Peter just posted some great Senior bowl stuff, so be sure to scroll down.
But I really like where a couple of Mustacheers took their conversation.. so here's there comments:
jimi said...
http://www.comcast.net/articles/sports-nfl/20110130/Packer-to-Skip-Porn-Sunday/
read the second to last paragraph. dirty little fucker. of course now, just like completing passes to his own recievers, he hates it and wants nothing to do with it.
January 31, 2011 9:58 AM
Mr. F said...
I'm speechless, I think.
January 31, 2011 10:20 AM
sinc451 said...
I can't tell if I'm supposed to think this is pretty cool, or really weird and disturbing - on one hand, it's nice to know that Hass is a "normal" guy who has to stroke it every once in a while like the rest of us (well, some of us anyway - you know who you are). On the other hand, to find out that he's whacking off like its going out of style, threatening my middle-school record and putting his marriage in jeopardy (especially to the point where he's willing to join some weird cult-style anti-porn church)makes me wonder about a few things.
Number one: is our fearless leader and "one true god" kind of a freak?
Number two (he he he): is all this beating off cutting into his practice time (and more importantly wearing down his throwing arm)?
Number three: Seeing as how Kitna is involved in this little movement as well, is it safe to assume that living in Seattle for too long can somehow lead to this affliction (which could finally give me a valid excuse when my girlfriend catches me with my pants around my ankles in front of the ol' laptop)? Was that too much information?
Don't worry Mustachers - I'll get to the bottom of it...RESEARCH TIME!!!!
January 31, 2011 1:21 PM
Mr. F said...
I think beating off makes you a hero qb. That's the message I took from all this. Although... my reading comprehension has gone to shit ever since I started sniffing glue.
BTW (that means by the way) how'd we let a dirty husky hijack what was a pro-COUG thread?!?
January 31, 2011 2:00 PM
jimi said...
Finn my attempt was not to hijack a pro-Coug thread. I don't have to. Eventually after a strong initial showing the thread would have gone terribly wrong leaving most reading in shock, and those who follow this thread wondering how it could have gone wrong so fast and asking themselves why does this always happen to us?!! Its the Coug way, there is no denying it.
My intent was to show how the fine facilitators of this website have lifted a balding, mediocre, maniacally masturbating quarterback to god like status in an attempt to make them feel better about their own masturbatory ways.
In related news i can only assume that King Felix also enjoys some "Felix Time" on a regular basis since he too is a hero of ours. However, there is no doubt in my mind that when the King finishes: angels start to sing, he produces a liquid metal much like we saw in Terminator 2 (because that man is a fucking machine), and every woman within a 250 square mile radius has an unexplained orgasm leaving them confused but thirsty for more. Back to Back Cy Youngs here we cum..........no wait, i mean come.
January 31, 2011 4:17 PM
Fortune said...
Jimi,
You have been told to stop yet you continue with your off-topic comments. No Means No!
January 31, 2011 4:34 PM
sinc451 said...
BLASPHEMY!!!! Balding?....yes; Porn-addicted?.....Apparently, yeah; Mediocre?....Them's Cromartie words! C'mon Jimi - I wanna give you the benefit of the doubt 'cause I admire a "man of suits" but you're tearing down one of the last remaining Sea-town heroes (as sad as that may be) - if we're gonna give someone a hard time, lets focus on TRUE ass-wipes in the Seattle area....Milton Bradley deserves a good punch in the face - let's make a mockery of him. How about uhhhhhh....well, if I can think of any Seattle sports figure that's even relevant anymore, I'll get back to you - in the mean time, excellent point about the unexpected turn this thread has taken - uh, go cougs?
January 31, 2011 4:45 PM
jimi said...
all i have is the power of the comment, on topic or not. it is my right to use it (that being said please don't take away my ability to comment. A wife, two kids, two jobs, a dog, and a mortgage. i'm hangin on by thread here)
i apologize for my use of mediocre. it went well with some of the other "m" words i had in that post. From now on i will refer to him as above average. Aferall is he a hero........................did anyone else just hear angels sing? Why is my wife.............oh Felix.
January 31, 2011 5:04 PM
sinc451 said...
Fair enough- I feel like something ought to be done about this Felix phenomenon though - at the very least, don't let the wives go to Safeco - EVER!!!! Being in the same zip code is bad enough.
January 31, 2011 5:20 PM
jimi said...
i would have to respectfully disagree. Is it not our ultimate to goal to watch Felix destroy every batter dumb enough to not fake an injury that day? And also is it not our duty to do everything possible to make sure he feels unbeatable, unstoppable, the man amongst boys? And what would make a man feel more like "the man" than a stadium full of woman, ummmmmmmmmm, reaching climax during the 7th inning stretch when Felix "suspiciously" disappears into the club house? Nothing I say!! Nothing! So bring your wives. Show your true Sodo spirit. I believe it is our duty as a Mariners fan. What better compliment is there from your wife, "the second best i've ever had honey, right behind the King".
January 31, 2011 6:00 PM
sinc451 said...
Once again Jimi, you have humbled me with your words of wisdom...that being said, Im STILL not bringing chicks to the M's games - I can't afford to play second fiddle to Felix's magic - didn't you see Top Gun? "There's no points for second place Mav."
January 31, 2011 6:55 PM
1.31.2011
2011 Senior Bowl
The 2011 Senior Bowl was played this past Saturday for the sole purpose of giving the Mustacheers a football game to watch now that the season is over.
After watching the game, here are a few of my thoughts:
Jake Locker, like has happened on so many Saturdays, made a few nice throws, overthrew multiple receivers and was on the losing team. It’s too bad he wasn’t able to do more this week. He needs the postseason process to go well and get people excited about his upside, because he continues to show people that he isn’t ready to play QB in the NFL. I’m sure the Combine will be a better process for him. However, he’ll still have to do the throwing drills and I’d be shocked if he’s not overthrowing guys there too.
Von Miller (LB, Texas A&M) lived up to the hype he generated in practice and looked good during the game. People are excited about how scheme-diverse he’ll is. He can play OLB or ILB in a 3-4, OLB in 4-3 and possibly DE in a 4-3 in certain situations. It seems like his best value would be rushing the passer, so I think a 3-4 team will take him early.
The North’s O-line had a disappointing effort in the game. Nate Solder (OT, Colorado) and Anthony Castonzo (OT, Boston College) were not that impressive but are thought to be among the highest –rated Tackles in the draft. Solder was clearly beaten on two plays. Once against Sam Acho (DE, Texas) that resulted in a strip of Locker and again by Von Miller that resulted in a tackle-for-loss. Castonzo missed his man when he was pulling and then was abused by Brooks Reed (DE, Arizona) for a sack.
Leonard Hankerson (WR, Miami) was impressive. He’s 6’2” and used his frame effectively a few times to make catches. He just looked like a quality receiver.
I liked the play of Kendric Burney (CB,UNC). He’s only 5’9” and doesn’t have great speed, but was a decent tackler and is quick to break on the ball. Mayock called him a prototypical Cover 2 corner.
It sounds like a lot of people are high on Cameron Jordan (DE, Cal) after this week. According to most reports he was dominant in practices during the week. I didn’t see much from him during the game though. When I watched him in The Big Game against Stanford this year he wasn’t all that impressive either. He did draw double-teams in that game, so that’s a positive. Maybe he’s just better in a one-on-one practice setting.
Ryan Kerrigan (DE, Purdue), Brooks Reed (DE, Arizona) and Colin McCarthy (LB, Miami) all have non-stop motors.
After watching the game, here are a few of my thoughts:
Jake Locker, like has happened on so many Saturdays, made a few nice throws, overthrew multiple receivers and was on the losing team. It’s too bad he wasn’t able to do more this week. He needs the postseason process to go well and get people excited about his upside, because he continues to show people that he isn’t ready to play QB in the NFL. I’m sure the Combine will be a better process for him. However, he’ll still have to do the throwing drills and I’d be shocked if he’s not overthrowing guys there too.
Von Miller (LB, Texas A&M) lived up to the hype he generated in practice and looked good during the game. People are excited about how scheme-diverse he’ll is. He can play OLB or ILB in a 3-4, OLB in 4-3 and possibly DE in a 4-3 in certain situations. It seems like his best value would be rushing the passer, so I think a 3-4 team will take him early.
The North’s O-line had a disappointing effort in the game. Nate Solder (OT, Colorado) and Anthony Castonzo (OT, Boston College) were not that impressive but are thought to be among the highest –rated Tackles in the draft. Solder was clearly beaten on two plays. Once against Sam Acho (DE, Texas) that resulted in a strip of Locker and again by Von Miller that resulted in a tackle-for-loss. Castonzo missed his man when he was pulling and then was abused by Brooks Reed (DE, Arizona) for a sack.
Leonard Hankerson (WR, Miami) was impressive. He’s 6’2” and used his frame effectively a few times to make catches. He just looked like a quality receiver.
I liked the play of Kendric Burney (CB,UNC). He’s only 5’9” and doesn’t have great speed, but was a decent tackler and is quick to break on the ball. Mayock called him a prototypical Cover 2 corner.
It sounds like a lot of people are high on Cameron Jordan (DE, Cal) after this week. According to most reports he was dominant in practices during the week. I didn’t see much from him during the game though. When I watched him in The Big Game against Stanford this year he wasn’t all that impressive either. He did draw double-teams in that game, so that’s a positive. Maybe he’s just better in a one-on-one practice setting.
Ryan Kerrigan (DE, Purdue), Brooks Reed (DE, Arizona) and Colin McCarthy (LB, Miami) all have non-stop motors.
1.30.2011
Thoughts on the latest Coug victory
Well since UW fans decided the basketball Apple Cup is important again (they sort of went away for awhile) I guess I'll post a few thoughts:
- Fantastic crowd. Came off as VERY loud on the tube. (don't like the Overrated chants. never have. We beat a good team, and calling them overrated just diminishes the accomplishment.)
- A lot of people laughed when Isaiah Thomas spent the summer tutoring under Vlade Divac... but it looks like it's paying off.
- It'd be alright with me if Klay wants to start hitting his crunchtime free throws. Oh, and maybe try and take care of the ball in the last few mintues. A blow out would have been more fun.
- Brock Motum is so damn handsome. I don't care how that sounds. I said it.
- This SHOULD be a good win for the Cougs. Huskies... we did our part, know you do yours. Win some games and stay relevant you tools.
SHIT, I just thought of something... as a Coug fan I sort of need to ROOT for UW to stay strong so this looks like a quality win. Hmmmpphhrrlllphphph... I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
- Fantastic crowd. Came off as VERY loud on the tube. (don't like the Overrated chants. never have. We beat a good team, and calling them overrated just diminishes the accomplishment.)
- A lot of people laughed when Isaiah Thomas spent the summer tutoring under Vlade Divac... but it looks like it's paying off.
- It'd be alright with me if Klay wants to start hitting his crunchtime free throws. Oh, and maybe try and take care of the ball in the last few mintues. A blow out would have been more fun.
- Brock Motum is so damn handsome. I don't care how that sounds. I said it.
- This SHOULD be a good win for the Cougs. Huskies... we did our part, know you do yours. Win some games and stay relevant you tools.
SHIT, I just thought of something... as a Coug fan I sort of need to ROOT for UW to stay strong so this looks like a quality win. Hmmmpphhrrlllphphph... I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Royal Rumblog
That's right! The fans have spoken and they want a live Royal Rumble thread. So here it is!
1.28.2011
Antonio Cromartie is a loser.
Looks like we got a new favorite player... to hate. Congrats on your new title of Most Hated Antonio. Loser.
1.26.2011
The Royal Rumble
It's time for my annual Royal Rumble post. For those new to the site... and by those I mean Sinc... go back and check out some of the older Rumble posts. You'll like em even if you don't like wrasslin'. (I think I said the exact same thing last year. Broken record).
Anyway... this one will be short and sweet ... and more of a request than anything.
You see I retired last Wrestlemania when HBK did. Barely watched a clip since. I've been trying to research a little. Looks like Nexus(?) is a big deal? And there's 40 guys this year?
Mustacheers, I put it to you! Clue me in to what's going down in the WWE. Help.
1.25.2011
1.24.2011
I think we all knew it
I wasnt paying much attention to the end of the AFC Title game thanks to the fact that the Fucking Steelers were winning. However, towards the very end I looked up I swear I saw Big Ben getting pounded. I dont have any crazy screen capturing machines in my house so I have been searching the internet far and wide for the video evidence. I knew in my heart, which apparently Jay Cutler doesnt have, that if my eyes were not playing tricks on me someone would post it. And here it is:
1.20.2011
The Ol' Dongslinger rides off
As many of you have probably heard, Brett Favre filed his retirement papers with whoever he needed to. Do you think they just pull them out of an old cabinet in back, or does he have to fill it all out again? He has also started pimping some "thanks for all the memories" shit on his website. So its pretty clear that this time is for real. That and he sent his cock to pretty much every chick whose phone number he got and had the worst year of his career. I cant wait to see what Minnesota's O-Coordinator can do with a real Quartaback.
In honor of his douche-baggery (this really smart dude at my office told me its hyphenated, he drinks wine!) I present to you this awesome video:
H/T to mustacheer Chris Miller for the link
In honor of his douche-baggery (this really smart dude at my office told me its hyphenated, he drinks wine!) I present to you this awesome video:
H/T to mustacheer Chris Miller for the link
1.17.2011
Yeah, well...
Ok, so that blew... but at least we got.... well........ I'm not sure what we have to look forward to as a Seattle sports fan. Spring Training? Yikes. Coug Hoops? Ya know I love it, but things will be tough without our toked out loked out PG. Husky hoops? I'm not a fan, but I'm sure some of you are. Well, let's just say I'll bet they wish their legal troubles were limited to those of the weedish variety.
Are the Sounders playing? Seriously, I don't know...
Anyway, what we got? what we need?
Are the Sounders playing? Seriously, I don't know...
Anyway, what we got? what we need?
1.14.2011
Reasons why the Seahawks WILL win
I'm not gonna post em here because I don't wanna jinx anything, but know that I have a list (seriously) and I will be happy to post it here right after the game is over and the Seahawks are victorious! I know this post is pathetic, but so is this site's current attendance... outside of Sincdog. I really do have a list. And I'll post it g-damn it. Seahawks will win. Just know that. (also... it's Friday night and I ran out of time to post this, and I've got a busy Saturday of rockin and rollin)
Let's see some chatter Mustacheers!!!! (or don't... no big whoop)
Let's see some chatter Mustacheers!!!! (or don't... no big whoop)
NFL Picks - Divisional Round
Saturday
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
I've heard a lot this week about how physical this match-up is going to be. In fact, their first couple games were so intense that they led to multiple fines and the players involved complaining that Roger Goodell wants them to play touch football. Here's what I think Roger Goodell should do for this game: Make them play touch football, literally. That'd really stick it to 'em eh?
Steelers 16-13
Green Bay @ Atlanta
The first match-up between these two was close throughout and felt like a playoff game. In fact, some considered it a possible playoff preview. Once again, it seems most everyone is going with the Packers on the road. While they proved last week that they can win a road playoff game, I think this may be a case of the Falcons being undervalued because they didn't play last week and everyone forgets that they were the best team in the conference for the whole regular season. Can Green Bay pull the upset? Certainly. Will they? I don't think so. How's that for definitive analysis!?
Falcons 24-20
Sunday
Seattle @ Chicago
If there's a singular play that may come to define the Seahawks' season it's Marshawn Lynch's 67 yard TD tun. Not just because it was one of the greatest runs in the league's history, but also because it's a metaphor for this year's team. If you count, there are nine Saints that get a hand on Lynch, nine times he could have been stopped along the way, kind of like the nine times Seattle lost this season. And even though he got slowed down by some of those would-be tacklers he kept running, even though it seemed like he wouldn't be able to score. It would be too ridiculous for him to score on a play like that, much like it would be too ridiculous for the Hawks to get to the playoffs with a season like that, but that didn't stop the team, much in the same way it didn't stop Lynch. By the end of the run Lynch leapt into the end zone and told everyone else to suck it, and, here's another chance for the Hawks to tell the haters to suck it.
Seahawks 21-17
New York Jets @ New England
It's fitting that the Jets came into this season talking a bunch of shit and now they're going to go out the same way. I don't know that I expected anything different from them, but that doesn't take away from the fact that's it's idiotic. Has talking trash to the Patriots ever worked? Actually it probably worked a lot in their first three or four decades of their existence, but I was concentrating more on the last ten years.
Patriots 34-13
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
I've heard a lot this week about how physical this match-up is going to be. In fact, their first couple games were so intense that they led to multiple fines and the players involved complaining that Roger Goodell wants them to play touch football. Here's what I think Roger Goodell should do for this game: Make them play touch football, literally. That'd really stick it to 'em eh?
Steelers 16-13
Green Bay @ Atlanta
The first match-up between these two was close throughout and felt like a playoff game. In fact, some considered it a possible playoff preview. Once again, it seems most everyone is going with the Packers on the road. While they proved last week that they can win a road playoff game, I think this may be a case of the Falcons being undervalued because they didn't play last week and everyone forgets that they were the best team in the conference for the whole regular season. Can Green Bay pull the upset? Certainly. Will they? I don't think so. How's that for definitive analysis!?
Falcons 24-20
Sunday
Seattle @ Chicago
If there's a singular play that may come to define the Seahawks' season it's Marshawn Lynch's 67 yard TD tun. Not just because it was one of the greatest runs in the league's history, but also because it's a metaphor for this year's team. If you count, there are nine Saints that get a hand on Lynch, nine times he could have been stopped along the way, kind of like the nine times Seattle lost this season. And even though he got slowed down by some of those would-be tacklers he kept running, even though it seemed like he wouldn't be able to score. It would be too ridiculous for him to score on a play like that, much like it would be too ridiculous for the Hawks to get to the playoffs with a season like that, but that didn't stop the team, much in the same way it didn't stop Lynch. By the end of the run Lynch leapt into the end zone and told everyone else to suck it, and, here's another chance for the Hawks to tell the haters to suck it.
Seahawks 21-17
New York Jets @ New England
It's fitting that the Jets came into this season talking a bunch of shit and now they're going to go out the same way. I don't know that I expected anything different from them, but that doesn't take away from the fact that's it's idiotic. Has talking trash to the Patriots ever worked? Actually it probably worked a lot in their first three or four decades of their existence, but I was concentrating more on the last ten years.
Patriots 34-13
1.11.2011
Seahawks vs. bears
Just a quick thread for the Mustacheers that flock to this site. Wanted to make sure you all had a place to be heard. Well HERE IT IS!!!!
WEEEEEEE...
Seahawks 108 Bears 3
WEEEEEEE...
Seahawks 108 Bears 3
1.10.2011
Beast Mode a compilation
There's not a lot left to be said about the Seahawks game. If you've followed this blog long enough, you know how we feel about MH... and he was, to say the least, vindicated.
and then... there was BEAST MODE!!!!
Here are a few of the best clips...
and then... there was BEAST MODE!!!!
Here are a few of the best clips...
Enjoy the week. We'll have an analysis of the upcoming matchup against the Bears later on. It'll go like this. WE FUCK THE BEARS UP!!!
What's this?!?!?
Oh my god... that's Mr. Purple's music!!!!!
He's back and clocking in at 236 lbs. A surprise final entrant!!!! This shit just got interesting!
He's back and clocking in at 236 lbs. A surprise final entrant!!!! This shit just got interesting!
1.09.2011
2011 Henry Cotto's Weight Loss Challenge
Well, we were holding our breath for some more competitors, but it looks like this will be the 4. Take a look at the tradition, do some research, whatever. Here it is.
And without further delay... this year's competitors:
Mr. Blue: 188.2 lbs.
Mr. Blue is hoping the third time is the charm as he tries for that ellusive HCM Weight Loss championship belt.
Mr. Red: 194.6 lbs.
He won the original competition, finishing second last year. I'd say he's a long shot for winning it this year.Mr. Yellow: 203.4 lbs.
Last year's champ, and an early favorite for this year. Mr. Orange: 208.6
This year's only rookie so far. I think he's got a real shot to lose the most. We'll see if he can get it done.There they are. Who's gonna win? Place your bets. If any other competitors wish to enter, by all means... we always enjoy receiving shirtless pics.... I mean competition.
Good luck.
1.07.2011
NFL Picks - Wildcard
I feel like at this point in the season we know everything we need to know about these teams, which means I'll surely have perfect picks throughout the playoffs. For those of you counting at home, I went 161-92 for the regular season. Far from perfect, but as I think we all know, everyone is 0-0 now.
Saturday
New Orleans @ Seattle
Here it is, the game that most folks have been referring to as "The Real Super Bowl." I'm sure you've all heard about the Seahawks' miraculous, inspirational run to the playoffs as a plucky underdog, but now the nation looks on with baited breath as these Hawks attempt to teach America what it means to believe again. In a time like this, with the country beaten down by a terrible economy, high unemployment rates and a dwindling sense of national pride it just might take a team like this to show us that there's always hope. Many are drawing parallels between the 2010 Hawks and the 1980 US hockey team. I'd say that's a little unfair, I mean the Miracle on Ice team got to practice together for months while the Hawks have only had Mike Williams at 100% for less than half the season. Obviously the Saints are a formidable foe who won't go down without a fight. I guess it just comes down to one question: Do you believe in miracles? As for me? No. But I believe in this country, and in turn, I believe in this team.
Seahawks 24-21
New York Jets @ Indianapolis
It should be interesting to see how the Colts perform after actually having to exert themselves fully for 16 games. I was ready to pick against Indy when I assumed they would be playing the Ravens, but now that they've avoided the wrath of Joe "Flack-Man" Flacco I think I'll stick with Manning.
Colts 19-13
Sunday
Baltimore @ Kansas City
This is Joe Flacco's 3rd season in the league, he's been to the playoffs every year, and yet he's never played a postseason game at home. This will be the Flack-Man's 6th consecutive road playoff game and so far he's done pretty well, putting together a 3-2 record. On the flip side the Chiefs have lost their last 3 home playoff games. That's a recipe for disaster, especially when you're going up against the Flack-Man. All of this would probably lead you to believe that I'm taking the Ravens in this game wouldn't it? Good, we're on the same page then, I'm taking the Ravens.
Ravens 17-14
Green Bay @ Philadelphia
There's a lot of buzz around Aaron Rodgers and the Packers heading into the playoffs, but one thing I've learned from my days as a beekeeper is that if there's too much of a buzz, you should head in the other direction.
Eagles 30-27
Saturday
New Orleans @ Seattle
Here it is, the game that most folks have been referring to as "The Real Super Bowl." I'm sure you've all heard about the Seahawks' miraculous, inspirational run to the playoffs as a plucky underdog, but now the nation looks on with baited breath as these Hawks attempt to teach America what it means to believe again. In a time like this, with the country beaten down by a terrible economy, high unemployment rates and a dwindling sense of national pride it just might take a team like this to show us that there's always hope. Many are drawing parallels between the 2010 Hawks and the 1980 US hockey team. I'd say that's a little unfair, I mean the Miracle on Ice team got to practice together for months while the Hawks have only had Mike Williams at 100% for less than half the season. Obviously the Saints are a formidable foe who won't go down without a fight. I guess it just comes down to one question: Do you believe in miracles? As for me? No. But I believe in this country, and in turn, I believe in this team.
Seahawks 24-21
New York Jets @ Indianapolis
It should be interesting to see how the Colts perform after actually having to exert themselves fully for 16 games. I was ready to pick against Indy when I assumed they would be playing the Ravens, but now that they've avoided the wrath of Joe "Flack-Man" Flacco I think I'll stick with Manning.
Colts 19-13
Sunday
Baltimore @ Kansas City
This is Joe Flacco's 3rd season in the league, he's been to the playoffs every year, and yet he's never played a postseason game at home. This will be the Flack-Man's 6th consecutive road playoff game and so far he's done pretty well, putting together a 3-2 record. On the flip side the Chiefs have lost their last 3 home playoff games. That's a recipe for disaster, especially when you're going up against the Flack-Man. All of this would probably lead you to believe that I'm taking the Ravens in this game wouldn't it? Good, we're on the same page then, I'm taking the Ravens.
Ravens 17-14
Green Bay @ Philadelphia
There's a lot of buzz around Aaron Rodgers and the Packers heading into the playoffs, but one thing I've learned from my days as a beekeeper is that if there's too much of a buzz, you should head in the other direction.
Eagles 30-27
1.06.2011
Matt Hasselbeck is our starting QB
Dearest Matt,
I am writing this blog post to you as you prepare for Saturday. And I've hidden it in the one place you would turn to in a moment of great desperation (henrycottosmustache.com). I know you go with the weight of what has happened (this season) on your shoulders. And I know the only person who can ever take it off is you. Sorry to be so dramatic, but these are dramatic times, are they not?
Please don't give up, Matt. Because all we really need to survive is one sports blog that truly loves us.
And you have it. We will root for you. Always.
We Love you,
I am writing this blog post to you as you prepare for Saturday. And I've hidden it in the one place you would turn to in a moment of great desperation (henrycottosmustache.com). I know you go with the weight of what has happened (this season) on your shoulders. And I know the only person who can ever take it off is you. Sorry to be so dramatic, but these are dramatic times, are they not?
Please don't give up, Matt. Because all we really need to survive is one sports blog that truly loves us.
And you have it. We will root for you. Always.
We Love you,
Penny... er HCM
I want to go to there.
Looks like Seattle has a new (well i just found out about it) eatery and it's owned and operated by a Seattle living legend...
If we ever get the Mustacheer convention off the ground it's gotta be here.
A couple of must reads
If you dig Seattle sports you'll want to read these next two articles. And if you don't dig Seattle sports? Well fuck off Bateman.
Here's one from Page 2 by David Schoenfeld on the Seahawks:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=schoenfield%2F110105_seattle_haters&sportCat=nfl
and one from my new favorite sportswriter Fran Blinebury (hell, I'm considering putting him on the heroes list already) on the why the NBA (I was surprised it still existed too) should do us right:
http://www.nba.com/2011/news/features/fran_blinebury/01/05/contraction-seattle/
oh yeah and don't forget... Seahawks tailgate and weight loss challenge. Get on it Mustacheers.
Here's one from Page 2 by David Schoenfeld on the Seahawks:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=schoenfield%2F110105_seattle_haters&sportCat=nfl
and one from my new favorite sportswriter Fran Blinebury (hell, I'm considering putting him on the heroes list already) on the why the NBA (I was surprised it still existed too) should do us right:
http://www.nba.com/2011/news/features/fran_blinebury/01/05/contraction-seattle/
oh yeah and don't forget... Seahawks tailgate and weight loss challenge. Get on it Mustacheers.
1.05.2011
We begin our second Superbowl run...
And so it begins...
You want analysis? You came to the wrong site. Saturday the Seahawks begin their march to immortality by beating the fucking shit out of the Saints. Next we eliminate the Bears in Chicago and then take care of business back home against the Packers.
It's an exciting time to be a Seahawks fan in 2011. We get to root for the greatest team of all time!
Any group of showboating dickheads can get to 14-2. It takes real balls to sneak into the playoffs at 7-9. GRAPEFRUITS!!!! I tried to find a clip of Vinny Mac saying this but all I found was this.)
Join us for the official start to the celebration this Saturday at roughly 10:00AM on Pier 48. (BUT NO PARKING... so park somewhere else and meet us there). You'll have photo ops with 2 of the 4 Party hosts and I'm sure you'll be able to meet and greet many other Mustacheers. All are welcome, except for pussy-ass Saint fans. SINNERS ONLY BABY... MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (I'm sticking my tongue out right now waggling it around doing devil horns with my hands... fuck it... I'll just post the video...)
See ya there. GO SEAHAWKS!!!
You want analysis? You came to the wrong site. Saturday the Seahawks begin their march to immortality by beating the fucking shit out of the Saints. Next we eliminate the Bears in Chicago and then take care of business back home against the Packers.
It's an exciting time to be a Seahawks fan in 2011. We get to root for the greatest team of all time!
Any group of showboating dickheads can get to 14-2. It takes real balls to sneak into the playoffs at 7-9. GRAPEFRUITS!!!! I tried to find a clip of Vinny Mac saying this but all I found was this.)
Join us for the official start to the celebration this Saturday at roughly 10:00AM on Pier 48. (BUT NO PARKING... so park somewhere else and meet us there). You'll have photo ops with 2 of the 4 Party hosts and I'm sure you'll be able to meet and greet many other Mustacheers. All are welcome, except for pussy-ass Saint fans. SINNERS ONLY BABY... MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (I'm sticking my tongue out right now waggling it around doing devil horns with my hands... fuck it... I'll just post the video...)
See ya there. GO SEAHAWKS!!!
1.03.2011
HCM Weight Loss Challenge
Submit your entries before the end of the week... otherwise... you lose before you even started. Losers.
12.31.2010
NFL Picks - Week 17
Morning Games
Carolina @ Atlanta
Now that Carolina's locked up the #1 pick in the draft they can give this game their full effort. Unfortunately, they've actually been giving their full effort all year, so don't expect much in this contest.
Falcons 37-13
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
My Wacky Pick of the Week? Blood ... blood everywhere!
Steelers 20-17
Minnesota @ Detroit
On Wednesday one of my co-workers said, "So do you think Favre's gonna start?" Is that really still a topic of conversation? Who gives a shit? The only Favre-related news that I care about is that he got a slap on the wrist for sending dick pics. Well, look out ladies! It took ol' Brett 4 years to figure out how to send dick pics, and now that he knows he can get away with it he'll probably just send out a few blast texts a week.
Vikings 21-16
Oakland @ Kansas City
The Chiefs can lock up the 3 seed with a win, meanwhile, the Raiders can finish 6-0 in their division if they come out on top. I've heard the argument that Oakland would win the NFC West if they played in it, that argument is stupid. They've gone 5-0 in the AFC West, how could they have done any better against the NFC West? It's not their division that's stopping them it's the rest of the league. (To be fair I haven't heard this argument in weeks, but it seems even dumber now, so why not dust it off.)
Chiefs 24-21
Miami @ New England
It's been a great run Dolphins and what better way to close it out than beating the best team in the NFL, on the road of course. Seeing as how the Pats have already locked up the #1 seed in the AFC, Miami will most likely get the W, making them 7-1 on the road and 1-7 at home. It's rare that season ticket holders would be justified in asking for their money back after an 8-8 season, but that's the case here.
Dolphins 28-20
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
A lot of playoff implications in this one, all of which will be rendered moot once the Falcons easily beat the Panthers and the Packers cruise past a Bears team with nothing to play for. So suck it Tampa. Congrats on the big win last week, but guess who still controls their own destiny? Chazz Whitehurst and the Seahawks, that's who!
Saints 27-17
Buffalo @ New York Jets
The whole Rex Ryan foot-fetish thing seems to have blown over. Or maybe it hasn't, but I ran out of ways to fit 'foot' into my pick. Don't worry the Jets are going to the playoffs so I'll have at least another week to think of some good zingers.
Jets 17-13
Cincinnati @ Baltimore
If the Ravens win and the Steelers lose Baltimore will get the 2 seed and a first round bye. If that doesn't happen they'll most likely have to play at Indianapolis next week, which means they'll have a first round bye bye. I'm sorry, I had to do it, when a joke like that is sitting there you can't pass up the opportunity. Heck, I don't even think the Colts would win that game, but like I said, I couldn't help myself.
Ravens 23-10
Afternoon Games
Jacksonville @ Houston
Well Jags, I held up my end of the bargain. I acted like a total asshole all season, waiting for you to rise up and prove me wrong. You didn't. Instead you lost at home to the Redskins and cemented the fact that you won't be making the playoffs. I'm sorry I couldn't help you ... I'm sorry we couldn't help each other (I realize that they're not mathematically eliminated but c'mon, Trent Edwards is starting). As for the Texans, what a bunch of spineless dick-lickers! (Already getting started on next year's project)
Texans 26-14
New York Giants @ Washington
The Giants went from being on the verge of 10-4 to 9-6 and most likely missing the playoffs quicker than a cross country flight. Look, you might think that analogy sounds lame but it's just true, all in all it took them about 4.5 hours, and most cross country flights are gonna take at least that long, unless you're on the Concord of course, but I'm pretty sure that thing ceased operations years ago, and even when it was up and running I think it was only used for transatlantic flights. Hopefully this has put the Giants collapse into proper context for you.
Redskins 27-24
Dallas @ Philadelphia
The Eagles locked themselves into the 3 seed with their loss last week, meaning that if they win next week they'll be playing at Chicago in round 2. I'm starting to think Vick an Co. lost on purpose because that seems like a classic round 2 road victory scenario. Maybe that's because Chicago has lost in the 2nd round the last two times they've had the 2nd seed (deuces wild anyone?), including once against the Eagles in 2001-02.
Cowboys 28-19
Arizona @ San Francisco
So he's gone. They finally put him out of his misery. Maybe it was the untimely timeouts, or maybe the sideline shouting matches with quarterbacks, or maybe the locker room de-robing, or maybe the only rudimentary understanding of how anything other than linebacking worked. Whatever the nail in the coffin was I know one thing, I'll miss you Mike Singletary, you always made it easy to root for the other team.
Cardinals 16-13
Chicago @ Green Bay
As I've already touched on, the Bears will be locked into the 2 seed at this point and have nothing to play for while the Packers need a win to get in. Packers in a squash.
Packers 41-14
Tennessee @ Indianapolis
Luckily for the Colts, Kansas City is playing earlier in the day which will afford Indy the luxury of being able to sit all their players if KC gets a win. And we all know there's nothing the Colts love more than sitting all their players. Oh wait, I forgot about the Jags, which was, not surprisingly, very easy to do.
Colts 28-18
San Diego @ Denver
For once the Chargers' slow start has come back to bite them, and it will probably cost Norv Turner his job. To quote BASEketball: It looks like time finally ran out on the old cocksucker.
Chargers 27-20
Sunday Night
St. Louis @ Seattle
Finally NBC has come to their senses and flexed in the game that America really wants to see. Pete Carroll has said that Hasselbeck starting would be "against the odds," you know what else would be against the odds? A 6-9 team having a shot at the playoffs. So obviously, we can throw odds out the window here, just don't ask Chuck Whitehurst to throw those odds, because he'd probably miss the window. If Whitehurst does start it might be time to finally try having Leon Washington line up 30 yards behind the line of scrimmage, throwing the ball back to him and letting him treat it like a kick return. Is that insane? Insane like a fox ... a crazy fox. Normally I might make two picks based on whether or not Hasselbeck plays, but why bother? The result's the same either way.
Seahawks 49-3
Carolina @ Atlanta
Now that Carolina's locked up the #1 pick in the draft they can give this game their full effort. Unfortunately, they've actually been giving their full effort all year, so don't expect much in this contest.
Falcons 37-13
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
My Wacky Pick of the Week? Blood ... blood everywhere!
Steelers 20-17
Minnesota @ Detroit
On Wednesday one of my co-workers said, "So do you think Favre's gonna start?" Is that really still a topic of conversation? Who gives a shit? The only Favre-related news that I care about is that he got a slap on the wrist for sending dick pics. Well, look out ladies! It took ol' Brett 4 years to figure out how to send dick pics, and now that he knows he can get away with it he'll probably just send out a few blast texts a week.
Vikings 21-16
Oakland @ Kansas City
The Chiefs can lock up the 3 seed with a win, meanwhile, the Raiders can finish 6-0 in their division if they come out on top. I've heard the argument that Oakland would win the NFC West if they played in it, that argument is stupid. They've gone 5-0 in the AFC West, how could they have done any better against the NFC West? It's not their division that's stopping them it's the rest of the league. (To be fair I haven't heard this argument in weeks, but it seems even dumber now, so why not dust it off.)
Chiefs 24-21
Miami @ New England
It's been a great run Dolphins and what better way to close it out than beating the best team in the NFL, on the road of course. Seeing as how the Pats have already locked up the #1 seed in the AFC, Miami will most likely get the W, making them 7-1 on the road and 1-7 at home. It's rare that season ticket holders would be justified in asking for their money back after an 8-8 season, but that's the case here.
Dolphins 28-20
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
A lot of playoff implications in this one, all of which will be rendered moot once the Falcons easily beat the Panthers and the Packers cruise past a Bears team with nothing to play for. So suck it Tampa. Congrats on the big win last week, but guess who still controls their own destiny? Chazz Whitehurst and the Seahawks, that's who!
Saints 27-17
Buffalo @ New York Jets
The whole Rex Ryan foot-fetish thing seems to have blown over. Or maybe it hasn't, but I ran out of ways to fit 'foot' into my pick. Don't worry the Jets are going to the playoffs so I'll have at least another week to think of some good zingers.
Jets 17-13
Cincinnati @ Baltimore
If the Ravens win and the Steelers lose Baltimore will get the 2 seed and a first round bye. If that doesn't happen they'll most likely have to play at Indianapolis next week, which means they'll have a first round bye bye. I'm sorry, I had to do it, when a joke like that is sitting there you can't pass up the opportunity. Heck, I don't even think the Colts would win that game, but like I said, I couldn't help myself.
Ravens 23-10
Afternoon Games
Jacksonville @ Houston
Well Jags, I held up my end of the bargain. I acted like a total asshole all season, waiting for you to rise up and prove me wrong. You didn't. Instead you lost at home to the Redskins and cemented the fact that you won't be making the playoffs. I'm sorry I couldn't help you ... I'm sorry we couldn't help each other (I realize that they're not mathematically eliminated but c'mon, Trent Edwards is starting). As for the Texans, what a bunch of spineless dick-lickers! (Already getting started on next year's project)
Texans 26-14
New York Giants @ Washington
The Giants went from being on the verge of 10-4 to 9-6 and most likely missing the playoffs quicker than a cross country flight. Look, you might think that analogy sounds lame but it's just true, all in all it took them about 4.5 hours, and most cross country flights are gonna take at least that long, unless you're on the Concord of course, but I'm pretty sure that thing ceased operations years ago, and even when it was up and running I think it was only used for transatlantic flights. Hopefully this has put the Giants collapse into proper context for you.
Redskins 27-24
Dallas @ Philadelphia
The Eagles locked themselves into the 3 seed with their loss last week, meaning that if they win next week they'll be playing at Chicago in round 2. I'm starting to think Vick an Co. lost on purpose because that seems like a classic round 2 road victory scenario. Maybe that's because Chicago has lost in the 2nd round the last two times they've had the 2nd seed (deuces wild anyone?), including once against the Eagles in 2001-02.
Cowboys 28-19
Arizona @ San Francisco
So he's gone. They finally put him out of his misery. Maybe it was the untimely timeouts, or maybe the sideline shouting matches with quarterbacks, or maybe the locker room de-robing, or maybe the only rudimentary understanding of how anything other than linebacking worked. Whatever the nail in the coffin was I know one thing, I'll miss you Mike Singletary, you always made it easy to root for the other team.
Cardinals 16-13
Chicago @ Green Bay
As I've already touched on, the Bears will be locked into the 2 seed at this point and have nothing to play for while the Packers need a win to get in. Packers in a squash.
Packers 41-14
Tennessee @ Indianapolis
Luckily for the Colts, Kansas City is playing earlier in the day which will afford Indy the luxury of being able to sit all their players if KC gets a win. And we all know there's nothing the Colts love more than sitting all their players. Oh wait, I forgot about the Jags, which was, not surprisingly, very easy to do.
Colts 28-18
San Diego @ Denver
For once the Chargers' slow start has come back to bite them, and it will probably cost Norv Turner his job. To quote BASEketball: It looks like time finally ran out on the old cocksucker.
Chargers 27-20
Sunday Night
St. Louis @ Seattle
Finally NBC has come to their senses and flexed in the game that America really wants to see. Pete Carroll has said that Hasselbeck starting would be "against the odds," you know what else would be against the odds? A 6-9 team having a shot at the playoffs. So obviously, we can throw odds out the window here, just don't ask Chuck Whitehurst to throw those odds, because he'd probably miss the window. If Whitehurst does start it might be time to finally try having Leon Washington line up 30 yards behind the line of scrimmage, throwing the ball back to him and letting him treat it like a kick return. Is that insane? Insane like a fox ... a crazy fox. Normally I might make two picks based on whether or not Hasselbeck plays, but why bother? The result's the same either way.
Seahawks 49-3
12.28.2010
A tradition unlike any other...
That's right... it's that time of year again.... the Henry Cotto's Mustache Weight Loss Challenge!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
Let's take a quick look back at this storied tradition:
http://www.henrycottosmustache.com/search/label/Weight%20Loss
Sure... last year we kind of dropped the ball on the results (wanamaker lost like 4 pounds and won), but they year before that, there were some serious results!!!
Anyway, you know the drill. Jan. 1st through March Madness. Whoever loses the most weight wins.
Submit your before picture to us prior to the 1st. Remember ladies, you're invited to! And you don't have to pose topless like the beefcakes.
Who's excited? I am!
Let's take a quick look back at this storied tradition:
http://www.henrycottosmustache.com/search/label/Weight%20Loss
Sure... last year we kind of dropped the ball on the results (wanamaker lost like 4 pounds and won), but they year before that, there were some serious results!!!
Anyway, you know the drill. Jan. 1st through March Madness. Whoever loses the most weight wins.
Submit your before picture to us prior to the 1st. Remember ladies, you're invited to! And you don't have to pose topless like the beefcakes.
Who's excited? I am!
12.24.2010
NFL Picks - Week 16
Saturday
Dallas @ Arizona
The cable companies will point to this game when they explain why they don't need NFL Network. After having to play on Christmas, hearing more Cowboys fans than Cardinals fans in his home stadium and inevitably having multiple balls sail over his head I'm guessing that Larry Fitzgerald will snap and start beating the hell out of everyone on his sideline.
Cowboys 27-20
Morning Games
Washington @ Jacksonville
Mark Brunell has publicly stated that whichever of these teams wins this game will be the team whose jersey he'll have on his Hall of Fame bust. It seems that nobody told him that not only do NFL Hall of Fame busts have no logos, but that he also isn't going to make the Hall of Fame. As for this game, the Jags will probably win but it won't matter because these sucks blew it last week. It's over ya buttholes!
Jaguars 29-10
Detroit @ Miami
I now feel like an idiot for not betting on the Dolphins all year seeing as how I was on to them since Week 4. Now I feel like they're just trying to prove me right ... and I love it! To make matters worse, the road warrior Lions are coming to town.
Lions 19-16
San Francisco @ St. Louis
As a Hawks fan I actually have to root for the Rams in this game, or better yet a tie. While we're on the subject, am I the only one that secretly roots for a tie when a game goes into overtime? Normally I can't explain why, at least this time I'll have an excuse.
Rams 23-13
Tennessee @ Kansas City
The Chiefs are trying to close out the season with consecutive wins to be AFC West champions. As an inspiration tactic Todd Haley wanted to show his team How the West Was Won, the classic western movie, however, he accidentally rented How the West Was Fun the Olsen twins movie. Turns out the team loved it anyway, and it did inspire them to be more precocious. So expect some trick plays from KC.
Chiefs 30-20
New York Jets @ Chicago
This should be one heck of a FOOTball game. It promises to be pretty close, it could be decided by a yard or even a FOOT; who knows, it might come down to one of the kicker's TOES. On paper these two FOOTball teams seem to be evenly matched. They've played well most weeks, but at times they can't put one FOOT in front of the other ... the other FOOT that is. I'm going to pick the Jets to win on the road, which is no small FEET, whoops that's supposed to be spelled feat. (NOTE: If your name isn't Rex Ryan then you don't have a boner right now.)
Jets 24-20
New England @ Buffalo
The Patriots may be the best team in the league, but how did they give up 27 points to a Packers team without Aaron Rodgers? No seriously, how did it happen? I fell asleep for most of it. In all fairness though, I was only power-napping so I could go slam brews with Bateman later. The Bills will also not have Aaron Rodgers this Sunday, which could present problems for New England. Then again it might not, like I said I didn't pay much attention last week.
Patriots 35-24
Baltimore @ Cleveland
My Wacky Pick of the Week is that LeBron James will show up to this game wearing a Ravens jersey to establish himself as a lover of all traitors. To make matters worse he'll sit in his luxury box and smash a bunch of Drew Carey Show DVDs throughout the game. This guy is one sick bastard.
Ravens 23-16
Afternoon Games
Houston @ Denver
Gary Kubiak returns to face his former team. You want drama? You got it you son of a bitch! Look, I'm sorry I got so upset but talking about Kubs gets me so damn emotional I just can't control myself sometimes.
Texans 30-24
San Diego @ Cincinnati
What can you say about a game like this? Not much. I'll take the Chargers.
Chargers 34-17
Indianapolis @ Oakland
The Raiders are 7-2 against the AFC/NFC Wests and 0-5 against everybody else. That translates into a loss in this one.
Colts 27-23
New York Giants @ Green Bay
The Giant's collapse against the Eagles last week reminded me of a Madden game where the computer is playing way too well so you switch the difficulty level from All-Pro to Easy. I'm pretty sure Andy Reid switched it to easy midway through the 4th. They better hope that they were set back to All-Pro this week, because a loss will severely hurt their playoff hopes.
Packers 31-24
Seattle @ Tampa Bay
The Hawks caught a huge break when this game was moved to 1. However, they've caught a bad break over the last couple months with their terrible play. If Detroit can win in Tampa then literally anyone else can, even the Hawks ... right?
Seahawks 20-17
Sunday Night
Minnesota @ Philadelphia
Well, Favre nearly got killed again on Monday night, but apparently he might start again this weekend. This guy just won't die, he's like John McClane, except not charming, and he's really hard to root for, and instead of trying to save his estranged wife he sends out dick pics. Other than that though, they're basically the same guy.
Eagles 28-14
Monday Night
New Orleans @ Atlanta
The Falcons can win the NFC South with a win, or they can just wait and beat the Panthers at home next week. If I were Mike Smith I'd just kneel on the ball every play and not show the Saints anything they might be able to use in the playoffs, because this is a possible playoff preview after all.
Falcons 30-27
Dallas @ Arizona
The cable companies will point to this game when they explain why they don't need NFL Network. After having to play on Christmas, hearing more Cowboys fans than Cardinals fans in his home stadium and inevitably having multiple balls sail over his head I'm guessing that Larry Fitzgerald will snap and start beating the hell out of everyone on his sideline.
Cowboys 27-20
Morning Games
Washington @ Jacksonville
Mark Brunell has publicly stated that whichever of these teams wins this game will be the team whose jersey he'll have on his Hall of Fame bust. It seems that nobody told him that not only do NFL Hall of Fame busts have no logos, but that he also isn't going to make the Hall of Fame. As for this game, the Jags will probably win but it won't matter because these sucks blew it last week. It's over ya buttholes!
Jaguars 29-10
Detroit @ Miami
I now feel like an idiot for not betting on the Dolphins all year seeing as how I was on to them since Week 4. Now I feel like they're just trying to prove me right ... and I love it! To make matters worse, the road warrior Lions are coming to town.
Lions 19-16
San Francisco @ St. Louis
As a Hawks fan I actually have to root for the Rams in this game, or better yet a tie. While we're on the subject, am I the only one that secretly roots for a tie when a game goes into overtime? Normally I can't explain why, at least this time I'll have an excuse.
Rams 23-13
Tennessee @ Kansas City
The Chiefs are trying to close out the season with consecutive wins to be AFC West champions. As an inspiration tactic Todd Haley wanted to show his team How the West Was Won, the classic western movie, however, he accidentally rented How the West Was Fun the Olsen twins movie. Turns out the team loved it anyway, and it did inspire them to be more precocious. So expect some trick plays from KC.
Chiefs 30-20
New York Jets @ Chicago
This should be one heck of a FOOTball game. It promises to be pretty close, it could be decided by a yard or even a FOOT; who knows, it might come down to one of the kicker's TOES. On paper these two FOOTball teams seem to be evenly matched. They've played well most weeks, but at times they can't put one FOOT in front of the other ... the other FOOT that is. I'm going to pick the Jets to win on the road, which is no small FEET, whoops that's supposed to be spelled feat. (NOTE: If your name isn't Rex Ryan then you don't have a boner right now.)
Jets 24-20
New England @ Buffalo
The Patriots may be the best team in the league, but how did they give up 27 points to a Packers team without Aaron Rodgers? No seriously, how did it happen? I fell asleep for most of it. In all fairness though, I was only power-napping so I could go slam brews with Bateman later. The Bills will also not have Aaron Rodgers this Sunday, which could present problems for New England. Then again it might not, like I said I didn't pay much attention last week.
Patriots 35-24
Baltimore @ Cleveland
My Wacky Pick of the Week is that LeBron James will show up to this game wearing a Ravens jersey to establish himself as a lover of all traitors. To make matters worse he'll sit in his luxury box and smash a bunch of Drew Carey Show DVDs throughout the game. This guy is one sick bastard.
Ravens 23-16
Afternoon Games
Houston @ Denver
Gary Kubiak returns to face his former team. You want drama? You got it you son of a bitch! Look, I'm sorry I got so upset but talking about Kubs gets me so damn emotional I just can't control myself sometimes.
Texans 30-24
San Diego @ Cincinnati
What can you say about a game like this? Not much. I'll take the Chargers.
Chargers 34-17
Indianapolis @ Oakland
The Raiders are 7-2 against the AFC/NFC Wests and 0-5 against everybody else. That translates into a loss in this one.
Colts 27-23
New York Giants @ Green Bay
The Giant's collapse against the Eagles last week reminded me of a Madden game where the computer is playing way too well so you switch the difficulty level from All-Pro to Easy. I'm pretty sure Andy Reid switched it to easy midway through the 4th. They better hope that they were set back to All-Pro this week, because a loss will severely hurt their playoff hopes.
Packers 31-24
Seattle @ Tampa Bay
The Hawks caught a huge break when this game was moved to 1. However, they've caught a bad break over the last couple months with their terrible play. If Detroit can win in Tampa then literally anyone else can, even the Hawks ... right?
Seahawks 20-17
Sunday Night
Minnesota @ Philadelphia
Well, Favre nearly got killed again on Monday night, but apparently he might start again this weekend. This guy just won't die, he's like John McClane, except not charming, and he's really hard to root for, and instead of trying to save his estranged wife he sends out dick pics. Other than that though, they're basically the same guy.
Eagles 28-14
Monday Night
New Orleans @ Atlanta
The Falcons can win the NFC South with a win, or they can just wait and beat the Panthers at home next week. If I were Mike Smith I'd just kneel on the ball every play and not show the Saints anything they might be able to use in the playoffs, because this is a possible playoff preview after all.
Falcons 30-27
12.23.2010
NFL Picks Week 16 - Thursday
Carolina @ Pittsburgh
If a scientist builds a time machine the NFL Network will probably be one of the first groups to reserve an appointment with it after selecting some awful games to show on their channel this season. Clearly the only way to avoid this next season would be a time machine.
Steelers 27-13
If a scientist builds a time machine the NFL Network will probably be one of the first groups to reserve an appointment with it after selecting some awful games to show on their channel this season. Clearly the only way to avoid this next season would be a time machine.
Steelers 27-13
12.17.2010
NFL Picks - Week 15
Morning Games
Cleveland @ Cincinnati
The Battle of Ohio Part II - The most unwanted sequel since Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. If Delhomme is still starting this one's a toss-up, as in the ball will be repeatedly tossed up for grabs by both quarterbacks.
Browns 20-16
Washington @ Dallas
One team's an underachiever whose veteran coach and zany owner only aided in their poor performance this season. The other is the same exact thing.
Cowboys 31-14
Houston @ Tennessee
Just when you think Houston has had its most heartbreaking loss of the season they top themselves. It's possible that their games are being fixed by Steve Sabol in an effort to create a super entertaining NFL Yearbook. If that's the case it only stands to reason that Sabes won't stop pulling the strings now.
Titans 27-24
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis
I'm so glad that the Jags have hung around this long, now it will only be sweeter when the Colts crush their souls with a good ol' fashioned Manning Stomp. I'm thinking 400+ yards 4 TDs and 3 babes made out with during halftime.
Colts 30-21
Kansas City @ St. Louis
Three weeks ago Matt Cassel torched the Seahawks, he owes it to us to play in this game and play well. If he doesn't he's my new least favorite player in the league, right behind Hines Ward. (I had to think for a while who my least favorite player in the league was, but I think it's him. Please post your own in the comments section.)
Chiefs 24-20
Buffalo @ Miami
The Dolphins really came through for me last week with yet another road win. And now it's time for them to come through again with a home loss. Much like it was asking a lot for them to beat the Jets last week, it's going to take a big effort for them to lose to the Bills. But at this point it's unavoidable, they have to lose.
Bills 17-16
Detroit @ Tampa Bay
Time for my Wacky Pick of the Week: Sensing that the Lions really need this game and that now is the perfect time, Barry Sanders will come out of retirement for one game only. His final stats will be 7 CAR 16 YDS. Did you really expect the guy to do that well, he's like 45 now.
Buccaneers 28-17
Arizona @ Carolina
Good for Jay Feeley, he finally has a comeback for anybody who brings up the Hawks game from '05, "Oh yeah, did you see that game when I scored 25 points?" Of course, the person will answer no because nobody watched the Cardinals-Broncos game last week, but that's not the point. What will Feeley do for an encore? My guess is miss a potential game winner.
Panthers 16-14
New Orleans @ Baltimore
I'm guessing that while Matt Schaub was throwing all over the Ravens D in the 4th quarter on Monday Night Drew Brees was laughing his ass off. It had nothing to do with the game, Brees was watching a Seinfeld re-run. Be that as it may, the Ravens better get it together before the Saints show up on Sunday.
Saints 24-22
Philadelphia @ New York Giants
The biggest NFC East game of the year and it's airing at 10am? Every other week the NFC East has had one of the night games and now this? I'm not saying I want another East game during primetime but this just seems insulting. It's like living in 1984 and Big Brother says "Ya know what 2+2 actually equals 4," but by that point you're like, "No, fuck you it's 5, you can't take it back now." (Or it might be nothing like that, I don't know)
Eagles 27-23
Afternoon Games
Atlanta @ Seattle
I've said it before but last week hammered it home even further, when the Hawks lose they really shit the bed. So either they'll lose this game by at least 3 scores or they'll win.
Seahawks 20-19
New York Jets @ Pittsburgh
In the Jets losses they've scored 9, 0, 3, & 6. I'm taking this into account, from now on if I pick them to lose I won't give them any more than 9 points. But, as it turns out Polamalu's not playing, so I have to go with New York.
Jets 20-17
Denver @ Oakland
There's no reason for anyone to watch this game, even if you're a Raiders fan and especially if you're a Broncos fan.
Raiders 34-17
Sunday Night
Green Bay @ New England
Mike McCarthy has said that he won't know whether or not Aaron Rodgers is going to play until Saturday, well that doesn't really help me does it!? I have no choice but to post two scores, the first one will apply if Rodgers plays, the second if he doesn't. Actually, posting two scores for every game isn't a bad idea, I'll probably start doing this for every game.
w/Rodgers: Patriots 31-20 w/o Rodgers: Patriots 38-7
Monday Night
Chicago @ Minnesota
Anybody catch that footage of the MetroDome collapsing? Crazy huh? To be fair, I don't blame Fox and ESPN for playing that clip every 10 minutes, it's one of the cooler things I've ever seen (this is #1). I'm sure both of these teams would rather be playing indoors, especially Chicago who made it clear last week that they refuse to play in the snow. Considering the Vikings have nothing at QB I'm forced to take Chicago.
Bears 20-6
Cleveland @ Cincinnati
The Battle of Ohio Part II - The most unwanted sequel since Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. If Delhomme is still starting this one's a toss-up, as in the ball will be repeatedly tossed up for grabs by both quarterbacks.
Browns 20-16
Washington @ Dallas
One team's an underachiever whose veteran coach and zany owner only aided in their poor performance this season. The other is the same exact thing.
Cowboys 31-14
Houston @ Tennessee
Just when you think Houston has had its most heartbreaking loss of the season they top themselves. It's possible that their games are being fixed by Steve Sabol in an effort to create a super entertaining NFL Yearbook. If that's the case it only stands to reason that Sabes won't stop pulling the strings now.
Titans 27-24
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis
I'm so glad that the Jags have hung around this long, now it will only be sweeter when the Colts crush their souls with a good ol' fashioned Manning Stomp. I'm thinking 400+ yards 4 TDs and 3 babes made out with during halftime.
Colts 30-21
Kansas City @ St. Louis
Three weeks ago Matt Cassel torched the Seahawks, he owes it to us to play in this game and play well. If he doesn't he's my new least favorite player in the league, right behind Hines Ward. (I had to think for a while who my least favorite player in the league was, but I think it's him. Please post your own in the comments section.)
Chiefs 24-20
Buffalo @ Miami
The Dolphins really came through for me last week with yet another road win. And now it's time for them to come through again with a home loss. Much like it was asking a lot for them to beat the Jets last week, it's going to take a big effort for them to lose to the Bills. But at this point it's unavoidable, they have to lose.
Bills 17-16
Detroit @ Tampa Bay
Time for my Wacky Pick of the Week: Sensing that the Lions really need this game and that now is the perfect time, Barry Sanders will come out of retirement for one game only. His final stats will be 7 CAR 16 YDS. Did you really expect the guy to do that well, he's like 45 now.
Buccaneers 28-17
Arizona @ Carolina
Good for Jay Feeley, he finally has a comeback for anybody who brings up the Hawks game from '05, "Oh yeah, did you see that game when I scored 25 points?" Of course, the person will answer no because nobody watched the Cardinals-Broncos game last week, but that's not the point. What will Feeley do for an encore? My guess is miss a potential game winner.
Panthers 16-14
New Orleans @ Baltimore
I'm guessing that while Matt Schaub was throwing all over the Ravens D in the 4th quarter on Monday Night Drew Brees was laughing his ass off. It had nothing to do with the game, Brees was watching a Seinfeld re-run. Be that as it may, the Ravens better get it together before the Saints show up on Sunday.
Saints 24-22
Philadelphia @ New York Giants
The biggest NFC East game of the year and it's airing at 10am? Every other week the NFC East has had one of the night games and now this? I'm not saying I want another East game during primetime but this just seems insulting. It's like living in 1984 and Big Brother says "Ya know what 2+2 actually equals 4," but by that point you're like, "No, fuck you it's 5, you can't take it back now." (Or it might be nothing like that, I don't know)
Eagles 27-23
Afternoon Games
Atlanta @ Seattle
I've said it before but last week hammered it home even further, when the Hawks lose they really shit the bed. So either they'll lose this game by at least 3 scores or they'll win.
Seahawks 20-19
New York Jets @ Pittsburgh
In the Jets losses they've scored 9, 0, 3, & 6. I'm taking this into account, from now on if I pick them to lose I won't give them any more than 9 points. But, as it turns out Polamalu's not playing, so I have to go with New York.
Jets 20-17
Denver @ Oakland
There's no reason for anyone to watch this game, even if you're a Raiders fan and especially if you're a Broncos fan.
Raiders 34-17
Sunday Night
Green Bay @ New England
Mike McCarthy has said that he won't know whether or not Aaron Rodgers is going to play until Saturday, well that doesn't really help me does it!? I have no choice but to post two scores, the first one will apply if Rodgers plays, the second if he doesn't. Actually, posting two scores for every game isn't a bad idea, I'll probably start doing this for every game.
w/Rodgers: Patriots 31-20 w/o Rodgers: Patriots 38-7
Monday Night
Chicago @ Minnesota
Anybody catch that footage of the MetroDome collapsing? Crazy huh? To be fair, I don't blame Fox and ESPN for playing that clip every 10 minutes, it's one of the cooler things I've ever seen (this is #1). I'm sure both of these teams would rather be playing indoors, especially Chicago who made it clear last week that they refuse to play in the snow. Considering the Vikings have nothing at QB I'm forced to take Chicago.
Bears 20-6
12.16.2010
NFL Picks Week 15 - Thursday
After a week of picks that has been referred to as "one for the ages," I'm sure a lot of you thought (or hoped) I might retire on top. Nope!
San Francisco @ San Diego
The short week should benefit Singletary in this one because Norv Turner will only have four days to prepare while Singletary will follow his normal routine and not prepare at all. However, I don't think the coaching advantage will be enough to get the Niners over the hump.
Chargers 31-13
San Francisco @ San Diego
The short week should benefit Singletary in this one because Norv Turner will only have four days to prepare while Singletary will follow his normal routine and not prepare at all. However, I don't think the coaching advantage will be enough to get the Niners over the hump.
Chargers 31-13
12.12.2010
Seahawks vs 49ers
This will be the first time since... well... maybe ever, that I've watched a Seahawks game by myself. So why not include the Mustacheers. That's right! A running commentary on today's epic battle!
Let's go!
Let's go!
12.10.2010
NFL Picks - Week 14
Morning Games
Cleveland @ Buffalo
These two teams seem to have been in an inordinate amount of exciting games this season considering how bad they are. So this game figures to be pretty interesting doesn't it? No! Sometimes two rights make a wrong, and three rights make a left.
Bills 23-20
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh
Last week the Bengals fell for the oldest trick in the book, but they shouldn't feel so bad about it. I mean, if it's the oldest trick in the book it's got to be pretty good right? Otherwise they would have taken it out of the book. For instance, one of the next oldest tricks in the book is "Steal someone's wallet," which still works today. But seriously, these dipshit morons don't deserve to win.
Steelers 27-14
Green Bay @ Detroit
Wacky Pick of the Week: Aaron Rodgers throws for over 500 yards ... on the first drive!
Packers 37-30
New York Giants @ Minnesota
For all my Favre hatred over the years I really should have enjoyed seeing him get obliterated last week more than I did, in actuality it was just kind of sad. I mean, here's a guy at the end of his rope just trying to gut it out like he's done his whole career, you have to respect ..... alright never mind I just watched the clip again and it's hilarious. He's all, "Let me just throw it here, ok, here I go AHHHHHH!" He actually seemed like he almost exploded right there on the field, and isn't that how we all expect it to end at this point? Favre literally exploding (or imploding) after a big hit and then Chris Berman making it his #1 play that week and saying, "What a way to go," no "Bye bye Miss American Pie," no "You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave." Yep that's exactly what will happen.
Giants 24-21
Tampa Bay @ Washington
So the Redskins basically suspended Albert Haynesworth for being an asshole. Also because he kept making this face. Hey Albert, are you angry or something? We couldn't tell from your frowny face. Washington shouldn't be too surprised that Haynesworth ended up being a jerk though, I mean he did step on a guy's neck during a game.
Buccaneers 21-20
Atlanta @ Carolina
The team with the best record in the league takes on the team with the worst record in the league. Now, conventional wisdom would tell you that this game would be a blowout; well, I for one am a big believer in conventional wisdom. Falcons in a blowout!
Falcons 31-10
Oakland @ Jacksonville
This sound-bite sums up how I feel about the Jags' winning four of their last five. They're still shitty. Just the thought of picking these trash-eating stinkbags makes me sick.
Jaguars 24-16
Afternoon Games
Seattle @ San Francisco
When Mike Singletary announced that Alex Smith was going to be the starting quarterback this week I reacted a lot like the kid at the end of this clip (:28).
Seahawks 23-16
Miami @ New York Jets
This week the Dolphins travel to New ... wait, I don't even have to finish that statement, the very fact that the Dolphins are traveling anywhere means that they'll win.
Dolphins 20-17
Denver @ Arizona
It seemed like the Cardinals really had a chance to win this week until Denver fired their coach. If we've learned anything this year it's that if you fire your coach you will win the following game (we've also learned that the Dolphins hate playing in front of the lame-o's at LifeShark Stadium, but I already went over that).
Broncos 21-14
Kansas City @ San Diego
The Chiefs have taken a stranglehold on the AFC West. Will they let go? No, absolutely not, the Kansas City Chiefs are cold-blooded killers that want to watch the life drain out of the AFC West's eyes, the sick bastards. But they'll probably lose this week.
Chargers 27-24
New England @ Chicago
Three words: Possible playoff preview. Whoops, I guess that means it would have to be in the Super Bowl. Look, I'll be honest, if I see two teams with good records playing each other and I don't know what to write I just say "possible playoff preview." I'm a fraud. I promise not to stoop to this level again, I only hope that you can forgive me.
Patriots 28-20
St. Louis @ New Orleans
If the playoffs started today these teams would meet in the first round.
Saints 30-13
Sunday Night
Philadelphia @ Dallas
Not a possible playoff preview here, yet it wasn't flexed out of the Sunday Night slot. Although when you look at the rest of the schedule the only other possibility is KC @ San Diego, and I'm sure NBC doesn't want that aforementioned snuff film on their hands.
Eagles 30-27
Monday Night
Baltimore @ Houston
Why in the world would ESPN schedule the Texans in a Monday Night game this late in the season? They never end up being good. Wouldn't putting them on earlier in the season when they're surrounded by hype be a better idea? Wait a minute, the Texans are only two games out of first in the AFC South, and the Ravens are in line for a Wild Card, you know what that means ...
Ravens 21-16
Cleveland @ Buffalo
These two teams seem to have been in an inordinate amount of exciting games this season considering how bad they are. So this game figures to be pretty interesting doesn't it? No! Sometimes two rights make a wrong, and three rights make a left.
Bills 23-20
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh
Last week the Bengals fell for the oldest trick in the book, but they shouldn't feel so bad about it. I mean, if it's the oldest trick in the book it's got to be pretty good right? Otherwise they would have taken it out of the book. For instance, one of the next oldest tricks in the book is "Steal someone's wallet," which still works today. But seriously, these dipshit morons don't deserve to win.
Steelers 27-14
Green Bay @ Detroit
Wacky Pick of the Week: Aaron Rodgers throws for over 500 yards ... on the first drive!
Packers 37-30
New York Giants @ Minnesota
For all my Favre hatred over the years I really should have enjoyed seeing him get obliterated last week more than I did, in actuality it was just kind of sad. I mean, here's a guy at the end of his rope just trying to gut it out like he's done his whole career, you have to respect ..... alright never mind I just watched the clip again and it's hilarious. He's all, "Let me just throw it here, ok, here I go AHHHHHH!" He actually seemed like he almost exploded right there on the field, and isn't that how we all expect it to end at this point? Favre literally exploding (or imploding) after a big hit and then Chris Berman making it his #1 play that week and saying, "What a way to go," no "Bye bye Miss American Pie," no "You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave." Yep that's exactly what will happen.
Giants 24-21
Tampa Bay @ Washington
So the Redskins basically suspended Albert Haynesworth for being an asshole. Also because he kept making this face. Hey Albert, are you angry or something? We couldn't tell from your frowny face. Washington shouldn't be too surprised that Haynesworth ended up being a jerk though, I mean he did step on a guy's neck during a game.
Buccaneers 21-20
Atlanta @ Carolina
The team with the best record in the league takes on the team with the worst record in the league. Now, conventional wisdom would tell you that this game would be a blowout; well, I for one am a big believer in conventional wisdom. Falcons in a blowout!
Falcons 31-10
Oakland @ Jacksonville
This sound-bite sums up how I feel about the Jags' winning four of their last five. They're still shitty. Just the thought of picking these trash-eating stinkbags makes me sick.
Jaguars 24-16
Afternoon Games
Seattle @ San Francisco
When Mike Singletary announced that Alex Smith was going to be the starting quarterback this week I reacted a lot like the kid at the end of this clip (:28).
Seahawks 23-16
Miami @ New York Jets
This week the Dolphins travel to New ... wait, I don't even have to finish that statement, the very fact that the Dolphins are traveling anywhere means that they'll win.
Dolphins 20-17
Denver @ Arizona
It seemed like the Cardinals really had a chance to win this week until Denver fired their coach. If we've learned anything this year it's that if you fire your coach you will win the following game (we've also learned that the Dolphins hate playing in front of the lame-o's at LifeShark Stadium, but I already went over that).
Broncos 21-14
Kansas City @ San Diego
The Chiefs have taken a stranglehold on the AFC West. Will they let go? No, absolutely not, the Kansas City Chiefs are cold-blooded killers that want to watch the life drain out of the AFC West's eyes, the sick bastards. But they'll probably lose this week.
Chargers 27-24
New England @ Chicago
Three words: Possible playoff preview. Whoops, I guess that means it would have to be in the Super Bowl. Look, I'll be honest, if I see two teams with good records playing each other and I don't know what to write I just say "possible playoff preview." I'm a fraud. I promise not to stoop to this level again, I only hope that you can forgive me.
Patriots 28-20
St. Louis @ New Orleans
If the playoffs started today these teams would meet in the first round.
Saints 30-13
Sunday Night
Philadelphia @ Dallas
Not a possible playoff preview here, yet it wasn't flexed out of the Sunday Night slot. Although when you look at the rest of the schedule the only other possibility is KC @ San Diego, and I'm sure NBC doesn't want that aforementioned snuff film on their hands.
Eagles 30-27
Monday Night
Baltimore @ Houston
Why in the world would ESPN schedule the Texans in a Monday Night game this late in the season? They never end up being good. Wouldn't putting them on earlier in the season when they're surrounded by hype be a better idea? Wait a minute, the Texans are only two games out of first in the AFC South, and the Ravens are in line for a Wild Card, you know what that means ...
Ravens 21-16
12.09.2010
Miguel Olivo is a Mariner!
Obviously Z would only pull the trigger on this move if he had some bigger plan in place. There is no way he would just go out an acquire Olivo to be our starting catcher. I'm really excited to see which GM he is about to fleece with a big trade. My hunch is that it will be Kansas City GM Dayton Moore. Olivo is the personal catcher for Zach Greinke, so obviously Z's interest is in getting Greinke. We'll probably be able to flip Rob Johnson and Josh Wilson in addition to some made up prospects for him. Congrats in advance Z. You truly are the best!
12.08.2010
Week 14 - Thursday Night
Indianapolis @ Tennessee
Well Manning sucks. It's a shame, that guy had potential. 11 picks in the last three games? Yikes! Maybe Leaf was the better pick, it's at least up for debate at this point. That said, the Colts can probably get by the Titans, who have scored 6 points over the last two weeks. That's especially terrible when you consider that the teams they played are 25th & 27th in scoring defense.
Colts 27-10
Well Manning sucks. It's a shame, that guy had potential. 11 picks in the last three games? Yikes! Maybe Leaf was the better pick, it's at least up for debate at this point. That said, the Colts can probably get by the Titans, who have scored 6 points over the last two weeks. That's especially terrible when you consider that the teams they played are 25th & 27th in scoring defense.
Colts 27-10
12.03.2010
NFL Picks Week 13
Morning Games
New Orleans @ Cincinnati
The only way this one will be entertaining is if Terrell Owens tries to switch teams during the game, and I can actually see him trying it. Like he just shows up in the Saints huddle laughing, "Hahaha, but seriously Drew what's the play man?" And all the Saints just stare at him until he puts his head down and walks out of the stadium never to be heard from again. So anyway, that will probably happen, and the Saints will get the win.
Saints 28-13
Chicago @ Detroit
We all know what happened with Calvin Johnson's catch that wasn't last time these teams met, I don't think he's going to have that problem again. In fact, my Wacky Pick of the Week says that once Johnson catches his first pass he'll refuse to let the ball go for the rest of the game, which will result in some sort of All-time QB situation. I suppose it would become quite obvious after a while that he wasn't going to pass, and I'm not really sure how the snaps would work, but hey that's why it's wacky, I'll leave it to them to figure out the logistics.
Bears 24-20
San Francisco @ Green Bay
All season the Niners have moved the ball up and down the field slower than an old man, so it's fitting that their best player would break his hip. But hey, San Fran has won 3 out of 4 ... over the Broncos, Rams and Cardinals. Something tells me it won't be as easy against the Packers.
Packers 27-9
Jacksonville @ Tennessee
You're pathetic Jaguars. You had the lead last week and you couldn't close the deal. I can't wait until they move your sad sack franchise to L.A. so I can personally spit in your face.
Jaguars 20-10
Denver @ Kansas City
It's the Finger Bowl! Of course, I'm referring to the incident in which Todd Haley waved his finger at Josh McDaniels after the Chiefs' Week 10 loss to the Broncos. I'm not referring to the football themed porn of the same name starring Sack Phillips. The Chiefs have one of the better offenses in league history right? Seemed like it last week. I have to factor that in to my pick.
Chiefs 31-24
Cleveland @ Miami
Congrats Dolphins, your win last week means that I can still pick you, not this week of course, I mean you're playing at home.
Browns 23-21
Buffalo @ Minnesota
It's this type of game and this type of situation that Brett Favre had in mind when he decided to come back this year. Oh, sorry, I meant it was this type of situation that I dreamed of when Favre decided to come back.
Vikings 24-17
Washington @ New York Giants
What's the verdict on the yellow pants the Redskins have been wearing this season? I thought they were ok at first, if not a little charming, but I didn't realize they were actually going to be around all season and now I think they're pretty disgusting. They're like the Andy Foy of pants. Anyway, Giants win!
Giants 26-14
Afternoon Games
Oakland @ San Diego
This game features one team on the rise and another on the decline, this is like the Hollywood Homicide of football games. Never mind, as it turns out Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett were both on their declines at that point. (Gotcha Hartnett!) Is there any doubt now that the Chargers will win out and suffer a disappointing home loss in the postseason? I think not.
Chargers 34-20
Carolina @ Seattle
I don't have much to say about this game, so let's take a look back at what happened the last time the Panthers came to Qwest Field.
Seahawks 26-13
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
Now would be a good time for the Buccaneers to prove themselves and I think they will. They'll prove that they aren't quite good enough when they lose and seriously hamper their playoff aspirations.
Falcons 24-21
St. Louis @ Arizona
The Cardinals probably should have tried to get their Monday night game rescheduled so that the entire nation didn't have to see them, like an ugly girl who doesn't even bother going to the dance. I'm guessing that Derek Anderson was actually laughing out of disbelief that a team is still allowing him to be their starter.
Rams 23-13
Dallas @ Indianapolis
Peyton Manning's 4 interception performance last week really let me down. Though, it didn't stop me from beating Bobby Bateman in Fantasy, in fact, I did the math and Manning could have thrown 20 more picks and I still would have won. But that's not the point, come to think of it I've forgotten what my original point was. Maybe it was that when Manning looks bad he looks BAD. Man, this guy doesn't do anything half way huh?
Colts 31-28
Sunday Night
Pittsburgh @ Baltimore
Possible playoff preview here.
Steelers 20-17
Monday Night
New York Jets @ New England
This is being billed as the game of the year in the NFL, which is only the sixth time that's been said this season. I'm not so sure though, my money's on the Super Bowl being the game of the year when all's said and done.
Patriots 24-20
New Orleans @ Cincinnati
The only way this one will be entertaining is if Terrell Owens tries to switch teams during the game, and I can actually see him trying it. Like he just shows up in the Saints huddle laughing, "Hahaha, but seriously Drew what's the play man?" And all the Saints just stare at him until he puts his head down and walks out of the stadium never to be heard from again. So anyway, that will probably happen, and the Saints will get the win.
Saints 28-13
Chicago @ Detroit
We all know what happened with Calvin Johnson's catch that wasn't last time these teams met, I don't think he's going to have that problem again. In fact, my Wacky Pick of the Week says that once Johnson catches his first pass he'll refuse to let the ball go for the rest of the game, which will result in some sort of All-time QB situation. I suppose it would become quite obvious after a while that he wasn't going to pass, and I'm not really sure how the snaps would work, but hey that's why it's wacky, I'll leave it to them to figure out the logistics.
Bears 24-20
San Francisco @ Green Bay
All season the Niners have moved the ball up and down the field slower than an old man, so it's fitting that their best player would break his hip. But hey, San Fran has won 3 out of 4 ... over the Broncos, Rams and Cardinals. Something tells me it won't be as easy against the Packers.
Packers 27-9
Jacksonville @ Tennessee
You're pathetic Jaguars. You had the lead last week and you couldn't close the deal. I can't wait until they move your sad sack franchise to L.A. so I can personally spit in your face.
Jaguars 20-10
Denver @ Kansas City
It's the Finger Bowl! Of course, I'm referring to the incident in which Todd Haley waved his finger at Josh McDaniels after the Chiefs' Week 10 loss to the Broncos. I'm not referring to the football themed porn of the same name starring Sack Phillips. The Chiefs have one of the better offenses in league history right? Seemed like it last week. I have to factor that in to my pick.
Chiefs 31-24
Cleveland @ Miami
Congrats Dolphins, your win last week means that I can still pick you, not this week of course, I mean you're playing at home.
Browns 23-21
Buffalo @ Minnesota
It's this type of game and this type of situation that Brett Favre had in mind when he decided to come back this year. Oh, sorry, I meant it was this type of situation that I dreamed of when Favre decided to come back.
Vikings 24-17
Washington @ New York Giants
What's the verdict on the yellow pants the Redskins have been wearing this season? I thought they were ok at first, if not a little charming, but I didn't realize they were actually going to be around all season and now I think they're pretty disgusting. They're like the Andy Foy of pants. Anyway, Giants win!
Giants 26-14
Afternoon Games
Oakland @ San Diego
This game features one team on the rise and another on the decline, this is like the Hollywood Homicide of football games. Never mind, as it turns out Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett were both on their declines at that point. (Gotcha Hartnett!) Is there any doubt now that the Chargers will win out and suffer a disappointing home loss in the postseason? I think not.
Chargers 34-20
Carolina @ Seattle
I don't have much to say about this game, so let's take a look back at what happened the last time the Panthers came to Qwest Field.
Seahawks 26-13
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
Now would be a good time for the Buccaneers to prove themselves and I think they will. They'll prove that they aren't quite good enough when they lose and seriously hamper their playoff aspirations.
Falcons 24-21
St. Louis @ Arizona
The Cardinals probably should have tried to get their Monday night game rescheduled so that the entire nation didn't have to see them, like an ugly girl who doesn't even bother going to the dance. I'm guessing that Derek Anderson was actually laughing out of disbelief that a team is still allowing him to be their starter.
Rams 23-13
Dallas @ Indianapolis
Peyton Manning's 4 interception performance last week really let me down. Though, it didn't stop me from beating Bobby Bateman in Fantasy, in fact, I did the math and Manning could have thrown 20 more picks and I still would have won. But that's not the point, come to think of it I've forgotten what my original point was. Maybe it was that when Manning looks bad he looks BAD. Man, this guy doesn't do anything half way huh?
Colts 31-28
Sunday Night
Pittsburgh @ Baltimore
Possible playoff preview here.
Steelers 20-17
Monday Night
New York Jets @ New England
This is being billed as the game of the year in the NFL, which is only the sixth time that's been said this season. I'm not so sure though, my money's on the Super Bowl being the game of the year when all's said and done.
Patriots 24-20
12.02.2010
Week 13 - Thursday
Houston @ Philadelphia
Michael Vick's got to be a little annoyed that Andre Johnson is allowed to play in this game. I mean Johnson fought a human and no one could care less. Fortunately for Johnson it's become clear that everyone, including Roger Goodell, hates Cortland Finnegan, so he's been given a free pass.
Eagles 34-17
Michael Vick's got to be a little annoyed that Andre Johnson is allowed to play in this game. I mean Johnson fought a human and no one could care less. Fortunately for Johnson it's become clear that everyone, including Roger Goodell, hates Cortland Finnegan, so he's been given a free pass.
Eagles 34-17
12.01.2010
Apple Cup
Consider this your opportunity to talk shit about either the Huskies or the Cougs.
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Everyone a little shy? Ok I'll get us started...
I hate 'em. The Huskies. I REALLY hate Jack-Huskies ... but that's not what I want to rant about.
Lately I've found a NEW annoying Husky-fan trend. I tell them I hate the Huskies and never root for them... they look mortified and they say "But I root for the Cougars, when they aren't playing the Huskies!?!?".
It's infuriating for a number of reasons, but here are a few thoughts:
A) You're probably a liar. You don't root for the Cougs at all. You just think it makes you sound like a cooler person. It doesn't. Or maybe you're just lying to yourself. 'Cuz if you really root for the Cougs when they aren't playing the Huskies, you're a LAME fan. We're your rival.
Side-note: Let me squash an argument against this right now... Husky Fan: "We care more about beating Oregon. THEY'RE our big rival." Sounds like a delusional Mariners fan from back in the day. We thought the Yankees were our rival. But if you told a Yankee fan that, they'd just laugh in your face. Probably like an Oregon fan would. In fact the similarities are pretty hilarious cuz Husky fans hate the advantages that Oregon has in recruiting just like the Mariner fans hate how the Yankees can spend more money. Problem is the Huskies have a huge advantage in recruiting over most schools just like the M's spend more than most teams. Anyway.. Go Mariners... See ya Jose Lopez...
Where were we?
B) Nobody asked you to root for the Cougs, and quite frankly we don't want ya! We don't need your condescending cheers. The, oh look the little Cougars won, good for them cheers!!! SHOVE IT you pompous d-bags! (this next part is on me cuz I choose to live in Seattle, but TOO BAD) I've got to listen to months and months of how great Jake Locker is (PS what recent QB in the Husky "legacy" wouldn't you take over him? Stanback? Everyone else demolishes him), how great this Husky team is going to be, etc. UGH.
So in closing you magnanimous Husky fans... frack off. Don't root for us. You haven't earned it.
Frack the Huskies.
Go Cougs.
We're gonna roll you.
(lots of generalizations in here... I'll give a pass to my immediate family, and maybe a few others.)
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.
.
Everyone a little shy? Ok I'll get us started...
I hate 'em. The Huskies. I REALLY hate Jack-Huskies ... but that's not what I want to rant about.
Lately I've found a NEW annoying Husky-fan trend. I tell them I hate the Huskies and never root for them... they look mortified and they say "But I root for the Cougars, when they aren't playing the Huskies!?!?".
It's infuriating for a number of reasons, but here are a few thoughts:
A) You're probably a liar. You don't root for the Cougs at all. You just think it makes you sound like a cooler person. It doesn't. Or maybe you're just lying to yourself. 'Cuz if you really root for the Cougs when they aren't playing the Huskies, you're a LAME fan. We're your rival.
Side-note: Let me squash an argument against this right now... Husky Fan: "We care more about beating Oregon. THEY'RE our big rival." Sounds like a delusional Mariners fan from back in the day. We thought the Yankees were our rival. But if you told a Yankee fan that, they'd just laugh in your face. Probably like an Oregon fan would. In fact the similarities are pretty hilarious cuz Husky fans hate the advantages that Oregon has in recruiting just like the Mariner fans hate how the Yankees can spend more money. Problem is the Huskies have a huge advantage in recruiting over most schools just like the M's spend more than most teams. Anyway.. Go Mariners... See ya Jose Lopez...
Where were we?
B) Nobody asked you to root for the Cougs, and quite frankly we don't want ya! We don't need your condescending cheers. The, oh look the little Cougars won, good for them cheers!!! SHOVE IT you pompous d-bags! (this next part is on me cuz I choose to live in Seattle, but TOO BAD) I've got to listen to months and months of how great Jake Locker is (PS what recent QB in the Husky "legacy" wouldn't you take over him? Stanback? Everyone else demolishes him), how great this Husky team is going to be, etc. UGH.
So in closing you magnanimous Husky fans... frack off. Don't root for us. You haven't earned it.
Frack the Huskies.
Go Cougs.
We're gonna roll you.
(lots of generalizations in here... I'll give a pass to my immediate family, and maybe a few others.)
11.26.2010
NFL Picks Week 12 - Sunday & (Barely) Monday
Morning Games
Green Bay @ Atlanta
This one could be a playoff preview. Then again there's a good possibility that it won't be. In fact, I wish I could do an audit of every time someone said, "This could be a playoff preview," I'd be willing to bet that as a society we've been right about 7% of the time. As for this game, apparently Matt Ryan doesn't lose in the Georgia Dome, so I'm leaning towards Atlanta. If you'll remember, a few weeks back I questioned Matt Ryan's superstar status; well, win this game and you've done it Matt, you've proven me wrong ... which was my goal all along (you guys should see the smirk on my face right now, it's really insufferable).
Falcons 27-24
Pittsburgh @ Buffalo
Looks like it's time for my Wacky Pick of the Week. And here it is ...
Bills 24-21
Carolina @ Cleveland
Jake Delhomme is starting for the Browns, making it a shame that this game isn't being played in Carolina. If it was, and someone ran on the field I'm betting that security would leave him alone if he made it clear he was gunning for Delhomme.
Browns 28-13
Jacksonville @ New York Giants
These Jags just keep finding ways to win, and it's pissing me off. I've proclaimed for the last two seasons that they suck, and now they're 6-4. Well the jig is up, this is the week they go down, this is the week they die! (I'm trying to establish a dynamic in which I'm a villain and the Jags are a scrappy hero that just won't be defeated. We'll see if they cooperate.)
Giants 26-17
Minnesota @ Washington
If you like juicy story lines this is the game for you I'm not sure if this game should be announced by Joe Buck or Jerry Springer! I mean am I right? C'mon! But seriously folks, if we've learned anything from the Cowboys it's that when a team fires their dead-man-walking coach they'll come out with energy the next week.
Vikings 28-18
Tennessee @ Houston
This week in SI's Fantasy Football section, they tabbed Randy Moss as a player whose stock was falling. What!? They're just realizing that? I haven't played this guy for the last 3 weeks. Ten days ago I was at the grocery store and overheard a 6 year-old telling her mom to, "Avoid Moss like the plague." But thanks for the advice SI, by the way, what should I do with J.J. Stokes? As for Houston, are they trying to get their fans to commit suicide? I'm pretty sure they can only go up from here.
Texans 24-16
Afternoon Games
Kansas City @ Seattle
Say what you will about the Hawks' loss in New Orleans, but they actually scored 19 points, which is their high for a loss this season. Unfortunately, they bounced off of Chris Ivory like Tecmo Super Bowl characters and wound up surrendering 34 points. But now The Hawks are back home in Seattle, where they never give up huge point totals.
Seahawks 24-17
Miami @ Oakland
It's time for Miami to start proving my "party animals that can only win on the road" theory again. And if they don't I'm never picking them again.
Dolphins 21-20
St. Louis @ Denver
The Rams are pretty bad on the road, and the Broncos are pretty bad everywhere. So who ends up being worse on Sunday? I'm going to go with the Rams. Why? Because wouldn't that just be better for everyone?
Broncos 20-16
Philadelphia @ Chicago
We've got a possible playoff preview on our hands here.
Eagles 23-19
Tampa Bay @ Baltimore
The upstart Bucs will really be put to the test this week. Will they pass? Yes, and I'm guessing they'll run also, probably not successfully enough to win the game though.
Ravens 17-10
Sunday Night
San Diego @ Indianapolis
Everything points to a Chargers win in this one. The Colts aren't healthy, San Diego's turning it on like they always do, and it seems like they've just had the Colts' number in the past few years. Which is why I'm going with Indy. Just when you think you've got all the answers Peyton Manning changes the question ... and then changes it a few more times at the line of scrimmage.
Colts 28-24
Monday Night
San Francisco @ Arizona
Oh no. When I got to the bottom of the schedule without seeing this game I just figured it had been canceled. That seemed more likely than it being a Monday Nighter. Anyway, somebody's going to win this ... probably.
Cardinals 16-13
Green Bay @ Atlanta
This one could be a playoff preview. Then again there's a good possibility that it won't be. In fact, I wish I could do an audit of every time someone said, "This could be a playoff preview," I'd be willing to bet that as a society we've been right about 7% of the time. As for this game, apparently Matt Ryan doesn't lose in the Georgia Dome, so I'm leaning towards Atlanta. If you'll remember, a few weeks back I questioned Matt Ryan's superstar status; well, win this game and you've done it Matt, you've proven me wrong ... which was my goal all along (you guys should see the smirk on my face right now, it's really insufferable).
Falcons 27-24
Pittsburgh @ Buffalo
Looks like it's time for my Wacky Pick of the Week. And here it is ...
Bills 24-21
Carolina @ Cleveland
Jake Delhomme is starting for the Browns, making it a shame that this game isn't being played in Carolina. If it was, and someone ran on the field I'm betting that security would leave him alone if he made it clear he was gunning for Delhomme.
Browns 28-13
Jacksonville @ New York Giants
These Jags just keep finding ways to win, and it's pissing me off. I've proclaimed for the last two seasons that they suck, and now they're 6-4. Well the jig is up, this is the week they go down, this is the week they die! (I'm trying to establish a dynamic in which I'm a villain and the Jags are a scrappy hero that just won't be defeated. We'll see if they cooperate.)
Giants 26-17
Minnesota @ Washington
If you like juicy story lines this is the game for you I'm not sure if this game should be announced by Joe Buck or Jerry Springer! I mean am I right? C'mon! But seriously folks, if we've learned anything from the Cowboys it's that when a team fires their dead-man-walking coach they'll come out with energy the next week.
Vikings 28-18
Tennessee @ Houston
This week in SI's Fantasy Football section, they tabbed Randy Moss as a player whose stock was falling. What!? They're just realizing that? I haven't played this guy for the last 3 weeks. Ten days ago I was at the grocery store and overheard a 6 year-old telling her mom to, "Avoid Moss like the plague." But thanks for the advice SI, by the way, what should I do with J.J. Stokes? As for Houston, are they trying to get their fans to commit suicide? I'm pretty sure they can only go up from here.
Texans 24-16
Afternoon Games
Kansas City @ Seattle
Say what you will about the Hawks' loss in New Orleans, but they actually scored 19 points, which is their high for a loss this season. Unfortunately, they bounced off of Chris Ivory like Tecmo Super Bowl characters and wound up surrendering 34 points. But now The Hawks are back home in Seattle, where they never give up huge point totals.
Seahawks 24-17
Miami @ Oakland
It's time for Miami to start proving my "party animals that can only win on the road" theory again. And if they don't I'm never picking them again.
Dolphins 21-20
St. Louis @ Denver
The Rams are pretty bad on the road, and the Broncos are pretty bad everywhere. So who ends up being worse on Sunday? I'm going to go with the Rams. Why? Because wouldn't that just be better for everyone?
Broncos 20-16
Philadelphia @ Chicago
We've got a possible playoff preview on our hands here.
Eagles 23-19
Tampa Bay @ Baltimore
The upstart Bucs will really be put to the test this week. Will they pass? Yes, and I'm guessing they'll run also, probably not successfully enough to win the game though.
Ravens 17-10
Sunday Night
San Diego @ Indianapolis
Everything points to a Chargers win in this one. The Colts aren't healthy, San Diego's turning it on like they always do, and it seems like they've just had the Colts' number in the past few years. Which is why I'm going with Indy. Just when you think you've got all the answers Peyton Manning changes the question ... and then changes it a few more times at the line of scrimmage.
Colts 28-24
Monday Night
San Francisco @ Arizona
Oh no. When I got to the bottom of the schedule without seeing this game I just figured it had been canceled. That seemed more likely than it being a Monday Nighter. Anyway, somebody's going to win this ... probably.
Cardinals 16-13
11.24.2010
Week 12 - Thanksgiving Games
I hope you all have a great day. And while you're stuffing your fat faces be thankful that you're not on the NFL TV crews who have to work on Thanksgiving. Or some jerk who has to make sure that 3D college basketball games make it to air for the 400 people with 3D TVs.
New England @ Detroit
There's no better Thanksgiving tradition than waking up bleary-eyed convinced that you're still dreaming because the Lions are on TV. This year you should probably just stay asleep, seeing as how this one won't be much of a game.
Pats 35-10
New Orleans @ Dallas
I remember about 15 years ago when Troy Aikman was hurt for the Thanksgiving game and Jason Garrett had to fill in. And, if you didn't remember that, don't worry you're going to be reminded of it ceaselessly during the broadcast. And guess what, he's in a replacement role once again! He won that first game I mentioned, but now Jon Kitna's his QB, and he brings that Lions Thanksgiving stink with him.
Saints 27-20
Cincinnati @ New York Jets
In the Bengals' two games before last they made a strong comeback late but fell short. In the Jets' last three games they've come back late and won in varying degrees of miraculosity. It seems inevitable that this game will be scoreless until the 4th quarter, at which point on of the most electric back-and-forth battles in NFL history will commence. It's just too bad that most people won't see it due to turkey naps.
Jets 24-20
New England @ Detroit
There's no better Thanksgiving tradition than waking up bleary-eyed convinced that you're still dreaming because the Lions are on TV. This year you should probably just stay asleep, seeing as how this one won't be much of a game.
Pats 35-10
New Orleans @ Dallas
I remember about 15 years ago when Troy Aikman was hurt for the Thanksgiving game and Jason Garrett had to fill in. And, if you didn't remember that, don't worry you're going to be reminded of it ceaselessly during the broadcast. And guess what, he's in a replacement role once again! He won that first game I mentioned, but now Jon Kitna's his QB, and he brings that Lions Thanksgiving stink with him.
Saints 27-20
Cincinnati @ New York Jets
In the Bengals' two games before last they made a strong comeback late but fell short. In the Jets' last three games they've come back late and won in varying degrees of miraculosity. It seems inevitable that this game will be scoreless until the 4th quarter, at which point on of the most electric back-and-forth battles in NFL history will commence. It's just too bad that most people won't see it due to turkey naps.
Jets 24-20
11.23.2010
Finally
Buffalo beating up on Cincy just so happened to be the greatest outcome of this season. My masterpiece is complete!
11.19.2010
NFL Picks Week 11 ... The Conclusion
I'm coming off a 5-8 week. Like I said I had to rush and didn't have a lot of success, kind of like the Hawks inside the 10. Whoops, I let slip some Seahawks criticism, better make up for it by really hammering the Niners later.
Sunday Morning
BUF @ CIN
If CBS just didn't send a crew out to this game would anyone notice? I doubt it, and I'm including people in Buffalo and Cincinnati.
Bengals 23-13
Detroit @ Dallas
Ya know a lot's going to be made about this being the Kitna Bowl. In fact, it led Sportscenter last night. But I'm sorry, I'm just not that interested. Now, if this game were being played in Detroit where Kitna's jersey hangs in the rafters then it would be a different story.
Cowboys 28-20
Washington @ Tennessee
The Redskins seem to be a cohesive organization, "McNabb, you're fat, slow, and dumb ... here's $80 million." Honestly, what have they seen from McNabb this year that warrants an extension at all, let alone one for $80 million (There's little chance that he'll actually end up with the whole thing, but still.) One writer claimed that there were racial undertones to Shanahan's comments about McNabb not being able to grasp the playbook. Well guess what, McNabb does seem stupid, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he's black, the guy didn't know how overtime worked! Anyway, the Redskins suck.
Titans 24-16
Arizona @ Kansas City
Kansas City's on a two game losing streak but there's good news for Chiefs fans: the Cardinals are coming to town! I'm actually thinking about changing my name so that nobody ever confuses me for Derek Anderson.
Chiefs 34-20
Green Bay @ Minnesota
Anybody catch Favre's press conference after the Vikings' loss last week? It was self-indulgent, even for Favre. It's going to be great when Minnesota's 5-9 and he's still pulling this shit but nobody cares. He's going to have to take a picture of something really crazy just to stay relevant. I'm guessing taint.
Packers 24-21
Houston @ New York Jets
Mark Sanchez seems like he's really becoming a bona fide NFL quarterback, including his terrible celebration (at the :08 mark) after throwing the game-winning touchdown pass. Sweet high steps Mark, isn't this guy supposed to be cool? I'll bet chicks aren't gonna be into him anymore. As for Houston, they seem to really have trouble defending against the deep ball, so I can't in good conscience pick them.
Jets 23-17
Oakland @ Pittsburgh
Tom Brady may have uncovered the secret to beating the Steelers' defense last week, all you have to do is yell at your offense a lot and remind them to play well. Unfortunately for the Raiders, I'm not sure that Jason Campbell has that in him so they'll probably lose.
Steelers 26-17
Baltimore @ Carolina
Wacky Pick of the Week time: Steve Smith will finally get his wish when it's revealed that the most brilliant scientists Charlotte has to offer have collaborated to clone a team full of Steve Smiths. The team will unravel, however, when it becomes apparent that even Steve Smith can't stand Steve Smith.
Ravens 23-9
Cleveland @ Jacksonville
Is Cleveland the best team in the NFL? Not as long as the Hawks are still in the league obviously, but are they in the top 5? No, but they're pretty solid. There, I said it, these Browns are solid (a phrase I haven't been able to use since the McRib returned).
Browns 28-20
Sunday Afternoon
Tampa Bay @ San Francisco
After consecutive wins the Niners' season is back on track. Mike Singletary should take time out of his day to thank his lucky stars that he coaches in the NFC West. Though, he probably won't be able to because he already burned all his time outs. The bad news for San Fran is that Josh "World Beater" Freeman is coming to town, and this guy loves crushing lame-o's.
Bucs 23-16
Seattle @ New Orleans
The Seahawks are flying under the radar right now, and I think they like it that way. That's the rationalization I've come to to explain their ridiculous inability to score in the red zone. See if they scored too many points they'd have a bull's eye on their chest. Luckily this game is a 1pm start time. I don't know why the Saints decided to go with the later kickoff, but someone just make a bad mistake!
Seahawks 27-24
Atlanta @ St. Louis
And here's game #3 in this week's NFC West/NFC South showdown. Some would say that those are the best and worst divisions in the conference, but I'm not sure, I mean the South isn't that bad. The Rams have played well at home and this has the makings of a letdown for Atlanta, who just came off a big win and have two tough games coming up.
Rams 20-17
Indianapolis @ New England
I fell asleep during this game last year, but to be fair I was tired. This year I vow to stay awake AND pay attention. It's this type of commitment that makes it possible for me to bring you this post most weeks. Anybody else think it's lame that Brady is trying to copy Whitehurst's hair?
Patriots 28-23
Sunday Night
New York Giants @ Philadelphia
It's nice to see Michael Vick be able to concentrate on football after all of those nasty dogfighting rumors. This guy has shown us what courage is all about.
Giants 24-20
Monday Night
Denver @ San Diego
Once again the AFC West has aligned itself for the Chargers to take over the division in the second half of the season. Why are we even surprised at this point? It happens every year. There should be a prop bet at the beginning of each season: Which will last longer? The Chargers being outside of 1st place or Alex Smith being a starting quarterback.
Chargers 35-17
Sunday Morning
BUF @ CIN
If CBS just didn't send a crew out to this game would anyone notice? I doubt it, and I'm including people in Buffalo and Cincinnati.
Bengals 23-13
Detroit @ Dallas
Ya know a lot's going to be made about this being the Kitna Bowl. In fact, it led Sportscenter last night. But I'm sorry, I'm just not that interested. Now, if this game were being played in Detroit where Kitna's jersey hangs in the rafters then it would be a different story.
Cowboys 28-20
Washington @ Tennessee
The Redskins seem to be a cohesive organization, "McNabb, you're fat, slow, and dumb ... here's $80 million." Honestly, what have they seen from McNabb this year that warrants an extension at all, let alone one for $80 million (There's little chance that he'll actually end up with the whole thing, but still.) One writer claimed that there were racial undertones to Shanahan's comments about McNabb not being able to grasp the playbook. Well guess what, McNabb does seem stupid, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he's black, the guy didn't know how overtime worked! Anyway, the Redskins suck.
Titans 24-16
Arizona @ Kansas City
Kansas City's on a two game losing streak but there's good news for Chiefs fans: the Cardinals are coming to town! I'm actually thinking about changing my name so that nobody ever confuses me for Derek Anderson.
Chiefs 34-20
Green Bay @ Minnesota
Anybody catch Favre's press conference after the Vikings' loss last week? It was self-indulgent, even for Favre. It's going to be great when Minnesota's 5-9 and he's still pulling this shit but nobody cares. He's going to have to take a picture of something really crazy just to stay relevant. I'm guessing taint.
Packers 24-21
Houston @ New York Jets
Mark Sanchez seems like he's really becoming a bona fide NFL quarterback, including his terrible celebration (at the :08 mark) after throwing the game-winning touchdown pass. Sweet high steps Mark, isn't this guy supposed to be cool? I'll bet chicks aren't gonna be into him anymore. As for Houston, they seem to really have trouble defending against the deep ball, so I can't in good conscience pick them.
Jets 23-17
Oakland @ Pittsburgh
Tom Brady may have uncovered the secret to beating the Steelers' defense last week, all you have to do is yell at your offense a lot and remind them to play well. Unfortunately for the Raiders, I'm not sure that Jason Campbell has that in him so they'll probably lose.
Steelers 26-17
Baltimore @ Carolina
Wacky Pick of the Week time: Steve Smith will finally get his wish when it's revealed that the most brilliant scientists Charlotte has to offer have collaborated to clone a team full of Steve Smiths. The team will unravel, however, when it becomes apparent that even Steve Smith can't stand Steve Smith.
Ravens 23-9
Cleveland @ Jacksonville
Is Cleveland the best team in the NFL? Not as long as the Hawks are still in the league obviously, but are they in the top 5? No, but they're pretty solid. There, I said it, these Browns are solid (a phrase I haven't been able to use since the McRib returned).
Browns 28-20
Sunday Afternoon
Tampa Bay @ San Francisco
After consecutive wins the Niners' season is back on track. Mike Singletary should take time out of his day to thank his lucky stars that he coaches in the NFC West. Though, he probably won't be able to because he already burned all his time outs. The bad news for San Fran is that Josh "World Beater" Freeman is coming to town, and this guy loves crushing lame-o's.
Bucs 23-16
Seattle @ New Orleans
The Seahawks are flying under the radar right now, and I think they like it that way. That's the rationalization I've come to to explain their ridiculous inability to score in the red zone. See if they scored too many points they'd have a bull's eye on their chest. Luckily this game is a 1pm start time. I don't know why the Saints decided to go with the later kickoff, but someone just make a bad mistake!
Seahawks 27-24
Atlanta @ St. Louis
And here's game #3 in this week's NFC West/NFC South showdown. Some would say that those are the best and worst divisions in the conference, but I'm not sure, I mean the South isn't that bad. The Rams have played well at home and this has the makings of a letdown for Atlanta, who just came off a big win and have two tough games coming up.
Rams 20-17
Indianapolis @ New England
I fell asleep during this game last year, but to be fair I was tired. This year I vow to stay awake AND pay attention. It's this type of commitment that makes it possible for me to bring you this post most weeks. Anybody else think it's lame that Brady is trying to copy Whitehurst's hair?
Patriots 28-23
Sunday Night
New York Giants @ Philadelphia
It's nice to see Michael Vick be able to concentrate on football after all of those nasty dogfighting rumors. This guy has shown us what courage is all about.
Giants 24-20
Monday Night
Denver @ San Diego
Once again the AFC West has aligned itself for the Chargers to take over the division in the second half of the season. Why are we even surprised at this point? It happens every year. There should be a prop bet at the beginning of each season: Which will last longer? The Chargers being outside of 1st place or Alex Smith being a starting quarterback.
Chargers 35-17
Felix Hernandez won the Cy Young Award for the American League
I love this guy. I hope he stays a Mariner forever. He's the only reason I watched any games the last half of the season. God bless Felix.
All Hail the King.
Bow Down to the King.
Long Live the King.
The One True King.
We Are Motorhead.
(Sorry, this sucks, but we all know Felix rules. I don't have much to add... but clearly the mustacheers were clamoring for a thread topic, so discuss away my loved ones)
All Hail the King.
Bow Down to the King.
Long Live the King.
The One True King.
We Are Motorhead.
(Sorry, this sucks, but we all know Felix rules. I don't have much to add... but clearly the mustacheers were clamoring for a thread topic, so discuss away my loved ones)
11.17.2010
NFL Picks Week 11
Just to assure all of you that last week's weak effort was an anomaly I got an early start on things.
Thursday Night
Chicago @ Miami
Apparently Chad Pennington had a bonus in his contract in which he got $200,000 for every game he started. Well, he ended up playing two downs on Sunday, so he got $100,000 per snap. It's too bad he doesn't have Cam Newton's dad as his agent because then he probably could have made $100,000-$180,000 per play. (By the way, if I can switch to college for a second, that part of the story makes no sense. Why would they ask for 100-180? "If my boy's going to play for your school I want $180,000 ... or 55% of that. Your call." I hope this guy's not a salesman, he'd make the worst haggler ever.) Last week Miami finally got off the schneid at home, why would they stop winning now? Oh right, they're starting their third-string quarterback ... hmm ... naw screw it, I'm still picking them.
Dolphins 27-17
Sunday Morning ....
... Will be available on Friday morning. You didn't really think I'd blow my hot post on a Wednesday night did you? I save that shit for high traffic hours.
Thursday Night
Chicago @ Miami
Apparently Chad Pennington had a bonus in his contract in which he got $200,000 for every game he started. Well, he ended up playing two downs on Sunday, so he got $100,000 per snap. It's too bad he doesn't have Cam Newton's dad as his agent because then he probably could have made $100,000-$180,000 per play. (By the way, if I can switch to college for a second, that part of the story makes no sense. Why would they ask for 100-180? "If my boy's going to play for your school I want $180,000 ... or 55% of that. Your call." I hope this guy's not a salesman, he'd make the worst haggler ever.) Last week Miami finally got off the schneid at home, why would they stop winning now? Oh right, they're starting their third-string quarterback ... hmm ... naw screw it, I'm still picking them.
Dolphins 27-17
Sunday Morning ....
... Will be available on Friday morning. You didn't really think I'd blow my hot post on a Wednesday night did you? I save that shit for high traffic hours.
11.16.2010
A chat between your party hosts
*standard text messaging rates apply
Party Host 1 (from his car): Sark said on the radio today that he wouldn't be surprised to see Jake Locker have a performance similar to Vick last night within the next 8 -10 years. Yeah Fucking Right
Party Host 2 (pumping iron at the gym): This makes me feel better about the apple cup knowing sark is a moron
Party Host 1 (from his car): Sark said on the radio today that he wouldn't be surprised to see Jake Locker have a performance similar to Vick last night within the next 8 -10 years. Yeah Fucking Right
Party Host 2 (pumping iron at the gym): This makes me feel better about the apple cup knowing sark is a moron
11.12.2010
NFL Picks Week 10
I've been pretty busy this week, so I hope you're not too upset with these abbreviated comments. And I'm sure some of you are saying, "I wish they were this short every week!" Well eff off jerk.
Sunday Morning
Detroit @ Buffalo
The Bills have got to win sometime, and the Niners aren't on their schedule.
Bills 22-21
Minnesota @ Chicago
The Bears are 5-3? How is that possible? The beat the Packers on a Monday night, which is a quality win, aside from that the combined record of the teams they've beat is: 4-28. Yes, you read that right ... 4-28! In other words, the four worst teams (record-wise) in the league.
Vikings 24-17
New York Jets @ Cleveland
You have to hand it to the Browns, they've had an impossible schedule and they've actually crushed a couple good teams in their last couple games, which I guess would make them the anti-Bears.
Browns 21-17
Cincinnati @ Indianapolis
Squash match.
Colts 35-17
Tennessee @ Miami
The Dolphins let me down on the road last week, now I don't know what to believe ... except that they'll lose at home.
Titans 26-23
Carolina @ Tampa Bay
Tampa is looking pretty solid, which I guess would mean that the Panthers are pretty liquid?
Buccaneers 27-10
Houston @ Jacksonville
I'm not sure what to make of either team at this point.
Texans 30-27
Afternoon Games
Kansas City @ Denver
Interesting match-up here.
Chiefs 23-20
Dallas @ New York Giants
Whoa, these Giants are getting good.
Giants 38-9
Seattle @ Arizona
In the Hawks losses this year they've averaged 6.75 points, which means that if they score a touchdown Sunday it'll be downhill from there.
Seahawks 20-13
St. Louis @ San Francisco
Interesting match-up here.
Rams 23-16
Sunday Night
New England @ Pittsburgh
In the words of Johnny Moxon: "Tell me who wins."
Steelers 20-17
Monday Night
Philadelphia @ Washington
I'm not sure I have the mental or cardio-vascular capacity to finish this post.
Eagles 24-19
Sunday Morning
Detroit @ Buffalo
The Bills have got to win sometime, and the Niners aren't on their schedule.
Bills 22-21
Minnesota @ Chicago
The Bears are 5-3? How is that possible? The beat the Packers on a Monday night, which is a quality win, aside from that the combined record of the teams they've beat is: 4-28. Yes, you read that right ... 4-28! In other words, the four worst teams (record-wise) in the league.
Vikings 24-17
New York Jets @ Cleveland
You have to hand it to the Browns, they've had an impossible schedule and they've actually crushed a couple good teams in their last couple games, which I guess would make them the anti-Bears.
Browns 21-17
Cincinnati @ Indianapolis
Squash match.
Colts 35-17
Tennessee @ Miami
The Dolphins let me down on the road last week, now I don't know what to believe ... except that they'll lose at home.
Titans 26-23
Carolina @ Tampa Bay
Tampa is looking pretty solid, which I guess would mean that the Panthers are pretty liquid?
Buccaneers 27-10
Houston @ Jacksonville
I'm not sure what to make of either team at this point.
Texans 30-27
Afternoon Games
Kansas City @ Denver
Interesting match-up here.
Chiefs 23-20
Dallas @ New York Giants
Whoa, these Giants are getting good.
Giants 38-9
Seattle @ Arizona
In the Hawks losses this year they've averaged 6.75 points, which means that if they score a touchdown Sunday it'll be downhill from there.
Seahawks 20-13
St. Louis @ San Francisco
Interesting match-up here.
Rams 23-16
Sunday Night
New England @ Pittsburgh
In the words of Johnny Moxon: "Tell me who wins."
Steelers 20-17
Monday Night
Philadelphia @ Washington
I'm not sure I have the mental or cardio-vascular capacity to finish this post.
Eagles 24-19
11.11.2010
11.10.2010
11.09.2010
A new standard
The McRib's journey on HCM has been well documented.
But there's a new sheriff in town...
But there's a new sheriff in town...
For those of you monkeys that can't count... that's 5 McRibs. And he ate them... bones and all.
Let's follow Peter on his 5 McRib journey!
So far so good...
Still no issues... but here comes #5...
Ok... so there weren't really any issues... 5 McRibs with relative ease. So there you have it Mustacheers. 5 is the new benchmark. Can you beat it? Probably not. GFY.
11.05.2010
NFL Picks Week 9
Well it's the halfway point of the NFL season, which means it's time for the cowards at Sport Illustrated to release their revised playoff picks. They've already changed half of their division winners not to mention the fact that their website and their magazine list two completely different Super Bowl picks. Beginning in August I've gone on record with my pick to anyone who will listen: the Seahawks will simply be awarded the trophy after the AFC winner decides they'd rather not embarrass themselves.
Sunday Morning
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
Alright Raheem Morris, 5-2, I see ya, I see ya. Seriously though, last week just reinforced my point that Tampa can play well enough to beat bad teams. Unfortunately for them, Atlanta is not a bad team.
Falcons 27-19
Chicago @ Buffalo
This one is being played in Toronto which marks the second week in a row that an absolutely awful match-up has been presented on foreign soil. I saw a headline that Goodell is seriously considering international expansion, but pretty soon no one's going to be interested.
Bills 24-21
New England @ Cleveland
Remember a few years back when Bradley played Pittsburgh in the 2nd round of the NCAA tournament and the scoreboard read Brad Pitt? Well this game is kind of similar, it's going to be Pats-Browns or Pat Brown. Who's Pat Brown you ask? This guy! Who's that guy? I don't know he's the first person that pops up when you do a Google image search for Pat Brown. As for the game, while the Browns may not be too awful I don't think they'll pull this one out. However, they'll put up enough of a fight to make Pat Brown proud.
Patriots 30-24
New York Jets @ Detroit
In the Jets' five wins they've averaged 30 points, while in their two losses they've averaged 4.5. I've said it before but I'll say it again, if you want to win football games in the National Football League you have to score at least 5 points. Rex & co. have decided to ignore that rule a couple of times this year and it's cost them. The Lions are coming off a win and well ... good for them, I mean it's not often you get to say that, I just thought I'd point it out.
Jets 19-13
Arizona @ Minnesota
The only thing that cheered me up while watching the Seahawks offensive line poop all over themselves last Sunday was peeking over at the Cardinals game and seeing Max Hall be Max Hall. I really like this guy because it's always satisfying to watch a guy that gives you exactly what you expect. He's like the opposite Peyton Manning. Anyway, it looks like the fun's over this week, fake me Derek Anderson has regained his spot as starter. As for Minnesota, I didn't have any volume on their game so when I saw Favre getting carted off the field while lying in a fetal position I honestly thought he was dead. Fortunately for the people of Earth, and indeed any extra-terrestrial life, Favre seems to be ok.
Vikings 24-10
New Orleans @ Carolina
Until they win a game I think Carolina should be known as the Blank Panthers. They could really make this into a marketing gimmick and sell black gloves to the fans. Steve Smith could come out before every game and raise his fist to symbolize the number of wins they have. I'm not sure why they would celebrate the fact that have no wins, but it would be fun right? (NOTE: As Mustacheer "Bobby" pointed out in the comments the Panthers have actually won a game this year. Considering they beat the Niners I think we can all agree that it didn't really count.)
Saints 28-17
Miami @ Baltimore
In a world gone mad there's only one thing I can trust: The Miami Dolphins on the road. These guys just get the job done. This match-up, however, is probably their toughest test yet. Does it matter? No. Dolphins are supposedly very smart so it would stand to reason that they'd do well on tests.
Dolphins 21-18
San Diego @ Houston
Was last week the beginning of yet another trademark November/December run by San Diego? Let's take a closer look: last week's game was actually in October, which would mean they'd need an October/November/December run. Not only that, but the last Sunday of the season is in January, you thinking what I'm thinking? A four month run might be too much to ask.
Texans 27-24
Sunday Afternoon
New York Giants @ Seattle
Obviously the Seahawks' o-line had some issues last week. Luckily the Giants come to town on Sunday, and their season high for sacks in a game is only 10, so Whitehurst figures to keep a clean jersey throughout (Joke's on you. Little known fact: the Seahawks play on an artificial fieldturf meaning that even if Whitehurst does get sacked his jersey will remain relatively clean.). Still, this figures to be a tough game for the Hawks, but I've heard that Jay Feely has been tapped to raise the 12th Man flag which figures to psyche out the G-Men.
Seahawks 24-21
Kansas City @ Oakland
Sure the Raiders are looking pretty good right now, but I'm guessing that this week they don't get an Immaculate Reception style catch that goes for 60 yards, a touchdown on a play where two defenders collide, or a ridiculously deflected interception. Did they deserve to win anyway last week? Trick question they were playing the Hawks so the answer is invariably no. My original point was that all the bounces are going their way right now, eventually they won't. Unless they're in the midst of some sort of an Angels in the Outfield-esque run and they're actually being helped by supernatural forces, in which case all bets are off.
Raiders 23-20
Indianapolis @ Philadelphia
It strikes me as a little curious that one day Dallas Clark seemed slightly dinged up and the next he was out for the season. Is it possible that Peyton Manning paid him to sit out the season to prove that he could get it done even with Jacob Tamme as the starting tight end? No. How dare you buy in to such malarkey, you sick, sick bastard. As for the game, it should be a good one.
Colts 31-27
Sunday Night
Dallas @ Green Bay
One week too early for NBC to flex this game out, too bad. You know what the lame thing is? I'll bet that even if they had the option NBC would keep this game just because it's Dallas. Either way we're going to be stuck watching Jon Kitna do his best Max Hall impression in primetime. I peeked at Dallas's schedule for the rest of the year and I don't see them doing any better than 4-12. I don't really have anything to add, that's pretty cool though right?
Packers 34-13
Monday Night
Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
And the week is capped off by this gem. My Wacky Pick of the Week is that Bocephus doesn't even record a song for this game. They'll cut to him at the normal time before the game and he'll say, "I'm just so tired, what's the point?" Of course, this will result in Bocephus getting fired, but he'll have made a point that hits home with much of the nation. NBC will strike while the iron is hot, hiring Bocephus to sing their opening song meaning that we'll never have to hear Faith Hill's monstrosity again.
Steelers 20-9
Sunday Morning
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
Alright Raheem Morris, 5-2, I see ya, I see ya. Seriously though, last week just reinforced my point that Tampa can play well enough to beat bad teams. Unfortunately for them, Atlanta is not a bad team.
Falcons 27-19
Chicago @ Buffalo
This one is being played in Toronto which marks the second week in a row that an absolutely awful match-up has been presented on foreign soil. I saw a headline that Goodell is seriously considering international expansion, but pretty soon no one's going to be interested.
Bills 24-21
New England @ Cleveland
Remember a few years back when Bradley played Pittsburgh in the 2nd round of the NCAA tournament and the scoreboard read Brad Pitt? Well this game is kind of similar, it's going to be Pats-Browns or Pat Brown. Who's Pat Brown you ask? This guy! Who's that guy? I don't know he's the first person that pops up when you do a Google image search for Pat Brown. As for the game, while the Browns may not be too awful I don't think they'll pull this one out. However, they'll put up enough of a fight to make Pat Brown proud.
Patriots 30-24
New York Jets @ Detroit
In the Jets' five wins they've averaged 30 points, while in their two losses they've averaged 4.5. I've said it before but I'll say it again, if you want to win football games in the National Football League you have to score at least 5 points. Rex & co. have decided to ignore that rule a couple of times this year and it's cost them. The Lions are coming off a win and well ... good for them, I mean it's not often you get to say that, I just thought I'd point it out.
Jets 19-13
Arizona @ Minnesota
The only thing that cheered me up while watching the Seahawks offensive line poop all over themselves last Sunday was peeking over at the Cardinals game and seeing Max Hall be Max Hall. I really like this guy because it's always satisfying to watch a guy that gives you exactly what you expect. He's like the opposite Peyton Manning. Anyway, it looks like the fun's over this week, fake me Derek Anderson has regained his spot as starter. As for Minnesota, I didn't have any volume on their game so when I saw Favre getting carted off the field while lying in a fetal position I honestly thought he was dead. Fortunately for the people of Earth, and indeed any extra-terrestrial life, Favre seems to be ok.
Vikings 24-10
New Orleans @ Carolina
Until they win a game I think Carolina should be known as the Blank Panthers. They could really make this into a marketing gimmick and sell black gloves to the fans. Steve Smith could come out before every game and raise his fist to symbolize the number of wins they have. I'm not sure why they would celebrate the fact that have no wins, but it would be fun right? (NOTE: As Mustacheer "Bobby" pointed out in the comments the Panthers have actually won a game this year. Considering they beat the Niners I think we can all agree that it didn't really count.)
Saints 28-17
Miami @ Baltimore
In a world gone mad there's only one thing I can trust: The Miami Dolphins on the road. These guys just get the job done. This match-up, however, is probably their toughest test yet. Does it matter? No. Dolphins are supposedly very smart so it would stand to reason that they'd do well on tests.
Dolphins 21-18
San Diego @ Houston
Was last week the beginning of yet another trademark November/December run by San Diego? Let's take a closer look: last week's game was actually in October, which would mean they'd need an October/November/December run. Not only that, but the last Sunday of the season is in January, you thinking what I'm thinking? A four month run might be too much to ask.
Texans 27-24
Sunday Afternoon
New York Giants @ Seattle
Obviously the Seahawks' o-line had some issues last week. Luckily the Giants come to town on Sunday, and their season high for sacks in a game is only 10, so Whitehurst figures to keep a clean jersey throughout (Joke's on you. Little known fact: the Seahawks play on an artificial fieldturf meaning that even if Whitehurst does get sacked his jersey will remain relatively clean.). Still, this figures to be a tough game for the Hawks, but I've heard that Jay Feely has been tapped to raise the 12th Man flag which figures to psyche out the G-Men.
Seahawks 24-21
Kansas City @ Oakland
Sure the Raiders are looking pretty good right now, but I'm guessing that this week they don't get an Immaculate Reception style catch that goes for 60 yards, a touchdown on a play where two defenders collide, or a ridiculously deflected interception. Did they deserve to win anyway last week? Trick question they were playing the Hawks so the answer is invariably no. My original point was that all the bounces are going their way right now, eventually they won't. Unless they're in the midst of some sort of an Angels in the Outfield-esque run and they're actually being helped by supernatural forces, in which case all bets are off.
Raiders 23-20
Indianapolis @ Philadelphia
It strikes me as a little curious that one day Dallas Clark seemed slightly dinged up and the next he was out for the season. Is it possible that Peyton Manning paid him to sit out the season to prove that he could get it done even with Jacob Tamme as the starting tight end? No. How dare you buy in to such malarkey, you sick, sick bastard. As for the game, it should be a good one.
Colts 31-27
Sunday Night
Dallas @ Green Bay
One week too early for NBC to flex this game out, too bad. You know what the lame thing is? I'll bet that even if they had the option NBC would keep this game just because it's Dallas. Either way we're going to be stuck watching Jon Kitna do his best Max Hall impression in primetime. I peeked at Dallas's schedule for the rest of the year and I don't see them doing any better than 4-12. I don't really have anything to add, that's pretty cool though right?
Packers 34-13
Monday Night
Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
And the week is capped off by this gem. My Wacky Pick of the Week is that Bocephus doesn't even record a song for this game. They'll cut to him at the normal time before the game and he'll say, "I'm just so tired, what's the point?" Of course, this will result in Bocephus getting fired, but he'll have made a point that hits home with much of the nation. NBC will strike while the iron is hot, hiring Bocephus to sing their opening song meaning that we'll never have to hear Faith Hill's monstrosity again.
Steelers 20-9
11.04.2010
The Savior?
Call him what you want: Charlie, Charles, Chaz, Chuck, Jesus, ChazMaTaz, RazzMaChazz, Beauty and the Beast Mode (thank you Wyatt Powell)... I call him the savior.Charlie Whitehurst is HERE TO SAVE THE SEAHAWKS SEASON!!!
The comparisons to Jesus have been made (some might say the hair and beard are the source of those comaprisons, maybe) and that got me thinking... Didn't Jesus slay a bunch of Giants one Sunday in the Bible? Well Sunday at Qwest... Life imitates art!!!!
Charlie Whitehurst is HERE TO SAVE THE SEAHAWKS SEASON!!!
I can only think of one debut that had this much anticipation. And it was this guy.
Let's hope Chaz doesn't turn the crowd on him as quickly as our friend in that link.
Charlie Whitehurst is HERE TO SAVE THE SEAHAWKS SEASON!!!
GO SEAHAWKS!!!!
11.02.2010
It's baaaaaaack!
I don't know about you, but I'm pretty tired of some crummy election distracting the American public from what's REALLY important...
Gentleman... It's back!!!
THE McRIB
If you've read this "blog" for awhile now, then you know of our love affair (seriously... ask around) of the delicious McRib. We love it so much, we eat MORE THAN ONE at a time. THAT'S RIGHT... a contest!!!!
Some have tried and embarrassed themselves as seen here.
This guy wasn't ready for prime time just yet (I expect more out of him this time around).
and then? This man amongst boys stepped up to the plate. 4 was all it took to set the bar.... and that's where it stands.
So we challenge you Mustacheers... can you eat more than 4 in one sitting? Go for glory!
Go for immortality!!!!
Good luck. And remember... much like sex with your girlfriend from Canada... pics or didn't happen.
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