NFL Picks - Week 4

Sunday Morning

Seattle @ St. Louis

One thing has become clear after the oft-discussed Monday Night Football game between Seattle and Green Bay, the Seahawks never say die. What an heroic effort. One other thing that may not be as clear to the ignoramuses out there is that the Hawks D has become a force. Should they be reckoned with? Probably not. In their last 11 games the Hawks have given up more than 20 points only once in regulation, and that was in a game against the Redskins that I'm still convinced didn't actually happen. In the 2012 season Seattle is allowing 13 points per game, which is the lowest average in the NFL. Not to mention the fact that .... wait a minute, you guys know I'm picking the Hawks right? Ok.

Seahawks 20-9


Carolina @ Atlanta

The Falcons may just have the best resume in the NFL so far. But if you look closer you'll see a lot of padding. For instance, they put down that they were an "Executive Assistant" from '03-'06, I mean, that's just a fancy way of saying secretary right? I'm not sure I'm buying it just yet Atlanta. Though, I'm absolutely sure I'm not buying into the Panthers after their Thursday night stinker against the Giants in which Cam Newton still saw fit to do his Superman celebration after getting into the end zone to make the score 23-7 en route to a 36-7 loss. It was the equivalent of Clark Kent waiting until Metropolis is mostly rubble then saying, "Alright, I should probably find a phone booth."

Falcons 30-16


New England @ Buffalo

The Patriots come in to this game actually trailing the Bills in the AFC East standings. That shouldn't be a problem for Bill Belichick though, even if he has to chase down Buffalo himself, grab them by the arm and shout at them. He's normally pretty good at that. I just can't imagine New England losing a third straight game, but if it does happen it oughta be a lot of fun for everyone, right?

Patriots 35-24 


Minnesota @ Detroit

After getting extremely lucky on a Hail Mary pass that probably shouldn't have counted the Lions proceeded to blow their game against the Titans in overtime last week on a fourth down sneak that apparently wasn't even supposed to have actually happened. Jim Schwartz tried to play it cool later on, but it was clear that, as is normally the case for him after a game, he was shaken up. Now Detroit will attempt to bounce back against the Vikings, who are led by world-beater Christian Ponder. Were you aware that he currently has a 104.9 passer rating, and his QBR is ... oh, never mind, nobody cares ESPN ... seriously nobody. Well maybe this guy, but that's it. As improved as Ponder has been I think the Lions have to have this one, a mindset that teams should always take into games, because it always results in a win (of course, that would mean that every team would win every game, but isn't that a world we'd all like to live in?).

Lions 26-23


San Diego @ Kansas City

Last week I picked the Chargers to beat the Falcons. They proceeded to lose 27-3. I don't have much of a point, I just figured I'd display some humility. Can you guys believe how humble I am? After their embarrassing loss, San Diego looks to rebound against a Chiefs team that has built some confidence with a road win over the Saints. In that win, Jamaal Charles had a 91 yard touchdown run and if he can manage two or three of those against the Chargers I think KC will have a good shot in this one (though they'd evidently be losing the field position battle).

Chiefs 23-20


San Francisco @ New York Jets

So what exactly happened to the 49ers last week? Was it merely a fluke, or a sign of things to come? Or maybe a flukey sign of things to come. No. That one doesn't make any sense; but neither did San Fran's loss to the Vikings last Sunday. Don't you see? Well I don't, I got lost in some sort of downward spiral on this one and I'm not sure I can pull myself out, so let's just get to the prediction. I think the Niners will handle the Jets here, unless Tebow gets in for an extended period of time, because that would, of course, result in a New York victory and squeals of glee across the nation.

49ers 24-12


Tennessee @ Houston

I think both teams should wear throwback Oilers uniforms in this game, just to mess with people. Unfortunately if they did, I'd guess that it would also "mess with" the players on the field, leading to a record number of interceptions and goofy blooper plays. While the five year old kids in attendance would be jazzed it's probably just not realistic. Alas, we're left with merely a normally uniformed match-up between the two, one which I'm not sure will be much of a contest.

Texans 31-17


Sunday Afternoon

Cincinnati @ Jacksonville

The Jaguars won a game last week! That's such an unexpected phrase that it should be said with the same inflection as, "Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight!" So can they make it two in a row? Perhaps, but I'll have to crane my neck to find out because it'll be on ...  (all together) ... The corner screen at the Shack! (Wow, thanks for joining in on that with me guys, I can really feel this gimmick gaining traction) The Bengals D looked unimpressive again last week, but they managed to squirm away with their 2nd win, those scumbags. If it's sort of broke, yet still functional don't fix it.

Bengals 30-23


Miami @ Arizona

As I'm sure you've heard by now, the Cardinals are 3-0. And if you haven't heard you need to spend more time at the water cooler bro. The Cards are being discussed non-stop by casual fans, it's pretty much all that people are talking about in regards to the NFL this year. And with good reason, the Arizona defense has been dominate to this point, and they show no signs of letting up. Of course, I haven't been watching them practice, so it's entirely possible that they've been showing signs of letting up all week, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt here.

Cardinals 23-13


Oakland @ Denver

I was really excited that the main guy from Detroit Rock City got his first win as coach of the Raiders. It was one of those classic early season Oakland shootouts that seem surreal because of the non-stop action and the fact that there's a pitcher's mound on the field. Meanwhile Peyton Manning has made a habit of launching furious 4th quarter comebacks after digging himself giant holes to start off the game. Manning is hoping for a more regular performance this week, and I think he'll get just that.

Broncos 35-21


New Orleans @ Green Bay

Obviously the Packers' main weakness is defending the deep ball, which is something that Drew Brees could certainly exploit. Unfortunately, the Saints' main weakness so far this season has been winning games, which could prove detrimental to them as the season wears on. It seems obvious to pick a shootout in this one, and the 2012 season has been nothing if not obvious. I see this one ending with Green Bay getting a late stop for once, they're due.

Packers 38-33


Washington @ Tampa Bay

So the Bucs were again faced with an end of game situation in which they were within a possession, and the other team was kneeling on the ball to run out the clock, and what did Greg Schiano decide to do? The exact same thing he did against the Giants in Week 2, bull rush the Center in an attempt to cause a fumble. And ya know what? I loved it. Some folks were in up in arms the first time around but Schiano stuck to his guns and came out guns blazing (and yes, the guns that he stuck to and the guns that he blazed were the very same guns). I'm sold on this guy's 'tude.

Buccaneers 27-20


Sunday Night

New York Giants @ Philadelphia

The Eagles have beaten the Giants in 6 of their last 7 meetings, but New York has won 5 straight road games (including the playoffs), so clearly something has to give. After the Giants came out and dominated Carolina last week, and the Eagles offense looked lost against Arizona it would seem logical to pick New York. But like I said last time, my new strategy with the Giants is to go against my initial inclination, call it the Costanza Theorem (unless somebody's already used that).

Eagles 28-27


Monday Night

Dallas @ Chicago

Both teams come into this game with 2-1 records and a boatload of question marks (Fun Fact that isn't true: "Boatload of Question Marks" was the title of the DC comic book Batman, issue #81, in which the Riddler rigs a yacht filled with puzzles for the Caped Crusader to solve; it's known among fanboys as the second worst issue in the book's history). But instead of focusing on the actual teams participating in this game I'd like to take issue with the announcing team that will be covering it. We've all witnessed the nasty smear campaign that ESPN and the rest of the sports media has launched this week against those poor replacement referees that were only doing their best during last week's Monday Night game. Of course, the criticism originated with the announcers on the scene, Mike Tirico and Jon Gruden. They treated the touchdown call as something of a national tragedy (Gruden actually used the word "tragic" at one point). Ok, so they thought it was clearly an interception ... or did they!? Listen to Tirico's original call of the play here. At the :28 mark he says, "...Simultaneous ..." So, right when the play happened, Tirico saw the same thing as the refs on the field. Those who live in glass announcing booths should not throw stones.

Bears 16-13