with the country beaten down by a terrible economy, high unemployment rates and a dwindling sense of national pride it just might take a team like this to show us that there's always hope. Many are drawing parallels between the 2010 Hawks and the 1980 US hockey team. I'd say that's a little unfair, I mean the Miracle on Ice team got to practice together for months while the Hawks have only had Mike Williams at 100% for less than half the season. Obviously the Saints are a formidable foe who won't go down without a fight. I guess it just comes down to one question: Do you believe in miracles? As for me? No. But I believe in this country, and in turn, I believe in this team.
Seahawks 24-21
New York Jets @ Indianapolis
It should be interesting to see how the Colts perform after actually having to exert themselves fully for 16 games. I was ready to pick against Indy when I assumed they would be playing the Ravens, but now that they've avoided the wrath of Joe "Flack-Man" Flacco I think I'll stick with Manning.
Colts 19-13
Sunday
Baltimore @ Kansas City
This is Joe Flacco's 3rd season in the league, he's been to the playoffs every year, and yet he's never played a postseason game at home. This will be the Flack-Man's 6th consecutive road playoff game and so far he's done pretty well, putting together a 3-2 record. On the flip side the Chiefs have lost their last 3 home playoff games. That's a recipe for disaster, especially when you're going up against the Flack-Man. All of this would probably lead you to believe that I'm taking the Ravens in this game wouldn't it? Good, we're on the same page then, I'm taking the Ravens.
Ravens 17-14
Green Bay @ Philadelphia
There's a lot of buzz around Aaron Rodgers and the Packers heading into the playoffs, but one thing I've learned from my days as a beekeeper is that if there's too much of a buzz, you should head in the other direction.
Eagles 30-27
1.06.2011
Matt Hasselbeck is our starting QB
Dearest Matt,
I am writing this blog post to you as you prepare for Saturday. And I've hidden it in the one place you would turn to in a moment of great desperation (henrycottosmustache.com). I know you go with the weight of what has happened (this season) on your shoulders. And I know the only person who can ever take it off is you. Sorry to be so dramatic, but these are dramatic times, are they not?
Please don't give up, Matt. Because all we really need to survive is one sports blog that truly loves us.
And you have it. We will root for you. Always.
We Love you,
I am writing this blog post to you as you prepare for Saturday. And I've hidden it in the one place you would turn to in a moment of great desperation (henrycottosmustache.com). I know you go with the weight of what has happened (this season) on your shoulders. And I know the only person who can ever take it off is you. Sorry to be so dramatic, but these are dramatic times, are they not?
Please don't give up, Matt. Because all we really need to survive is one sports blog that truly loves us.
And you have it. We will root for you. Always.
We Love you,
Penny... er HCM
I want to go to there.
Looks like Seattle has a new (well i just found out about it) eatery and it's owned and operated by a Seattle living legend...
If we ever get the Mustacheer convention off the ground it's gotta be here.
A couple of must reads
If you dig Seattle sports you'll want to read these next two articles. And if you don't dig Seattle sports? Well fuck off Bateman.
Here's one from Page 2 by David Schoenfeld on the Seahawks:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=schoenfield%2F110105_seattle_haters&sportCat=nfl
and one from my new favorite sportswriter Fran Blinebury (hell, I'm considering putting him on the heroes list already) on the why the NBA (I was surprised it still existed too) should do us right:
http://www.nba.com/2011/news/features/fran_blinebury/01/05/contraction-seattle/
oh yeah and don't forget... Seahawks tailgate and weight loss challenge. Get on it Mustacheers.
Here's one from Page 2 by David Schoenfeld on the Seahawks:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=schoenfield%2F110105_seattle_haters&sportCat=nfl
and one from my new favorite sportswriter Fran Blinebury (hell, I'm considering putting him on the heroes list already) on the why the NBA (I was surprised it still existed too) should do us right:
http://www.nba.com/2011/news/features/fran_blinebury/01/05/contraction-seattle/
oh yeah and don't forget... Seahawks tailgate and weight loss challenge. Get on it Mustacheers.
1.05.2011
We begin our second Superbowl run...
And so it begins...
You want analysis? You came to the wrong site. Saturday the Seahawks begin their march to immortality by beating the fucking shit out of the Saints. Next we eliminate the Bears in Chicago and then take care of business back home against the Packers.
It's an exciting time to be a Seahawks fan in 2011. We get to root for the greatest team of all time!
Any group of showboating dickheads can get to 14-2. It takes real balls to sneak into the playoffs at 7-9. GRAPEFRUITS!!!! I tried to find a clip of Vinny Mac saying this but all I found was this.)
Join us for the official start to the celebration this Saturday at roughly 10:00AM on Pier 48. (BUT NO PARKING... so park somewhere else and meet us there). You'll have photo ops with 2 of the 4 Party hosts and I'm sure you'll be able to meet and greet many other Mustacheers. All are welcome, except for pussy-ass Saint fans. SINNERS ONLY BABY... MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (I'm sticking my tongue out right now waggling it around doing devil horns with my hands... fuck it... I'll just post the video...)
See ya there. GO SEAHAWKS!!!
You want analysis? You came to the wrong site. Saturday the Seahawks begin their march to immortality by beating the fucking shit out of the Saints. Next we eliminate the Bears in Chicago and then take care of business back home against the Packers.
It's an exciting time to be a Seahawks fan in 2011. We get to root for the greatest team of all time!
Any group of showboating dickheads can get to 14-2. It takes real balls to sneak into the playoffs at 7-9. GRAPEFRUITS!!!! I tried to find a clip of Vinny Mac saying this but all I found was this.)
Join us for the official start to the celebration this Saturday at roughly 10:00AM on Pier 48. (BUT NO PARKING... so park somewhere else and meet us there). You'll have photo ops with 2 of the 4 Party hosts and I'm sure you'll be able to meet and greet many other Mustacheers. All are welcome, except for pussy-ass Saint fans. SINNERS ONLY BABY... MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (I'm sticking my tongue out right now waggling it around doing devil horns with my hands... fuck it... I'll just post the video...)
See ya there. GO SEAHAWKS!!!
1.03.2011
HCM Weight Loss Challenge
Submit your entries before the end of the week... otherwise... you lose before you even started. Losers.
12.31.2010
NFL Picks - Week 17
Morning Games
Carolina @ Atlanta
Now that Carolina's locked up the #1 pick in the draft they can give this game their full effort. Unfortunately, they've actually been giving their full effort all year, so don't expect much in this contest.
Falcons 37-13
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
My Wacky Pick of the Week? Blood ... blood everywhere!
Steelers 20-17
Minnesota @ Detroit
On Wednesday one of my co-workers said, "So do you think Favre's gonna start?" Is that really still a topic of conversation? Who gives a shit? The only Favre-related news that I care about is that he got a slap on the wrist for sending dick pics. Well, look out ladies! It took ol' Brett 4 years to figure out how to send dick pics, and now that he knows he can get away with it he'll probably just send out a few blast texts a week.
Vikings 21-16
Oakland @ Kansas City
The Chiefs can lock up the 3 seed with a win, meanwhile, the Raiders can finish 6-0 in their division if they come out on top. I've heard the argument that Oakland would win the NFC West if they played in it, that argument is stupid. They've gone 5-0 in the AFC West, how could they have done any better against the NFC West? It's not their division that's stopping them it's the rest of the league. (To be fair I haven't heard this argument in weeks, but it seems even dumber now, so why not dust it off.)
Chiefs 24-21
Miami @ New England
It's been a great run Dolphins and what better way to close it out than beating the best team in the NFL, on the road of course. Seeing as how the Pats have already locked up the #1 seed in the AFC, Miami will most likely get the W, making them 7-1 on the road and 1-7 at home. It's rare that season ticket holders would be justified in asking for their money back after an 8-8 season, but that's the case here.
Dolphins 28-20
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
A lot of playoff implications in this one, all of which will be rendered moot once the Falcons easily beat the Panthers and the Packers cruise past a Bears team with nothing to play for. So suck it Tampa. Congrats on the big win last week, but guess who still controls their own destiny? Chazz Whitehurst and the Seahawks, that's who!
Saints 27-17
Buffalo @ New York Jets
The whole Rex Ryan foot-fetish thing seems to have blown over. Or maybe it hasn't, but I ran out of ways to fit 'foot' into my pick. Don't worry the Jets are going to the playoffs so I'll have at least another week to think of some good zingers.
Jets 17-13
Cincinnati @ Baltimore
If the Ravens win and the Steelers lose Baltimore will get the 2 seed and a first round bye. If that doesn't happen they'll most likely have to play at Indianapolis next week, which means they'll have a first round bye bye. I'm sorry, I had to do it, when a joke like that is sitting there you can't pass up the opportunity. Heck, I don't even think the Colts would win that game, but like I said, I couldn't help myself.
Ravens 23-10
Afternoon Games
Jacksonville @ Houston
Well Jags, I held up my end of the bargain. I acted like a total asshole all season, waiting for you to rise up and prove me wrong. You didn't. Instead you lost at home to the Redskins and cemented the fact that you won't be making the playoffs. I'm sorry I couldn't help you ... I'm sorry we couldn't help each other (I realize that they're not mathematically eliminated but c'mon, Trent Edwards is starting). As for the Texans, what a bunch of spineless dick-lickers! (Already getting started on next year's project)
Texans 26-14
New York Giants @ Washington
The Giants went from being on the verge of 10-4 to 9-6 and most likely missing the playoffs quicker than a cross country flight. Look, you might think that analogy sounds lame but it's just true, all in all it took them about 4.5 hours, and most cross country flights are gonna take at least that long, unless you're on the Concord of course, but I'm pretty sure that thing ceased operations years ago, and even when it was up and running I think it was only used for transatlantic flights. Hopefully this has put the Giants collapse into proper context for you.
Redskins 27-24
Dallas @ Philadelphia
The Eagles locked themselves into the 3 seed with their loss last week, meaning that if they win next week they'll be playing at Chicago in round 2. I'm starting to think Vick an Co. lost on purpose because that seems like a classic round 2 road victory scenario. Maybe that's because Chicago has lost in the 2nd round the last two times they've had the 2nd seed (deuces wild anyone?), including once against the Eagles in 2001-02.
Cowboys 28-19
Arizona @ San Francisco
So he's gone. They finally put him out of his misery. Maybe it was the untimely timeouts, or maybe the sideline shouting matches with quarterbacks, or maybe the locker room de-robing, or maybe the only rudimentary understanding of how anything other than linebacking worked. Whatever the nail in the coffin was I know one thing, I'll miss you Mike Singletary, you always made it easy to root for the other team.
Cardinals 16-13
Chicago @ Green Bay
As I've already touched on, the Bears will be locked into the 2 seed at this point and have nothing to play for while the Packers need a win to get in. Packers in a squash.
Packers 41-14
Tennessee @ Indianapolis
Luckily for the Colts, Kansas City is playing earlier in the day which will afford Indy the luxury of being able to sit all their players if KC gets a win. And we all know there's nothing the Colts love more than sitting all their players. Oh wait, I forgot about the Jags, which was, not surprisingly, very easy to do.
Colts 28-18
San Diego @ Denver
For once the Chargers' slow start has come back to bite them, and it will probably cost Norv Turner his job. To quote BASEketball: It looks like time finally ran out on the old cocksucker.
Chargers 27-20
Sunday Night
St. Louis @ Seattle
Finally NBC has come to their senses and flexed in the game that America really wants to see. Pete Carroll has said that Hasselbeck starting would be "against the odds," you know what else would be against the odds? A 6-9 team having a shot at the playoffs. So obviously, we can throw odds out the window here, just don't ask Chuck Whitehurst to throw those odds, because he'd probably miss the window. If Whitehurst does start it might be time to finally try having Leon Washington line up 30 yards behind the line of scrimmage, throwing the ball back to him and letting him treat it like a kick return. Is that insane? Insane like a fox ... a crazy fox. Normally I might make two picks based on whether or not Hasselbeck plays, but why bother? The result's the same either way.
Seahawks 49-3
Carolina @ Atlanta
Now that Carolina's locked up the #1 pick in the draft they can give this game their full effort. Unfortunately, they've actually been giving their full effort all year, so don't expect much in this contest.
Falcons 37-13
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
My Wacky Pick of the Week? Blood ... blood everywhere!
Steelers 20-17
Minnesota @ Detroit
On Wednesday one of my co-workers said, "So do you think Favre's gonna start?" Is that really still a topic of conversation? Who gives a shit? The only Favre-related news that I care about is that he got a slap on the wrist for sending dick pics. Well, look out ladies! It took ol' Brett 4 years to figure out how to send dick pics, and now that he knows he can get away with it he'll probably just send out a few blast texts a week.
Vikings 21-16
Oakland @ Kansas City
The Chiefs can lock up the 3 seed with a win, meanwhile, the Raiders can finish 6-0 in their division if they come out on top. I've heard the argument that Oakland would win the NFC West if they played in it, that argument is stupid. They've gone 5-0 in the AFC West, how could they have done any better against the NFC West? It's not their division that's stopping them it's the rest of the league. (To be fair I haven't heard this argument in weeks, but it seems even dumber now, so why not dust it off.)
Chiefs 24-21
Miami @ New England
It's been a great run Dolphins and what better way to close it out than beating the best team in the NFL, on the road of course. Seeing as how the Pats have already locked up the #1 seed in the AFC, Miami will most likely get the W, making them 7-1 on the road and 1-7 at home. It's rare that season ticket holders would be justified in asking for their money back after an 8-8 season, but that's the case here.
Dolphins 28-20
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
A lot of playoff implications in this one, all of which will be rendered moot once the Falcons easily beat the Panthers and the Packers cruise past a Bears team with nothing to play for. So suck it Tampa. Congrats on the big win last week, but guess who still controls their own destiny? Chazz Whitehurst and the Seahawks, that's who!
Saints 27-17
Buffalo @ New York Jets
The whole Rex Ryan foot-fetish thing seems to have blown over. Or maybe it hasn't, but I ran out of ways to fit 'foot' into my pick. Don't worry the Jets are going to the playoffs so I'll have at least another week to think of some good zingers.
Jets 17-13
Cincinnati @ Baltimore
If the Ravens win and the Steelers lose Baltimore will get the 2 seed and a first round bye. If that doesn't happen they'll most likely have to play at Indianapolis next week, which means they'll have a first round bye bye. I'm sorry, I had to do it, when a joke like that is sitting there you can't pass up the opportunity. Heck, I don't even think the Colts would win that game, but like I said, I couldn't help myself.
Ravens 23-10
Afternoon Games
Jacksonville @ Houston
Well Jags, I held up my end of the bargain. I acted like a total asshole all season, waiting for you to rise up and prove me wrong. You didn't. Instead you lost at home to the Redskins and cemented the fact that you won't be making the playoffs. I'm sorry I couldn't help you ... I'm sorry we couldn't help each other (I realize that they're not mathematically eliminated but c'mon, Trent Edwards is starting). As for the Texans, what a bunch of spineless dick-lickers! (Already getting started on next year's project)
Texans 26-14
New York Giants @ Washington
The Giants went from being on the verge of 10-4 to 9-6 and most likely missing the playoffs quicker than a cross country flight. Look, you might think that analogy sounds lame but it's just true, all in all it took them about 4.5 hours, and most cross country flights are gonna take at least that long, unless you're on the Concord of course, but I'm pretty sure that thing ceased operations years ago, and even when it was up and running I think it was only used for transatlantic flights. Hopefully this has put the Giants collapse into proper context for you.
Redskins 27-24
Dallas @ Philadelphia
The Eagles locked themselves into the 3 seed with their loss last week, meaning that if they win next week they'll be playing at Chicago in round 2. I'm starting to think Vick an Co. lost on purpose because that seems like a classic round 2 road victory scenario. Maybe that's because Chicago has lost in the 2nd round the last two times they've had the 2nd seed (deuces wild anyone?), including once against the Eagles in 2001-02.
Cowboys 28-19
Arizona @ San Francisco
So he's gone. They finally put him out of his misery. Maybe it was the untimely timeouts, or maybe the sideline shouting matches with quarterbacks, or maybe the locker room de-robing, or maybe the only rudimentary understanding of how anything other than linebacking worked. Whatever the nail in the coffin was I know one thing, I'll miss you Mike Singletary, you always made it easy to root for the other team.
Cardinals 16-13
Chicago @ Green Bay
As I've already touched on, the Bears will be locked into the 2 seed at this point and have nothing to play for while the Packers need a win to get in. Packers in a squash.
Packers 41-14
Tennessee @ Indianapolis
Luckily for the Colts, Kansas City is playing earlier in the day which will afford Indy the luxury of being able to sit all their players if KC gets a win. And we all know there's nothing the Colts love more than sitting all their players. Oh wait, I forgot about the Jags, which was, not surprisingly, very easy to do.
Colts 28-18
San Diego @ Denver
For once the Chargers' slow start has come back to bite them, and it will probably cost Norv Turner his job. To quote BASEketball: It looks like time finally ran out on the old cocksucker.
Chargers 27-20
Sunday Night
St. Louis @ Seattle
Finally NBC has come to their senses and flexed in the game that America really wants to see. Pete Carroll has said that Hasselbeck starting would be "against the odds," you know what else would be against the odds? A 6-9 team having a shot at the playoffs. So obviously, we can throw odds out the window here, just don't ask Chuck Whitehurst to throw those odds, because he'd probably miss the window. If Whitehurst does start it might be time to finally try having Leon Washington line up 30 yards behind the line of scrimmage, throwing the ball back to him and letting him treat it like a kick return. Is that insane? Insane like a fox ... a crazy fox. Normally I might make two picks based on whether or not Hasselbeck plays, but why bother? The result's the same either way.
Seahawks 49-3
12.28.2010
A tradition unlike any other...
That's right... it's that time of year again.... the Henry Cotto's Mustache Weight Loss Challenge!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
Let's take a quick look back at this storied tradition:
http://www.henrycottosmustache.com/search/label/Weight%20Loss
Sure... last year we kind of dropped the ball on the results (wanamaker lost like 4 pounds and won), but they year before that, there were some serious results!!!
Anyway, you know the drill. Jan. 1st through March Madness. Whoever loses the most weight wins.
Submit your before picture to us prior to the 1st. Remember ladies, you're invited to! And you don't have to pose topless like the beefcakes.
Who's excited? I am!
Let's take a quick look back at this storied tradition:
http://www.henrycottosmustache.com/search/label/Weight%20Loss
Sure... last year we kind of dropped the ball on the results (wanamaker lost like 4 pounds and won), but they year before that, there were some serious results!!!
Anyway, you know the drill. Jan. 1st through March Madness. Whoever loses the most weight wins.
Submit your before picture to us prior to the 1st. Remember ladies, you're invited to! And you don't have to pose topless like the beefcakes.
Who's excited? I am!
12.24.2010
NFL Picks - Week 16
Saturday
Dallas @ Arizona
The cable companies will point to this game when they explain why they don't need NFL Network. After having to play on Christmas, hearing more Cowboys fans than Cardinals fans in his home stadium and inevitably having multiple balls sail over his head I'm guessing that Larry Fitzgerald will snap and start beating the hell out of everyone on his sideline.
Cowboys 27-20
Morning Games
Washington @ Jacksonville
Mark Brunell has publicly stated that whichever of these teams wins this game will be the team whose jersey he'll have on his Hall of Fame bust. It seems that nobody told him that not only do NFL Hall of Fame busts have no logos, but that he also isn't going to make the Hall of Fame. As for this game, the Jags will probably win but it won't matter because these sucks blew it last week. It's over ya buttholes!
Jaguars 29-10
Detroit @ Miami
I now feel like an idiot for not betting on the Dolphins all year seeing as how I was on to them since Week 4. Now I feel like they're just trying to prove me right ... and I love it! To make matters worse, the road warrior Lions are coming to town.
Lions 19-16
San Francisco @ St. Louis
As a Hawks fan I actually have to root for the Rams in this game, or better yet a tie. While we're on the subject, am I the only one that secretly roots for a tie when a game goes into overtime? Normally I can't explain why, at least this time I'll have an excuse.
Rams 23-13
Tennessee @ Kansas City
The Chiefs are trying to close out the season with consecutive wins to be AFC West champions. As an inspiration tactic Todd Haley wanted to show his team How the West Was Won, the classic western movie, however, he accidentally rented How the West Was Fun the Olsen twins movie. Turns out the team loved it anyway, and it did inspire them to be more precocious. So expect some trick plays from KC.
Chiefs 30-20
New York Jets @ Chicago
This should be one heck of a FOOTball game. It promises to be pretty close, it could be decided by a yard or even a FOOT; who knows, it might come down to one of the kicker's TOES. On paper these two FOOTball teams seem to be evenly matched. They've played well most weeks, but at times they can't put one FOOT in front of the other ... the other FOOT that is. I'm going to pick the Jets to win on the road, which is no small FEET, whoops that's supposed to be spelled feat. (NOTE: If your name isn't Rex Ryan then you don't have a boner right now.)
Jets 24-20
New England @ Buffalo
The Patriots may be the best team in the league, but how did they give up 27 points to a Packers team without Aaron Rodgers? No seriously, how did it happen? I fell asleep for most of it. In all fairness though, I was only power-napping so I could go slam brews with Bateman later. The Bills will also not have Aaron Rodgers this Sunday, which could present problems for New England. Then again it might not, like I said I didn't pay much attention last week.
Patriots 35-24
Baltimore @ Cleveland
My Wacky Pick of the Week is that LeBron James will show up to this game wearing a Ravens jersey to establish himself as a lover of all traitors. To make matters worse he'll sit in his luxury box and smash a bunch of Drew Carey Show DVDs throughout the game. This guy is one sick bastard.
Ravens 23-16
Afternoon Games
Houston @ Denver
Gary Kubiak returns to face his former team. You want drama? You got it you son of a bitch! Look, I'm sorry I got so upset but talking about Kubs gets me so damn emotional I just can't control myself sometimes.
Texans 30-24
San Diego @ Cincinnati
What can you say about a game like this? Not much. I'll take the Chargers.
Chargers 34-17
Indianapolis @ Oakland
The Raiders are 7-2 against the AFC/NFC Wests and 0-5 against everybody else. That translates into a loss in this one.
Colts 27-23
New York Giants @ Green Bay
The Giant's collapse against the Eagles last week reminded me of a Madden game where the computer is playing way too well so you switch the difficulty level from All-Pro to Easy. I'm pretty sure Andy Reid switched it to easy midway through the 4th. They better hope that they were set back to All-Pro this week, because a loss will severely hurt their playoff hopes.
Packers 31-24
Seattle @ Tampa Bay
The Hawks caught a huge break when this game was moved to 1. However, they've caught a bad break over the last couple months with their terrible play. If Detroit can win in Tampa then literally anyone else can, even the Hawks ... right?
Seahawks 20-17
Sunday Night
Minnesota @ Philadelphia
Well, Favre nearly got killed again on Monday night, but apparently he might start again this weekend. This guy just won't die, he's like John McClane, except not charming, and he's really hard to root for, and instead of trying to save his estranged wife he sends out dick pics. Other than that though, they're basically the same guy.
Eagles 28-14
Monday Night
New Orleans @ Atlanta
The Falcons can win the NFC South with a win, or they can just wait and beat the Panthers at home next week. If I were Mike Smith I'd just kneel on the ball every play and not show the Saints anything they might be able to use in the playoffs, because this is a possible playoff preview after all.
Falcons 30-27
Dallas @ Arizona
The cable companies will point to this game when they explain why they don't need NFL Network. After having to play on Christmas, hearing more Cowboys fans than Cardinals fans in his home stadium and inevitably having multiple balls sail over his head I'm guessing that Larry Fitzgerald will snap and start beating the hell out of everyone on his sideline.
Cowboys 27-20
Morning Games
Washington @ Jacksonville
Mark Brunell has publicly stated that whichever of these teams wins this game will be the team whose jersey he'll have on his Hall of Fame bust. It seems that nobody told him that not only do NFL Hall of Fame busts have no logos, but that he also isn't going to make the Hall of Fame. As for this game, the Jags will probably win but it won't matter because these sucks blew it last week. It's over ya buttholes!
Jaguars 29-10
Detroit @ Miami
I now feel like an idiot for not betting on the Dolphins all year seeing as how I was on to them since Week 4. Now I feel like they're just trying to prove me right ... and I love it! To make matters worse, the road warrior Lions are coming to town.
Lions 19-16
San Francisco @ St. Louis
As a Hawks fan I actually have to root for the Rams in this game, or better yet a tie. While we're on the subject, am I the only one that secretly roots for a tie when a game goes into overtime? Normally I can't explain why, at least this time I'll have an excuse.
Rams 23-13
Tennessee @ Kansas City
The Chiefs are trying to close out the season with consecutive wins to be AFC West champions. As an inspiration tactic Todd Haley wanted to show his team How the West Was Won, the classic western movie, however, he accidentally rented How the West Was Fun the Olsen twins movie. Turns out the team loved it anyway, and it did inspire them to be more precocious. So expect some trick plays from KC.
Chiefs 30-20
New York Jets @ Chicago
This should be one heck of a FOOTball game. It promises to be pretty close, it could be decided by a yard or even a FOOT; who knows, it might come down to one of the kicker's TOES. On paper these two FOOTball teams seem to be evenly matched. They've played well most weeks, but at times they can't put one FOOT in front of the other ... the other FOOT that is. I'm going to pick the Jets to win on the road, which is no small FEET, whoops that's supposed to be spelled feat. (NOTE: If your name isn't Rex Ryan then you don't have a boner right now.)
Jets 24-20
New England @ Buffalo
The Patriots may be the best team in the league, but how did they give up 27 points to a Packers team without Aaron Rodgers? No seriously, how did it happen? I fell asleep for most of it. In all fairness though, I was only power-napping so I could go slam brews with Bateman later. The Bills will also not have Aaron Rodgers this Sunday, which could present problems for New England. Then again it might not, like I said I didn't pay much attention last week.
Patriots 35-24
Baltimore @ Cleveland
My Wacky Pick of the Week is that LeBron James will show up to this game wearing a Ravens jersey to establish himself as a lover of all traitors. To make matters worse he'll sit in his luxury box and smash a bunch of Drew Carey Show DVDs throughout the game. This guy is one sick bastard.
Ravens 23-16
Afternoon Games
Houston @ Denver
Gary Kubiak returns to face his former team. You want drama? You got it you son of a bitch! Look, I'm sorry I got so upset but talking about Kubs gets me so damn emotional I just can't control myself sometimes.
Texans 30-24
San Diego @ Cincinnati
What can you say about a game like this? Not much. I'll take the Chargers.
Chargers 34-17
Indianapolis @ Oakland
The Raiders are 7-2 against the AFC/NFC Wests and 0-5 against everybody else. That translates into a loss in this one.
Colts 27-23
New York Giants @ Green Bay
The Giant's collapse against the Eagles last week reminded me of a Madden game where the computer is playing way too well so you switch the difficulty level from All-Pro to Easy. I'm pretty sure Andy Reid switched it to easy midway through the 4th. They better hope that they were set back to All-Pro this week, because a loss will severely hurt their playoff hopes.
Packers 31-24
Seattle @ Tampa Bay
The Hawks caught a huge break when this game was moved to 1. However, they've caught a bad break over the last couple months with their terrible play. If Detroit can win in Tampa then literally anyone else can, even the Hawks ... right?
Seahawks 20-17
Sunday Night
Minnesota @ Philadelphia
Well, Favre nearly got killed again on Monday night, but apparently he might start again this weekend. This guy just won't die, he's like John McClane, except not charming, and he's really hard to root for, and instead of trying to save his estranged wife he sends out dick pics. Other than that though, they're basically the same guy.
Eagles 28-14
Monday Night
New Orleans @ Atlanta
The Falcons can win the NFC South with a win, or they can just wait and beat the Panthers at home next week. If I were Mike Smith I'd just kneel on the ball every play and not show the Saints anything they might be able to use in the playoffs, because this is a possible playoff preview after all.
Falcons 30-27
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