NFL Picks - Week 7

Sunday Morning

Tennessee @ Buffalo

Here are a couple of teams coming off of surprise victories in Week 6 looking to keep going in the right direction. Not literally the "right" direction of course, if they did that they'd run out of bounds. While that might help with clock management, it's simply too early in the game to employ such a strategy, seeing as how it hasn't even started yet. While I have all the confidence in the world in Matthew Hasselbeck, I attribute their win over Pittsburgh in large part to the fact that it was a home game being played on a Thursday. Plus their defense is still garbanzo beans (I'm saying that instead of garbage now; please let me know how much you hate it in the comments section below).

Bills 30-22


Washington @ New York Giants

The Giants unexpectedly beat the 49ers in San Francisco last week. However, it was only unexpected if you haven't learned to expect the unexpected without exception when it comes to New York. Clearly this has been my M.O. for the last few weeks, but if the Giants win in convincing fashion again it might be time to just consider them good and not unpredictable. While the Redskins did beat the Giants twice last year it would still be a surprise if they got a W here. And for that very reason I have to go with Washington.

Redskins 28-25


New Orleans @ Tampa Bay

With their win last week the Bucs have taken a stranglehold over 2nd place in the NFC South at 2-3. But not so fast, nipping at their heels are the 1-4 Saints coming off their bye week, and you do NOT want to face an Aaron Kromer coached team when he has an extra seven days to prepare. Though there's no track record to back that statement up I think Krome Dawg is going to have New Orleans ready to play, and when I say "New Orleans" I'm only referring to their offense, because their D is non-existent.

Saints 27-20


Dallas @ Carolina

Last week the Cowboys found yet another way to lose a game. It's always interesting with these guys, you have to hand it to Jason Garrett and co.; unless you're the other team, because in that case Jason Garrett and co. have to hand it to you (and by 'it' I mean the game). However, the Panthers have been just as bad, if not worse, with the game on the line in their last two contests. Which makes me wonder if the 4th quarter will look a lot like this. So who will blow it worse? I'll go with the home team, it'll be more painful that way.

Cowboys 30-28


Baltimore @ Houston

There are only two teams in the AFC that are above .500 and they're playing each other in this game. Both teams come into this playoff rematch at 5-1 looking to take an inside track in the race for the conference's top seed. The Ravens are coming off demoralizing losses to their defense while Houston is coming off of the demoralizing realization that their defense may be lost. So as you can see the match-up between these two teams is like looking into a mirror, a very large mirror that 53 people can look into at the same time. To my knowledge this mirror does not actually exist, so it shouldn't be a factor come Sunday. I'll give the edge to the Texans at home.

Texans 24-20


Cleveland @ Indianapolis

When I say "Corner" you say "Screen!" Corner _______ Corner _______ When I say "At the" you say "Shack!" At the ______  At the ______  While this game features a plethora of young talent the chances are high that things could get sloppy. In fact, when I was researching this game I went to youngsloppytalent. com and found a lot of interesting material, none of which I could use to help me in my analysis of this game but interesting nonetheless. Ok where was I? (full disclosure: I just took a 2 hour break from writing this post for a return visit to youngsloppytalent .com) I say the Colts get back on track after a disappointing effort against the Jets while the Browns get back to what they know best, losing.

Colts 31-24


Green Bay @ St. Louis

Last week Aaron Rodgers went off to the tune of 6 touchdown passes. What does the tune of 6 touchdown passes sound like? This. Does this mean Rodgers is officially back? Yes. Are hypothetical questions pointless if the answer is a simple yes? Well, the answer to that is pretty complicated. While the Rams are 3-0 at home this year and their D has held their own I think the Packers will be harder to handle than a 10 hour sax solo.

Packers 31-17


Arizona @ Minnesota

Similarities abide among these two teams. Both are an unexpected 4-2 even after stumbling as of late. Both are in the NFC. Trust me there are more similarities than just those but if I listed them all off here you'd be bored and I would have had to have looked into it further. This game figures to feature conservative offenses and aggressive defenses, which means that field position and ball control will be paramount. In other words this game will be boring as shit unless you have a rooting interest in either team. Minnesota is at home so I'll give them the edge.

Vikings 19-13


Sunday Afternoon

New York Jets @ New England

It would be considered a surprise if the Patriots even showed up for this game after their devastating loss in Seattle last week. If New England does make it to the field Sunday expect them to be angry and play with a sense of purpose (again, that's only if they show up, which is probably less than a 50/50 shot at this point). The Pats' opponent will be the mercurial Jets whose average margin of victory is over 16 points, while their average margin of defeat is 19. So it stands to reason that this one won't be close on way or another. I'll go with another.

Patriots 35-17


Jacksonville @ Oakland

There are only two afternoon games this week and this is one of them. In other news, the NFL schedule maker has released the following statement to fans: "Fuck you." Both teams are coming off their bye week which begs the question: why can't they be on their bye every week? Alas, here we are, left with only this game to distract us during commercials. I'm thinking about just watching the commercials.

Raiders 27-20


Sunday Night

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati

Last week these teams lost to the Titans and Browns, respectively. Were they aware they had a Sunday Night game coming up? Don't they know that Faith Hill's been waiting all week for this? It just demonstrates a blatant lack of respect for the National Football League, NBC, and Ms. Hill that I, quite frankly, won't stand for.

Steelers 23-16


Monday Night

Detroit @ Chicago

The Bears moved into 2nd place in the NFC last week simply by not playing. It just goes to show that in today's NFL, not playing is the key to success. Hey, it's an ever-changing league, learn to evolve. I can just see all those stodgy old pundits sitting around their newsroom and opining through a thick plume of cigar smoke, "You gotta play to win." Not anymore JD Off Your Rocker-feller! Unfortunately, Chicago has a game on the schedule this week, so they are subject to a loss. Fortunately, they are playing the Lions who haven't put together a consistent effort all season.

Bears 28-18