The Royal Rumble / HCM Anthology Part 1

Erik:

Alright, let's do it to it, let's get this party started. And now for the Rumble that drew #10!

.......1989
Winner: Big John Studd
Final 4: Studd, Ted DiBiase, Akeem, Rick Martel (Strike Force)
#1 & 2: Ax & Smash
#30: DiBiase

The first real Rumble gets on my list at number 10. There was nothing overwhelmingly great about this Rumble, but by getting #10 I'm basically just saying it was better than half of them. What sells me on this one is the overall storyline: Ted DiBiase had bought #30 and the help of the Twin Towers and was poised to steal the Rumble. Of course, he didn't and Big John Studd won, which was kind of lame, which is why it's no higher than 10. Also, the Ax and Smash drawing #1 & 2 was pretty memorable, with probably the best part being their pre-match selections:

Smash (Looks at the number he's just drawn): It's gonna be a long night.
Ax (Looks at his): You said it.

Or something along those lines. Their double-team on Andre was good, along with Andre eliminating himself due to his fear of Damien. Another lasting moment was Hogan's "accidental" elimination of Macho Man, stoking the flames of a feud that would culminate in the most homo-erotic World title match ever at WrestleMania V. Also, Hogan was eliminated with help from the outside establishing a standard for the only way he could possibly not win a Royal Rumble.

Alright, the lists are underway. Whaddaya got big bro?

Finn:

Strong #10, if not just a liiiiiittle predictable. I don’t have much to add on that one, except this: Smash actually says: “Me too”. Bit of an easter egg to the kids paying attention at home. Smash was # 2 later that night.

My # 10 is 1994

Winner: Bret Hart / Lex Luger

Final 4: Bret Hart, Lex Luger, Shawn Michaels, and Fatu (One of these things does not belong here…. One of these things is not the same)

#1 & #2: Scott Steiner and Samu (Awful… just awful)

#30 Adam Bomb (he doesn’t have that good of an arm)

(quick side noet: This is the infamous PPV where Owen Hart tells Bret he “Kicked his leg out of his leg”)

There are a LOT of negatives about this rumble, like the first two dudes coming in followed by the mysterious Kwang and a sedated Rick Steiner (seriously, what the fuck was his problem that night). The beginning of this Rumble is painfully boring, even with the Diesel domination. Capped off by an unforgivable barely caught weak elimination of Macho Man Randy Savage. Although Backlund almost screwed everything up by dumping Diesel. That would have been funny.

What saves this Rumble for me is the drama of whether or not Hitman would be able to compete, and when he does he wins (with Lex, who’s paralyzed right now, so I’ll go easy). I especially oved when they cut off Luger’s music and Hitman’s starts. He turns around and yells “alright!!!”. Maybe the last time Bret was truly happy.

That’s what I got. What’s your number 9?

Erik:

…

Finn:

Okay... got tired of waiting. So here's my #9...

2004

Winner: Chris Benoit
Final 4: Chris Benoit, Big Show, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho
#1 and #2: Chris Benoit and Randy Orton
#30: Gooooooldberg

Chris Benoit goes from # 1 to win it all. I wish he'd come in at 4 to cross another number off the list, but I digress... There's the cool #1 vs #2 that carries the first half of the Rumble until Mick Foley appears as a surprise entrant eliminating Orton. Then the end has some great stuff. It's the Big Show stand... he takes finishing moves from Jericho, RVD, Cena, Angle and Benoit, then rallies back to the finals, (that may be the best group of pure wrestling talent in a final group). Then we get to possible the best final elimination in the history of the Rumble. Not the best Final 4 (but close), not the best finals, but the best actual elimination. Benoit is about to be chokeslammed out of the ring when he reverses into a (gulp) choke hold and drag Show out of the ring. All in all, it was a kil... I can't do it.

What's # 9 for you?

Erik:

Wow, I'm surprised you put '04 that low, considering your strange post-murder appreciation for Benoit. And if we're in the business of correcting quotes, doesn't Hitman shout "Yeeeeeeaaaaaaasssss." as he turns around? I guess you've probably seen it more recently, but considering this was a staple of my childhood, I think I should remember. Also, if you're bringing up Kwang, I should tell you that my sources inform me that he was replacing Ludwig Borga. Anyhow, here's the Rumble that drew #9.

......2002
Winner: HHH
Final Four: HHH, Kurt Angle, Mr. Perfect, Stone Cold Steve Austin
#1 & 2: Rikishi & Goldust
#30: Booker T

Ok, obviously #1 & 2 suck, they're stupid. And I've never been a hug Booker T fan, so #30 isn't a thrill for me. But there are a few great things about this Rumble. First is the Undertaker's domination. I checked the stats, and he's only in there for about 8 minutes. I've never seen anybody have a more productive 8 minutes without the help of Jamie Brinkus. 'Taker runs through everyone, and then gets eliminated by Maven out of nowhere, which was a genuinely good moment because it actually caught you off guard, which is tough to do at this point. Of course, this was followed by the Deadman taking him to the learning tree for the next hour. (Is it racist to say that an older white man took a rambunctious young black man to a tree?)

The second great aspect is the return of Mr. Perfect. He lasts all the way until the final 3, even going past Austin who gets dumped right before him. And even though you knew that a returning HHH was going to win, you had to be rooting for Perfect. In fact, I think Mr. Perfect actually got a Perfect-plex off on him, which elicited a huge pop from this smart mark.

This Rumble can be no higher because, as I mentioned before, it was obvious that HHH was going to win, and he did that extremely lame HHH-up, arms in the air move before he dumped Angle. Terrible, just terrible.

Alright, who goes for #8 now, you or I? I mean you jumped the gun on 9, so where do we go?

Seperate site for the Lost blog

Don't need to gum up this site with Lost talk so I created a new blog for it HERE

That way casual Lost viewers don't have to be spoiled or worry about being spoiled by viewing the posts.

The rest of you (all 6 if I'm lucky) can go to that new site linked above.

Bye.

It’s just about time for the greatest sporting event of the year.

That’s right…

My favorite and every wrestling fan’s favorite event of the year (I’ll listen to arguments for Wrestlemania. But that’s it) is deserving of a top 10 list. Interestingly enough, Erik was thinking the exact same thing. I received the following email:

Erik:

Hey, I was planning on writing a top ten Rumbles post on Cotto, but I assumed you'd probably be gearing up for the same thing. So anyway, you want to collaborate on this thing?

To which I replied:

Finn:

Yes

We exchanged emails over the course of the next few days and came up with a couple of top ten lists… and if you’re lucky we might combine them into one perfect list to worship. You’re welcome Foy. Now the nightmares can stop.

Here it goes…

Erik:
Alright, well how about I give you my ten and you give me yours? I'll start with #10 and we alternate.

Finn:

Sounds GREAT!!! But this will take some research and a LOT of time. Good thing we still have 18 days until the next one. What are our judging criteria?

I say the following should be taken into consideration in no particular order (of course, you judge however you would like): - #'s 1 and 2 and #30 - Who won the Rumble - The final four - Any dominating Rumble performances that year? - Awesome spots - Laugh out loud moments - If it was just fuckin' cool or not Thoughts?

Erik:

That's pretty much exactly what I was thinking. Although, #30 isn't a big stickler for me. Overall rhythm is a factor, but I think that's what you're getting at with "Is it just fuckin' cool." So once I finalize my list I'll send you #10.

(I'm breaking this up all week in anticipation of Sunday's big event... you're all invited. And after reading all 45 of these Rumble countdown posts, you'll e just as JAZZED for the event as we are... More to come tonight.)

And finally... some old promos to get you EVEN MORE amped!!!

Ugh.

Worst. Superbowl. Ever.

GREAT NEWS!!!

HenryCotto'sMustache now has video content!!!!



This guy doesn't have what it take to be a Mustacheer.

Now I know how Rochestie was able to give up his scholarship

His father was starring in a very successful teen drama. You have been missed Dr. Roberts!

I've said it before and I'll say it again...

Cindy Brunson digs me!!!

Finn (Seattle, WA): Cougs needed OT to beat the Beavers last night, but a win is a win right? GO COUGS!

Cindy Brunson: (12:12 PM ET ) Amen Finn. I tuned in when the Cougs were down by double digits -painful. Doubt Wazzu will have a shot to make the tournament but at least they're competing!

I wish I could say the same for her faith in the Cougs.

Clear eyes, full hearts...

CAN'T LOSE!

Watch (DVR is you must) Friday Night Lights tonight on NBC.

No excuses. Top 5 shows on tv.

That is all.

This is an actual movie

Now, here at HCM, we've thrown our full support behind movies in the past, (Delgo, anyone?). But I'm not sure I can get behind (pun intended) this next one.

Apparently this is the title of an actual movie coming out: Donkey Punch. Hopefully you're all familiar with the term... well, hopefully you aren't. Anyway.... SERIOUSLY?!?!? A movie?

The premise seems to be a group of sexy young tweens meet and go partying on a yacht. Some Dirty sex occurs and a young woman is accidentally killed by, you guessed it, a donkey punch.

Here's the trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pzoh5XvVVjE

There were a couple of jokes I wanted to make so I'll list them both:

1. This was based on the sad, but true, story of a young women from Montana that asphyxiated during a Glass Bottom Boat.

or...

2. Based on the true story of a man, violently castrated, during a Rusty Trombone.

I'm sure you all can do better... let's hear em.

Introducing The Biggest Douchebag Mayor in America

This is Pittsburgh's mayor and you would think he would be too busy securing funds to pay off the refs this weekend to worry about changing his stupid name. He would like to be called Steelerstahl and here is to hoping that the Ravens kick the Steelers' ass and the city blames this d-bag mayor and they kill him. (sarcasm, a little bit, just about the killing part) At least light him on fire for a little bit.

Introducing the Coolest Mayor in America

This strapping young chap is Luke Ravenstahl, the mayor of Pittsburgh. Because his beloved Steelers are playing Baltimore in the AFC Title Game this weekend he decided it necessary change his name. He needed to get that dirty Raven out of his name so he now goes by Luke Steelerstahl. Lets hope for him it doesn't have some type of reverse effect since Pitt already beat Baltimore twice this year with the Raven in his name.

Lost Blog

Some of you sports nuts may have a problem with the Lost blog showing up here... you can suck it.

Season 5 of Lost starts next Wednesday, and to get things started I thought I'd post a (giant) list of questions that I still have and would like to have answered within the final two seasons.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!! I'm not going to do this anymore. If you're not up to date on Lost then don't read these posts dummies.

Ok, questions I'd like to see answered:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Smoke Monster

What? How? When? Why? Where?

Does it scan people?

Does it inhabit dead bodies, like Christian and Yemi? Cuz both bodies are missing.

Did it scan Juliette like Eko? Or something else?

Can Ben summon smokey?

The Sickness / Vaccine / Quarantine

What’s real, what isn’t?

Nigerian Drug Plane

How’d it get there? Although I think it’ll have something to do with the Island moving now.

Four Toed Statue

Island history? Let’s have some.

Island Time

Did Locke move it in time, location, what? Why do different degrees of arrival equal different time frames? And is it only on the surface of the water? Cuz the plane crashed pretty conveniently in the same time as the Others existed.

The Others

How did they brainwash the tail section passengers to their “cause”?

Were they trying to take Eko? Was he a good person or just a threat?

Why do the Others go from docile family folk into murderous maniacs? Why are the Other’s even there anymore? What do they want to do that’s soooo important?

Why do the important one’s always go on the missions? Ben, Ethan, we know why Goodwin now.

What was there ultimate plan with Claire? (was Juliette on board?)

Why the fake outfits?

Why did Ben try and convince Locke that he didn’t have to push the button, when it’s clear he wanted them to keep doing it?

The Others can’t REALLY believe they are the good guys right? They’re delusional?

Why didn’t they know about Desmond’s boat?

Did they not know the result of not pushing the button?

Why don’t the Others have good medical supplies, ie crash cart?

Why didn’t Ben just leave to get his surgery?

How do they travel to and from the island with ease?

Do they really use the sub to get to and from the island?

How did they get Locke’s dad onto the island? I thought outside comm. Was down?

Why do all the babies on the island die?

How do they know Sawyer killed the shrimp shack guy?

Why did they need Locke to kill his dad?

How does Richard Alpert Age?

What happened to Annie?

Is Mikhail really dead?

Room 23, Brainwashing? Is that how they got the tailies?

Where’d Karl come from?

Who led the Others before Ben?

Horace Goodspeed time loop? He had an Arrow logo? Was the Arrow a mathematics related station? If he said he'd been dead for 12 years, that's when the Purge happened. Danielle's story doesn't add up with that... hmmmm???

Jacob

Who was on his list and why?

Who is he?, etc

How did he cure Rachel’s cancer, or was it all bullshit?

What’s with the moving cabin?

What’s with the ring of dirt/ash/dust around the cabin?

How is his cabin warping around the island?

Why is Christian Shepard hanging out in it?

Why use a cabin that Horace Goodspeed built?

The Dharma Initiative:

Why are the Dharma Drops still coming?

Who’s in charge now?

Why Lockdowns?

Kelvin Inman, when was he recruited, must’ve been just before the purge.

Swan Station

Most stuff won’t get answered

What was the incident?

Hieroglyphs?

Arrow Station

What was it for?

The trunk: Army knife, Glass Eye, Film Piece

The Staff Station

Escape hatch?

The Pearl Station:

What happened to the place where the tubes land?

Why lie about the insignificance of the Swan hatch?

Other Characters:

Libby:

mental hospital

Husband David

Razinksy,

Blastdoor map… also, why’d he edit the movie.

Charles Widmore

Did he really fake the plane crash? Or was it Ben?

How does he really know about the island?

How’d he get the DI knowledge?

What rules were changed when Widmore killed Alex?

Why can't Ben kill Widmore? Vice versa?

Why is Widmore having nightmares?

Why won't Ben be able to find Penny?

Penny Widmore

Still not sure how she knew to look for the magnetic anomalies… but this one might belong in the other category of questions that won’t get answered.

Matthew Abadon

Who the hell is he?

Claire

- Is she dead?

Faraday

Why is Faraday so broken up about the 815 flight being found?

Bad Memory?

How can Desmond be his constant, I thought you couldn’t alter the future, or whatever?

How does Faraday know so much about the DI?

Charlotte

Was she born on the island?

How’d she leave?

Miles

How can he talk to dead people?

Why did he want 3.2 million dollars?

Jin

Is Jin dead?

Desmond:

Is what he and Minkowski experienced the Sickness?

Do you need to travel on specific coordinates?

Did Desmond lie about his last Charlie vision?

How did the Hatch explosion let Desmond sort of float through time? How can he see the future?

Time lady, how does she fit in?

Christian Shepherd

How is he “alive”?

Why is he Jacob’s mouthpiece?

Danielle

- There are all sorts of holes in her story…

Adam and Eve

Black and White Stones

Who are they?

Richard Alpert

What's with the items Richard shows to Locke?

How is an ageless Richard traveling all over the world?

Walt’s special-ness

Birds fly into windows.

Rain Stopped

Always wins at backgammon

Told Locke not to open the hatch

Told Michael he had to leave

Shows up soaking wet in places

Kept showing up to Shannon

Sort of led Shannon to her death

Questions from the finale:

How does the donkey wheel export you?
WHy Boone, Charlie, and Libby?
What was Sawyer's favor?
Charlotte, born on the island?
WHy would Miles want to stay?
Sun: Who does she blame for Jin's death besides her father? Jack? Also how would any of that make sense to her father, since the cover story just had them craching adn that's it? How did Sun afford to purchase her father's company? What are her plans with Charles Widmore?
WHy is Hurley seeing dead people? Jack too? Island messenger?
Who is Claire saying not to bring back in Kate's dream? Aaron?
How'd Locke make it off the island?
What terrible things happened that forced Locke to leave?
Who does Ben mean, when he says EVERYONE needs to comeback? Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun, Aaron, Locke, Ben? Lapidus? Desmond? Walt? Ji Yeon?

OK! Anybody got any answers? Have I missed anything?

Also... no future spoilers on here. I'm not reading them. Don't ruin the show for me or I will, how do I put this, kill you.

Enjoy the premier on Wednesday, and I'll try and have my recap on either that night or tomorrow morning.

Bobby Bateman?

How the fuck are ya?

Sorry Mustacheers... needed to be said.

Enjoy your Friday.

MLB Network

I'm not sure if any of you have tuned in to the new MLB Network. We have it down in LA right now with Time Warner Cable, and I'm not sure if it's just a free preview or not, but either way it's been pretty impressive. The most impressive program being one called "The Seasons" which chronicles one season from the past in each episode. For the last couple of days, they've been airing the 1995 episode, so naturally I tuned in.

I was pleasently surprised by their treatment of this particular season. They spent a couple of minutes higlighting the wild-card races including the M's playoff game. Then they moved on to the DS round. The ONLY series they bothered to mention was the M's-Yankees series. They spent a good 5 minutes (of the hour-long show that looked at the whole season) going over the series with interviews from Niehaus, Rizzs, Blowers, Buhner, and Art Thiel. They really gave the series the epic feel that it truly deserved. Not only that, but after that they just skipped to the World Series, barely even mentioning that we'd lost to the Indians. And they gave the World Series equal, or maybe even less, time then the M's divsional series. As if it couldn't get more enjoyable, at the end the narrator said something like, "Baseball began it's comeback with Cal Ripken Jr.'s record streak, and by the time Ken Griffey Jr. slid into home, it was clear that baseball was back for good." Which basically credits the M's with not only saving baseball in Seattle, but all around the country.

So I have come to assume that someone from Seattle produced this show. Be that as it may, it is insanely enjoyable for people of our ilk. Check it out immediately, especially considering it may be gone soon.

Matt Vasgersian ... Respectable?

During the broadcast of the Fiesta Bowl, Colt McCoy started to audible and announcer Matt Vasgersian commented:

"McCoy, doing his best Matt Hasselbeck, getting in and out of the play."

Now, I'm not really sure that "getting in and out of the play" was exactly what he meant to say, but still I was pretty surprised. I've always kind of disliked Vasgersian, but I've got to say he earned some points here.

We want you!!!

Look, your party hosts here at henrycottosmustache.com are very fragile and vain. We want more mustacheers. So if you've stopped by the site... sign up. If you're already a mustacheer, recruit. I have to believe that we've reached at least 15 people. Maybe more.



Delgo. McRib. Henry Cotto.



Good night... and good luck.



Finn

Interesting Tidbits from Vegas

I was in Las Vegas for the last few days and I have a couple of pertinent things to report.

1. The McRib is there.

2. I was sitting in the sports book at the Monte Carlo overhearing the conversation behind me between a WSU grad from Seattle and some idiot from LA. The guy from Seattle was pretty knowledgeable and seemed to be a solid fan (Of course). I can't say the same for that fat Angelino he was talking to however. When they began discussing the Seahawks, the guy said: "Who do you guys have at running back? Bam Morris?" Yep, this soon to be 37 year-old ex-con is toting the ball for us every Sunday.

3. They let you drink and gamble anywhere you want!

4. I ended up in a limo with a group of seven Australians. (Why I was in the limo or where it was going is not important) I told them where I was from and one of the guys, or mates as they are called in their native tongue, said:

-"Oh, you lost your basketball team huh?"
Me- "Yeah, that's a touchy subject actually, let's just move on from that one."
3rd Guy- "Should we talk about the Seahawks then?"
Me- (Trying to come up with an Australian Rules Football-related comeback)

I was pretty floored that even guys who live in Australia are giving me shit about Seattle sports. I guess it just proves that it is known the world over that we are unlucky bastards.

5. I won $140 playing blackjack. I spent $10 on a baseball bat, $10 on a shovel, and $100 on a cab ride into the desert. Then I did this to the Australians. I used the remaining $20 to buy 5 McRibs, that I easily devoured. Suck it Fortune!

Happy New Year!!!

Well... maybe not for you, fat-faced Mike Martz:

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3800703

Couldn't happen to a more beloved (by HCM.com) person.

A Christmas Miracle

Let me tell you the story of a disillusioned gentleman who during the holiday season had been horribly burned by a couple of "friends", to the tune of being lied to, forced to stand in the freezing snow, and miss a quarter of football (not to mention the 12th Man Flag raising), all the while this disillusioned gentleman's "friends" sat comfortably in their car drinking spirits and beers... probably laughing at the disillusioned gentleman's poor fortune (pun intended).

Needless to say this disillusioned gentleman felt betrayed, disrespected, and most importantly hurt. He had lost most of his faith in humanity not to mention friendship.

And then... a Christmas miracle... he was bestowed a Christmas gift by one of these "friends", the likes of which could only be dreamed (or dreamt (or whatever)):

The pain is still there. Who knows if it will ever go away... but now the healing process can begin.

Merry Christmas... EVERYONE!!!

McRib. Out.

Well the McRib has come and gone... but what a magical ride we all had.

I think we can all look back in fondness at the memories we shared with the McRib.

My favorites:

- Sean almost puking himself trying to put down 5, and barely making it to 3 1/2.

- Yours truly putting down 4 with no problems.

- Pete (as in O'brien) making up a fake personal challenge because time has passed him by.

- The list is endless...

Special thanks go out to Ronald McDonald and the rest of the shit lickers at Mickey D's. Thanks for the month of greatness. See ya next time you bring the sum bitch back.

One last look:

"God damn you McRib"

Happy Holidays from HCM

Happy Holidays!

What would all of you Mustacheers like for Christmas this year?

I want a Nintendo Wii and 45 million dollars.... and the Sonics back.

What about you losers?

(these fools just don't want to run into the River Bottom Nightmare Band)

Thanks for your Participation

Survey is now closed and it has come to my attention that people voted multiple times therefore invalidating the results. I hope you are proud of yourself.

Local High School Stripped of Basketball Championship Due to Use of Wolfman

BEACONTOWN – In a move that had been rumored for weeks, the Beacontown High School Beavers have been stripped of their Conference Championship. “It’s a shame that it had to be done,” said conference chairman Steve Nordick, “But it really wasn’t fair to the rest of the teams. The reason being, of course, that Beacontown had a wolfman playing point guard.” The werewolf player, Scott Howard, has been retroactively suspended, causing all of his team's wins to be voided. “Look, it would be one thing if wolfmen weren’t fantastic at basketball,” said Nordick, “But the fact is that they are. Wolfmen can steal the ball at will and do any number of reverse slam dunks. Scott Howard was tearing other teams apart on the court. No, literally. 38 opposing players suffered deep lacerations.”
Apparently the idea of suspending Howard was not a new one to Beacontown coach Bobby Finstock. “I had considered suspending him due to some off the court stuff. But he just played too damn well for me to do it. I mean he is a werewolf.” Finstock is most likely referring to one of two incidents involving the teenage wolf. The first involved Howard cruising the streets of Beacontown on top of Rupert “Stiles” Stilinski’s van doing multiple back-flips and prolonged handstands. Stilinski is Howard’s best friend, and a local drug dealer. The other issue was a scuffle between Howard and an opposing player at a school dance that took place shortly after the werewolf led a choreographed dance that his classmates had rehearsed for weeks. “I knew I shouldn’t have allowed him to act out like that,” laments Finstock, “It’s just that he was so much better as a wolf. I mean he was pitiful when he was a human. He would just run around the court clapping a lot and jumping all over his teammates. Not to mention all the lane violations he would get called for when he’d jump over the free throw line on his foul shots.”
Scott Howard could not be reached for comment. It is likely that at press time he is driving fast cars and hanging around attractive girls, activities that are very common for werewolves.

I know we've been on a movie kick lately...

but, I know there are a few cominc book fans on here, and I haven't this exicted about a trailer in a while:

Wolverine: Origins

A couple of concerns...

The comics took around 20 or 30 years to explain Logan's past, and (although I've regretably stopped reading comics), I'm still not sure they've completely explained it. So we'll see how the movie does it in 2 to 3 hours.

No concern about our boy Tim Riggins playing Gambit... but he shouldn't be as old as Wolverine... hopefully this part is closer to the present. Gambit woudl fit in nicely with a role in the next X-Men film, rumore to be skewered towards the younger X-Men and helmed by Josh Schwartz (The OC, Gossip Girl, Chuck)... either way... I'm rambling... but this trailer looks awesome.

Follow up on Delgo...

The Delgo Experience:

After reporting (or stealing the report off another website) about the tragic failure of the holiday epic, "Delgo", I felt like I owed it to myself to watch this trainwreck myself. Or in the immortal words of one Mike Awesome: this was one party, I was NOT gonna miss!

Luckily, fellow HCMer Erik was also ready to party with Delgo. Here are the photos that document our journey (which was unfortunately on par with the level of excitement experienced in Delgo).




Here's the movie poster. Innocent enough. That's Delgo in the middle voiced by wrestling writer Freddie Prinze, Jr., with his love interest Jennifer Love Hewett on his right. Maybe they were banking on the I Know What You Did Last Summer fanbase to pack the theaters as a chance to see a reunion of sorts. I don't know. Oh, and that other character is Delgo's gay friend Filho, voiced by Chris Kattan. Quite a stretch.











The stage was set for movie magic! And at least one patron was pretty jazzed to say the least!

Maximum Theater Occupancy

Actual Theater Occupancy. (seriously).

Look, I'll spare you any plot details, but just think Star Wars meets Lord of The Rings meets The Snorks meets Fecal Matter.

In actuality, the movie isn't THAT bad. It just isn't anywhere near good. I even chuckled two or three times. I'm sure there are kids out there who would enjoy this. Stupid kids. Looks like a marketing budget gone wrong (or missing).

Sorry, Delgo. At least you've been immortalized on HenryCottosMustache.com

So ya got that going for you... which is nice.

Happy Holidays everyone... even you Delgo.

RESPEKT!

Congrats to Big Walt. He's our only Pro-Bowler!

http://www.nfl.com/probowl/story?id=09000d5d80d60467&template=without-video-with-comments&confirm=true

Now let's just root for an injury (non-career threatening) to Cooley or Witten, cuz I gotta imagine Carlson is the first alternate there.

Trufant... he'll need a few injuries I'm guessing.

GO SEAHAWKS!!!

Umm...

I know we don't want this to become a link-fest, but this was... awesome:

These waves are his.

Season's Greetings!!!

Here's a heart warming holiday story of inspiration and a lesson to all the little Mustacheers out there... always believe and never give up:



HERE!



Wow. Didn't see that coming.

Walter Jones

Mike Sando wrote a really cool little piece on Walter Jones in his NFC West blog on ESPN:

http://myespn.go.com/blogs/nfcwest/0-6-134/Respect-factor-high-for-Seahawks--best-lineman.html

I want to apologize for being harsh on Walter this season. And while I still feel his overall play is slipping, it's through no fault of his. Players get older, that's just how it goes. Anyway... Walter Jones will always be the man, and probably deserves to go up there next to Steve Largent at Qwest. I ain't talkin' ring of honor (which is cool)... I'm talking retired number. #80 and the #71.

New Survey (vote on the right)

If the season ended today the Hawks would get the number 3 pick in this years draft. Lets take Rick Mirer out of the equation and assume that whoever we draft will be a pro-bowler. Now don't think of any person in particular, just think of what position we need the largest upgrade at. We will forward the results on to Tim.

At least he spells it right!!

This cracked me up too...

A little blurb underneath a picture accompanying a story about kicker Morten AndersEn's retirement:

"Morten Andersen cited old knees and lack of a contract Monday when announcing his retirement in his native Denmark."

Ha!

I'd like to announce my retirement from the NFL as well, much like Morten, it's due to the lack of a contract. Although, now that I think about it, I'd be prepared to come out of retirement as soon as a contract presents itself.

Well this cheered me up...

The title on this post from cnnsi: Here!



I have no ill feelings towards McCallister, but that's classic.

Dang.

Really thought we had 'em there. That was 3 great quarters and one stinker.

Sort of bugs me that the press is talking about the "gutsy" performance from teh injury depleted Patriots. We played one starting O-lineman and he was out of position. Oh well...

Good news is, I've acquired the services of a special guest poster that will be taking a look at the NFL draft over the next couple of months. This guy is legit. If you need more proof just take a look at this picture at the bottom of this site. That's him.

Also, would like to welcome our newest Mustacheer, named Fu. Looks like a dude I went to highschool with. I'm guessing that profile pic is him standing outside the window of the room you're in right now. Whatever it is... come on in... it looks cold outside. Maybe try a post or two. We're having a soopar time.

So...

How'd everyone else's weekend go?

I Love This Man

I'm not sure if this story is making it's way around the local airwaves, so it might be old news to all of you. Anyhow, I was watching PTI today and they had a story about Hasselbeck going to school with a 6th grader earlier this week. One of the girls in the class asked him if he thought girls would ever be able to play in the NFL. Hasselbeck responded with this:

"Sure, girls could play in the NFL, girls can definitely play in the NFL ... Ben Roethlisberger plays in the NFL."

Oh snap!

Speaking of Movies with Awesome Umpires

Looks like the Wakamatsu has finished putting together his staff. Here is all you need to know about our new 3rd Base Coach: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0385640

The Juice is no longer loose

Looks like we'll have to wait at least 15 more years for Naked Gun 444 1/4:




























http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=3747669

So long Juice. You had a good run.

Z-Man Makes a Splash

He just signed Russell Branyan! Obviously Zduriencik played a lot of High Heat Baseball 2002, because Branyan always killed it on that game.

Pro Bowl

I just read the fan votes for the Pro Bowl so far, and not surprisingly, there isn't a Seahawk listed in the the top 5 for any position. Ryan Plackemeir however is currently second in fan voting for NFC punters. So that was a nice kick in the junk.

Raises an interesting question though... will we even have a Pro Bowler this year? Do we even deserve one?

Without doing any (ZERO) research, I'm having a tough time coming up with someone.

Special Teams:

Mare? I think he'd need to have at least 1 high profile kick this year to get any conisderation. Too many great return men for Wilson to get a look, and I don't even know who they'd name as our "Special Teams" player.

Offense:

No one even comes close. Well, maybe Carlson. But there are some pretty high profile TE's in the NFC so I doubt he makes it. Future though! RB's have been decent but splitting time doesn't help. Weaver's been hurt too much, and every one else has pretty much eaten it.

Defense:

I still say Trufant is an elite DB, but the INT's aren't there this year to pump his rep up. The LB's have all played down and LeeeeeeeeRoy Hill still doesn't get respect.

I think we're gonna get shut out.

Any thoughts Mustacheers?

DON'T SHOOT, I'M A PROBOWL WIDE RECEIVER!!!!

So not sure if any of you have heard, but Plaxico Buress shot himself in the leg... WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT!?!?!

But, seriously... I got nothing.

The good news is we're under 50 days away from the Season 5 premier of Lost. Which means my Lost Recaps will be the weekly highlight of the sports and ENTERTAINMENT site. I've got a list of questions I'd like to see answered before the show ends next season, and I'll try and have that posted within the next few weeks. Pins and needles, I know.

Anyway.... How've you been?

Crapple Cup My Ass

"Nice Jacket, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
"Nice Pants, WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"


















"4th and 3, we've only been giving up 5 yards per rush, don't worry they're gonna punt"

















"OH MY GOD, THAT LITTLE MAN BLOCKING THE TV WAS RIGHT!!"
















"NICO GRASUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

















"MY EYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"


















"MY WIFE SAYS I HAVE TO LEAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
















"WHO NEEDS HIM, YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"


















"SWEET"


















"F'N"





















"W"

Brent Musburger: What a Man

Last night during the end of the Oklahoma-Texas Tech game, the following exchange took place (not verbatim):

Brent Musburger: Well it looks like a lot of fans are leaving. Hey speaking of leaving, did you see what happened to my friend P.J. Carlesimo?

Kirk Herbstreit: Ha ha, yeah he's outta there.

BM: Yeah it's too bad. Well Oklahoma City's got that aggressive new owner that brought the team .... actually, I'm sorry, stole the team from Seattle.

After hearing this I was thrilled. I've always been a Musburger fan anyway (great call on Edgar's double) , but now he's easily my favorite national broadcaster. Then I though about the situation a little bit more. Musburger was announcing the end of an Oklahoma game that's score was 65-14 at the time. Who's watching that game at that point? Pretty much only people that live in Oklahoma. Musburger didn't care though, he stuck it right to them. I know there's a list of our heroes on the side of this page, well here's my vote for adding the man pictured above to that list.



P.S. Herbstreit actually was laughing about the Carlesimo firing, which I found hilarious.

The OKC Ungrateful A-Holes

http://newsok.com/a-first-for-thunder-boos/article/3323605?custom_click=columnist

Parts Unknown Revealed to be Shaker Heights, Ohio

SHAKER HEIGHTS – A long disputed and mysterious question in professional wrestling circles was finally answered Wednesday when "Parts Unknown" were finally identified as Shaker Heights, Ohio. "This announcement has been a long time coming," said former P.U. resident the Ultimate Warrior, "The lies have gone on too long." When asked why his true place of origin was kept under wraps for so long, he had this to say, "They were ashamed of us. They said any man that paints his face could not name Shaker Heights as his hometown. Look, I’ve got as much civic pride as anyone, but ain’t no way I’m gonna walk to that ring without paint on my face. That ain’t the Warrior."
Shaker Heights, a suburb of Cleveland, with a population of over 29,000 has been home to other notable celebrities such as Paul Newman. "It’s time to uncover Shaker Heights, Ohio for what it really is," said Warrior, "A hot-bed for some of the most bizarre wrestlers to ever compete at the professional level." The number of wrestlers that the Ultimate Warrior refers to includes the likes of Demolition, Papa Shango, and Chainsaw Charlie.
Speaking of Papa Shango, the Ultimate Warrior bristled at the mere mention of him, saying that he can no longer utter Shango’s name out loud for fear that his insides will turn to mush causing him to vomit green liquid. Apparently the feud between the two existed long before their days in the WWF. "Yeah, me and (Papa Shango) were at each other’s throats throughout most of high school. In fact, we went back and forth so much that around these parts our rivalry became known as ‘The Battle of Shaker Heights.’" Upon being told of the movie of the same name, the Ultimate Warrior stormed out of the interview muttering plans for hijacking Shia LaBeouf’s private jet and crashing it. The current location of the Ultimate Warrior remains unknown; however, the same can no longer be said for his hometown.

M's New Manager

Don Wakamatsu. This guy sounds like a winner.

Actually he sounds like a made-up player on a video game.

Great Radio

I was driving home from Ivars with dinner for my family on Sunday Night (5 piece cajun and a small chow for me, bread bowl of chowder for the wifey) when I tuned my radio to the Dallas at Washington game. It was a 3rd and long for Washington and our beloved Dave Sims commented that Portis was on the sidelines and Shaun Alexader was in the game. Whoever was the color guy was started talking about how great of a blocker and pass catcher out of the backfield he is, a real asset for the Skins. Then there was about 3 seconds of silence before the play started where I hope Sims cut the feed of their mics and punched him in the face for being an idiot.

Mexico Staying Strong

Earlier this weekend, Friday to be exact, I was enjoying a hearty dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. The TV in the establishment was tuned to a Mexican sports network that was airing soccer. At the bottom of the screen, scores from the NBA scrolled by. I was generally ignoring the scores, seeing as how they don't matter anymore, however, something caught my eye. The ticker listed an interesting game: Seattle @ New York.
A short burst of hope swelled in my soul, until I realized that they had just made a mistake, I then got very sad. Then I thought, no, Mexico didn't make a mistake, they were refusing to accept that the Sonics no longer existed. Mexico is standing strong against tyrants like David Stern and the government officials in the city of Seattle, who clearly cared less about the Sonics than the great people of Mexico.

Thank you Mexico, you're what the U.S. could've been.

We're #1!

Good news everyone, I just searched Henry Cotto on Google, and this site now enjoys the top spot.

See for yourself: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=henry+cotto&aq=f&oq=

We did it. And I think we know who we have to thank. I mean just look at the record posting volume starting in October. I wonder what else started in October. Look, I'm not asking for a thank you, but you're welcome.

November 23rd 2008

November 23rd is shaping up to be the greatest of all they days... ever.

The world will wake up fresh from a Cougar Apple Cup victory and rush to Best Buy to purchase Chinese Democracy (thank you Axl). THEN, head over to Tailgater's Heaven to pair-ty before the Seahawks wipe the field with our personal whipping boys the Washington Racist-team-name-that-i-can't-even-believe-is-still-alloweds.

If that wasn't enough, humans can then head back home to wind down with the return Jack Bauer in a special 2-hour movie version of 24.

It's also TS Tariyah's birthday.

It shall be epic.

I don't see how anything could go wrong!!!

HCM @ UFC

Well... not a physical presence... but we're totally getting the PPV and it's gonna be bitchin'!! Lots of good fights on this one, but the one every one is waiting for is:

Tale of the Tape:

Bruce Barrett............Skyscraper

Height: 5' 3''.............Height: 6' 10''

Weight: 215 lbs.............Weight: 265 lbs.

Reach: 60''............Reach: 82""

Fighting Style: Kempo............Fighting Style: He brawls like a big boy

This one is going to be a barn burner!!!! They've tried to lockdown this fight for years and now it's happening, I can't believe it.

J. Hutt Crushes Record 575 Ft. HR in Controversial Game

NEW YORK – Hulking Mariners slugger J. Hutt blasted a mammoth home run out of Yankee Stadium Monday. Reports have the ball traveling as far as 575 feet. However, it is unclear whether this record shot will be recognized due to the contest’s auspicious ending. The game was unceremoniously and abruptly called off in the Bottom of the 9th inning just as a would-be 2 run walk-off home run off the bat of Yankees 1B I. Horse was sailing over the fences.
The Yankees were trailing 9-8 at the time in what had been a wild game to say the least. The Mariners picked up their first 8 runs in the 2nd inning with a string of bases-loaded squeeze plays. The Yankees defense seemed powerless to stop the small ball techniques. "I kept thinking I could make the out at home," lamented Yankees starting pitcher W. Ford, "But every time they slid in just under the tag, and by then it was too late to get the guy at first. But M. (Thurmon) kept trying anyway."
The Yankees chipped away until the 7th inning when Hutt extended the lead with his "Noheartian" blast. "Man that thing got out of here in a hurry." Remarked Mariners 2B H. Lincoln. "It just kept on going until it was finally out of the stadium. And right when it went out it kind of bounced off the air or something. I know it sounds weird, but I guess the wind caught it."
To compound all of the peculiarities, technical difficulties in the stadium’s P.A. system caused a simple, repetitive musical tune to be played throughout the game. "It was kind of a jazzy tune, but with a little bit of a zing to it," said Ken Griffey Jr., "Sort of like, ‘Bum ba da bum bum bum bum ba da ba da bum bum. Bum ba da bum bum ting ting.’" Rumors before the game suggested that Griffey may not be in the line-up, however, these plans were called off when Seattle’s faceless manager realized he could do no such thing. "Yeah I thought about sitting Griffey," said Seattle Manager, "But then this little voice in my head kept saying, ‘Eggghhh! Eggghhh!’ so I thought better of it."
Apparently the music didn’t bother the fans, who stood and waived their arms maniacally throughout the game. At the end of the day, however, thousands were sent home befuddled and unsatisfied. "This is bull shit," said Yankees right fielder Y. Clipper, "Every time we think we’ve got these guys beat the game gets cancelled for some reason. It’s like they get a do-over, a reset if you will."

BREAKING HENRY COTTO NEWS

Our new Henry Cotto insider had this to say:

"El Marko said...
Well, I just spoke to Henry and I have good news and bad news.

The good news is: I told him about this site and he laughed heartily and asked for the link.

The bad news is: he is no longer a Seattle Mariner. He just signed on to be a roving instructor with the Giants. Actually that makes us in Connecticut very happy as it means he will be visiting Norwich, Ct in the Eastern League.

Anyway, I hope you don't change the site name because of this...he still spent the bulk of his playing days in Seattle."

(Of course, El Marko could just be playing a practical joke on all of us here at HCM, it wouldn't be the first time our dedicated news staff had been fooled. I however, choose to believe El Marko... call it blind faith, call it "Hey this dude has a website and everything!", call it what you will. I buy it!)

This is certainly dissapointing news that Mr. Cotto has once again left our beloved Seattle Mariner organization. However, it does nothing to tarnish our respect for the man, the player, and the mustache.

We wish Henry the best of luck with his new position and can only hope that he returns to the organization in a few short weeks as the Manager.

I THINK THE AUDIENCE WOULD AGREE WITH ME THERE!!!!

HasselBACK!

Get used to that picture, because there's gonna be another photoshoot in January.


How many TDs on Sunday? 10? 12?

Finn's Attempt

"I don't think I can eat 5 so I will try 4 and hide behind these shades so you can't see my fear"

"I will take this last bite but since I just threw up does it still count?"

Hawks game: live diary

we pick things up at halftime after some deviant fantasies...

1st half thoughts:

Finn: brian russell did a great job of keeping trufant from making a play on that td. Defense overall looks pretty good

Sean: speechless

Peter: (is pooping).

More later....

Visual Evidence That Proves Babies Have Inferior Taste Buds

One little bite and he threw it on the ground. Lucky for me because I ate it and can add it to my total.

Sports Stereotypes

Last night at bowling, our opponent made the comment that Seneca Wallace was too stupid to play quarterback and Charlie Frye was not talented enough. I feel this guy can go straight to the networks with this incredible insight. Especially after he tricked Fortune into believing he ate 6 McRibs.

Finn isn't the only one lightin' up ESPN chats

I can waste my day away with the best of them






Sean (Edmonds, WA): Since the Apple Cup this year is gaining steam as possibly the worst matchup in the history of college football, you think Gameday crew will want to be on location to witness it first hand?

Ted Miller: (3:04 PM ET ) you may have to settle for second place... or 102nd place... me.. I'm hoping to hook up with some of the old gang and head to the Coug.

Looks like Teddy hasnt realized the gang is gone

The State of College Football

As we all know the entire state of Washington is suffering through a futile football season rarely matched throughout the annals of history. The culmination of which will arrive on November 22nd with the Apple Cup. We've been discussing how terrible this game will be for weeks, and here's Ted Miller's take, if you haven't already seen it: http://myespn.go.com/blogs/pac10/0-4-28/A-date-that-will-live-in-infamy--Apple-Cup-2008.html
This article was a featured link under the "NCAA" section on the front page of espn.com, so it seems the whole nation is taking notice.

Also, the weekly Bottom 10 poll from ESPN ranks the Huskies #1 and the Cougs #2. (whole article can be found here: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?page=bottom100810).
Now, I know both teams are just awful, however, after watching both perform, I would have to disagree with ESPN and say that the Cougars are slightly worse at this point. I know they have one win, but that's only because they played Portland St. What do you guys think? Who is honestly the worst team in college football? (besides Portland St.)

The McBarrasment

For those of you who had faith in me, thank you. For those I let down, my sincerest apologies. I started off so strong!

It's BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Join the HCM McRib Eating contest and post each time you enjoy one of this world's most delicious of treats.


** A shout out to Ricker for bringing this to my attention yesterday when he brought 3 of them into the studio with with him **

Seahawks Fan Survey

I just received one of the Seahawks surveys they send out to season ticket holders... Here's how I filled out one page:





























Just click on the picture to load the full version

Any thoughts? Who'd I leave out?

Koren Robinson Pulled Over in End Zone After Weaving Down the Field

SEATTLE – After an exhilarating 90 – yard touchdown reception in Sunday’s game against the Philadelphia Eagles Koren Robinson was stopped for questioning by two police officers. "He was all over the place out there," said Greg Garland of the Seattle Police Department, "He was really putting all of the players on the field in danger. It was pretty obvious that he was under the influence. Someone could have got hurt."
Robinson seemed confused by the sudden questioning. "I don’t know what that was all about. I was completely fine to play. The only reason I was weaving at all was because I was trying to avoid defenders." The wide receiver continued to elaborate on what he saw as a non-issue. "Besides, I had to get to the end zone one way or another. And don’t give me this crap about another player driving us to the end zone, I know how to get to there, I’ve made that run before, there’s nothing to worry about, it wasn’t a big deal."
The S.P.D. did not accept Robinson’s excuses as legitimate. "He kept telling us how this was his home stadium, and that his bench was only ‘about 100 feet away’" Garber explained, "That may be, but most alcohol-related football collisions take place within 50 yards of one’s bench."
Robinson remains dumbfounded by the claims. "Look, there’s no way I was intoxicated out there on that field, I’ve learned my lessons. Sure I snorted a few lines before the game, but if cocaine’s illegal you can arrest me." Robinson was apprehended shortly after making this comment.

I have another hat to take off

This one goes to Tom Pounds. Read all about him right here:
http://www.usatoday.com/wsuistrulyamazing

Come home Griffey

Make it happen Z-Man

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/mariners/2008337291_mari01.html