NFL Picks Week 14

I haven't correctly predicted a score since Week 7. In a completely unrelated factoid, were you aware that 20-17 is the most common final score in the history of the NFL? It's happened 229 times so far, including 9 times already this season. Just thought I'd point that out, now let's get to the picks!


Morning Games


New Orleans @ Atlanta

Last week I predicted that New Orleans would lose, and they really should have, but this week I just can't see it happening. Matt Ryan and Michael Turner are out again this week ... I think. I don't know, I don't do any real research for this thing, in fact, I copy and paste most of it from other sites. Bill Simmons is a columnist for ESPN.com. For every S

Saints 20-17


Green Bay @ Chicago

A couple of hot young QBs set to do battle. It's anybody's guess as to which total will be higher: number of times Aaron Rodgers is sacked or number of times Jay Cutler throws an interception. I'll go with 9-7 Cutler.

Packers 20-17


New York Jets @ Tampa Bay

Rex Ryan keeps telling me the Jets are good, but I'm not sure I'm buying it. I think I'll take Tampa in an upset. (I've learned that acknowledging that your pick is an upset makes it seem brave and hopefully means people will cut you some slack when you're wrong.)

Buccaneers 20-17


Miami @ Jacksonville

Another Stinger from the good folks in Jacksonville. This one's pretty ridiculous. These teams are battling for the final wild card spot in the AFC, they play in the same state, and at halftime they're actually going to have a jaguar fight a dolphin. How did this game not sell-out?

Dolphins 20-17


Detroit @ Baltimore

I would not be surprised if Ray Lewis legitimately murders Matthew Stafford during this game. I'm thinking he shivs him after a sack and then shooshes Stafford's gasps of pain. It'll be a lot like Adam Goldberg's death scene in Saving Private Ryan.

Ravens 20-17


Seattle @ Houston

When I reviewed the Seahawks' 2009 schedule prior to the season on this very website I said this about our match-up with the Texans: "This is a tailor-made 'lay an egg' game for us, but since we'll be going 16-0 this season, we probably won't lose it." Well, that prediction hasn't failed me yet, so I guess I'll roll with it.

Seahawks 20-17


Denver @ Indianapolis

Is it me or do the Broncos always get killed when they play at Indy? Doesn't it just seem like this happens a lot? Look, just say yes, and we can move on. Anyway, it's time for that draft pick to get a little better.

Colts 20-17


Buffalo @ Kansas City

Hey Jacksonville, this game got sold out. That's how pathetic you are. Did anybody else see how bad the Chiefs, and in particular Cassel, looked last week in their 44-13 loss to the Broncos? I'm just kidding, of course no one saw that game.

Bills 20-17


Cincinnati @ Minnesota

Bust out the HD TVs for this one. It's Orange vs. Purple, which kind of sounds like a gang war on Castro Street. The Bengals have repeatedly stepped up in their toughest games this year ... nevermind, I guess I was just thinking about their 4-0 record against the Ravens and Steelers, which we now can plainly see are not good teams. That being said, I think they'll keep this one close.

Vikings 20-17


Carolina @ New England

It's a rematch of one of the more underrated Super Bowls of all time. Not because of the actual game, which was fine, but because of Jake Delhomme's "Cajun finger wave" that he gave to a New England defender who bumped him while he ran down the field to celebrate a touchdown pass (sorry, I couldn't find a youtube clip). I haven't checked officially, but I'm pretty sure that was the last touchdwon pass Jake Delhomme threw. Side note: as I typed "Super Bowl" I got to thinking that that was a really nerdy title for a game. It's such a great game that it's SUPER! What a Super Bowl indeed!

Patriots 20-17


Afternoon Games


Washington @ Oakland

This is the second Stinger of the day, even after the Raiders epic victory over the Steelers last week. Speaking of, I was at a bar last night and the bartender had a Raiders wristband and a tattoo of the logo. The follwoing exchange happened:

Me: Hey, Raiders, they've been playing better lately, what's the deal?
Bartender: They put in the white quarterback.

Hmmm. Sounds like this guy's been to his fair share of Heatherwood West fireworks shows.

Raiders 20-17


St. Louis @ Tennessee

Remember in Super Bowl (SUPER!) XXXII when Holmgren decided to let the Broncos score at the end of the game so that he could get the ball back? I get the feeling that it's going to look just like that every time Chris Johnson touches the ball in this game. And for my Wacky Pick of the Week: Chris Johnson breaks the single game rushing record.

Tennessee 20-17


San Diego @ Dallas

Tony Romo has decided to start holding for kicks again, which gives me the excuse to link to this video. Alright, fuck this game, a couple of things about that clip. It's a really good "disbelief cheer" from us (and I say us because 75% (3 out of 4) of the people who will read this were there). Secondly, I love when Shaun comes running in at the end of the play with his giant coat and no helmet on. That probably should have been a penalty huh? Oh well. Oh, right, the game, umm, the Cowboys don't win games in December right?

Chargers 20-17


Sunday Night


Philadelphia @ New York Giants

I never get tired of having the NFC East rammed down our throats in prime time. Maclin is out for the Eagles, and I actually think that will matter.

Giants 20-17


Monday Night


Arizona @ San Francisco

It's too bad all Niners fans don't read my weekly picks, if they did they wouldn't be so delusional and they'd realize their team sucks and their coach is a moron. Three timeouts in the first 10 minutes of the game? Cannot win with him, can't do it. I'm starting to think Coors Light paid off the 49ers to hire Mike Singletary because they needed some new commercials. Anyway, the Cardinals might be hitting their stride, and that's frightening because when they're at their best they can choke 4 to 5 throats per game.

Cardinals 20-17