Sorry diehards, I know I'm posting these picks a little later than usual, but I just flew in from Seattle. Oh what, you're expecting me to say, "And boy are my arms tired?" Stop making cheap jokes, alright pal? There's no place for them here, I'm strictly high-brow, I'm like the Dennis Miller of the internet. Ok, I just checked, and it turns out Dennis Miller has a website, so I guess he's the Dennis Miller of the internet. But I'm close enough right? Or was that joke itself too high-brow for you?
Buffalo @ Atlanta
I really want to watch this game. Then again, I also saw Delgo in theatres, so ...
Kansas City @ Cincinnati
At this point does anybody expect the Bengals to actually win a game in the playoffs? I'll tell ya what, I do! So that was a stupid question.
Oakland @ Cleveland
I'd say that this is going to be a crappy game, but Cleveland has made a habit of putting on great shows against other shitty teams, and Oakland has recently won two road games in the final minute. So, chances are this one gets crrrrrrraaaaazzy! Or ends up real poopy (I'd already used crappy and shitty).
Seattle @ Green Bay
So the Hawks have hit rock bottom right? Please? Please tell me it can't get worse than that. Some good news, Green Bay also lost to Tampa this year, so, I guess we have a shot right?
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
I'm pretty sure these teams have played 9 times in the last 2 seasons. I'm not sure if it's a scheduling anomaly or what, but I just checked, and sure enough ... 9 times. Well ya know what they say: "Fool me 8 times shame on the Ravens."
Houston @ Miami
Whoever loses this one is out of playoff contention. And to be honest, whoever wins is probably still out of playoff conetention, but don't tell them that. Seriously, they have no idea how the playoffs work.
Jacksonville @ New England
I'm now convinced that the Patriots really aren't good. But if you've been paying attention to my picks for the last month or so (just kidding, I know you have) I definitely don't think the Jags are good. So, I guess the Patriots are the not good team I'm going with here.
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
Can anybody truly know what to expect from the explosive Josh Freeman and the Bucs lockdown D? I mean, all bets are off right? Even still, I think I'll pick the Saints because they still need to clinch the 1 seed.
Carolina @ New York Giants
So Delhomme sits and the Panthers win, coincidence? Well that depends, I mean if you want to get into a meta-physical debate about whether or not life is just a series of random events, or if we indeed all have our own destinies than that's fine. But in this case, no, it was no coincidence, Delhomme sucks.
Detroit @ San Francisco
Who's ready for an inspired performance from the Lions? Me! Who's not? Bateman. Sorry Bobby.
St. Louis @ Arizona
The Rams are now in sole possession of the worst record in the league, and if I know them like I think I do, they're not gonna let that slip away. In fact, why don't they quit beating around the bush and just rest their starters? They could be like a team that already clinched a playoff spot, except exactly the opposite.
New York Jets @ Indianapolis
Word on the street is that Rex Ryan will send relentless blitzes at Peyton Manning, forcing Jim Caldwell to sit his QB for fear of injury. Well how about this? If you just blitz Manning every down, he'll probably burn you downfield repeatedly. Even if he only plays for the first half Manning may have built up enough of a lead for the Colts to hold on for the win.
Denver @ Philadelphia
Denver's fighting for their playoff lives. However, what the rest of us don't know is that someone planted a bomb inside Donovan McNabb that will go off if he doesn't win 11 games in the regular saeson, so he's playing for his actual life.
Dallas @ Washington
Huh, the NFC East on primetime ... whaddaya know? I'm not sure if any of you watched the Redskins game on Monday night, but after the fake field goal that ended the first half (which was maybe the worst play I've ever seen) the D.C. fans sent their team off the field with perhaps the loudest hometown boos I've ever heard. Just thought I'd mention that.
Minnesota @ Chicago
No more day games for the Vikings huh? Alright. Cool, I can't get enough of this Favre guy.