7.23.2008

What to do with the NBA

I'm guessing the NBA will be torture to watch next season with our beloved SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUper Sonics stolen away. But if I'm going to watch it all, I'll need to find a new team to root for. I decided to break down each team with a scientific point based system on multiple categories. The results are below.




The Vince McMahon Group


as in NO CHANCE... No chance in hell that I'm rooting for them



San Antonio Spurs

Players

- Tim Duncan looks like an alien and complains about EVERY call that goes against him. In short... he is infuriating. - 1,000 points.
- Tony Parker. Tony Parker is French and screws a Hollywood starlet. He destroyed the Sonics every time he played us. - 500 points,
- Manu Ginobli. The NBA hasn't seen a collection of players more annoying since the mid-90's Sacramento Queens. He's a flopper. I hate him. -10,000,000 points

Fans

- They're fine I suppose. 0 points

Championships

- They've won enough. -100 points

Wild Card

- High Def. Greg Popovich. - 50 points

Total: -10,001,650 points


Sacramento Kings

Players

- Most of them aren't there anymore, but I still can't get over the most annoying group of players ever assembled. Mike Bibby, Doug Christie, Valde Divac, and Brad Miller. I'm probably forgetting someone, but GAWD!!! I hate these whiny, floppy little pricks. -1,000,000 points

Fans

- They have good fans. Their owners are tyring to move em to Vegas and they still show up for the most part. Good job. + 50 points

Championships

- They could use one. + 50 points

Wild Card

- The Maloofs are rich playboys from Vegas. I'm jealous. - 100 points

Total: -1,000,000 points


New York Knicks

Players

- Nate Robinson is a punk ass. - 1000 points
- Jerome James is a lazy loser. But he did create one of the more memorable Sonics moments for me which occurred when he had 4 consecutive points and a blocked shot. + 1 point
- Starbury is a nut case. + 3 points

Fans

- New Yorkers. - 1000 points

Championships

- They have a couple. - 50 points

Wild Card

- Keith Green's favorite team. + 1 point

Total: - 2047 points


Pistons

Players

- The whole group as a whole bugs me. They always act like they're entitled to something. -50 points
- Rasheed is hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKqFg7Tuocg 1 point.

Fans

- They started the Malice at the Palace. - 100 points

Championships

- Check. -100 points.

Wild Card

- Mason. Their announcer. Shut up dude. You're lame. MIIIIIIIINUS POOOOOINTS. - 500 points.

Total: - 749 points


Chicago Bulls

Players

- They've got some great players that would be fun to root for. TT, Deng, Rose, etc. + 250 points

Fans

- Eh.

Championships

- See, here we go. They've got too many, and I never like Jordan anyway so... - 500 points

Wild Card

- Screw the Bulls, the only people who root for them are the Mark's from Elko types. - 100 points

Total: - 350 points


Los Angeles Lakers

Players

- Kobe's a prick. -100 points
- Vlad Rad is a weirdo. + 3 pts

Fans

- A bunch of movie stars, wannabes, and posers. -46 pts

Championships

- They've won enough. - 100 pts

Wild Card

- The Zen Master. Would be fun to see him beat Red's record. +25 pts

Total: -218 pts




Boston Celtics

Players:


- Jesus Shuttlesworth. Ray Allen was a joy to root for as a Sonic, vastly underrated in the league, and from all indications a real solid dude. I missed him in Seattle. +1000 points.


- Kevin Garnett. This guy's a phoney. His post championship reactions were comical. As in... what's wrong with this guy. He's trying to hard. In short, I hate him more than Mr. Petchow hates vermin. - 500 points.

Fans:


- Lame Boston fans. Not all of them. But most of them. Most annoying fans in sports right now. - 500 points.

Championships:


- Boston's won enough. If I'm not rooting for a Seattle team, I'd like it to be for a city who hasn't won anything in awhile. -100 points

Wild Card:


- NA

Total: -100 Points






There's the first grouping... more to come tomorrow. I know you can't wait gang.

Finn

6 comments:

Pete said...

Do you mean to tell me you are going to pick a new favorite basketball team based on how much you like them, not based on geographical location?

Based on your previous posts, its seems that you would automatically have to root for the Blazers, as they are by far and away the closest team to Seattle. I don't understand.

Oh wait, yes I do. You are a HYPOCRIT. I would expect better from my own flesh and blood.

finn said...

First of all "Pete" the whole thread isn't finished.

2nd of all... FUCK YOU!

Pete said...

HYPOCRIT

finn said...

Analyis isn't complete yet junior.

Keith said...

I like getting mentioned in the blog, makes me feel good about myself. My last name is GreenE though, I don't think you AndersOns would like your name spelled the way I just spelled it either, correct? PS The Rooster should earn more points, it's going to be hilarious to watch him play over the next couple of years. He sat out the rest of summer league with 'growing pains' in his back, and I'm not talking about Kirk Cameron/Mike Seaver or Alan Thicke.

wanamaker said...

I like getting mentioned in the blog, makes me feel good about myself. My last name is GreenE though, I don't think you AndersOns would like your name spelled the way I just spelled it either, correct? PS The Rooster should earn more points, it's going to be hilarious to watch him play over the next couple of years. He sat out the rest of summer league with 'growing pains' in his back, and I'm not talking about Kirk Cameron/Mike Seaver or Alan Thicke.