Parts Unknown Revealed to be Shaker Heights, Ohio

SHAKER HEIGHTS – A long disputed and mysterious question in professional wrestling circles was finally answered Wednesday when "Parts Unknown" were finally identified as Shaker Heights, Ohio. "This announcement has been a long time coming," said former P.U. resident the Ultimate Warrior, "The lies have gone on too long." When asked why his true place of origin was kept under wraps for so long, he had this to say, "They were ashamed of us. They said any man that paints his face could not name Shaker Heights as his hometown. Look, I’ve got as much civic pride as anyone, but ain’t no way I’m gonna walk to that ring without paint on my face. That ain’t the Warrior."
Shaker Heights, a suburb of Cleveland, with a population of over 29,000 has been home to other notable celebrities such as Paul Newman. "It’s time to uncover Shaker Heights, Ohio for what it really is," said Warrior, "A hot-bed for some of the most bizarre wrestlers to ever compete at the professional level." The number of wrestlers that the Ultimate Warrior refers to includes the likes of Demolition, Papa Shango, and Chainsaw Charlie.
Speaking of Papa Shango, the Ultimate Warrior bristled at the mere mention of him, saying that he can no longer utter Shango’s name out loud for fear that his insides will turn to mush causing him to vomit green liquid. Apparently the feud between the two existed long before their days in the WWF. "Yeah, me and (Papa Shango) were at each other’s throats throughout most of high school. In fact, we went back and forth so much that around these parts our rivalry became known as ‘The Battle of Shaker Heights.’" Upon being told of the movie of the same name, the Ultimate Warrior stormed out of the interview muttering plans for hijacking Shia LaBeouf’s private jet and crashing it. The current location of the Ultimate Warrior remains unknown; however, the same can no longer be said for his hometown.

1 comment:

f. i. n. n. said...

Where's Wolfy?!?! He's in Shaker Heights!