Anybody here like football!? No? Really? Nobody here likes football? Wow that's surprising, but ok. Um, well this is gonna be weird then because this whole post is about football, so ....
Philadelphia @ Atlanta
How will the crowd react to the return of Michael Vick? Well I remember a televised town hall meeting in which the folks in Atlanta booed a PETA member for encouraging people to not forget that the dogs were the real victims in the Vick case. So, obviously it's a classy bunch and they'll handle things appropriately. The Falcons are 5-0 at home but they're missing Matt Ryan and probably Michael Turner, so ...
St. Louis @ Chicago
I was planning on just going against Jay Cutler at all times, but he's playing the Rams for God's sake. I'd like to pick no one but I can't do that, I have too much integrity, and you readers care too much for me to pull something like that.
Detroit @ Cincinnati
If someone had told me at the beginning of the year that Lions-Bengals would be the most anticipated game of the season I probably would have said they were crazy. Well if someone told me that now I'd still say they were crazy, this game is going to be shitty.
Oakland @ Pittsburgh
We could see a QB match-up of Bruce Gradkowski vs. Dennis Dixon in this one. That's funny enough by itself right? I don't need to write another fabulous joke do I?
Tennessee @ Indianapolis
Probably the most interesting game of the day. If you're a loyal reader of this weekly post (you two know who you are) then you're well aware that I've been backing VY for the last 4 weeks, he's a pretty magical guy. But can I pick him against the Colts? A team that hasn't lost a regular season game since 2003 (sic)? The answer is yes, and you know why? Well I don't know, like I said he's magical, and I can't explain magic and if I tried to I'd get blacklisted.
Denver @ Kansas City
So I guess Denver decided to be good again last week? What happened there? No seriously what happened, it was the late game on Thanksgiving and I was pretty hammered and very sleepy so I didn't see much of the game. Anyway, this week Denver will go back to their mission of being the opposite Titans.
New England @ Miami
So do the Pats come out angry in this one or are they just not that good? Well, I think they're still decent enough, plus the Dolphins let me down last week. I thought I knew what to expect from them, but now I don't know ... I just ... I can't do this anymore.
New Orleans @ Washington
Alright I'm back. New Orleans really looked unstoppable last week, which makes me really want to pick D.C. in this one. I mean the Saints have to lose at some point right? And this is a text book letdown game. But, it's the 'Skins, and they're really bad ... Ya know what, eff it! I'm doing it! Who's gonna stop me? You? Pssh, no, you're not gonna stop me, you're just gonna sit there with that stupid look on your face like you wanna say something but you ain't gonna say shit.
Tampa Bay @ Carolina
Umm, I don't know ... Delhomme sucks ... That's funny right? I found out that Delhomme has the same birthday as me, he's really bringing down the day at this point.
Houston @ Jacksonville
I think we've got our one and only Stinger of the week. Obviously I don't like the idea of moving teams out of cities, but if the Jags are in a playoff race and can't sell out any games they really shouldn't have a team in Jacksonville. Maybe there's something I don't know that's keeping fans away, but this just looks bad at this point. Sidenote, the Jags went ahead and proved that they weren't good last week. I've been saying it for weeks, thanks guys, I seem somewhat legitimate now.
San Diego @ Cleveland
I really don't even think the Browns like football.
Dallas @ New York Giants
Here's my Wacky Pick of the Week! Smiles Austin gets all of his teeth knocked out rendering him unable to smile for the rest of his life. The nation weeps.
San Francisco @ Seattle
Hawks are riding a winning streak and they've got all the momentum in the world. Oh ... they're also playing the Niners, so it looks like another win is in store.
Minnesota @ Arizona
This one is tough to pick because it's still unknown if Kurt Warner is going to play. If he plays I like the Cards, if he doesn't I like Jared Allen to literally kill Matt Leinart.
w/ Warner ... Cardinals 31-24 w/o Warner ... Vikings 28-14
Baltimore @ Green Bay
Have the Ravens played a normal Sunday game this year? I think it's been strictly Sunday nights and Mondays for them, I think they even played on a Friday somehow too. Anyway, the Ravens will win because Ray Rice is the best player in the history of the NFL, and great kisser, at least that's what Ray Lewis tells me.