Well, the NFL season starts tomorrow, which means it's time for me to start trotting out my weekly picks. With the recent overflow of content on this site it might be unnecessary to clog things up especially since I still haven't figured out how to use the "Read more" function. But since I enjoy reading these so much I figured I'd bring them back this year.
Minnesota @ New Orleans
A little tough to pick this one. I don't know about you guys, but I haven't gotten word on whether or not Favre is coming back, and that could greatly affect this game. If he plays we're liable to see butt slaps, across-the-body interceptions, and borderline illegal high fives for the referees. And if he doesn't play there will be no reason to watch this game or any football at all for that matter. Either way, I'll take the Saints. Interesting fact: they were the only playoff team to end last year on a winning streak. In other words, these guys are hot.
Sunday - Morning
Carolina @ New York Giants
This is the first game in the new Giants Stadium. I remember reading an article about a longtime Giants season ticket holder who was no longer able to afford tickets because of the extra Personal Seat License charge. Well, that poor-ass pussy is going to be sorry he missed this one, it has Game of the Year written all over it.
Atlanta @ Pittsburgh
At this point an immature person would make a Roethlisberger rape joke. Hey, I'll bet the cheerleaders are worried that Roethlisberger is going to be on the field with so much free time on his hands. My Wacky Pick of the Week says he snags a few beers from the stands and that by midway through the 3rd quarter he's approaching the cheerleading squad while shouting his "All my bitches take shots," catchphrase. In other words, Roethlisberger's a winner, and the Steelers are in trouble without him.
Cleveland @ Tampa Bay
Uh oh, has there ever been a Week 1 Stinger? We might have one on our hands. One thing's for sure, we've got a Week 1 Stinker!
Denver @ Jacksonville
Last year Denver started out 6-0 but were seriously hampered after Josh McDaniel threw out his shoulder on some fist pumps. Well, he's supposedly back at full strength, but I'm not sure I buy it. Meanwhile, Jacksonville's coach Jack Del Rio can still fist pump with the best of 'em, not to mention fist bump.
Indianapolis @ Houston
Manning's probably still smarting over that costly interception in the Super Bowl. But as Manning's always said, "Smarting makes me smarter." I'm surprised you guys haven't heard it before, it's one of my favorite quotes and it really spells trouble for Houston.
Miami @ Buffalo
If you're anything like me you saw this game on the schedule and thought, "Boy, seems like these teams play every year." Well, I did a little research, and it turns out they DO play every year, in fact, they usually play twice. And don't even get me started on 1992 .... ya know how many times they played that year? 3! So anyway, it would seem that the NFL schedulers need to get a bit more creative. And, um, I guess I'll take Miami.
Detroit @ Chicago
This is my Sleeper Game of the Week, meaning I'd rather sleep than watch it. One reason to pay attention to this, however, is to get an early idea on how many picks Cutler will be on pace for this year.
Oakland @ Tennessee
I know what you all thought when you saw that these two were playing, "Holy shit! A rematch of the 2003 AFC Championship Game!" I know, I'm excited too.
Cincinnati @ New England
These are two playoff teams from last year ... two playoff teams that were embarrassed at home in the first round. Clearly they'd like to wash that bad taste out of their mouth, but hopefully neither team concentrates too much on oral hygiene during the game, otherwise the other will surely take advantage.
Sunday - Afternoon
Arizona @ St. Louis
Is this the year the Rams turn it all around? I asked this question to a Magic 8-ball and it exploded. In other words, it looks like the Rams are still going to be shitty. Will they be shitty enough to lose a home game to a team that has Derek Anderson as their starting quarterback? Yes.
San Francisco @ Seattle
Here's the one that we, and indeed all of America, have been waiting for. Honestly, my expectations aren't too high for the Hawks this year. I mean, I still think they'll win all their games, it just won't be that easy.
Green Bay @ Philadelphia
Kevin Kolb has to replace a successful, longtime starter; he's basically in the same shoes that Aaron Rodgers was two years ago. Unfortunately for Kolb, Reebok has come out with a new line of cleats since then and if he actually does try to wear Rodgers' shoes he'll be fined $25,000. I think dealing with that distraction will be too much for the youngster to overcome.
Washington vs. Dallas
What would opening weekend be without an NFC East game in primetime? A lot more innovative! These games all just blend together for me. Probably because by Sunday night I've started binge drinking to forget about that day's Seahawks game.
Baltimore @ New York Jets
As some of you may remember, last year I seemed to have a real grudge against Rex Ryan. Well, rest assured, I still have that grudge. It's interesting to me that a man who forgot that his team could still make the playoffs after Week 15 of last year could see his team as a prohibitive Super Bowl favorite going into the next season. Also, I'm curious to see whether or not Mark Sanchez can actually throw for more TDs than interceptions ... because he didn't last year. Anyway, Hard Knocks didn't do anything for me, I still hate the Jets. I also don't think they're as good as we keep being told.
San Diego @ Kansas City
Apparently this wasn't a goof, this is actually a Monday Night game. That's funny enough right? I don't have to type anything ridiculously witty and/or irreverent as I normally would.