LAST WEEK'S RECORD: 9-7 (Barf)
New York Giants at Chicago
Atlanta at Dallas
will break loose ... for Cowboys fans. The rest of the country will be having a ball.
Detroit at Green Bay
Sean Connery? The lions blew a big lead last week, and I expect them to lose again here too. But on the bright side they might not get ahead at all, so they won’t have to be embarrassed by how badly they blew it.
Jacksonville at Tennessee
Minnesota at Indianapolis
Buffalo at Miami
Big Johnson tee, rub a few kids’ faces in the mud, and get detention for calling their teacher a buttsniffer. Then again, maybe they cry from embarrassment when the teacher tells them to turn their obscene shirt inside out and everyone laughs. It’s anybody’s guess. However, if Buffalo loses to Miami we’ll know exactly who they are. Especially because they’ll be walking off the field with their jerseys inside out.
San Francisco at New York Jets
Los Angeles Rams at Philadelphia
Denver at Pittsburgh
Carolina at Tampa Bay
Washington at Arizona
Kansas City at Los Angeles Chargers
sex car from Titanic last Thursday I wouldn’t be surprised if Andy Reid switched from a face shield to a mask this week. If and when he does, a reporter at the postgame press conference will ask him why he made the move, to which Reid will reply, “I haven’t the foggiest!” The crowd will go wild, someone will toss Reid a top hat and cane, and he’ll do a little leg kick, tip-o-the-cap saunter. The reporters will hoist him onto their shoulders, their gleeful energy so powerful that he’ll be light as a feather. Oh wait, the press conferences are all remote now. Maybe this scenario isn’t so realistic after all. It also doesn’t seem realistic for the Chargers to be able to contain Patrick Mahomes, but surprisingly his highest yardage total in four career games against LAC is 256. KC is also 3-1 in those games, so passing yards are probably overrated. Regardless of how gaudy Mahomes’ stats are the Chiefs should win and their coach should be able to see it all much better this time.
Baltimore at Houston
New England at Seattle
The new look Patriots (they let their quarterback run now!) versus the new look Seahawks (they let their quarterback throw now!). Who prevails? Let's see what the man who will be calling them game thinks. Cris?
I don't think we were supposed to know most of that. But you're an open book CriColl, and that's why we love ya.
New Orleans at Las Vegas
This feels like the schedule taunting us. America’s two biggest party cities going head to head in a country with no partying! What’s that? People in these cities are still partying? Oh people all over the country are still partying? That’s not good. I guess some folks would rather die than not party. Or, more to the point, would rather other people die than not party. Well, despite what I’m sure would be thousands of willing attendees the Las Vegas Raiders will not be allowing any spectators into their brand new stadium. A stadium that I’ve heard compared to the Death Star more than a few times. But I’m not sure exactly why. The Death Star was gray. Allegiant Stadium is black. They don’t look like each other! Why do people keep saying this?!? I guess you could say it looks like Darth Vader’s armor, but the thing about Darth Vader’s armor is that it’s not the Death Star. Look, I have to stop writing about this game, it’s making me too upset. Definitely not in a party mood.