BRISTOL, CT – Monday Night Football analyst Ron Jaworski recently made an interesting discovery in the ESPN tape library. "While watching film in preparation for this Monday’s Broncos – Patriots game I spent a great deal of time focused on Defensive End Tim Crowder. To my surprise Mr. Crowder has a non-stop motor. I had expected him to be more of a raw, natural athlete, but he proved me wrong on multiple occasions."
Non-stop motors have long been a quality held solely by Caucasian football players, however, with this monumental discovery, that racial barrier has been broken. "This is a huge day for African-American athletes," said ESPN studio analyst Tom Jackson, "When I came into the league I had to be a natural athlete just to have a chance. But after hearing that Tim Crowder has a non-stop motor, the doors are now open for a new generation of black football players."
Those open doors are exactly what local African-American man Gerald Washington is hoping to walk through. "Coming out of college, I didn’t get drafted, I couldn’t even get signed. My agent kept telling all the scouts, ‘This kid’s got a non-stop motor! Check him out.’ But they wouldn’t listen, they said to call back when I was a raw athlete." Now, however, the 27 year-old Washington sees a light at the end of the tunnel. "After hearing about Tim Crowder, I’m ready to give the NFL another shot. I mean if he can do it, so can I. Before I’m through the world is gonna know the name Gerald Washington!"
(EDITOR’S NOTE: The writer of this article could not recall the interviewee’s actual name. The alias "Gerald Washington" was substituted)
The impact of the Crowder news remains to be seen, however, one analyst certainly expects big changes. "The revelation that is the non-stop motor of Tim Crowder," said Jaworski, "will forever alter the way we look at the sport of football." As of press time Crowder had 0 tackles through 6 games.